Beholden To No Man

Chapter 3

"It's all so confusing. I can remember being me, yet I can remember being her," said Eileen Snape.

"You will hold onto her memories for a very short time. Everything that happened since you became her, you will remember." He hugged her. "I'm sorry I had to do that, but it was the only way to keep you alive."

She returned the embrace. "I know." After a long silence, she asked, "Why did you do it? Why didn't you leave me that way?"

When he pulled away from her embrace, he regained his seat. Momentarily, he considered telling her that he almost had. He looked into her eyes. "I promised I wouldn't."

"What's to become of me now?"

He hadn't thought that far ahead. His reasons for restoring her memory had been partially selfish. "You may remain here and continue to be Irma Pince. Albus created her for you."

"What if that's not what I want?"

"What do you want?" he asked gently.

"I don't know. But I'm Eileen Snape, not Irma Pince."

"To everyone, you look like Irma Pince. Your appearance was altered so that no one would recognize you."

She reached for her face. "You altered my appearance?"

"Not me personally, but yes. There was no point in hiding you if someone would recognize you. I'm afraid that it can't be undone." He reached out and touched her in a tender fashion. "You can take some time off. Decide what you wish to do. If you wish to leave the school, I have a small savings that you can use to start a new life, though I would believe that Irma Pince would also have some savings."

"Yes, I do." She looked into her son's eyes and could tell that he was hiding something. "Something is bothering you, isn't it?" she asked gently.

"I always had a hard time keeping things from you. You were the only one that I have ever felt comfortable talking to." When he had been a boy, he had spent many long hours talking with his mother. That was something he had missed as he had become more enmeshed with the Death Eaters.

Her expression softened. "About what?" she asked gently.

"I have this friend. A woman."

A pleased smile crossed Eileen's face. "That's wonderful."

"There's more to it." He tried to decide which fact to start with. "She is the Healer that saved my life."

The smile faded. "Oh."

He knew exactly what she was thinking. It was the same thing that he had thought. That he was misreading the attention she had shown him as a caregiver. "It's not like that. I think she may feel something for me. We had dinner together last night and went for a walk after dinner. Before she left, she kissed me." He added quietly, as though hardly able to believe it happened, "On the lips."

"Ah, that's wonderful. Wait, I met her, didn't I? Aurelia MacLean?"

"Yes. She was with me this summer."

"Pretty young woman, isn't she?"

"Yes, she is." He paused before continuing. "It gets complicated. She was married to an Auror that was killed last year in the war."

"Hmmm. And you aren't sure that you are reading the signs correctly?"

"Precisely. It is possible that I have misread the signs."

"And you say she initiated the kiss?"

"Yes." It felt like he was being interrogated, and he wasn't used to divulging this much personal information.

"She could be giving you a signal that she is ready."

"That has occurred to me. Or she could just be making a friendly gesture. She has children, and she is very affectionate with them. What should I do?"

"A single woman doesn't kiss a single man on the lips to make a friendly gesture."

He stopped pacing and frowned at his mother, letting her know what he thought of that idea. "Her birthday is next week. I could gauge her emotions with a gift. But what sort of gift?"

"It depends on the message you wish to send her. Something useful would be the sort of gift a friend would give. If you want to be something more, give her something beautiful, though not entirely practical," Eileen offered.

Severus continued his restless pacing. "A trip to the village will be in order. Perhaps even Diagon Alley. I will think on this."

*******

Severus entered the library as it was closing. He glared at the students straggling behind, encouraging them to leave.

Once they were gone, Eileen said, "What can I do for you, Severus?"

"Would jewelry be a suitable gift?" He only had a few days until Aurelia's birthday and had yet to determine what he was going to give her.

She paused in reshelving books. "Are you serious?"

"You said I should give her something beautiful."

"Well, yes, but I was thinking along the lines of a scarf. Jewelry is a rather personal gift."

"Then you should have been more specific." He found his inability to understand women quite frustrating.

She couldn't help the small chuckle. "My dear Severus, you really know nothing of courting a woman, do you?"

"You would mock me?"

She put down her books and moved to his side. "I don't mock you, dear. I only realize how I failed you as a mother."

"You didn't fail me. It is I who failed you."

She stopped him from saying anything further. "You didn't. You protected me, and you did the right thing. Now, back to your dilemma. If you give her jewelry, you will be sending her a very serious signal about your future together. Are you serious?"

"Well I wouldn't be contemplating this if I wasn't, would I?"

"I suppose not." She had briefly met Aurelia during the summer, but hadn't paid attention to how she interacted with Severus. "You could always wait until Christmas," she offered.

"No. Best to find out now. I can send her birthday present by owl. I am currently expected there over Christmas." He wasn't sure he could give her the gift in person.

"You're afraid of rejection."

"Of course I am. Look at me. I must be insane. Perhaps you are right."

"What about you?"

"Honestly, Mother. Do you really need to ask that? I did inherit my looks from you," he said snidely.

After a momentary pause, Eileen replied, "Well, she seems to have overcome that fact. What are you thinking about giving her?"

"That's what I came to see you about. I have your sapphire necklace. It isn't too fancy."

Eileen thought about this for a few seconds. "I think you might be right. What are you going to say on the card?"

"The card?"

"You weren't just going to send her the necklace and a note that says 'Happy Birthday, Severus,' were you?" She saw the look on his face. "You were. Oh, Severus, you have a lot to learn. You've honestly never courted a woman?"

"Would I be here if I had? Are you going to make fun of me or offer advice?"

"Tell her how you feel in the card. Perhaps you could quote a poem?" She watched him arch an eyebrow. "Or perhaps not. You need to write something that lets her know how you feel. Severus, I'm serious."

He sighed. "Why does it have to be so difficult?"

"Your other choice is to give it to her in person, but you've said you don't want to do that. I can help you write the card if you'd like."

"I'll do it on my own."

"Let me know how it turns out?" she called to his retreating back.

"I shall," he replied.

********

As full moon approached, Aurelia spent a great deal of time with Remus. He came by every evening to take his dose of Wolfsbane Potion. He only stayed long enough to eat dinner. She wanted to ask him if Severus had anything to do with the shortness of his visits, but thought better of it. She saw him grimace as he drank down the Potion. "The taste still isn't any better?"

"It's still bitter, but I don't think you can do anything about that. From what I understand, the Wolfsbane is quite bitter."

"Well, I'll see what I can do about that. Of course, that will be the level of refinement that gets worked on in the later stages."

"If it stops the transformations, I don't care what it tastes like. Do you really think you can stop them?"

"I hope so. Like I said before, we had to deal with some very interesting injuries during the war. Transformation injuries were quite common, and I'm hoping that some of what we came up with to treat those will help you out.

"I've cleared out the storage room for tomorrow."

"We could do this at the castle, my quarters there are quite secure," he offered.

She shook her head. "I'd rather do it here. I have a direct Floo connection to the wards at St. Mungo's. It's easier if something goes wrong. Sadly, we have a lot of experience dealing with lycanthropy. I feel better having access to that. And don't worry about the room; it's quite secure. The cellar is all stone, and I can vouch for the stoutness of the walls."

He didn't seem entirely comfortable with the arrangement. "I'll be here a little after three."

"Remus, don't worry. Like I said, I have lots of experience with werewolves. I know several restraining spells that will work in case the potion is not fully effective."

"All right. I should get going. I have some grading to do tonight."

She gave him a hug before letting him leave. "Make sure you get some rest tonight. I don't need you up all night and showing up exhausted. See you tomorrow."

********

Severus watched his fifth year class working on a particularly difficult potion. He was determined to weed out those that did not belong in his N.E.W.T. classes. Patrolling the aisles of the class, he cast his disapproving gaze left and right. Normally, he could count on the Ravenclaws to produce quality work, but not today. Their work was as abysmal as that of the Gryffindors.

Even though the class was not over, he knew that at least half of them would be failing for having bungled the instructions. While he had not seen any obvious mistakes from the rest of the class, he did not believe that more than three or four of the students would pass. Unsurprisingly, Julia was one of the students he thought would pass.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw one of the cauldrons bubbling over. He turned to watch and saw the hapless students trying to sop up the overflow. As they both hurried to clean up the mess, they tipped over the cauldron. "Ten points from Ravenclaw...each."

When the bell rang, he snapped, "Samples of your potions to the front." As the students filed up to his desk, he gave them a disapproving glare. He noticed that Julia was the last person to bring her sample to the desk. She lingered at his desk. "Is there something you need, Miss MacLean?"

Before she could speak, Adrian appeared in the doorway. "Professor Snape, a word if you please."

Julia quickly gathered her books and left the room.

"What can I do for you?"

"Is something bothering you?"

"Why would you ask that?"

"You seem to be deducting an unusual number of points."

"The awarding and deducting of points is up to a professor's discretion. I cannot help it if my students have been particularly troublesome this week."

"No. I don't suppose you can. My door is always open if there's anything you'd like to discuss. I think it would be more productive than taking it out on the students."

"Is that all?" Severus was quickly tiring of this conversation.

"Yes. I'll let you prepare for your next class."

Once Adrian left, Severus tried to determine why Aurelia had not yet replied to his gift. He knew that full moon was coming, but that should not have stopped her from acknowledging him. Unless of course she had been too intimidated by his gift. He would give her a few more days. If she didn't respond... He wasn't sure what he would do, but he had a few more days to make a decision.

*********

After eating dinner alone, Aurelia decided to go to the basement and check on her patient. She hadn't heard any noises coming from the cellar. In her mind, this was a good sign that the new variant of the potion was at least as effective as the old. Ideally, she was hoping to find a cure, but at a minimum, she hoped to refine the potion to make the transformations less physically taxing to improve recovery time.

She listened at the door for several seconds before unlocking it. With her wand at the ready, she slowly opened the door. The furry shape on the blankets looked up at her. "Well, this is interesting," she said as she observed Remus.

Normally, one could not tell a werewolf from a regular wolf, but it seemed as though her refinement to the Potion had changed that. While he by no means looked human, he did have human qualities. His nose and ears were not as pointed as they should have been, and his normally thick fur looked mangy.

Kneeling beside him, she began to examine him. He followed her directions as she examined his legs and teeth. His tail was also quite a bit shorter than it should have been. "This appears to be a step in the right direction. Did it hurt more than normal?" she asked. When he shook his head, she found that a good sign. "Did it hurt less?" Once again, he shook his head and she frowned. She had hoped to mitigate the pain, as that was something the others she had interviewed had complained about. "Sorry about that. I had hoped to make it more pleasant. I'll be back when the moon sets to let you out, and you can finish the night in the guest room."

Remus whimpered his thanks and curled back up in the nest of blankets.

She headed back upstairs and went to the library to make notes on her examination. The box on the corner of her desk teased her. She tried to ignore it until she could finish her work.

When she was done, she opened the box again and stared at the necklace inside. She had received the package three days ago, but had not yet found the time to write a letter to Severus thanking him for the gift. Of course, that assumed she knew what to say in that letter. Given all the work she had spent on the Wolfsbane the last three days, she hadn't had time to think about it.

Picking up the necklace and examining it, she was surprised that he had gotten her something so extravagant. Even a small sapphire like this must have set him back quite a bit. A part of her didn't feel right about keeping it; that she might be sending him the wrong signal. Of course, she wasn't even sure which signal she wanted to send to him.

Unfolding the piece of parchment that came with the necklace, she read it once again, hoping another reading would give her more clues to Severus' feelings.

Aurelia,

My best wishes to you for a very happy birthday. I regret that circumstances prevent me from delivering this gift in person. I hope that you enjoy it. If you are amenable, I would like to take you out to dinner Friday.

Sincerely,

Severus

It was late and she was tired. Perhaps tomorrow she would find the time to send him a letter.

**********

A week had passed since Severus had sent Aurelia her birthday present. He had spent the week prior to her birthday debating whether or not he should send it to her. He had sent her his mother's necklace, a beautiful gold and sapphire necklace, but not one so large as to be obscene. After all, she had reacted favorably to the thank you present he had given her, though that had been much more practical.

He thought about the kiss she had given him the last time they had been together. It had not been a passionate kiss, but he thought it was something more than a kiss between friends. Not only had it been on the lips, but her lips had lingered on his. He began to get lost in his memory of the kiss. From the flush of her cheeks, he had suspected that she had felt the same things he had.

Now, he began to wonder if he had been wrong. After all, it had only been about a year since Death Eaters had killed her husband. She may not be ready for a relationship. As he had very little experience in social graces, he began to think that his mother was correct, that his gift had been too forward, and that he had driven her away.

He had considered this before sending her the necklace. He had known that he was risking losing the only close friend he could ever remember having. Of course, she had not sent him an owl telling him not to stop by over the Christmas holidays, which started in a few days.

The post owls began swarming the Great Hall, and he looked up, eager to see if today was the day he was going to receive a reply, good or bad. She had never taken a week to respond to one of his letters, so he was prepared for her reply to be negative. If he did not receive a response today, he would ask Julia if her mother was well. That question should be benign enough not to draw the wrong sort of attention.

One of the last owls through the Great Hall deposited a letter in front of him. He gave the owl a strip of bacon and did his best not to tear into the letter. It wouldn't do for the students to see him acting like a hormonal teenager.

Dearest Severus,

My apologies for taking so long to thank you for the lovely necklace. It's been a very rough week. First, there was full moon, and then I was stuck at the hospital for the last four days working on a case. Thankfully, it's over and I finally have some time at home. Sadly, the number of poisonings has not gone down, they are still as popular as ever.

I'm utterly exhausted and don't feel like cooking. If you can get away from school, how about meeting me at the Three Broomsticks for dinner?

Again, thank you for the necklace. Though, it really is too much.

Yours,

Aurelia

He considered the letter for several moments, trying to determine if he had gone too far in giving it to her. Unfortunately, there wasn't much to go on.

The Headmaster leaned over and tried to sneak a peek at the letter. "How is your pen pal doing? It's been quite a while since you've received a letter."

Severus folded the letter. "Well, work has been busy." He had been very careful not to tell the Headmaster much about Aurelia. He preferred to keep his private life just that, private. "I have errands to run this evening and will not be attending dinner."

"Of course." The Headmaster gave Severus a smug smile.

Severus could see Lupin glancing down the table, trying to eavesdrop on the conversation. He was almost positive Lupin knew that Aurelia was his correspondent, but prudently, the werewolf had said nothing. With a sharp glare, he made Lupin return his attention to his breakfast.