Beholden To No Man

Chapter 2

After a few minutes of rifling through papers, Severus heard the doorknob. Once the door was open, he demanded, "Where have you been?"

Lupin was startled to find someone in his office, but he quickly regained his composure. "I wasn't aware I needed to check with you before leaving. And might I ask what you are doing in my office?"

Severus ignored the inquiry. "You should have informed someone that you left the castle. It would have saved me time. I have several questions about your requisitions for next term."

"And they couldn't wait until morning? I'm quite tired, Severus."

Severus narrowed his eyes and looked more closely at Lupin. He thought that Lupin did look quite tired, and now that he thought about, he couldn't recall having seen the man at dinner the last several days. "What have you been doing? You have been away from the castle quite a bit lately."

"It's personal," Remus replied evasively.

"When it affects your ability to do your job, it is not personal. It is my business. Since you have not been here evenings, you are depriving your students of the opportunity to seek your guidance. As you have taught here before, I should not have to remind you that the students come before your personal life. Especially as a head of house."

"I know that. You don't have to remind me."

Severus crossed his arms. "Obviously, I do as you have decided that whatever personal errands you have been running are more important than your job. Had you informed me, it would have been a different matter. I would not have wasted my time searching for you."

"I told Adrian."

This rankled Severus. Why were they keeping secrets from him? "You told the headmaster?"

"That's what I said."

"Don't get short with me. If you are doing something that affects your ability to do your job, which it obviously does since you told Adrian, you should have also had the courtesy to tell me. Will you be experiencing any more absences?"

Remus was silent for several minutes before replying. "I will be here the rest of the week, though I will likely be gone most of the day Saturday. It won't be an issue if I miss the Hufflepuff-Ravenclaw Quidditch match, will it?"

"No." He shoved several pieces of parchment at Lupin. "I have marked the expenditures you will need justification for. In addition, you failed to complete several forms. Our budget is not limitless, and the students are taking other classes." At this point, he was more irritated at Adrian for keeping secret why one of the staff was away from the castle than he was at Lupin. He could understand Lupin not trusting him, but not the headmaster.

Severus started toward the dungeons. He briefly considered confronting Adrian, but knew that it was unlikely the man would tell him anything more than Lupin had. When he arrived at his quarters, he found that he was not the least bit tired. Deciding that he needed someone to talk to about this, he wrote Aurelia a letter asking if she was free on Saturday. He would post it in the morning.

******************

Friday morning, he received his reply. She would not be available until late afternoon. Severus had hoped to have a reason to miss the Quidditch match, but he would manage. In the meantime, he would continue looking unpleasant and discouraging conversation. Of course, this was something he had perfected over the years.

Weasley was sitting next to him at the Quidditch match, and looked quite uncomfortable. This gave Severus a small measure of satisfaction, though he tried not to show it. The one advantage of Weasley having been hired as the Care of Magical Creatures Professor was that the young man already had a healthy respect for him. It had taken some time to train the other new professors that he did not socialize. Brandon White had been the most difficult as he had a hard time accepting that anyone would prefer solitude to the company of others. For that reason, Severus had been forced to give up his evening ritual of listening to the Wireless in the staff room.

Perhaps he would return to the staff room in the near future. The others seem to have acclimated to his mannerisms.

After the Ravenclaw victory on Saturday, he found that he actually missed the sheer joy Flitwick had shown when his team had won. The small man would have been jumping up and down, cheering as much as his students. Hespera Sinistra was much more reserved and clapped politely. Severus had used his time to evaluate the teams, focusing on the Ravenclaws as the Slytherins would be playing them after the holidays.

The Slytherins and Gryffindors had tied in the opening match. He thought that was an auspicious start to the season and the term, but considering the small size of his House, he had been pleased with the outcome. Of course, the Slytherin-Gryffindor rivalry was different. It was more personal. While he had never enjoyed losing to the Gryffindors in the past, his professional respect for Minerva and their professional rivalry had made it more bearable. She had been one of the few other professors that remained objective and held students accountable. She was the only one that would take points from her House. Now, he would just be losing to the werewolf, something much less bearable.

Checking his watch, he saw that it was a little after two and decided to run some errands in Diagon Alley before going to Aurelia's.

Shortly before three, he arrived at Aurelia's street. As he approached her house, he saw someone leaving and instinctively sought cover. After a few seconds, he identified the visitor as Lupin.

He was fuming. Not only had Lupin not told him about this, but neither had Aurelia. After taking a few deep breaths, he stalked toward her door and rapped rather firmly. When she didn't answer after a few seconds, he knocked more insistently.

Aurelia looked flustered, and as though she had dressed quickly, when she opened the door. "Severus? What a surprise? I wasn't expecting you for about an hour."

He swept past her, as he did not want to make a scene on her doorstep. "I imagine. Still cleaning up from you little tryst?" he asked dryly. He should have known better than to get his hopes up about her. After all, why would anyone be interested in him?

"What?"

"I saw Remus leaving, and I know that he has been spending quite a bit of time here this week. You could have at least had the courtesy to let me know that you were interested in my colleague. Don't you think it's a bit unprofessional to invite me here shortly after he leaves?"

"You think? Oh, no, it's nothing like that," she insisted, horrified at what he was suggesting.

"No?" He crossed his arms.

She sighed. "Let's have a seat and discuss this over tea."

"I do not want tea and I do not want a seat. What was Lupin doing here?" he demanded.

"Severus, please. There isn't a short answer. At least have a seat if you don't want tea." She headed into the sitting room and conjured her tea set.

Severus was forced to follow in order to hear her explanation. He sat, but he refused to partake of her tea. "I'm waiting."

"As you know, the two of us had a lot of time to talk while we were after the Lethifold. We have a lot in common. Both of us were very close to Aurors that were killed in the fighting."

"How, charming. You've found comfort in each other's arms. Or is that beds?" he spat.

A fire lit in her eyes, she jumped to her feet and pointed at the door. "That's it. If you are going to be rude, you can just leave. I don't have to put up with this and definitely not in my house."

"I'm not leaving without an explanation," he insisted.

"I don't owe you anything. I will not have you insulting me and making baseless accusations. I am not one of your students, and I will not be treated that way."

He stared at her for several seconds. This was a side of her he had not seen before. Deciding he might have been hasty, he said, "My apologies for jumping to conclusions. I am willing to listen to your explanation."

She gauged him for several seconds before regaining her seat. "Very well. Though, one more outburst and I will insist that you leave. As I was saying, while we were after the Lethifold, we talked a lot. It has helped both of us to have someone with a shared experience to work through our grief. In addition, I became interested in how he lived with his lycanthropy. I started thinking about the Wolfsbane Potion again, but I didn't really have time to pursue it until we finished the lethifold paper. After that, I started doing my own research. I've been meeting with Remus this week to discuss it and some of the improvements I have in mind. I hope to test a new variant of the Potion this full moon. As you can see, completely innocent."

"Why did you not let me know you were working on the Potion?"

"When we were working on the Lethifold paper, you told me how busy you were at school. I knew this project would be more intensive, and I thought it would be best not to pressure you to work with me. In addition, I know that you and Remus don't exactly get along well. I wasn't sure I could put up with the stress of dealing with the two of you again."

He knew that her rationale was sound, but he still felt hurt. He couldn't help but wonder if it was her polite way of shunning him. "I could have acted as a consultant. As you are no doubt aware, I have experience brewing the Potion and have made several subtle changes to it."

"I wasn't aware of that."

"As you can imagine, I have had precious little time to publish anything the last few years. Had you consulted with me, I could have saved you time. I have considerable experience experimenting with this potion."

She retorted, "And you don't think I do? I am the head of the Poisons Ward, after all."

"Yes, the Poisons Ward, not the Serious Bites Ward," he said sarcastically.

"And where do you think they get the Potion from? People in the Potions Department. I will have you know that one of my earliest assignments was working with Damocles Belby on this potion. I daresay I know more about it than you do and which research tracks are dead ends," she replied defensively.

He was quite surprised to hear this. He had never expected her to have that level of experience. "I didn't know." They continued to stare at each other. "If you don't mind, I would like to help you with your research. Perhaps I found something that Healer Belby didn't?"

She considered his offer for a few seconds. "All right. Just give me a few minutes to clean up."

"From what?" he asked suspiciously.

She sighed, exasperated by his suspicions. "We had a little lab accident. While I managed to clean up the mess down there, I didn't have time to get myself cleaned up. My lab journal is on the desk down there if you want to give it a look."

He was relieved to hear that it was just a lab accident, but he still didn't like the idea that she seemed to be going behind his back.

By suppertime, they had gone through her theories. She had proposed several lines of research that Severus had already explored and found to be dead ends. He offered to send her a copy of his research on the Potion.

"You don't mind joint publication again?" she asked.

"Acclaim within the Potions community has not been something I have strived for. I realize there is an expectation that you conduct research given your position, but I have no such expectations placed upon me." He had a thought about why she had not told him she was working on this project. "Is that why you didn't tell me? Because you want all the publicity?"

"Don't be absurd. Whether your name is on the paper or not doesn't matter to me. Besides, my name will come first," she said smugly. Checking the clock on the mantle, she continued, "Would like to pop out for a bite to eat? I'm afraid I haven't been to the market lately, and the pantry is quite bare."

"So long as it is not the Thai restaurant." That food had reacted quite badly with him last time, an experience he didn't want to repeat.

"I know of a nice pub in Glasgow you might like. Though, I will warn you that the clientele can be a tad rowdy on Saturday nights."

"Is there somewhere quieter?" He detested exuberant crowds. If it were not Saturday, he would have recommended the Three Broomsticks, but he knew that Adrian frequented that establishment on Saturdays.

She thought a few seconds. "Well, we could go down to Diagon Alley and see what we can find. Most of the places I know in this area require reservations on Friday and Saturday."

After a nice, quiet dinner they walked along Diagon Alley. When she looped her arm in his, he fought his instinctive urge to avoid human contact. After a few seconds, he had to admit that he liked the way it felt. Briefly, he considered wrapping his arm around her, but decided to wait. He really didn't have a reason to return to her house, but he didn't really want to leave her company. When he was with her, he felt different, and he didn't want to lose that feeling. He enjoyed her company, and that was not something he could say about many people. "If you would like to work on the Potion, I will have some time over the Christmas holidays if it wouldn't be an imposition

"I'll run it by the girls, but I don't see that there will be a problem with that. They haven't spoken too badly about you," she joked.

"What does that mean?" he asked defensively.

"Well, Julia knew what you were like as a professor. I think Helen has been a bit surprised by your classroom demeanor. Julia did try to warn her, but she refused to believe how cold and... vindictive you can be."

"I am not vindictive," he stated.

She stopped walking, let go of his arm, and turn to smile at him. "Oh, no? I think anyone in Gryffindor would disagree with that. You forget that I have had a number of your former students work with me over the years. Don't worry, I know the real Severus Snape, not just Professor Snape. Well, it really is getting late, and I should get some rest. If you don't mind, I'd like to brew Remus' potion this full moon and evaluate the results."

He did mind, but he wouldn't tell her. "Of course not." He wasn't sure what he should do at this point and they shared an awkward silence.

Finally, she broke the silence. "Well, good night, Severus." She shifted on her feet a few seconds, then she leaned forward, placed her hand on his cheek, and stood on her tiptoes to press her lips against his. When he didn't return the kiss, she pulled away and Disapparated.

Severus stared at the empty space for several seconds. He felt his fingers on his lips where hers had been moments ago. He could hardly believe it; she had kissed him. Not a friendly kiss on the cheek as in the past, but a kiss on the lips. A woman had kissed Severus Snape, a man called: greasy git, surly bastard, and numerous other unpleasant epithets. This was a unique experience; most women did not see past his unattractive appearance, but she had.

And he had done nothing. There were several things he should have done. He should have wrapped his arms around her, returned the kiss. Once he had her breathless, they could have returned to her house and explored their feelings for one another. No, she was a lady, not one of his whores. He would treat her with more respect than that, but he definitely should have let her know he reciprocated her feelings, that he wanted their friendship to be more.

It was not as though he had never envisioned this happening. He had spent a good portion of this term imagining what it would be like to have a normal life, to have a girlfriend, to finally have her as his girlfriend. Something he had never dared dream about in the past. Now, he felt like it was almost within reach. Or had been within reach. He realized now that he hadn't acted for fear that she would reject him.

He should not have found her action completely unexpected. After all, she had been quite friendly to him, brushing against him, touching him, smiling at him. She had even agreed to let him spend the holidays at her home. Belatedly, he recognized that she had been flirting with him most of the evening. Why hadn't he done anything? What would she think now that he had refused to return her affection? Would he get another chance?

He berated himself for not returning her kiss. It had been unexpected and had not lasted long enough for him to return it. For a moment, he contemplated returning to the life he knew and hide in his dungeons and his work. It would definitely be easier than trying to decipher her feelings, but that life had not made him happy. He was suddenly struck with the realization of how little experience he had with friends in general and female friends in particular. Of course, because she was basically his only friend, he had no one to discuss the situation with. Adrian was the last person he wanted meddling in his personal affairs.

When he returned to Hogwarts, he decided to inform Adrian that he would not be at school over the holidays and hoped the man would leave it at that. As he walked to the castle, he realized whom he could ask for advice. He had a promise to fulfill, one that he had nearly forgotten about after all these years.

********************

Aurelia knew it was too late to bother Michelle Parker. She would have to visit her friend in the morning. Sleep was a long time in coming as she tried to assimilate everything that had happened.

After Flooing Michelle, she joined her for breakfast. "Thanks for having me over."

"Think nothing of it. David isn't much of a morning person, especially on the weekends, so I normally take breakfast alone. Besides, it sounded important."

Aurelia pushed her food around her plate and finally took a sip of her coffee. "It is. At least, I think it is. I don't know." Even after spending most of the night thinking about the previous day's events, she wasn't sure what she wanted to say. "Severus found out that I'm working on the Wolfsbane Potion."

"And he's upset that you didn't ask for his help?" Michelle guessed.

"No. That I could have dealt with quite easily." She continued playing with her food. "He got upset that I was spending time with Remus."

Michelle smiled. "So he's jealous."

"That's what I think. What am I going to do?"

"Well, you like him, don't you? I mean, the two of you have spent a lot of time together."

"I like him as a friend. I don't know." She threw her fork down on the plate and looked up at Michelle. "It hasn't even been a year since Henry was killed. It just doesn't feel right to be thinking about someone that way. And add to that the fact he's Severus Snape, and I just don't know."

Michelle reached across the table to place her hand on Aurelia's. "What about him?"

"He's been through a lot, too. I just don't know." He was a reformed Death Eater, pardoned murderer, and had done a host of despicable things in his life. Was he really the type of person she wanted to be with?

"Well, it's not like you would be marrying him tomorrow."

"It's not just that. He's complex. How he reacted to the fact that I was working with Remus proves it. I don't even know that he feels that way about me."

"I would say that his jealous response is evidence that he does feel that way about you, and I can tell you feel that way about him," Michelle prodded.

"I don't know. I like spending time with him. And he's thoughtful in his own way. But when I kissed him last night, he didn't kiss me back." She still couldn't believe she had kissed him, and the fact he didn't respond had caused her to doubt that he did feel something for her.

"You kissed him?"

Aurelia noticed that Michelle had a sly little grin on her face. "I don't know what I was thinking. It was an awkward moment and... I don't know." Everything was so confusing. A part of her wanted to spend more time with Severus, but the other part felt guilty for replacing Henry. "Is it too soon?"

Michelle reached across the table. "You're the only one that can answer that."

"I just wonder what everyone will say. I love Henry and miss him. I'm just not sure it's right getting involved with someone else." After a few seconds she continued. "I think I'm reading too much into this."

"You could talk to him about this."

"How in Merlin's name do you bring something like that up?"

"Has he given you any signs that he likes you?"

Aurelia thought back on the time she had spent with Severus. It had been so long since she had looked for romantic signs in a man. Henry had not been shy with expressing his emotions and had gone out of his way to tell her how he felt. "Well, he did insist on dining at a quiet restaurant last night."

"Ah, there. He wanted to have a romantic dinner with you."

"Oh, yes, a romantic dinner discussing the finer points of the more grotesque potions ingredients," Aurelia replied sarcastically.

"Well, it is a shared interest. You have to start somewhere. Anything else?"

"Just the mortar and pestle that you already knew about."

"That's right. He gave you that fertility symbol of a pestle," Michelle said suggestively.

"Would you get your mind out of the gutter? It's a tool in potions making."

Michelle grinned slyly before continuing, "So, he's given you a gift and taken you out on a date. That's not bad."

"It wasn't a date. We were hungry, and I hadn't been to market."

"Are you in denial about this?"

"Maybe. I'm a little scared."

Michelle reached across the table and gripped Aurelia's hand. "Then just see where it goes. You don't have to make any decisions today."

It was nearly lunch before Aurelia finally left. She wasn't sure if talking with Michelle had helped, but it had felt good to talk through everything with someone. She had come to the decision that she would just wait and see how Severus behaved.

******************

Sundays were generally quiet, for which Severus was incredibly grateful, especially since he had not slept well the previous night. In his dreams, he had relived the previous evening's kiss, but in his dreams, he returned that kiss and the evening ended quite differently. He pulled her tight, returned her kiss, delving deeply into her mouth with his tongue. She slipped her hands into his robes and he could feel her soft hands caressing his skin.

He was surprised when there was a knock on his office door, and it took him a moment to regain his composure. It was rare that a student would come by his office for assistance. He feared it was Adrian, but he knew that the headmaster rarely waited for acknowledgement. "Enter."

"Good afternoon, Professor," Helen said cheerfully.

"How may I be of assistance, Miss MacLean?" he asked. Once again, he would have to speak to Julia about her sister.

Helen fiddled with her fingers nervously as she crossed the room and sat in the chair. She kept her eyes on her fingers. "I don't think you know, but Mum's birthday is coming up on the twentieth."

Severus raised an eyebrow as he waited for her to continue.

"This is the first one since Dad died and..." Helen looked up at Severus, her eyes glistening from unshed tears. "I don't think anyone is going to remember."

"Surely she has friends and family that will help her celebrate." He had never really cared much for birthdays. It seemed pointless to celebrate the anniversary of one's birth.

Helen shook her head. "Dad's parents died a long time ago, and I've never met Mum's parents."

"Why tell me?"

She nervously replied, "I know you and Mum are friends. I thought that maybe you could take her to dinner, make sure she has a good day. We used to make her birthdays special and no one will be there his year."

"Thank you for your concern. I will take it under advisement."

"I won't tell Mum I told you." After flashing a quick grin, she bounded out of the room.

He watched her leave, unable to shake the distinct feeling that he was being manipulated. Perhaps she did belong in Slytherin after all. Now the question was what to do about her revelation? The twentieth fell in the middle of the week. It would look unusual if he invited her to dinner in the middle of the week.

After last night's kiss, he had been thinking about her, about how to spend more time with her, and Helen had given him precisely the information he needed to do just that. Her birthday might give him the opportunity to return that kiss and maybe even more. Perhaps he could take her out to dinner a few days late? And then there was the matter of a gift. This was an area in which he had no experience. He knew that it would be easy for him to ruin their friendship if he forced something that wasn't there.

He was sure that Adrian would happily give him relationship advice, but he refused to involve the headmaster. On numerous occasions, he had insisted the man butt out of his personal life.

There was another choice. One he had been contemplating since the beginning of term. Perhaps now was the time.

******************

Severus was pacing nervously. He had never expected the day to come where he would fulfill his promise. He had no idea what the result would be. When he heard the knock at his door, he quickly crossed the room and answered it. "Thank you for coming, Irma."

"What is it that you couldn't discuss in the library?"

"Have a seat," he gestured at the chairs by the fire. Irma took one and he took the other. He picked up a book from the small table. "I have found a very interesting spell. I wanted to see if you knew where there might be any related spells." He opened the book, slowly pulled out his wand, and pointed it at her. Once she was looking at him, he used Legilimency to enter her mind.

While he had not set the memory block, he had been instructed on how to remove the charm. When he finished, he leaned forward to catch her and gently pushed her back into her chair. He knelt beside her and watched her as she looked around the room in confusion, as though trying to determine where she was. "How do you feel?" he asked quietly.

She squinted as she looked at him. "Severus?"

He smiled. "Yes."

"What happened to me? Where am I?"

"It will come to you soon enough." He knew that her old and new memories would take a few days to merge together. Dumbledore had told him that her original memories would manifest themselves first, and in time, the false memories would fade away.

She reached out to touch his cheek. "It's over? It worked?"

He covered her hand with his. "Yes, Mother. It worked. You are safe."