Arse Like That

The students filed into the Great Hall. The room was empty. The five long tables that usually crowded the room had disappeared. Dumbledore stood in the middle of the room. He waved his hands and bleachers appeared on three of the four walls in the Great Hall.

"Good Afternoon, and welcome to Hogwarts' first annual fashion show. If you would please take your seats so we can begin. Two houses per side please," Dumbledore yelled over the noise.

Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw headed toward the left wall leaving the Gryffindors and Slytherins to sit with each other on the right side. The teachers took their usual places at the head of the hall.

After everyone was seated Dumbledore stood and waved his hands once again and a runway appeared down the middle of the room. The runway started at the doors to the Great Hall. Rich red velvet curtains hung down covering the entrance.

The curtains parted and Dean Thomas walked down the runway.

"Shake that arse, Thomas!" Malfoy yelled jumping up in his seat.

"Sit down, Mr. Malfoy!" Dumbledore yelled.

"Hey, Draco, listen to this song," a fourth-year Slytherin boy said, handing Draco a CD player.

Draco placed the earphones on his head and began to rap along with the song.

The way you shake it, I can't believe it

I ain't never seen an arse like that

The way you move it you make my slinky go

Doing, doing, doing

Dean put his wand to his throat and said, "Sonorus."

His voice amplified by the spell, Dean said, "Afternoon ladies and gentlemen, we are going to start our fashion show off with our summer line."

Hoots and hollers were heard around the room. The beat to a Weird Sisters song began playing in the background as Pansy Parkinson made her way down the catwalk.

I don't believe it, it's almost too good to be true

I ain't never seen an arse like that

The way you move it, you make my slinky go

Doing, doing, doing

The way Pansy moves she's like a belly dancer

She's shaking that arse to the new Weird Sisters jams

"Pansy Parkinson is wearing a green bikini with silver accents. It's good for any Slytherin hang out by the pool. Thank you, Pansy."

Pansy walked back down the runway. Hermione was next. She started down the catwalk in a red robe. Someone called to her and she ran back behind the curtains.

If I offend I'm sorry, please, please forgive

For I am Draco, the puppet ferret,

I am a mere puppet

I can get away with anything I sing, you will love it

"Hermione Granger is," Dean paused, "having wardrobe malfunctions. She will be out shortly."

Hermione Granger, looks oh so temptin'

Harry I ain't never seen an arse like that

Every time I see that Mudblood in the hall my slinky goes

Doing, doing, doing

"Shove it, Malfoy!" Harry yelled, lunging at Draco.

"Mr. Potter, sit down!" Professor McGonagall yelled.

Hermione rushed down the runway in a flash of maroon and gold. She was gone before Dean had a chance to read her announcement.

"Thank you, Hermione," Dean said, chuckling. "Our next two models insisted on walking together. Please welcome the Patil twins. Parvati is sporting a gold and maroon swirl bikini. Padma is dazzling in a blue and black bikini. Both are perfect for lounging by the pool or taking a quick dive."

Parvati and Padma used to be so wholesome

Now their getting older and starting to grow bum bums

"Mr. Malfoy, please be quiet!" Professor Snape yelled. The Patil twins exited and Millicent Bulstrode entered.

Professor Snape, I demand to see my attorney

I will simply plead innocent, cop a plea and be free

Free, yes, free, right back on the streets

What you mean my lawyer's with Lucius he's too busy

I am Draco, Millicent Bullstrode has shoulders like a man

I can say that and you'll laugh cuz there's a puppet on my hand

"Millicent Bulstrode is wearing a sophisticated silver and green one piece. It's good for our larger students or students who prefer to be more covered. Thank you, Millicent. Our next model is Ginny Weasley."

Ginny Weasley is not quite old enough so I ain't never seen a bum like that

Maybe next year I'll say arse and she'll make my slinky go

Doing, doing, doing

"Stupid bloody wanker, you'll pay for that!" Ron Weasley jumped up. His face was so red it was hard to tell where his face ended and his hair began.

"Mr. Weasley, sit down now!" Professor McGonagall yelled.

"Cho Chang is wearing a blue and black bikini. Talk about a wardrobe malfunction! Bloody Hell! Her strap just came undone!" Dean yelled.

Cho Chang is that a breast? I think I just saw a tit

"Mr. Malfoy, get out of here now. Twenty-five points from Slytherin!" yelled Professor Dumbledore.

Malfoy jumped up, followed by Crabbe and Goyle.

Get to the common room, everybody get out!

I am not Draco, I am Dumbledore, 'Sit Down!'

"Cho has fixed her bikini. Make sure it's tied tight!" Dean said.

Malfoy and his goons ran out the doors to the Great Hall where Lavender Brown was standing. She was waiting for her turn to go on. She was standing behind Orla Quirke.

So Lavender Brown, will you pee pee on me please?

I ain't never seen an arse like that.

Cuz the way you move it, you make my slinky go

Doing, doing, doing

Lavender smacked Draco across the face. He and his goons took off running towards the common room again.

"Bloody Hell, what is wrong with you?" Pansy called after him.

"Ha!" Draco yelled back. He ran backwards and shrugged his shoulders.