When Harry Met Hermione

Harry: We met on the Hogwarts Express. Me and my soon-to-be best friend Ron thought she was an insufferable know-it-all. We just knew she was going to be a real pain in the arse.

Hermione: Yeah, well, I couldn't believe it was the Harry Potter; he was such a little boy! I'd read all about him and I expected so much more. You might say I was a little disappointed. After a couple of weeks, I was very put off by their disregard for school rules. I just knew they would get expelled and maybe drag me along too. (Turning to Harry) Anyway, you both fell in love with me. At different times, of course (smiling at Harry)

Harry: But we didn’t even like you until we rescued you from that troll.

Hermione: Well, you pretty much had to rescue me after you two locked him in there with me.

Harry: They say there are some things you can’t go through without becoming friends, and I guess tackling a mountain troll is one of them.

Hermione: But that was one of our tamer adventures.

Harry: Ah, but a significant one.

Hermione: Yes. We were all best friends after that. And, we were a threesome for a very long time (trails off)

Harry: Then Ron was gone (tone turns darker). It was just the two of us then.

Hermione: But we had The Line.

Harry: Ah, yes. The bloody Line.

Hermione: We had that bloody Line for 9 years.

Harry: The longest 9 years of my life.

Hermione: It didn’t seem so long when you were seeing Ginny. Or Ronin. Or that other woman who we won’t name.

Harry: Well, The Line didn’t seem to trouble you too much either when you were seeing the glorious Dr Kilroy, now did it? (smiling broadly)

Hermione: The point is we had The Line and we had never considered crossing it. Then the evil Bitch Goddess decided to wreak havoc…I thought the world was going to come to an end.

Harry: Well, my world anyway…..she underestimated you.

Hermione: I remember that night so well . . .

Harry: Who could forget?

Hermione: We’d been attacked: Laura, Remus, Lefty, Argo . . . who else?

Harry: Don’t forget George was time-travelled.

Hermione: Oh yeah….Well, Harry was going to go off on some….what did Argo call it?

Harry: Adolescent dragonslayer John Wayne nonsense, or something like that.

Hermione: Right. Well, I couldn’t see the usefulness of him being out there with no second…so I stopped him.

Harry: I’d say distracted temporarily is more like it.

Hermione: Distracted is an understatement. That’s when we crossed The Line.

Harry: Crossed it? I’d say we blew it to bloody kingdom come.

Hermione: For one blissful night, we were the only people in the universe. (She smiles in remembrance)

Harry: Well . . . we weren't necessarily the only ones in the universe. We had a bit of an audience. (He beings to laugh)

Hermione: (groaning) Oh, don’t remind me of that . . .

Harry: Then I left . . .not to leave Hermione of course, but to stop the chaos before…

Hermione: He couldn’t get rid of me that easily.

Harry: I never wanted to get rid of you. I was trying to protect you.

Hermione: I know, but I wanted to protect you too. You were taking the chivalry thing too far. . . but I guess that’s expected from a Gryffindor.

Harry: Are you saying I should have let the Sorting Hat put me into Slytherin?

Hermione: No, no, no . . . but, come on: admit it. You really did need me on that quest.

Harry: Ok I’ll give you that. After all, you were the only one who could get me out of the necromemetic stasis before they buried me alive

Hermione: Well. . . I did have other uses too (smiles wickedly). Anyway then I found out about the mage thing. That was startling.

Harry: Yeah for you and me both….it's been an interesting marriage.

Hermione: We're lucky there was a wedding after you went all psycho on me.

Harry: (in a mock falsetto voice, with both hands over his heart): But my hero came and saved me.

Hermione: Oh bugger off. (as she shoves him over)

Harry: Right, we're still here, still together, and even survived raising two wonderful kids.

Hermione: Yeah, that almost killed me.

Harry: That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

Hermione: Then we must be very strong.

Harry: Yes, we are. (Takes Hermione in his arms and leans back into the sofa with her as the scene fades to black.)