The Government Stole My Toothbrush

The Government Stole My Toothbrush

Dear Luna,

Great-uncle Algie asked me to send you the finished version of the article he's been working on for The Quibber. He would have sent it directly to your father himself, but he thinks it's less likely to be intercepted this way. Also, he's rather afraid of owls.

I hope you're having a nice summer holiday. Nothing interesting is happening here except that yesterday Trevor suddenly turned orange. He seems to be okay, though he does look a bit odd.

Neville

* * *

Dear Neville,

I was a bit surprised to hear about Trevor. I don't think it's healthy for a toad to suddenly turn orange. Father thinks Trevor is possessed and says you should take him to a diabolist straight away. We have the name of one in Ipswich on speed Floo just in case. He's quite good, actually, and took care of something that had got into our mirror a year ago. Of course, the mirror does have a big crack in it now, but at least it has stopped trying to take command of the house.

Father and I are hoping to take a trip to Diagon Alley next week when we take a break from our current project. (Very top-secret!) It would be lovely if we could meet up though I don't quite know what is still open. I always loved the pistachio-plum sundae at Florean Fortescue's.

Please say hello to your grandmother and tell your great-uncle Algie that father is delighted by his article on Madam Pince. I had no idea that she was actually a Ministry secret agent. Do you think Dumbledore knew?

I hope you are enjoying your summer holiday.

Luna

* * *

Dear Luna,

Thanks for your letter. It was very thoughtful of you to contact the diabolist in Ipswich for me. I think Gran was a little startled when he suddenly Flooed in while she was taking her afternoon nap. She doesn't normally try to impale callers with the fire poker. Very sorry about that.

Great-uncle Algie was really pleased to hear that your father liked his article. In fact, he was so excited when I read him your letter that he accidentally Apparated onto the roof. I really hope the same thing doesn't happen to me when I take my Apparition test in a few weeks. If I get too nervous, I'm bound to Apparate all the way to France.

Pistachio-plum sounds like a very unusual flavor for an ice-cream sundae. I prefer vanilla with chocolate frog sprinkles myself. It's too bad that Florean Fortescue closed his shop. Maybe we can meet in the Leaky Cauldron for a Butterbeer.

Neville

P.S. Great-uncle Algie says that of course Dumbledore didn't know about Madame Pince's true identity as a secret agent. She's apparently very good at her job, which makes me wonder how great-uncle Algie found her out.

* * *

Dear Neville,

Don't worry about the diabolist. I think he's recovered from the fire poker incident by now. Anyway, father said he had it coming. Apparently the mirror has been acting up again. We haven't been able to get into the loo for two days now. Very inconvenient.

I would love to meet you in the Leaky Cauldron for a Butterbeer. Father and I will be in London on Tuesday.

Luna

P.S. How is Trevor? Is he still orange?

* * *

Dear Luna,

I'm sorry to hear about your problems with the loo. I hope you can get the mirror under control soon. Have you thought about maybe tossing it?

Trevor is doing much better, thank you very much. Apparently he ate a bad toadstool, though I don't know why. I let him eat everything I do, but he sometimes gets these funny cravings. I'm glad he's not orange anymore, but he has been acting a bit odd recently. My toothbrush keeps disappearing and Trevor looks terribly guilty each time I try to brush my teeth.

At least I think he looks guilty. It's hard to tell with a toad.

Is 11 o'clock a good time to meet on Tuesday?

Neville

* * *

Dear Neville,

11 o'clock is fine. Look for the hag with daisies in her hair. And whatever you do, don't use your toothbrush.

Luna

* * *

Dear Luna,

I'm confused. Why would I want to talk to a hag with daisies in her hair?

Neville

P.S. My teeth feel furry.

* * *

Dear Neville,

Try Scourgify. That might help with the furriness. Also mouthwash. I'll bring some to the Leaky Cauldron.

Luna

P.S. Just trust me. And trust Trevor.

* * *

Dear Luna,

It was nice seeing you at the Leaky Cauldron yesterday. You smelled nice. And thank you for the mouthwash. I was sort of afraid to sit too close to you in case my breath was really foul. I miss brushing my teeth.

Speaking of brushing my teeth, when I got home, I did like you said and put an alarm spell on my toothbrush. It went off in the middle of the night, but by the time I got up to investigate, my toothbrush was already gone. I'm fairly certain Trevor didn't take it this time because he was sound asleep. (He has a very distinct snore.)

Then this morning my toothbrush was back! At least I think it was my toothbrush. Before I could really look at it, Trevor snatched it, ran into the kitchen, and then leapt out the window into the back garden. He knocked over great-great-aunt Mildred's Wizerford crystal pitcher on the way, so I had to stop and clean that up. (I'm not bad at Reparo, you know.) But by the time I was finished, I couldn't find Trevor or my toothbrush anywhere.

Gran is still in a right state about aunt Mildred's pitcher, uncle Algie keeps Apparating onto the roof (that always happens when he's agitated), and I'm getting worried because I haven't seen Trevor all day.

Do you still think the Ministry is behind all this?

Neville

P.S. It was nice meeting your father yesterday. If it weren't for the daisies, I never would have known it was him. He makes a very convincing hag.

* * *

Dear Neville,

It was nice seeing you in the Leaky Cauldron too, and thank you for the Gillywater. Father was pleased to hear that you think he's a convincing hag. He has to be very careful about who recognises him when he goes out in public. On our last trip to London, someone he had written about spotted him even though he was disguised as a house-elf. I guess his height gave him away.

I'm so sorry to hear about your great-great-aunt Mildred's Wizerford pitcher, but it was all for a good cause. Trevor was just trying to protect you. Obviously, the Ministry stole your toothbrush and replaced it with a Portkey. Who knows what would have happened if Scrimgeour had got his hands on you?

I expect Trevor will lay low for a few days until he's sure the Ministry won't retaliate. In the meantime, be careful what you put in your mouth.

Luna

P.S. I didn't know that toads could snore.

P.P.S. It's okay with me if you sit a little closer next time. I think you smell nice too.

* * *

Dear Luna,

Are you absolutely sure that the Ministry stole my toothbrush? What would Scrimgeour want with me? Maybe it was the Death Eaters?

Trevor came back this morning, but I still have no idea where he went or what happened to my toothbrush. He's been hiding under my bed, which is odd because that's what he normally does. After stealing my toothbrush, I would at least expect him to act a little different.

You know, my Apparition test is next week, and I was wondering if you would mind if I maybe Flooed over to your house and practised Apparating back home. I'm still having trouble with long distances and I thought maybe you wouldn't mind too much if I used your house as a place to practise.

If I get good enough, do you think you might like to try Side-Along-Apparition with me? You don't have to decide now. I still need to practise loads more (I sometimes have trouble Apparating from my bedroom to the kitchen with Trevor), but I just thought it might be fun.

Neville

P.S. Toads snore something awful, especially Trevor. Ron, Harry, Seamus and Dean always used to say I'd wake them up at night with my snoring, but it was really Trevor.

* * *

Dear Neville,

It definitely wasn't the Death Eaters. They would have just killed you, never mind stealing your toothbrush.

Besides, everyone knows that Scrimgeour and the Ministry are desperate to recruit young witches and wizards to fight You-Know-Who. All summer, they've been creating Portkeys out of personal objects like toothbrushes and knickers (that way they don't accidentally transport the wrong person) and sending people to a secret training camp. One of father's regular columnists, Ptolemy Larky, was sent there by accident when he borrowed his daughter's toothbrush. Father's writing an exposé all about it for the next issue of The Quibbler. It's going to be a huge seller.

Of course you can practise Apparating from my house. How about tomorrow?

Luna

P.S. I'd love to Side-Along-Apparate with you.

P.P.S. I don't mind snoring. In fact, I quite like to snore myself.

* * *

Dear Luna,

It was the oddest thing, but while I was out de-gnoming the back garden this afternoon, I discovered a whole stash of toothbrushes in one of the smaller gnome holes. At first I thought it might be the Ministry's supply of secret Portkeys, but then I noticed two sets of footprints. One set looked like they belonged to a pixie and the other set definitely belonged to a toad.

I think maybe Trevor has a girlfriend he's trying to impress. He always did have a thing for pixies.

See you tomorrow around 1 o'clock.

Neville

P.S. I hope you like chocolate frogs.