Saved a Wretch Like Me

Saved A Wretch Like Me

"Amazing Grace

How Sweet the Sound

That saved a wretch like me..."

The choir's voice swells through the crowded church. A man in the front row brushes a sullen tear from his cheek, frowning as if this is some sort of weakness.

My eyes are dry. Does that make me strong?

So many people have come to the Potter's funeral, in the old Gaelic Church at Godric's Hollow. So many people loved the Potters.

I didn't.

I hated James, with his messy black hair and his cruel smirk and his hazel eyes that looked at you like you were a slimy Flobberworm he was just longing to squash.

I hated Lily Evans from the tilt in her head that showed she thought she was superior to everyone even though she was a mudblood, down to her toes, which had tapped an unknown rhythm through an entire Charms exam.

I don't understand what she did and I doubt I ever will.

But I don't understand love.

*

I knew something was wrong that night. I woke up screaming, icy terror seeping through me. Instinctively I clutched my arm.

Nothing.

*

Remus Lupin is sitting near the front. His face is tired. He looks as if he has aged a decade in a day. It must be devastating for two of your friends to die in such a close space of time and one to be sent to Azkaban for causing their deaths.

Lupin wasn't as bad as the others. He didn't attack me. He didn't call me names. He didn't worship James as though he were a god.

*

I knew that this ... nothingness had to do with the Potter's. I apparated to Godric's Hollow, black robes clinging to me. Dumbledore was there. The house was not. An entire house does not collapse because of a few killing curses, I informed Dumbledore.

"Love can do anything," Dumbledore said softly, searching the ruins. For the bodies, I assumed. But there was a plaintive cry from the other side of the section. The cry of a child. Dismay crept up my spine.

*

I am only here because of duty. Dumbledore needed someone not in mourning to be a guard at the funeral, keep a wary eye out for anything out of the ordinary. I notice something at that point, although not something I will ever discuss with Dumbledore. Out a clear church window a sudden breeze blows, making the trees bend.

There is a rat out there, in the middle of a whirlwind of leaves. It is up on its hind legs. It has blood on its paw and almost looks like it is crying. I am reminded of Pettigrew, who looked like a watery-eyed, slimy rat.

*

I reached the cries before Dumbledore did and cast a look around. Lily and James both lay spread-eagled on the ground. James's glasses were lopsided and his skin was very white. Lily's green eyes were open, staring up in fear.

Between them, their son sat. Harry, I think they called him. He looked at me gravely, Lily's eyes staring out through him. He placed a chubby finger to his lips. "Mummy's asleep. Shh."

I resisted the urge to pick him up.

*

Lupin gets up to speak. He is very pale and tense. "Lily and James were my best friends. They were like family to me..."

I drift off, awake but dreaming.

*

It was a cool autumn day when Sirius Black thought it would be funny to introduce me to Lupin's other form. I was suspicious when he approached me and all but pulled my wand out and hexed him then and there.

"Oi, Snivelus," Sirius said, but his tone was quieter than usual. I didn't like the look in his black eyes.

"What?" I replied tersely, hoping that he'd leave me alone this time. I was sick of getting in trouble with Dumbledore.

"You've been wondering where Remus goes every month, haven't you?" I was interested.

"What if I have?"

"Just, he goes through a passage under the whomping willow."

"That's going to be so great," I muttered sarcastically. "Seeing as how I just love getting beaten black and blue."

"No, look, you poke the knot in the trunk and it freezes. If you get down the tunnel, you'll find out what Remus has been doing."

I came to my senses. "Why are you telling me this?"

Sirius looked bitter. "Knew you'd say that. I'm sick of his hypocritical behaviour. I mean, he yells at me for going out of bounds but here his, going through his own little secret passage every month. It'd do him good to get caught."

I don't know why I trusted him. Salazar knows, he had always been a talented actor. I guess he really nailed the bitterness.

*

A few nights later, I saw Lupin leave the Dining Hall early. I caught Sirius's eye at the Gryffindor table and he winked. I excused myself quietly and made my way out onto the grounds. I couldn't see Lupin. He'd moved fast. The moon was just appearing in the sky, bone white and full in a sky cloaked with stars.

I grabbed a stick and pushed the knot in the tree. It froze. The sky darkened. I lowered myself into the passage, coughing because of the dust and dirt. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I started to make out a dark shape at the end of the passage.

There was a guttural howl and then a sniffing sound. Slow thumps echoed down the corridor as if something was moving. But humans don't move like that, I thought.

From above me I could hear feet pounding, but I was frozen, watching the dark shape advance. It got closer and closer until I can see it.

A wolf! No, werewolf. I thought then that would probably be my end.

A hand grabbed the back of my robes, pulling me out into the light of the full moon. "Thank you," I choked out, my panic making me incoherent.

I looked up. James Potter was looking down at me, disgust lining his face. "Why did you listen to Sirius?" he asked. His voice was cold and tense.

"Saving your own neck?" I asked, sneering.

"Saving your pathetic life, more like," James said, glaring at me. "Don't know why I bothered really but I would have done the same for anyone."

He walked away. Dumbledore came. There were questions, promises, punishments.

*

The urns are being carried out now and everyone is standing. Lupin is carrying James's and Alice McKinnon has Lily's. There is hardly a dry eye in the church. The congregation walks outside and to watch the ashes get scattered so that they blow across Godric's Hollow, wherever the wind takes them.

They mix and form a swirl in the breeze, before blowing off into the dying sun.

I put a hand up to my eyes and I'm not surprised when they come away damp.

~Le Fin~