Before the Moon Rises

BEFORE THE MOON RISES

A Walk in the Dark

Chapter Twenty-two

"Do you remember me

Lost for so long?

Will you be on the other side

Or will you forget me?

I'm dying, I'm praying,

I'm bleeding, I'm screaming.

Am I too lost to be saved,

Am I too lost?"--Evanescence

July 1998

Remus sat in a corner booth, his head down and thinking, as he pushed around some cold vegetables on his plate. He wasn't particularly hungry and he wasn't keen on being around people, but sitting here was better than sitting at home... alone... again.

The door opened to the restaurant and a group of laughing wizards stepped inside. Remus didn't bother looking up at them; he didn't want to catch anyone's eye, but someone saw him anyway.

Up near the front of the restaurant, five wizards walked inside, still laughing from a joke they'd just heard.

"Who told you that?" Seamus asked, looking at Ron and smiling.

"I made it up," Ron said, glancing around the lowly-lit room. The smells from the kitchen filled the air, and his stomach growled.

"You did not!" Dean protested, shaking his head and laughing.

"Nah, you're right. Fred and George told me yesterday," Ron laughed. "Let's get a seat. Harry, you picked this place; where is the best place to sit?" Ron asked as he turned to look back at Harry.

"Let's sit up at the bar," Neville said. "If that's okay with you, Harry."

"Of course it is," Harry agreed, nodding at Neville.

The five old friends made their way around the crowded tables and as they were walking, Harry caught sight of a familiar face.

"Hey Ron," Harry called and Ron stopped walking to look back at him.

"What?"

Harry jerked his head to the side and in the general direction of Remus. "Professor Lupin. Let's say hello."

"Sure," Ron said, shrugging. "Hey, Seamus, order me a beer."

Harry and Ron walked over to Remus' booth and slid in across from him. Remus looked extremely surprised.

"Harry, Ron. I didn't expect to see you here," he said, pushing his plate away from him.

"How are you, Professor Lupin?" Ron asked.

"Good, good," he said. His forced smile didn't go unnoticed. "How are you both?"

"Harry is still as annoying as ever," Ron said playfully, "and I'm recuperating. I still can't sleep on my right side and it's bloody irritating, but soon..." he said wistfully. "How are you?"

"I'm completely healed. No more aches and pains." Ron looked at him jealously. "Oh, don't look at me like that. When I say I have no more aches and pains, what I mean is that all the wounds I received in the War have healed. Of course, there are always wounds that never heal. And you, Harry, how are things?" he said, switching subjects with cleverness.

"Yeah, things are okay. We're supposed to all hang out at Ginny's later," Harry mentioned.

"The old group, back to normal, huh?" Remus asked, not directly wanting to ask about a particular someone.

Ron and Harry exchanged a look before Ron said, "Not completely. Hermione won't be there."

"What?" Remus asked, feeling his chest tighten.

Harry shook his head and looked at Remus. "No, we haven't seen her in a while."

"Is something wrong?" Remus asked.

Ron shrugged. "Who bloody knows? She won't talk to any of us. She's become a recluse."

"Haven't you tried to talk with her?" Remus asked, feeling his worry increase significantly. Even though he was miserable, he felt some comfort in knowing Hermione was more than likely recovering and laughing and smiling again with her old friends.

"Of course we have," Ron said defensively. "What do you think we are? She's our best friend, but we can't make her talk to us." It was obvious to Remus that Hermione was a sensitive subject for Ron. And rightly so, Ron, Hermione and Harry had been best friends for almost seven years.

"She won't return our owls," Harry said gently, smiling sadly. "We keep hoping she'll come to us when she's ready." Ron nodded his head in agreement.

"Hey, Seamus! That girlie beer better not be for me! You know I don't drink that sissy stuff!" Ron said, glancing up at the bar. "Hey, it was great to see you again Professor. Stop by and see us sometime," Ron said, before sliding out of the booth and walking across to the bar to argue with Seamus.

Remus looked back at Harry, who was watching him closely. Harry leaned in, not wanting anyone to overhear his words. Remus instinctively leaned in, too.

"I know about you and Hermione," Harry said quietly.

Remus was momentarily stunned. "You do?" he asked, leaning away from Harry's intense gaze. "Did she tell you?" He felt sick to his stomach. What would Harry think of him?

"Not exactly," he said. "She told me what happened with the book and that she'd fallen in love with someone while she was there." Remus looked up at Harry again in surprise. "But the night we spent in the hospital, she was there...talking to you while you slept. I was awake. She talked about lots of things," Harry whispered and Remus flushed.

"Harry, I--" He felt as if he should apologize, but he couldn't say the words.

"Pardon me for saying it, but you're being an idiot, Lupin," Harry said, crossing his arms across his chest and leaning back in the booth.

Remus was again surprised with Harry's words. "W-what?"

"You heard me."

"You're not...angry?" Remus asked cautiously.

"Why would I be angry?" Harry asked, wrinkling his brow.

"Because I... we... well, I... I fell in love with Hermione," he said awkwardly.

"Why would that make me angry?"

"Because she's... well, in all honestly, we were the same age then... but now... we're... well... I'm older than she is," he said, feeling uncomfortable and stupid.

"Who effing cares, Lupin?" Harry asked.

"She's a child, Harry," Remus said, looking away from Harry's gaze again.

Harry leaned his elbows on the table and his eyes darkened. "Do you honestly think that after everything she has been through that she is still a child, Lupin? Are any of us children anymore? No," he said darkly, "the innocence of life is gone. It has been for quite some time. You're being an idiot."

"But the age difference--"

"Listen, Lupin, I understand that you're trying to be all noble and Gryffindor, but you're royally effing this up with her. She loves you. Don't you see that? She loves you...and if Hermione has set her heart on someone then they are definitely deserving of her. So, all of the self-doubt and insecurities you're feeling, you need to get over them. It would be foolish to lose her forever, don't you think? And over what...your stupidity?"

Remus was slightly taken aback by Harry's candidness, but he knew the words were true...even if they did make him feel worse. "And if she won't have me back?" he asked.

Harry sighed. "I've known Hermione for a long time. She is in need of something and I have this feeling inside me that you are what she needs. I don't know what will happen. But you could try to talk to her and if she pushes you away, then at least you tried. It'd be better than sitting in this pub and wasting away, feeling sorry for yourself. I'm only telling you this because I think so highly of you and because I love Hermione. It's obvious to me that your love for each was much greater than either of you anticipated it would be and if I've learned anything, it's that there is no greater power than love. Think about it and like Ron said, stop by and see us." Harry slid out of the booth and smiled at Lupin reassuringly before joining his friends up at the bar.

Remus sat alone in his booth for a little while longer before leaving some money on the table and walking toward the door. He looked over his shoulder before pulling the door open. Harry was laughing with Ron about something at the bar; he pulled his eyes away for a second and caught sight of Remus. Thanks, Remus mouthed and Harry nodded before turning back to Ron.

Remus pulled the door open and stepped out onto the darkened street. He wasn't sure how late it was and he didn't exactly know where he was going, but he began to walk. He thought about Hermione as he walked, and he thought about how his life would change if she were a part of it. Would she want to be a part of my life again? Does she hate me for turning her away?

He abruptly stopped walking when he almost stumbled into someone else.

"Oh, pardon me, sir. I wasn't paying attention," Remus said apologetically.

"That's quite all right, son," the old man replied. "It's a beautiful night, isn't it?" he asked before Remus could walk away.

Remus looked at the old man strangely before looking up towards to the sky. "It's dark," Remus said blandly. There were no stars shining and there was no moon.

"Yes," the old man smiled, "but it won't always be."

"No, well, have a good evening," Remus said as he began to walk away.

"Thank you and may you find some comfort," the old man said. Remus turned and glanced at him over his shoulder but continued walking.

Comfort, ha, Remus thought. Then his mind began to wander.

"Where are we going, Mummy?" Remus questioned.

"Mummy needs some comfort," she said as she knelt down and buttoned up his heavy coat.

Remus immediately changed his direction and began walking to the only place that had always shown him comfort when he was much younger--St. Brigid's Cathedral.

It was a long walk but Remus didn't mind. It gave him time to think--not that he didn't have plenty of time for that already. The wind began to blow and he pulled the hood of his cloak around his face as he walked. He knew this path very well and he sighed as he remembered all the visits he'd made in the past to this cathedral.

Soon, he was standing on the bottom step and looking up at the heavy wooden doors. He walked up the stairs slowly and when he pulled open the door, the dim light from inside the sanctuary splashed across the stones outside, disturbing the darkness.

He stepped inside with his head down and took a slow deep breath.

"Remus?" a familiar voice called out and almost caused Remus to falter in his steps.

He looked up slowly, pushed the hood from his face and stared, open-mouthed at the one person who had plagued his thoughts for years--Hermione.