Ogden's Old Firewhisky

None of them were exactly sure how Peter managed to get a bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhisky. After all, it was Peter. Peter himself couldn't seem to remember. It wasn't until after they'd drank half the bottle that it was suggested that the alcohol may have come from the Slytherins. And by that point it was too late, as Sirius had already subjected himself to the embarrassment of singing I'm a little teapot half naked in the middle of an Entrance Hall crowded with students on their way to the Great Hall for dinner.

That little episode had been a result of a game of Simon-Says-Turned-Truth-Or-Dare. Only without the 'truth' part.

About an hour into the game (and about ten minutes after Sirius' failed attempt at a singing career) Peter decided to send them all to dinner; "Simon says everyone go to the Great Hall for dinner!"

It was around the time Remus decided to crawl onto the table and take a nap in the chocolate pudding that the suggestion of the Firewhisky having come from the Slytherins came up. They hadn't had enough alcohol for the effect to not have at least started to wear off, and yet here they were, unsuccessfully trying to drag Remus off the table without joining him due to the room suddenly deciding to imitate a merry-go-round. Thankfully no one seemed to notice there was anything unusual about their behavior, though as James later commented, it didn't say much for their behavior when they were sober.

When James and Peter finally managed to haul Remus through the portrait hole (Sirius had run ahead of them singing a tuneless song about migrating monkeys), they came face-to-face with a very disapproving Lily.

"Really! What were you thinking, getting drunk? Not only is it completely against the rules, but you could have lost us house points! Again! Besides that, your behavior is disgusting!"

Ah, thought James, so someone DID notice we were acting odd.

"I wasn't the only one!"

"Did I say that out loud?" James slurred wonderingly, though Lily was still talking and he didn't receive a response.

"Most of Gryffindor noticed! And many of the Slytherins as well, if their laughs were anything to go by." And that right there confirmed that, yes, the Slytherins probably had done something to the Firewhisky, and then given it to Peter. And they had obviously cast a memory charm on him as well, so that he wouldn't remember. Though, come to think of it, Peter was naturally forgetful. And trusting. Perhaps they hadn't cast a memory charm then.

So distracted was he by this rather difficult reasoning process, and by the way the firelight lit Lily's red hair and made it appear as though it were dancing, that James completely forgot he was still supporting Remus. A loud thump made him look down.

"Oh, Moony, mate, how did you get there?" he asked in surprise. His only response was a loud snore. "Oh, I see," he said, as though his friend had actually responded. "Well, if you're comfortable on the floor, then I'll just be making my way up those steps there. C'mon feet. I mean Pete."

"Potter!"

"Yes, Lily lovely... er, livly Lolly... pretty flower?" Lily rolled her eyes and James copied her. And then grabbed the back of a nearby chair because it made him dizzy.

"Professor McGonagall asked me to remind you that you have detention tonight."

"Oh." He stared at Lily, who frowned at his lack of response. "I... I suppose that means I should go?" The redhead made a sound somewhere between a scream and a groan, and stomped angrily past them and out of the portrait hole. "Silly flower, making such odd noises."

"She isn't a real flower Prongs," Peter told James patiently. Peter who, strangely enough, seemed to become rather intelligent and wise under the influence of alcohol - quite the opposite of the rest of the marauders. "You'd better go to detention. Do you have a Sober-Up potion in our dorm somewhere?"

James shrugged helplessly and stumbled up the stairs. Peter dragged Remus over to the sofa in the common room, and with the help of a couple of handy first years, they managed to get him onto said sofa, where at least he wouldn't wake up with sore muscles from sleeping on the cold floor. Nothing could be said for his head though.

James had commented that Peter seemed to be unusually smart as a drunk. Truthfully, it was simply that James was unusually stupid and Peter was merely unusually calm. And as such, he was calm enough to think rationally, albeit rather slowly. Had he been sober, he probably would have been running up the stairs to make sure James and Sirius (assuming that's where Sirius was - they hadn't seen him since the second floor) were alright.

As it was, he was currently waiting for Lily to come back from sobbing on the Fat Lady in frustration. He realized that if James or Sirius were to do anything exceedingly dumb in their current Firewhisky-induced state, he may need the help of someone sober to stop them. And Lily's temper was enough to get anyone to listen - even if it was only long enough to cast a stunner.

*******

The scene in the boys' dormitory when she entered with Peter ten minutes later was something she'd never forget. Sirius was wearing a sheet - and only a sheet - as a toga, and standing on top of Remus' bed, reciting what seemed to be the Pureblood's Code of Ethics, but she couldn't be sure because he was injecting expletives between every other word. He may not have been able to correctly remember each criterion, but she had to give him points for creativity. Seeing as Sirius was currently not harming anyone, nor in any harm, she turned to James, only to have her mouth fall open in shock.

He was dressed in what could only be described as a belly dancer's costume. Or as close to it as he could get with only boy's clothing and robes to work from.

"James! What in Merlin's name do you think you're doing?" she gasped. His mumbled reply only made her eyes widen further in horror. It didn't faze Peter however.

"We've discussed this before James, the last time you were drunk I believe. And we concluded that it was entirely too inappropriate, McGonagall was much too stubborn to change her mind, and that you don't look at all attractive in those clothes." James looked down at himself, pouted, and muttered something that included the words 'abs' and 'sexy'. Lily turned her horrified gaze to Peter, who was watching Sirius make faces at himself in the mirror, which was in turn rating each one on a scale from one to ten.

As James moved to go past them out the door, Peter finally turned his attention away from Sirius (who was trying to touch his nose with his tongue, while the mirror cheered him on) and focused on the other marauder.

"James, for the last time, dressing up as a belly dancer and giving Professor McGonagall a lap dance is not going to get you out of detention." Either Peter's commanding tone of voice shocked James into obedience, or he had decided to listen to reason, because he stopped trying to get past Lily, and allowed her to lead him to the bed.

"Peter, you get James out of those ridiculous clothes. I'll go inform Professor McGonagall that's he's not feeling well, and get a sleep-inducing potion while I'm at it." Peter slowly moved forward to follow her directions and Lily firmly shut the door on her way out.

*******

James woke up from what had been a very strange dream. As he climbed out of bed, he noticed that his pajamas were on backwards. Frowning, he looked around the dormitory. Peter's snores sounded from behind the red curtains around his bed, which was normal. It was the rest of his roommates that began to make James very suspicious about the dream he'd had. Remus was missing, his bed not even slept in. Sirius' sheets were draped from one of the bed posts, and it was very obvious that he wasn't wearing anything besides his boxers, if he was wearing boxers at all.

And sitting innocently on top of Peter's trunk was a bottle of Firewhisky. James' happy bubble of obliviousness popped and the realization that the dream was not actually a dream came crashing down on top of him.

His knees felt weak, and had he not been so utterly masculine he might've fainted. That thought only served to remind him how un-masculine he'd been the night before. Where had he ever gotten the idea that giving McGonagall a lap dance while dressed as a belly dancer would get him out of detention?

Oh, that's right. Sirius. And where had gotten the nerve to act on the ridiculous idea? Peter. Firewhisky. Slytherins.

And to top that all off, it was one thing completely to act like a fool in front of one's mates. It was quite another to do so in front of the girl one fancied. James groaned audibly. Audibly enough to wake Sirius who yelped in surprise and tumbled out of bed - stark naked.

*******

James was currently hiding behind his goblet of pumpkin juice, looking around for any sign of Lily, who'd yet to show up for breakfast.

"Don't worry mate, I'm sure it wasn't that bad," Sirius tried to console him. They had tested the Firewhisky and had discovered that yes, it had indeed been cursed. Firstly with a spell that encouraged anyone within a two foot radius to drink it, and secondly with a spell to make the effect of the alcohol last longer.

"Yes, well, compared to you perhaps," James replied darkly, then whimpered and sunk lower in his seat as Lily appeared at the door to the Great Hall.

And she was carrying a rather rusty looking telescope. How odd.

At James's whimper the other marauders had followed his line of vision to the redhead approaching them.

"Oh dear," Peter murmured.

"Oh dear what?" Remus asked, holding the cold jug of pumpkin juice against his forehead in an attempt to dispel his headache.

"Well, it's just... she has a telescope." He kept glancing fearfully between Lily and James, making the latter very worried.

"So?" James finally demanded when Lily was less than ten feet away and her malicious smile was dreadfully apparent.

"You see... last night, when you and Padfoot were acting so... drunk," Peter began, then hesitated, tugging nervously on his blond hair. James narrowed his eyes.

"Yes?"

"Well, I needed her help. But she said she's only agree to help if I promised that she could-" But he was interrupted before James could hear what exactly it was that Peter had promised Lily.

"Hello Potter." Peter shrugged helplessly and gave him an apologetic look.

"Uh, hello Lily. My, how lovely you look today. Say! I don't suppose..." James trailed off as Lily raised the telescope, her smile widening. "Lily? What are you doing? No, Lily, put down the telescope. Please! Stop, just stop! Noooooo! Someone save me!"

The three remaining marauders watched sympathetically as Lily chased James from the Great Hall, brandishing the telescope threateningly.