What Connected Us All

I am Your Courtesan

"Locomotor trunk," Farren says to the decently sized suit case. It rises to follow her dutifully.

She meets Sirius in the common room and they walk down together to the Entrance Hall. It is crowded. Several students are hugging, saying goodbye, and promising to write letters they won't. Lately people have been taking extra care when parting. Unspoken is the fear that they might never see each other again.

The dungeon door opens and the sight of Severus Snape catches her eye.

"You go ahead, I forgot something."

Sirius nods and goes to catch up with Lupin, who peers curiously down at a small first year with shocking pink hair. The girl stumbles, nearly landing on the floor. Remus manages to grab her arm and bring her properly back to her feet. The contrast between them is almost laughable. The permanently peaky and grayish looking Lupin, and the screaming amount of color that is the first-year girl.

Farren strides purposefully toward the dungeon door when the boys are at a safe distance. Snape watches. She informs him - with her eyes - to follow. And just in case that isn't indication enough, Farren clasps his hand briefly while passing.

The spiraling dungeon steps lead into a hall of proudly erected suits of armors. The Slytherin common room is in a low-ceilinged area further down the corridor. Farren wonders how things might be if that were her common room. The sorting hat had, in fact, once whispered into her ear that Slytherin would've made a good fit. And Farren hadn't protested all that much. Salazar Slytherin had been an intriguing man. How bad could his house be? But in the end the hat chose Gryffindor, for reasons Farren has yet to understand.

It's all luck. This entire thing - her life - it is all due to a series of chanced events. Look how easily things could have been different. She could be in the same house as Snape. They wouldn't be doing this charade. And she would never have known Sirius. That she is sure of. She is sure that, were the roles switched, Sirius would never have glanced twice at a Slytherin girl, no matter how eye-catching or different. This hurts to know.

Severus arrives and Farren is pulled out of her own head. "Hullo."

He gestures at her right side. "How does it feel?"

"Fine. Your potion was wonderfully made. I didn't even feel sore afterward. And there wasn't a bruise or anything. And..."

But Farren trails off, noticing that Snape isn't even listening. He isn't surveying her intensely like usual; nor is he paying attention at all. His eyes are wandering uncharacteristically to her hair, her lips, her hands, her legs. It is as though Snape wishes to memorize her.

Farren takes a few steps closer. "You don't have to settle on wanking off to the image of me, you know? Have I not made that clear enough yet?" Her heart is beating much faster than normal. "I'm willing to give you the real thing."

"You are willing to go behind your beloved Black's back?"

"I'm not cheating. It is two different parts of my life. Will you settle for that? For having only a part of me?"

Severus gives her a contemptuous look. "You think very highly of yourself, Farren. In your assumption that I need some sort of commitment or love from you." He leers. "Fucking you doesn't mean I want to hold hands."

She nods. But what she really wants to do is say something like, "I know who you are, Severus Snape. You are the eternally frightened and wounded child. This facade we both do, this pretense of assurance and security... I see past it... And isn't that beautiful?"

Despite everything he says, Snape had still chosen her. He could have noticed someone prettier, or leggier, or with bigger breasts. But he hadn't. There is a particular reason for that. Lucius had been right on one thing. It took something more to peek Severus's interest.

"How long will you be away for?" he asks.

"Until the third."

Snape doesn't say anything, but his lips tighten.

Not being able to contain herself, Farren kisses him quickly on the cheek. "You are so brilliant," she blurts out. And, blushing furiously, she rushes back up the steps and into the Entrance Hall.

XXXXX

" 'Bout time."

Farren takes a seat beside Sirius in the train compartment. "The express would have left if you'd taken much longer. You know the world doesn't stop for you." He is smiling.

"No, but it should." She stretches herself on the seat. "May I?"

He bows his head slightly and Farren rests her face against his lap.

Gently lacing locks of curls through his fingers, Sirius says, "Your hair never ceases to amaze me. I just don't understand how it could be so..."

"Large? Curly? Yeah, I get that a lot. My grandmother used to tell me I could hide small children in my hair. Charming woman, my grandmother. Always had a way with words...

"But you wait, Sirius. Once you get a glimpse of it in the morning, you won't like it that much."

He laughs. "What on Earth do you mean?"

"I mean that I look like a lion when I wake up with this -"she points bitterly "-on my head. Plus it gets in the way."

"Of what?"

"Sex," she says simply.

"What a nuisance for you and your sex life. However do you manage?"

Farren grins. "I find a sad enough bloke who will put up with me."

Several people come in and out of their compartment during the train ride. Including the Marauders, Grace, Alexia, as well as Frank and Alice (who acted revoltingly in love). But they leave eventually. Sirius declared he was hungry with an hour left to the ride, and went to fetch the trolley.

There is a knock on the door.

"Did you find it already- Oh. Hello Lilly."

The girl nods a greeting. "May I sit for a moment?"

"Be my guest."

Lilly seems to gather her thoughts before speaking. "You think very highly of yourself."

"What?" It is the second time Farren has been told this in the past couple hours, and she is quite affronted.

"Of your magical capability, I mean. Did you really think you could perform a memory charm successfully?"

Her heart stops. "I... You remember?"

"I couldn't for the first few days. I just had this massive headache- thanks for that by the way. But I do now."

Farren's lips have numbed. It is very difficult to form coherent words. And, after the third unsuccessful attempt, she gives up.

"I won't tell anyone."

"Why--" she clears her throat. "Why not?"

"Why should I?"

"But I don't understand. I tried to obliviate you..."

"Because it's the right thing to do. You haven't met many decent people in your life, have you?"

Farren laughs shakily. "No, I haven't actually."

Lilly smiles, and again it isn't pitying or sad.

And Farren cannot stop the words from spewing out of her mouth once more. "I think I understand why James is so bent on you."

"I beg you not to invoke that boy's name in my presence," Lilly says, wincing. "I have two blessedly Potter-free weeks."

Farren laughs but decides she'll have to work on that eventually.

The door slides open to reveal Sirius carrying a variety of sweets. He stops and, spotting the two girls together, grins boyishly.

"Hello ladies," he says, discarding the sweets unceremoniously.

Lilly stands. "I think we're almost at King's Cross. I should go back to my compartment."

"Leaving so soon?"

Lilly looks at him, taken aback by the dejection.

"...Yes," and she exits.

"Farren" Sirius says once the red-head is out of the compartment, "I think Lilly wants to shag you."

She laughs shrilly. "What? Sirius you are touched in the head."

"That's beside the point. Lilly Evans wants to have sex with you, and I think it should be arranged."

"Girls aren't lesbians when you want them to be."

"Ren if you ruin this for me, I'll never forgive you!"

They arrive at Kings Cross station shortly afterward. Sirius had reserved a cabbie to drive them through London. Farren quickly becomes bored of the ride and entertains herself by doing improper things at passing cars. Sirius also seems quite entertained by this.

Finally, they arrive at number twelve Grimauld Place. Sirius pays the driver (Farren blows him a parting kiss) and ushers her through the door.

Her eyes widen when she steps inside.

The staircase that runs through upper levels makes it apparent that the house is massive. And, aside from its sheer size, the entrance also gave a taste of the fancy decorative. With its impeccable wallpaper and the several portraits that peered snobbishly down from their frames, it is easy to tell this is a house of grandeur.

Farren herself comes from a decent amount of money but this is ridiculous...

"I forgot that your family was well off," she says, looking dubiously back at him. "It makes you suddenly all that more attractive."

But Sirius isn't smiling. Or laughing. The thoughts are practically written across his face (he never has been good at hiding emotions). Sirius is beginning to reconsider his choice of having come with Farren, of allowing her this glimpse of his life.

She takes hold of his hand. "Will I have to show myself around or are you going to take me to your room?"

Farren would see this part of him. And she would reassure him that it made no difference.

A Serpent candelabra stares menacingly from on top of the doorway they pass through. Old gas lamps are the only source of illumination in what seems to be an endless amount of corridors. It looks quite easy to get lost in them. And, when they arrive in a little cove of woodened doors, Sirius enters the one dead center.

This room, unlike the rest of the house, is dressed in warm colors of red and gold. Many pictures line the dresser, depicting several variations of Sirius at Hogwarts with the other marauders. One even shows him with an enormous poster that flashed the words "GO GRYFFINDOR!" and James Potter in Quidditch robes beside him.

"Did you do the decorations yourself?"

He grins. "I made a few alterations last summer."

"And your mother allowed it?" she inquires, knowing the Black family's history.

"The charms are irreversible."

Farren plops onto the red covers, elongating her limbs in a tired stretch and yawning. Her sleep is still very fitful, and last night had been no exception. Her mind is weary and feels as though a headache may arise at any moment. But the fabric is so soft on this bed. Perhaps if Farren rested here, her sleep would be dreamless...

Sirius pounces on her from out of no where.

"What in the name of Merlin's beard are you doing?!" she shrieks, flitching violently in surprise.

He's laughing, harder still as her tirade of protests continue.

"You are mental! Do you know that? Who in the right mind attacks someone who is--stop laughing!"

"Your cheeks get very pink when you're cross. It's adorable."

She shoves him hard, getting furiously to her feet. "Don't patronize me. I'm not-"

"Farren, calm down. You look like you're about to burst a blood vessel."

She stomps to her trunk, boots making angry bangs with each step. "I wish to change my clothes. Show me to the restroom."

"You don't have to change in the loo--"

"No." She is being very childish, but cannot care. Maturity doesn't really exist anyway. "I'm not comfortable changing here."

"Stop being ridiculous. I was only playing around."

Farren flings the door open and steps out. But suddenly the floor is rushing towards her face. Or rather, she's falling.

"Forgive me Madam," drones an uninterested voice from the floor. It is coming from a very small, ugly animal.

"Kreacher!" Sirius looks livid as he helps Farren back up from the ground. "What do you think you're doing outside my door? Did she tell you to spy on me?"

"My mistress was unaware of your stay here, young master."

"And we will keep it that way. I forbid you to communicate my stay to anyone, in any way. You hear me?"

The creature does not respond, and Sirius takes an ominous step toward it.

Farren reflexively puts a hand on his shoulder to keep him from doing harm.

The mounting anger is turned toward her. "Do you feel bad for him? Well don't. I bet he tripped you on purpose."

Farren doesn't like the way he's acting. "Let's just go back inside your room."

"Why are you taking his side!? DON'T YOU SEE HE'S MY MOTHER'S LAP-DOG! MY MOTHER, WHO WOULD GLADLY HAVE MUGGLE-BORNS LIKE YOU EXECUTED!"

"SIRIUS!" she says, voice much higher than usual.

The yelling stops abruptly. The Sirius she recognizes - the jovial, laughing marauder - reemerges. Only he isn't jovial now. He looks ashamed.

"Leave," he barks at the ugly animal.

It obeys the order, a slight skip in its step.

When they are alone the silence seems deafening after all the commotion.

Farren attempts to make her smile understanding. "Fancy giving me a tour?"

But even as Sirius speaks, telling jokes and adding stories (mostly pranks performed by yours truly) with every room of the house they visit; there is still a certain tension in his shoulders. And Farren, in her subtle but sometimes obnoxious way, gradually manages to ease that tension.

They reach a room with several relics and valuable items strewn about. Some of them are in glass protectors, and all have the same grandeur of the mansion.

She walks to a tapestry entitled The Ancient and Most Noble House of Black. Inspecting it more closely, dread spreads throughout Farren's body. "You're related to the Malfoys?"

Sirius nods looking, for the first time she can remember, uncomfortable. Not wanting to pry further, Farren averts her attention to the only window in the room. A green parakeet rests on the sill, ruffling its feathers silently.

"Oh," she moans, moving closer to the glass. "Are there many birds like this around here?"

"Sometimes... You really like animals, don't you?"

"Of course I do. Animals are brilliant." Farren glances briefly at him. "Don't you think so?"

Sirius shrugs. "Not as much as you, apparently."

"But don't you see? No human could ever be that beautiful," she says, gesturing at the now air-born bird.

But Sirius still looks unconvinced. Knowing that arguing further would be futile, Farren moves on to one of the glass encased items. It is an ornate locket. With the engraved snake and intricate detail, Farren recognizes the beauty of the necklace as well.

"Do you like that?" Sirius asks, spotting her surveying the locket.

She nods, and he pulls out his wand.

"Evanesco."

The glass vanishes.

"That easy?" Farren asks, surprised.

"Only a Black could do it."

He waves a hand, indicating she should turn around.

The gold is very cold on her collar. It weights a surprising amount, and it is all Farren can do to keep from tumbling over. Sirius guides her to a full length mirror. Most people would be upstaged by the necklace and the strange elegance. But with her flashy blonde hair, Farren's appearance matches its dramatics.

But it is strange to see herself like this, with Sirius embracing her from behind and that glint in his eye. She looks like royalty, or perhaps a courtesan being doted upon by a rich admirer.

"I want you to wear it for the day," he says.

And again, Farren recognizes his games. The thought of his muggle-born girlfriend wearing a treasured Black family heirloom is greatly appealing to Sirius. And she understands. If she could've had some similar revenge on her own family, Farren would have done it in a heart beat. So she agrees, knowing that he is using her slightly.

"Now come on. I want to show you a couple more things."

They do not meet the house-elf on the way back down to the lowest ground of Grimauld Place. Farren thinks this very lucky; because God knows what it would do if it spotted the necklace that hung heavily from her neck. Sirius takes her past the corridor of doors, past the sitting room, and even past the basement. They stop in a dingy place that appeared, except for the obviously missing vehicles, to be a garage. Instead, it seemed to be used as a sort of storage area.

"What you are about to see" Sirius says gravely, "is probably the most important thing in my life up to date. Try not to get too excited, though, because she is a very delicate being.

He touches a lump that rests against the garage wall. A cloth has been thrown over what could possibly be the very large cage of an animal or beast.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes, Sirius," Farren snaps impatiently, beginning to feel apprehensive. "I'm ready."

With a dramatic flourish, he whisks the cloth away, revealing a hot red motorcycle.

Farren bursts into peels of laughter. "A motorbike?" she gasps. "That's what all that was for? A motorbike?"

"Ah, but she is much more than a mere motorcycle!" Sirius declares, truly smiling for the first time since their arrival. "Notice the smooth sheen of the red paint, and the gleam of metal. I was flying it round Diagon Alley once last summer, and -"

"Flying?" Farren wipes tears from her eyes. "Now that's something to boast about."

"Well what else is it supposed to do?"

She laughs once more. "Sirius, my dear, you are so hopeless that it's actually become quite endearing."

He straddles the bike. "Get on."

"Ooo," Farren mocks, moving to sit behind him. "I'd no idea you were so dangerous, Mr. Black."

The motor roars into life when Sirius turns the handle bar in his hand. "Dangerous is my middle name."

And then they're zooming out of Grimuald Place. Soaring higher, and higher, until she believes they will surely fly through a cloud soon. Then Sirius pulls out of their vertical ascent, and she clings to him for dear life. The cold is so unbearable that Farren risks loosing balance and falling over, to extract her wand. And, after her warming charm is placed on both of them, the ride becomes considerably more enjoyable.

Farren lets out a noise that is half-scream and half-howl. She is flying through the London sky on a motorcycle, a very muscled and handsome man in front of her. She is young. Her hair trails behind her in a wild array of curls. This is living.

But Sirius is now steering them back toward the Earth, into a secluded foresty area with a creek running through it.

"Whoo!" she shrieks, all dignity forgotten. "Sirius, that was...!" But words fail her and Farren scrambles out of the bike, adrenaline pumping madly through her veins.

Sirius is beaming, eyes bright. And she attacks him with an over excited kiss that sends them both hurtling to the ground.

But then something suddenly tightens around her neck, chocking the breath from her body. "Ah!" Farren gasps, clawing at the necklace. "It-hurts-!"

And just as stars begin to burst through her vision, the pressure lifts. Sirius holds the locket in his hands. "You alright, Ren?"

"Yes," she croaks, throat still raw.

Balling it into his fist, Sirius throws the locket in the general direction of his motorcycle.

"What?" he says to Farren's shocked expression. "We can pick it up later."

A small smile plays upon her lips.

He has chosen her. The moment he'd discarded that locket so unconcernedly, Sirius had chosen Farren over his revenge, his hate. And she knows how difficult that can be. She herself has yet to find the strength to. It is sometimes much harder for others to be liberated of their anger... Farren thinks of the hook-nosed boy she's left behind at the castle. They - Farren and Snape - would have to figure out some other way to conquer their hate.

"I have one more thing to show you," Sirius says as he helps her stand.

"Don't tell me, a flying Porsche?"

"No, I think you'll like this much more than a flying Porsche..."

And then he steps away from Farren, grinning. The adrenaline must still be in her system, because she is almost certain that Sirius is glowing ever so slightly. But as the glow strengthens, Farren realizes it isn't adrenaline at all.

Sirius's head is elongating, and his body shrinking. Fur suddenly sprouts from his black hair, covering him in it entirely. His hands and feet are suddenly clawed--

And a few short seconds later Snuffles, the bear-like black dog, stands before her.

Farren cries out. "You--you're Snuffles! You're an animagus!"

The dog wags its heavy tail. Then it transforms back into a self-satisfied looking Sirius.

"I can't believe you haven't told me sooner!"

"Well I had to know I could trust you. I am an illegal animagus."

"But this is brilliant!" Farren exclaims. "You can teach me how to do it. I've been trying for ages--"

"Ren, this wasn't just a little fly-by operation we decided to do. It's dangerous."

She waves a dismissive hand. "I know, I know. I've read all about it. I even--Wait what do you mean by 'we'."

"James, Remus, Peter, and I. We're all anamagi."

Farren takes a deep breath to contain her excitement. "You are going to explain everything to me."

And Sirius does. She listens to him avidly for hours as they lay in the long grass beside the creek. He tells her that, among other things, to legally become an animagus you had to be trained for over a year.

"And that's just rubbish. So we decided to take things into our own hands."

Farren never has set much store by the rules, so she doesn't mind the over-look.

But she scoffs when he mentions Peter's form. "He would be a rat." She wrinkles her nose in disgust. "I can't see why you're friends with him. He's pathetic."

"Ren, hasn't anyone ever told you to hold your tongue?" Despite the harsh words, Sirius says this lightly.

Farren sighs. "The sad part is I already do hold my tongue a lot."

They talk more, and eventually end up kissing again. But it's a different kiss than before. It is full of unspoken questions and meaning. And as he begins to unbutton her blouse, Farren forces herself to say, "Sirius, I've... never done this before."

He stops. "Really? What about that bloke you dated sixth year--Nathaniel Brotus?"

Nathaniel had been a moron. He'd tried to get in her pants once when he was piss drunk, and Farren had kicked him in the tenderest of places.

She shakes her head. "It didn't work out."

Sirius passes a thumb lightly against her bottom lip. "I don't think I'll ever fully understand you, Farren Graham. No matter how well I think I know you, you will ultimately surprise me yet again."

She snorts. "That makes two of us."

He smiles down at her. And, under the half-moon and constellations, Sirius unzips her jeans and then works on his own. Farren watches, an uncontrollable amount of emotion humming through her. After all this waiting, all this haughty evasion, and after having to endure every male whose ever forced himself upon her body... She is giving in. She is giving the last part of the purity she's clung so desperately to...

And then Sirius enters her, whispering soft comforts into Farren's ear when she feels the first shock of pain.