Beyond the Veil

BEYOND THE VEIL, PART 3

It was after midnight when Lily finally went to sleep. Sirius sat on a couch near one of the windows in Lily's 'home' and stared out into the moonlit evening. Looking up at the moon, Sirius began to think about everything that had happened in the past few days. But what hit him the most was Harry. He knew Harry had to be suffering now, believing Sirius to be dead and coping with that loss. Sirius looked down at the floor, tears threatening to flood him again as he thought about Harry. He wondered for a fleeting moment if Harry had tried to contact him through the mirror he'd given him, and Sirius searched his pockets to see if he had his own mirror on him. His face fell when his pockets came up empty. Of course he didn't bring it with him...of course, he wasn't expecting to die either.

"Typical Sirius," he thought to himself, "of course you'd think you're too good to die," and he sighed angrily. It just wasn't fair. He wasn't supposed to die. Sirius' head began to hurt and he realized he had to get out of here and go for a walk. He just couldn't stand sitting around anymore and thinking about the fact that he was dead. Sirius hastily wrote Lily a note in case she woke up, and he left the bookstore, walking at a snail's pace to explore the rest of his surroundings.

The moonlight, which had always been soothing to Harry, brought no such relief to the boy this evening. The past days had taken their toll on him, though he was grateful that he at least had visits with members of the Order to look forward to. This also meant that the Dursleys lessened their usual slave duty on the boy and instead watched their own backs, making sure Harry was adequately cared for. Still, they had no idea of, nor did they care about, the burdens Harry was carrying inside himself.

The prophecy weighed on him like a cancerous tumor; the more he thought about the fact that either he or Voldemort had to die, the more Harry felt himself become too tired to face the world. But there was something that outweighed this burden and all the others that Harry was now thinking about - Sirius. He'd had horrible dreams as of late involving his Godfather's death and how he'd stood there, being held back by Lupin, having to endure watching Sirius slide beyond the veil and into uncertain death. He never discussed it with anyone anymore, not since Nearly Headless Nick and Luna Lovegood. Lupin, he knew, desperately wanted to talk about it with Harry, but Harry had refused to let him in, avoiding him by all means. He knew he'd have to talk about it eventually. Eventually, someone would force Harry to discuss it--if not Lupin, then Ron and Hermione would. For now, though, Harry was content suffering with it by himself.

What plagued Harry more was his belief now that anyone who got close to Harry was in danger of facing the same fate that his parents and Sirius had met. "I've been so reckless," thought Harry angrily. He even wondered whether it was such a good idea to remain so close with Ron and Hermione. After all, he'd only get hurt again, he knew. Those who were closest to him would just eventually leave him in some form or another. He stared at the moon, tears burning his eyes as he wished desperately that he were someone else. What he needed was a mother or a father right now, yet some force had seen to it that Harry would never have either.

Sirius did not know how far he'd walked or how long he'd been away. Most of the buildings surrounding him were empty, though he'd seen a few lights on in some of them. He wondered if this really was all he'd ever have of heaven, though something nagged him in the back of his mind. It was Lily's discussion she'd had with him about James that bothered Sirius the most. And the idea of this place being an "in-between" place boggled his mind. Sirius came to a fountain and sat on the edge of the fountain base, thinking deeply and trying to put all the things that Lily had said together in some sort of sense. He was in the process of ripping his hair out when he turned and looked into the fountain. He wondered if it was real or if this was all a menagerie that some God had thrown together until He or She decided what to do with the people held captive in this non-existence. Sirius looked around, wondering what the others here thought. All he had was Lily and she clearly was going through something, what with James' 'disappearance' and all. Sirius saw no one and simply stopped looking, again finding himself drawn to the fountain, gazing at its unnaturally clean bottom. He watched the water ripple as he ran his hand through it, amazed that for non-existent water, it certainly felt like the real thing. He watched the ripples dance and could almost make out faces looking back at him. He could definitely go for a dose of unreality at a time like this, so he indulged and began speaking to the one face he saw the most in the ripples.

"Harry...I don't know where to start. I know you must be in excruciating pain right now, and I wish this wasn't happening. I had no idea I would die. Nor was I planning on it. I just hope you can believe me. For the longest time in Azkaban, all I wanted was to die. My closest friends were dead, and I had been framed for their murders. And you, you were the closest thing I believed I would ever have as a son. To get you back all these years later just to lose you again is more than I can take. Trouble is I can't seem to go anywhere else but farther from you in this place. I didn't want to leave you; I wasn't ready to leave you. We were so close to putting things right. To quit now would mean they win. I don't want you to give up Harry. And I'm not giving up either. Something isn't right here. This can't be it..." Sirius said, but by now the ripples had faded to nothing and Sirius was left staring at his own reflection. He sighed in frustrated sadness and quickly left, feeling less content than when he had left the bookstore in the first place.

Time invariably passed and soon Harry found himself back in school. As usual, the typical mutterings as he walked through Hogwarts' halls came and went until Harry fell back into a routine with Ron and Hermione traipsing in his solemnly sad wake. He still refused to talk to them about his feelings on the loss of Sirius and he wasn't planning on it anytime soon. Harry wasn't surprised at all either when he discovered he couldn't get to sleep at night anymore. He was often seen in class on the verge of sleeping through it when Hermione or Ron came to his rescue and gently nudged him awake when the imminent threat of dozing through class was near. He never heard the negative remarks Snape made in his presence anymore, though he was sure Snape had cut back a little, much to Malfoy's dismay. The rest of the teachers were at too much of a loss to really punish Harry for his behavior, though Dumbledore seemed to be trying to get Harry into meetings with himself more often. Harry never attended, citing cleverly that his homework left him no free time and that he was absolutely fine. At night, Harry took to walking through the corridors, ignoring the rules and no longer had any fear of being caught and facing the consequences. Frankly, there wasn't much he cared for anymore except finding Voldemort and especially Bellatrix Lestrange and making them pay for Sirius and his parents.

It was one such night, as ordinary and as depressing as the others that Harry had stumbled upon what only could have been the room of requirement. He'd been thinking about Sirius when a door had appeared and Harry's heart leapt when he thought he might find Sirius behind the door. When he entered the room, however, all Harry saw was a replica of the last place he'd seen Sirius alive--the room in the Ministry of Magic building, except it was deserted this time. Harry saw the veil, but ignored it as a painful feeling was building up in his abdomen. Turning away from the veil, however, Harry saw something that hadn't originally been in the room when Sirius died. He moved closer to it and felt a mixture of confusion and excitement as he looked at the object.

Standing in front of him was the Mirror of Erised, just as he had remembered it. Peering into the mirror, Harry saw his family once again and noticed some changes that left him confused. Where his father should have been stood only his mother, and Sirius was right behind her looking around as if he were in unfamiliar territory. Harry wondered for a moment and decided it would be all right to do what he was about to do. Nothing else seemed to make him feel better.

"Hi, Sirius," he said, expecting nothing in return. Strangely enough, Harry gasped when he saw Sirius look right back at him, startled as if he had actually heard Harry. Harry's heart pounded as he stared at Sirius and Sirius stared right back. Harry's family faded from the mirror, leaving Sirius alone in the mirror facing Harry.

"Sirius? Can you hear me?" Harry asked, sweat now forming on his forehead in anxiety.

What happened next sent Harry into a fit of excitement. Sirius looked at him for a moment, and nodded in answer to Harry's question.

"This can't be happening," thought Harry as he prepared to 'talk' to Sirius and launch a series of questions to this seemingly reappeared Sirius Black.