The Last and The First

Chapter Three

30^th October 1987

"Wake me up, before you go go," Remus Lupin sang as he walked down the steps to his flat. It was almost 10pm, and it had been dark for hours. Remus didn't mind the dark, or the light breeze that swept his longish golden-brown hair across his eyes. He was young, in love, and the people that he loved were going to be protected from the evil the world had thrown in their path. What more could he want? Aside from Sirius actually realising how Remus felt for him, or not to have to plan his life around the lunar calendar, or being able to keep a job for more than a few months, or... But he was happy now, and, like chocolate, that was always welcome. "Don't leave me hangin' on like a yo-yo. Wake me up, before you go go," He had reached his door and was trying to extract his keys from the pocket of his jeans, while holding a bag full of groceries from the local muggle shop, and a smaller one full of more specialised ingredients. "Take me dancing tonight!"

"I can't promise dancing, but I can promise Firewhiskey," came a voice from the shadows behind him. Remus wheeled around to find himself eye-to-eye (well, eye-to-mouth) with a very old friend.

"Sirius!" he exclaimed, his eyes lighting up. "How long have you been standing out here?" He stepped across and embraced his friend. "Come in, come in."

As Remus ushered him into the flat, Sirius felt a pang of guilt. This was the same man he'd known and trusted for 12 years. He was acting perfectly normal. He just couldn't be a spy for...but, still, precautions had to be taken. The charm had been performed, and Peter was safe in his hiding-place. He would check on Peter tomorrow night. Damn that prophecy! Poor Harry will never have a normal life, but at least he was better off with his parents then being stuck in some kind of institution, training for the day he would meet Voldemort. At the same time, Sirius truly hoped that it would never come to that.

"Sorry for hiding in the shadows Remus, but, you know, you can't be to careful these days. I meant to call around sooner, but, well..."

"Things always seem to have a way of coming up. No matter. Are you hungry, or would you like to get down to serious business," Remus said, indicating to the bottle of Jameson' Firewhiskey in Sirius' hands. "I'll just put these away, and I'll be back in a minute."

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When Remus entered the kitchen, he gave a sigh of joy, confusion, and worry. Sirius was here! He hadn't seen his friend since his 23^rd birthday, when the two of them had gotten roaring drunk after Lily and James had left with little Harry, Peter making his excuses an hour or so later. Even now it was hard to remember what exactly had happened. He definitely remembered talking to Sirius about his relative inexperience compared to his friend, but not much else. Remus desperately hoped he hadn't done or said something to offend Sirius, or to make him uncomfortable, but, since they had been incommunicado, he had been unable to find that out. Why was he here, now? Remus knew the Fidelius Charm was being prepared, and had already come to the conclusion that Sirius would be the Secret Keeper - who else would James trust? - so perhaps he had come to say goodbye. Being Secret Keeper, of course, he would have to go into hiding himself; Voldemort would figure out who it was and go after him.

The happiness that had filled him earlier started to dissipate. No matter which way he looked at it Lily and James, not to mention little Harry, were in danger from that evil whatever-it-was, and Sirius was also in the fray. 'It would be just my luck,' Remus reflected, 'to not only fall for my best friend, who obviously has no interest in me, but for him to be under constant threat from something I can't help him with at all.' Realising he had been gone a while, Remus pulled himself together, grabbed two glasses, and went back into the sitting room.

As Sirius gazed at his friend's retreating form, he silently cursed himself yet again. How could he have been so blind? It had been right in-front of his eyes the whole time, how could he have missed it? Remus. One of his best friends and lunar canine companion. He just couldn't be a sp... But no, no more thoughts of betrayal. He hadn't seen his friend since that party, when he had been so drunk he couldn't remember a thing after Peter had left. Had he done something to offend or hurt Remus? He knew that it was mostly his fault for not having seen his friend, Sirius hadn't wanted to deal with any fallout from anything that happened. He knew that this could be the last time he might see Remus until...well, he wasn't quite sure what, exactly. 'I have to tell him how I feel about him, or at least show him.' he told himself. Sirius had been telling himself that for months, but he had to do it now. He'd worked up the courage to tell Remus, but wasn't sure if he could deal with any rejection. That was what the Firewhiskey was for. Sirius was woken from his reverie as Remus re-entered the sitting room with two glasses.

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"And then he said, no, wait, I'm telling this wrong. How did it go again?" It was two in the morning and both Sirius and Remus were absolutely pissed. Sirius was giggling like a schoolgirl (Yes, that's right, a schoolgirl. Alcohol does strange things to people), and Remus was recounting a highly risqué story involving Lily, James, a broomstick, a bottle of vodka, and a very hacked off Filch the following morning, which Lily had told him while nursing a hangover.

"And them being Head Boy and Girl! It's absolutely 'scraceful behaviour." Sirius attempted to look shocked, but broke down into another fit of giggles within seconds. "The thigs those two get up to!"

With another round of giggles, Sirius fell off the couch. Remus burst out laughing himself, and reached over to help him up. Regarding Sirius over the rim of his glass, a shy smile spread across him face.

"You're cute when you're drunk," he said, after a pause. 'Oh no, I must be drunk myself!" Remus thought furiously. 'Whatever possessed me to tell him?' Unfortunately (well, fortunately, but Remus didn't know that), Sirius had heard.

'You're cute all the time,' he mused, 'especially when you blush, like you're doing right n...' Sirius' face blanched.

"Shit, did I say that out loud?" The thought of Remus finding out like that sobered him up no end.

"I didn't hear anything, apart from you giggling," Remus said, trying to change the conversation, hoping Sirius had not heard his slip. But what was Sirius talking about? Said what out loud? Remus decided he liked talking to his friend when he could actually think straight. "Ok, as much fun as this is, I really want to talk to my friend now, so we need a sobriety charm and two cups of strong coffee. Inebriae Finitae." As he said the words, he pointed his wand at himself and then at Sirius. Within seconds, a feeling of warmth washed over them, seemingly cleansing them before slowly dissipating.

"Café Manifesto." Sirius waved his wand over the table, and sure enough, two mugs of coffee appeared in-front of him. He handed one to Remus, who took a long draught of it.

"Mmmm. You do good coffee. What are you like with dinner?"

"Dinner? Now? It's far too late for dinner. How about I cook breakfast? I make a mean pancake." Sirius smiled.

"Oh no you don't! I remember the last time you made pancakes. One was stuck to the ceiling for two weeks!"

"Ok, ok! No pancakes. How about an omelette? Do you have eggs?" With that, Sirius jumped up, and strode into the kitchen. Remus stared at his back for a moment, and then rushed in after him. When he got to the door, he saw Sirius taking out a large pan and some oil.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked.

"I'm making an omelette." Sirius gave him a look which clearly said what-do-you-think-I'm-doing-we-just-talked-about-this before raiding Remus' fridge.

"When did we decide on omelette? I just said no pancakes."

"Well, apart from pancakes, omelettes are the only things I can make - except for any food under the sun which is derived from chocolate, thanks to you, which it's too early for - so unless you want to cook, that's what we're having." Remus smiled.

"Omelette it is!"

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After a leisurely breakfast (since when is 2:30am breakfast time?), they sat back down in the living room, talking. They managed to exhaust the subject of the Order of the Phoenix without actually giving away any real news, they caught up on mutual friends, they talked about Lily and James, and how lucky they were with Harry. They talked about everything, but still managed not to talk about themselves. The party, how they were doing and how they felt were not discussed in any way, shape, or form. Until Remus decided to broach it.

"Sirius? Do you...um...well, that is..." Remus looked distinctly embarrassed.

"What is it? You can tell me whatever it is." Sirius looked worried at the look on Remus' face.

"Well...you see...I mean to say..."

"Remus! What is up with you?"

"Doyourememberanythingfromtheparty?" Sirius was quiet for a few moments, trying to decipher what his friend was babbling about.

"Well, I remember Lily and James leaving with Harry, and Peter making his excuses an hour or so later, after hurting his arm, or something. Then..." Sirius went cold. Remus was going to pull him up on something that he had done. How could he have been so stupid to get so drunk! Remus seemed to take his pause for indecision.

"Do you...em...did I do something to offend you?" he asked in a very small voice.

"No! Of course not!" Sirius' face was split in two by his smile. 'He doesn't remember either.' Sirius thought. 'I don't have to explain anything. Well, I do, but not just yet.' "To tell you the truth, Mooney, I was so plastered that night, when I woke up the next morning on your couch, my head was still spinning and it took me five minutes to realise where I was and why I was there! I don't really remember the party all that well."

"Thank Merlin! I'm the same. I remember up until Peter left, but nothing after that." Except...he did remember something else. An image which tugged at the edge of his memory. Sirius. Sitting close to him on the couch. The smell of his aftershave. And then... Nothing. He wasn't going to tell Sirius that, or talk about the 'conversation' he remembered. He blushed at the memory.

'Aww,' thought Sirius, 'he really does look cute when he blushes.' Sirius knew he had to tell Remus. But he couldn't face doing it straight. And so, for one of the first times ever, Sirius Black decided to wheedle his way around the hard part.

"Remus? I have to ask you something important." Remus looked at his friends face, and was startled by what he saw there.

He looked so...so sirius. Remus smiled at the memory of the pun which was Sirius' ironical nickname until fifth year and Padfoot. Sirius had never been serious for a day in school. Since they had become adults, fighting against Voldemort, Remus had seen him very serious, sometimes grave, but only if something was really wrong. What could be so important to make him look like that?

"You're my best friend. You can ask me anything."

"Ok, here goes. What would you do if you wanted to do something, more than you ever wanted to do something before, but it mightn't be the right thing to do? Would you do it?" Remus looked quizzically at his friend, but Sirius wasn't giving anything away.

"Well, does it feel right to you? (Sirius nodded) So, it mightn't be right for whoever else is involved? (again Sirius nodded) Well, if I felt strongly enough about it, I would talk to the others involved, and see how they feel about it." Sirius nodded one more time.

"Remus..." His face became determined. Slowly he moved closer to Remus on the couch, so close that he could feel his breath on his shoulder. Slowly, he took Remus' hand in his own. Slowly, he moved his head closer to his friend's, so that his lips were within striking distance. Sirius looked into Remus' eyes, as a look of confusion streaked across his face. "I was never one for talk, myself." Then, he gently moved closer, and lightly brushed his lips against those of his friend.

As Sirius moved closer to him, Remus finally understood what he was about to do. Of course, he was still shocked when he felt the smooth, soft lips gently caress his own, slowly exploring every part of them. Remus had never experienced anything like this before. His head was filled which bright lights and explosions as Sirius pressed his lips into Remus', and he sat very still, not wanting it to end. All too soon, however, Sirius realised that Remus was not responding in any way, and pulled away. A soft moan escaped Remus' lips, as his eyes flickered open. He hadn't known they were closed. He looked into Sirius' eyes, and then pushed him onto to couch, lying half on him and kissing him.

Sirius opened his eyes as he pulled away. 'Oh no!' he thought. Remus hadn't reacted at all. Just then, his eyes flickered open. They seemed to be boring into Sirius' own, with a mixture of emotions which Sirius couldn't immediately identify. Suddenly, his arms came up, grabbed Sirius' shoulders, and pushed him onto his back on the couch. As Remus leaned in to kiss him, Sirius recognised the emotions at last. Joy, hope, love and want. Remus wanted him. Before he could ponder this, Remus kissed him hard on the lips and everything seemed to melt. The world was spinning, and all that he could make out were colours. The kiss intensified, hands running over each other, through long hair, caressing faces, exploring the planes of their bodies. It seemed to last infinitely long, and when they finally broke off, they lay there, hands wrapped around each other, in comfortable silence. Neither one spoke or moved, Remus' head on Sirius' chest, listening to his heart, while Sirius gently kissed the top of his head.

'Well, that was unexpected.' thought Sirius. Only in his wildest dreams had he thought such a response possible. 'I wish I could stay here with him all day, but I have to go by about four am if I want to see Andromeda.' Andromeda Tonks was Sirius' cousin, practically the only family he could stand. He couldn't Apparate to her house, it was too risky, and the Flue network was being watched. Even on his motorbike it would take almost four hours to get there, and he had promised to see her and her family - her husband, Ted Tonks, and her eight-year-old daughter, Nymphadora - before he went into hiding. He had to see her this morning, because he had a few more things to do before checking on Peter that night. Sirius checked his watch, yelped, and hurriedly rolled off the couch, nearly taking Remus with him. 4:30! How could it be that late, early, whatever?!? He had to leave, right now!

"Sirius, what's wrong?" Remus' voice was full of concern as he watched Sirius zipping up his leather jacket.

"Remus, I have leave right now. I'm sorry."

"Do you have to go?" Remus was well aware that he sounded like a child, but didn't care.

"I'm sorry, I really have to go." Sirius grabbed his wand off the coffee table.

"Fine, go. If it's so important, you should go." Although he believed that Sirius had to go, that didn't mean he couldn't wallow in self-pity. As he stood at the door with him, Sirius took Remus' face in one hand.

"Hey, you're important. This just has to be done today." Sirius smiled, his eyes lighting up. "We have forever." With that, he leaned down and kissed Remus once more. Then he jumped on his bike and tapped it with his wand. As the bike roared to life, he looked back at Remus. "I will be back, but I don't know when. I promise you." The bike started to rise into the air. Sirius looked down at his, well, Remus wasn't exactly just a friend anymore. "I love you!" he shouted, before he disappeared into the early morning sky.

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