Mind Slavery

CHAPTER 5

Madam Pomfrey decided my nightmares, fainting, and possible "hallucinations," as I heard her whisper to Professor McGonagall, were due to post-traumatic stress from all that had happened last year.

"I'm sure you will be just fine, sweetie," she said. "You had a hard experience last year. If you feel upset or nervous, just come see me or Professor McGonagall." She smiled big, and shooed me out the door. Back into the real world . . . But what was real anymore?

"Reality is in the mind of the beholder," Jahorina commented, reading my thoughts as always. "What does reality mean? Are there different planes of it? If so, which plane are you in? Very big questions," she mused, "with no quick or easy answer, assuming the answer even exists."

"Does the answer exist?" I asked her.

She was quiet for a moment. "To some it does," she said sadly and softly. "Not to you, I'm afraid."

*

"Ginny, something is wrong."

I glanced up, startled. Not again, I thought with a sigh, causing a small laugh from Jahorina. "What do you mean, Hermione?" I asked, in what I thought was a very convincing and innocent voice, "I feel fine."

"You can't feel fine! You've been moping around for weeks, you're hardly eating anything, and you look so pale and drawn," Hermione cried.

"Really Hermione, I'm fine, just . . . tired is all."

"I imagine you are seeing as how you're not sleeping," she said bitterly.

"I sleep!"

"Yes, like a few hours a week? Ginny, you need to get more sleep! I know you've been having nightmares." Hermione took a breath, "I think you should go see Madam Pomfrey."

Not a chance, I thought. "Okay Hermione, I'll go in the morning."

"No. You're going now!" she said dramatically and dragged me out of the common room.

"Hermione!" I cried. "Let me go!"

"No, you are going to go see her if I have to do a full body-bind curse, and drag you!"

I groaned. Before we got to the hospital wing, Professor McGonagall stopped us. "What is all this racket?" she demanded.

"Oh, hello Professor!" Hermione said breathlessly. "I was just taking Ginny to the hospital wing. I think she is ill."

"I'm fine!" I said, teeth grated.

"Oh," Professor McGonagall said quietly, "I'll take it from here. Thank you Ms. Granger."

"Out of the frying pan, into the fire," I said silently to Jahorina.

"You got that right," she replied with a loud sigh.

"Come with me please, Ginny," Professor McGonagall said, nodding to Hermione. She led me to her office. "Have a seat, please."

I sat and prepared myself for another, "We Are So Worried About You", speech. I'd been getting them from everybody lately. Hermione, Ron, Harry, not to mention half of the staff. Sure enough the first thing Professor McGonagall said was, "We are all so worried about you, Ginny."

I sighed.

"If something is wrong, you need to tell me."

She looked intently at me. I squirmed in my chair, trying to stop the temptation to tell her everything.

She kept talking, and my eyes glazed over as I spoke to Jahorina.

"I am so sick of hearing this."

"Is that so? Every time you hear this speech, you want to tell them about me, and every time you're tempted to tell them everything you say how sick you are of the speech, in the hope I won't notice how close you get to telling them."

She was right of course. It was unnerving how well she could read me, much better then I myself or anyone I'd ever met could. It was impossible to hide anything from her, a truth that made me feel both angry and hopeless.

Not sure what to say to that, I tuned back into Professor McGonagall's speech just as she was saying, "I've sent an owl to your parents."

It took me a moment to comprehend what she was saying. "WHAT!" I cried jumping out of my chair.

"Yes Ginny, I've informed your parents. They are planning to take you to a psychologist healer next week, when school is out."

I left her office shaking. What will Mum and Dad say? Will they be angry? Will they be scared? I tried to concentrate on these thoughts instead of the one that kept blossoming, Would they understand if I told them everything?

"If I told them everything?" Jahorina repeated in a dangerous voice. "I know you're not thinking of trying to defeat me."

"If you know I can't defeat you, what do you care if I think about it?" I demanded anger and rebelliousness consuming me.

"Oh but you are thinking of rebelling!" she said in a delighted voice. "What's more is that you're doing it now."

"I guess I am!" I said with more conviction then I felt. I can do this. I can beat her, I repeated over and over to myself.

"Well, this will be interesting," she said laughing. "On your knees."

"What?" I asked confused.

"Get on your hands and knees," she said slowly, emphasizing each word. "Bow down to me."

"No!" I yelled back defiantly.

"Oh girl," she said in a dangerous voice still with a hint of laughter in it. "You are really asking for it."

I couldn't help feeling a little quiver of fear at that statement, but it was soon overcome by anger and the desperate need to be free once more. I had wanted to be free of her control before, but that feeling was nothing compared to the way I felt now. "I don't belong to you!"

"Oh yes you do. More than you know," she said, amused once more. "You're not free anymore! You belong to me. Give it up, Ginny. You know I'll win."

"You won't win! You're not real!" I announced passionately.

"If I'm not real," she said quietly, "then why are you talking to me? In denying that I'm real you have admitted that I am real."

There was too much truth in that statement, her voice was getting too loud even when it seemed soft, it was taking up every spare inch in my brain and expanding to hold all of it.

"No . . . ," I moaned. "It can't be."

"But it is. Surrender to me Ginny. You know you can't win this battle, and I'll just make it more painful the longer you wait."

I whimpered aloud. "No one around to hear you, Ginny, it's past midnight, the others are in bed. Get on your knees."

I couldn't beat her. I tried, but I couldn't beat her. Her power was too great. I dropped.

"Good girl," she said, satisfied. "Now. I'm going to make sure you don't try that again for a long, long time."