The Only Protectus

'You bastard. You utter bastard! I don't think I'm going to wait for Dumbledore to relieve you of your duties. I'm going to do it myself.' He took one more look at Siana, as though harnessing his strength, and then turned back to Snape.

'Petrificus Totalus!'

'Wait!' Siana shrieked but the stiff form of Severus collapsed sideways, his head struck the cabinet, and he was still. Sirius was rushing towards her, ungainly, ungraceful. The odour of him wafted to her. He'd been drinking.

'You're an idiot Sirius, it wasn't him.' Siana said as he ripped the blanket off her and saw the extent of the injuries. The bandages, the nightgown that had been cut into so that the scores on her ribs could be tended. The bruises. The dried blood. 'Sirius listen it wasn't him. He found me okay? He helped me, and Dumbledore already fucking knows. He KNOWS!' The last shout jolted Sirius, and Siana's throat seemed scoured open, suddenly blood was trickling down it again. She swallowed uncomfortably.

Svelte, who had been rudely uncovered under the quilt, huffed a little and pulled the loose nightgown of Siana over herself with her sharp pointed teeth.

'It's supposed to be him.' Sirius said stupidly, staring at the cuts and bruises. 'Who the hell did this to you?'

'You look like you'll kill him if I tell you.'

'I'll kill him if you tell me.' He exhaled wetly, made a sound in the back of his throat as though he was going to be sick, then collapsed on the bed, narrowly avoiding Siana's body. The bounce of the mattress caused her muscles and bones to grate but she held in the cry of pain. Held it in. Felt herself panicking.

'Don't pass out. Don't be unconscious. Sirius I can't help him.' Siana said quietly and Sirius raised his face from the bed. It was bleary, his eyes were bloodshot.

'Leave him there. He deserves it.'

'No he doesn't.'

Sirius snapped into attention.

'Stop fucking defending him! Who's side are you on? Are you with me and Lupin? Or are you with the guy that tortures my godson on a regular basis Siana? Pick one!'

Siana swallowed another gulp of blood, her stomach rumbled uncomfortably. 'I can't pick. Sirius he saved my life. I'd be dead now if it wasn't for him.'

'God you're like one of them sometimes. A fucking Slytherin.'

'Don't say that.' Siana whispered quietly. 'I'm not one of them. I'm one of you.'

'You would never be a Gryffindor.' He said angrily, quietly. Siana blinked, felt the sting all the way into her heart. She wished she could fold her arms, pull the blanket back up. She felt too exposed.

'Why do you hate me?'

'Siana you're so...' as though about to launch into a tirade. 'I don't hate you.' He lamely covered. Passed a dirt stained hand over his eyes. He'd recently roamed as Padfoot. There was a smear of mud across his brow when the hand dropped again. 'I don't hate you. I don't understand any of it. You come back to Hogwarts, then you leave, all the rumours state you've gone with Severus, who we know has to go to a meeting. Then we wonder, how could you be admitted entrance into a meeting if you're not a Death Eater? You come back again with this top secret mission that nearly gets you killed more than once. Do you even know what you looked like up there with so much shit pouring out of your leg that we thought you were dying.'

'I didn't know.'

'Neither did we. Dumbledore will tell us nothing. Severus has been fair torturing Harry in class.'

'Don't use Harry as an excuse for your hatred Pads.' Siana said, dimly remembering what Harry had said about his new loathing of hatred.

'Why would you want to kill yourself over this?'

'You know my Uncle is still alive right?'

Sirius nodded.

'Isn't that reason enough?' Siana said bitterly and Sirius' eyes widened slightly.

'Did your Uncle do this?'

'No. Frederick will...he'll be more creative.' She started shaking from the cold, her feet and hands were hurting. Sirius seemed not to notice, swimming as he was in a drunken stupor. Some of the cuts on her body started to ache again, the pain was coming back. And that massage had been so nice too. Whatever it was.

'So you're not working with him then?'

'How could you even SAY that? Are you? Are you working with him? Don't you fucking pretend you've forgotten everything we ever went through Pads. I'm as likely to work with him as you are. Less likely. Didn't you ever wonder why I half lived in those woods all the time? Didn't you ever stop to think why I was always...'

'I'm sorry. I'm drunk, I'm irrational, I'm worried. I'm not myself.'

'You're acting like him.' Siana said, rolling her eyes to where Severus, collapsed and awkward like a plank of wood, rested against the cabinet. 'Lupin says you don't trust me, I don't care. I don't trust myself half the time. But you don't have to hate me. I'm just trying to help. I'll probably stop anyway once Frederick is gone. He's my one concern. He doesn't want to rule the world, he just wants to hurt a lot of people.'

'Harry likes you. He really likes you. You should hear them all, when they come up. You know, Harry's friends. He's the only one arguing your case, him and Lupin. Ron hates you. Hermione doesn't understand, she's trying to figure you out, she's annoyed there's not more information on you in the library.'

'Ha. She should get into the restricted section then. There's a wonderful book in there...unless it got destroyed at Sibilant Stow.'

'What book?'

'It recounts practically all the court cases and disagreements between the Snapes and the Basilicas.'

'The Montagues and the Capulets.' Sirius said hazily and Siana squinted.

'What?'

'Nothing. Though it's half coming true anyway. Look the fact is there's a divide, I'm trying to stay neutral. I don't want anyone getting hurt.'

'You think I do? You think that's what I want? Why do you think I've been hiding what I do from you? So that I'll put you in danger? I don't want to do that. I can't tell you what I've been doing, or who did this to me, but I can assure you it wasn't Severus. He has enough problems and pressures of his own, he's got things to do for Dumbledore too. By Artemis! ' Siana arched suddenly, convulsed as the cold settled into her body. 'Get Severus!' Her voice settled into a keen that seemed more than one voice as the sound travelled over the lacerations in her throat. Blood sprayed outward, coated Sirius' muddied hand.

There was a flurry of clumsy movement, Sirius pulling himself upright and swaying, falling down again, then finally managing to get up, leaning on Siana's leg in the meantime, causing her to shriek again, already caught up in convulsions. A blast of light, an 'enervate! ' and Severus was leaping forward violently knocking Sirius out of the way so that the drunken man stumbled backwards into the wall and stood, looking sick and about to throw up.

'You stupid man! ' Severus snarled as he yanked the blankets up over Siana and gripped his wand. Then without another glance at Siana who was still incoherent, he stalked forward until his wand tip was pressing hard into the other man's throat, eyes black with malice. 'If you ever disturb me again I will take great satisfaction in setting as many of the illegal curses on you as I can! And that includes old school!'

'Fuck off.' Sirius barked slightly dazed and Severus pushed him bodily back into the wall before taking two steps backwards. He was rarely physically violent, taking more pride in verbal attacks, it was a sign of his fury. Sirius knew it too, and kept his wand by his side. 'I still don't know if she's working with you, but do you have any idea what it bloody looks like? Coming in here and finding her massacred and you...meanwhile where the hell is Lupin's potion?'

'If you'd waited another few hours before storming down here unwelcome and unannounced you would have received it. Now it's far beyond tempting to force you to wait and the lesson Lupin and you will learn is that you are a great lummox. Fool!'

'I swear if Dumbledore doesn't know about this...'

'He knows Sirius, and I don't think you should dare take that high tone with me, because if Albus knew about some of things that you had done, and some of the things you continue to do.'

'You wouldn't.' Sirius breathed and Severus smiled wickedly.

'You seem to have a very low standard set to what I can do, I wouldn't be wanting to assume anything right now. At the very least what I would and wouldn't do. You'd be unpleasantly surprised. I might not be the most evil creature produced on this Earth, but I can definitely hold my own. Now get out of my quarters, and rabbit on back to Lupin.'

'Rot in hell.' Sirius growled in the back of his throat. His wand jammed in his sleeve, and he turned abruptly away.

'I am.' Severus muttered and flicked his wand at the door as it closed, muttering something which made several clicks fall into place, then he turned back to the bed and realised that Siana was still convulsing.

He switched into autopilot, without thinking, realising that the cold was causing the shock which in turn was producing the convulsions, he placed a warming spell on the blanket and then quickly whipped his wand back and forth, increasing the radiating warmth. Her eyes rolled forward from the back of her head but she was still unable to control her body, and there was a trickle of blood moving down her chin from her lips. Internal blood. Was it coming from her throat or something far more sinister?

The bed creaked at his intrusion as he sat on it and ran the wand briefly over her head, throat and lungs. Body scan. He was the best. Her throat was scored and cut, her body going into a different kind of autopilot which might not have been about self preservation at all.

'Siana...stop it. Listen to me, to my voice, you need to concentrate on the warmth around you and on breathing. Actually breathing properly, because all your hyperventilating is doing for you at the moment is sending you on a path to death or unconsciousness, whichever...neither is going to be pleasant.'

Her eyes rolled sideways, watery and violet, abnormal and unpleasantly alien. She blinked and jerked, and blacked out.

Severus wasn't surprised.

***

'Is wanting to die always a bad thing? Or is there a loop hole?'

Severus started violently, his book on wand massage sliding to the floor with a heavy thump. Siana was watching him with a pained look in her eyes, though there was the twinge of a smile settled in the corner of her mouth where the dried blood settled too. He squinted at her and then looked at his book on the floor.

'I want to talk to you.' He addressed the book.

'Yeah.' Siana answered in place of the leather bound volume. Svelte slunk in secretly and wiggled her way under the bed. Soon the sound of her paws thumping on the floor as she pounced on whatever lived under it affected the room.

'Under the effects of the Petrifying curse I can still hear everything that is being said. I can also still see, to a certain extent. Sirius said something very interesting, which was all the more note worthy because he rarely says anything of any value at all.'

'Look, don't knock him okay? He tries.'

'The only thing Sirius tries to be aside from a jackass and complete fool is an irritating pain in the posterior of anyone who happens to cross him. There's a reason why he chose a mongrel for an Animagus. No grace, no pedigree, nothing but mange, fleas and a taste for foods which should never be consumed.'

'That's a nice theory Mister-I'm-Not-An-Animagus.'

'You on the other hand have chosen primarily to become an extinct fox, which I hope is a portent on the whole line of Basilicas. James chose a stag because he probably relished the thought of being hunted down and having his horns displayed about someone's fireplace, which is close enough metaphorically to what happened. Voldemort gets him and straight away, no one remembers the incredible stupidity of the man, they just see those graceful horns. Wormtail was a rat...nothing more to add there, and though Remus might not have gotten much of a choice on the case of his being a werewolf, the fact is, he still is a werewolf.'

'Is this what you wanted to say?'

'No. I was hoping to communicate something very different, I'm digressing because I'm exhausted and very likely insane with tiredness. The prospect of not being able to sleep in my own bed because you're in there doesn't help either. Why did you defend me to Sirius?'

Siana breathed in through her nose, sniffed and then closed her eyes. All her movements, despite the muscle wrenching convulsions, seemed easier after his wand massage. Even if it had been unduly interrupted.

'It makes sense doesn't it? You saved my life, and you didn't deserve what Sirius did. He was out of line. He is often out of line. So are you. I have a feeling that I wouldn't be surprised if you two were related somehow. Anyway...yeah. That's why. Besides, like Sirius said, I make a better Slytherin anyway.'

'The barb about you never being a Gryffindor was quite pointed, and while I - for possibly one of the only times in my history - agree with Sirius on that count, I had never expected him to say it.'

'I'm a coward. That's all it is. He thinks I'm a coward. That's all.'

'And I didn't appreciate the Shakespearean reference. I hadn't expected the brute to be so well read. I didn't even know he could read. He certainly showed no sign of it during school years, despite his grades. Sirius also suspected that you were working with your Uncle?'

'He has no reason to trust me, he's been betrayed a lot.'

'And now you are defending him.'

'I just call it as I see it okay? I do enough bad things to know that...'

'To know that what?'

'To know that it's nice to have someone stick up for you every now and then. Or at least it must be. I didn't know what it was like before I met Dumbledore. And Dad called him a crackpot. Ha. Dad had no idea. He had no idea. They were all blind, all of them...so blind.' Siana drifted off and her sight fixed on a charcoal grey point on the wall. Severus watched her for a solid ten minutes before picking up his book and walking off into the room where he brewed potions.

When he came back an hour later, she was asleep, but her face was still turned in the direction of that charcoal wall.

***

Siana became withdrawn, as was her habit to do so. In times of trauma she was accustomed to being able to run away into the Basilican forest, in search of Athena, and now because of physical limitations she was bed ridden. The only time she left was to go to the bathroom and she did that in the form of a Protectus so that the pain was much less severe, when everything seemed deadened inside of her. When she became human again she stared at spots on the wall until Severus one day came in from teaching a lot of rambunctious Gryffindors and watched her again.

'Your attitude isn't helping you.'

'Fuck you.'

'I don't like your miserable, sulking demeanour. It hinders the healing process, and therefore keeps you in my quarters for longer than need be, and that's all I need to top off my incredibly stressful schedule right now.'

'Fuck off, Snape.'

Several details at once filtered in. The fact that her head was turned away from him, that her voice was strained, that it sounded wet, that her shoulders were tense underneath the blankets. That position, that denial was familiar, horribly familiar. Recalled a time when Lydia had been in bed, looking away from him, refusing him, and he useless with his wand out saying simply; 'why won't you let me help you?'

And her, tired, 'I don't need your help, Sev. Okay? I'm fine. Why don't you go and practice your magic? I don't want to burden you dear. At all. Go see Coal...give attention to the cat. You know that animal is in love with you.' And Severus walking away listening to the break in her voice, the sobs then, the pain that he knew was there in her, that he could take away if she only had given him permission.

And she hadn't.

Now Severus walked around to the other side of the bed quietly catching Siana's expression, taut and tear tracked. His brow furrowed.

'Is it the pain?'

'Just go away.'

'Siana the fact is...'

'Look I don't care! Okay?!' Suddenly the crack in her voice became an abyss, swallowed her whole and delivered someone with a much more frightening expression in its wake. 'You don't care and I don't care. Nobody fucking cares and that's fine with me. Fucking fine. Okay? Fine. I'm getting better, I'm mending up and I'll be well enough to be out of your greasy hair as soon as possible. Trust me, I can't wait either. Okay? Nothing matters anyway. Nothing matters.' Her expression changed from wrought, about to shatter, to something dead and completely numb. 'Nothing matters.' She whispered to herself and then stared once more at the spot on the wall.

Severus called her name a few times, impatiently and when nothing happened he ignored her for the rest of the night, leaving her to sip at her water when she pleased and deal with the fits that her nightmares caused.

From that moment, he found it difficult to look at Draco without hearing that deadened voice mutter, 'nothing matters.'

He no longer liked Draco.

***

A meeting with Dumbledore later, who had expressed concern but told Severus to handle it himself, and he found himself back in his own potions rooms, brewing seductive scents and Insidious remedies and even his own antidote which though still far from being finished was at least in progress now.

'No...'

Nightmares. The Potions Master rolled his eyes and the sleeves of his robes back up his arms and gripped the light silver rod in preparation to stir the reddish potion a few times to check it's texture.

'No, get off me. You bastard. You bastard. Fuck you.' The sentence was longer, more pronounced, but those were the only words that Severus was actually able to make out. He bit down on his tongue and then with a resigned stare placed the rod back against the bench, made his way into his own bedroom, privately invaded.

Her eyes were open. Siana was not dreaming.

'Siana!' Severus barked and she jolted, hands flying out to protect her from whatever hands or spells were flying dangerously in her direction. Her eyes were wild, her legs scissored, now able to move again (albeit slowly) due to the rest and care provided. 'This will never do. I'm going to knock your brain out of your head if you don't stop becoming obsessed with this. Forget it, and let it go.'

'Like it's so easy.' She gasped, hands at her stomach, where bruises were still taking a long time to heal.

'It would be easier if you weren't so whole heartedly pathetic.' He turned to go and brew his potions when a snort pressed in at his back.

'Oh yeah? And what did you do Severus? How well did you do it? Not very well at all. Killed a girl, an innocent girl, and I bet you haven't even begun to deal with that have you? Forgetting? Letting go? They don't work. Trust me they don't work. So when does it get you huh? In your dreams? Because I know you have them too, I remember how bad your dreams get, I got thrown against a wall for my goddamned efforts once so by Artemis don't you dare preach to me about how I deal with things when you make no apparent effort to deal with them at all.'

Severus blanched.

'Unlike yourself Miss Basilica, I do not have the luxury of lying in a bed all day and night commiserating and giving myself sympathy because of all the stupid decisions I've made and sometimes relished! I simply do not have the time to...'

'Bullshit. Don't have the time bullshit. Maybe you're just a coward too. Walking around brewing your damned potions hiding behind recipes and perfection. Well fuck that. Fuck your Slytherin pride and fuck you too.'

'If you weren't so delirious I'd take great pleasure in demonstrating the err of your ways to you.'

But Siana wasn't listening. She was in her own rant, her own private world of anger now, something dredged up from an oily swamp filled with gluggy messes and green.

'And fuck him, fuck Draco. The little rat assed boy trying to make himself seem so great amongst all of you. And screw what he did, because he had no right, no right at all to do what he did and yet he did it. And fuck me, because I didn't stop him. I might have deserved everything else that's ever happened to me but I didn't need that, I was just trying to do the right thing and what do I get for my troubles? A bed in the Motel a la Snape, cheap, stingy and cold, where your service comes with a fucking gripe about something. And fuck this, you hating me, and me hating you, because I've already told you that I don't hate you. I just don't. God.' As best as she could she turned on her side, curled up tense and shaking, a ball of quiet, vituperative rage.

Severus sighed and sat down on the chair beside her. Long minutes of silence passed.

'Perhaps you would consider another...treatment, like before. The pain relief administered through my wand.' Anything to avoid using the word 'massage.' 'At the very least it would ease your nerves, which would eventually lead to greater mental clarity.'

'Are you saying with greater mental clarity I won't think what I think?'

'No. I'm saying that with greater mental clarity you will perhaps be better able to handle the conclusions that your mind is coming to, and the emotions that the traumatic events over the past few days has evoked. At any rate, the procedure is relaxing to me also.'

'Yeah like I need it. I'm used to trauma okay? I just hate being locked up in the process.' She levered herself upright, into a sitting position, gasping as she did so. 'What were those curses he used anyway? They felt like, like fire. I can still feel them now, it's really hard to explain but...'

'I know what they're like.' Severus said softly. 'The Grimoire curses. They're an old type of dark magic, or dark art, which are rarely employed nowadays because they're hard to learn.'

'Draco had them down.'

'Draco had a couple of them down, not all, there are ten. They are as follows, fire, dry fire, cold fire, liquid fire, lightning, lava, wet fire, slow fire, sudden flame and the hardest which is loosely termed eternal fire. From what I could see, and from Lucius has hinted at, the boy is able to do liquid and cold fire. They aren't nice to experience, perhaps not as wrenching as Cruciatus, and largely not fatal. Not in small doses anyway.'

'Are you able to do them?'

'Yes.' Severus sighed. 'And there was a time when I had fun using them. And it is, as Draco said, though you might not have been coherent enough to hear him at the time, it is easier to practice them on animals. It's compulsory for all Death Eaters to learn at least two after they've been in the service of Voldemort for six months, sometimes nine if you're not thought to be trustworthy. I was lucky, I was taught them all, and their counters. A simple 'Finish Incantation' doesn't work. Their counters are water, wet water, you can imagine how the list goes on.'

'Well it still hurts.'

'I'm honestly not all that surprised.' Severus leant back in his chair and folded his arms, almost content now that he was able to talk about something which he understood, something which could be learnt. He was much better at subjects like this, than offering comfort to someone who was traumatised and recovering. 'Liquid fire is vicious. It stays in the body, and in the aura, so minute shifts will result in a re-experiencing of the symptoms. It is, if I remember rightly, feeling like someone has placed liquid fire underneath one's nerves.'

'That pretty much covers it.' Siana said softly and then smiled to herself. 'I'm glad Frederick never knew them.'

'He probably does now.'

'Yay.'

'Have you had many flashbacks like that? Where you've been awake?' Severus said suddenly and Siana shrugged.

'A few, enough. They're not very nice. But whatever, they're not, they never last all that long, though I guess they take a lot out of me. What about you? Have you had any attacks? Because they're...nasty.'

'I've had two. One while I was sleeping, I woke up on the floor not very amused and late for my sixth year Slytherins. The second happened when I was visiting Albus. That also wasn't very amusing.'

'That's because Frederick is an asshole. And he's reckless, irresponsible. He was so, he didn't give a damn who he hurt when he was making his potions, and he often didn't care what he put in. You two, when I compare the way both you work. No wonder you're considered one of the best.'

'Speaking of potions, yours will be ready soon, mine needs a little more surveillance, but yours is coming along well.'

'Good stuff.'

And then they were holding each other's gazes, just staring, without blinking. Severus with his face set in a permanent scowl and Siana looking tired, weak, but composed. Her fingers were clenching and unclenching the thick blankets which covered her. Despite the somewhat Spartan appearance of his quarters, his bed was comfortable.

'I'll be well enough to go back to my own room soon.'

'Yes. You will.'

'And you know I'm going to have to go back to Lucius...'

Severus frowned and then nodded.

'As am I.'

'What's Death Magic?' Siana blurted and then blushed a little. 'Does it even exist?'

His eyes narrowed and he leaned forward again. 'Where did you hear of it? Did Lucius say something?'

'No. No nothing like that. I had a dream, I guess. Where it was raised. So I don't even know if it exists. You know, one of those crazy things that my crazy head thinks up.'

'It does exist...but I don't know anything about it personally. Only that it didn't originate in Britain, that it's not used anymore, that people who were connected with it were, well they aren't around anymore at any rate. They weren't so favourably received, I have no idea why. It's not taught, even its history isn't taught, in any syllabus I know. You might have better luck in the restricted section of the library though I doubt it. I've read most of those books in there, most of them deal with dark arts, potions or alchemy. The latter being similar, but not always the same as potions making.'

'Huh.'

'That probably doesn't help you a great deal.'

'No. But it doesn't matter. You're helping me anyway, and that's the main thing.'

Severus took out his wand and looked at it thoughtfully, then looked at her. He stood then, and released that scent of sandalwood and musk which she was starting to crave on a regular basis. He towered over her, cast a shadow over her eyes and he stretched out one arm and dimmed the lamps with a soft, muttered word, then he pointed the wand at her.

'So this is when I say 'goodbye cruel world?' She joked lamely and the corner of his mouth twitched.

'Shh. Corpus attrecto sano. ' Once more red, green and white shimmered at the tip of his wand, the heatwave started again. And he touched it briefly to a point about Siana's forehead, and then started to work methodically, standing loosely, practiced.

Siana watched him like a hawk, slowly relaxing until she fell asleep.

***

A pressure on the bed, her body slightly leaning to the right and the twinge in her hip indicating that it was painful to be on such an angle. She murmured sleepily and shifted easily, her muscles limber and stretched, relaxed in her body. Her joints were fluid and no longer aching, her head felt clear and sleepy, instead of fuzzy and mussed. She licked her lips, her tongue was moist instead of dry, and though she smelt a little like stale sweat, she felt refreshed.

Damn thorough job.

Sandalwood, musk, sweat, bitterness, the scent of blood from the back of her throat which still lingered now and then but was starting to go away. She scratched at her neck with her hand, relishing in the ability to be able to move her fingers easily. And then murmured slightly to herself.

The sound woke her up more and she blinked sleepily, owlishly, clearing the sandman's contribution from her eyes. Then whimpered slightly in the back of her throat.

His face, in front of her, clearly asleep. Frown lines still etched into the forehead and a mouth slightly open. She could feel his warm exhales brush ever so lightly against her. She shifted back a little, so she could take closer look at him, Svelte squeaked indignantly. Siana turned awkwardly to see the little creature padding around again, making a new comfortable spot.

As she shifted back, he exhaled heavily and shifted a little, moved his legs out. She jerked when his warm foot brushed against hers, despite the separation of doona and coverlet between them. Then, before she could even explain why she was doing it, she was reaching out with her hand towards his face slowly, daring him to wake up and crucify her.

He didn't wake up. He didn't even stir as her finger slowly bisected his forehead, his hawk hooked nose and then she hesitated over the rise of his lips, chapped.

He must be tired, so very tired. More tired than me...to just sleep like this, collapse. He didn't have to help me like that, I don't care if his excuse is to just help me heal faster so I can get out of his quarters, he's breaking down. His defences are at any rate.

She lowered her hand, the time for touching his lips and disturbing his sleep was not now. Instead she reached behind her and shifted Svelte until the little vixen was between them. Then Siana gingerly shifted her body inch by inch until she was on the edge of the bed. She swung her legs to the sided and though the cuts on her torso pulled and twinged, there was no major blasts of pain. When her feet hit the floor she felt like cheering, she was too out of breath to do much else but gasp.

'A few days in bed and I'm the most unfit woman around.'

'Do you think you could stand?' Sleepy voice pressing in against her, she turned slowly. His dark eyes edged with fine sleep wrinkles stared at her.

'I'm thinking about it.'

'Well, I don't recommend you do it unless you're absolutely sure you're ready. It might be detrimental to your health in the long term.'

'Yeah, I get that. Maybe I'll just enjoy sitting. Are you still tired?'

Severus looked at her for a moment more and then turned, grunted in the back of his throat and faced the cracked stone ceiling. His hand passed over his eyes. Siana recalled that she had never seen him so vulnerable like this, the uncertainty of his movements, the lack of sharpness in the dazed way he looked at the stone above him.

'I am actually, as it is I sleep too little, of late sleep has been quite elusive even when I have the time to do it.'

'Nightmares?'

'Yes. Most of the time anyway.'

'You're a bit of an enigma you know? I don't get you. Does anyone actually get you? Like, understand you?'

Pause.

'Once. Now Albus, he is very perceptive. He's given me opportunities where others would have given me Azkaban sentences. Some call that generous and others all it lunacy.'

'Which is it?'

'Both.' Severus remarked with something that approximated a bitter smile.

'You...seem more content than usual.' Siana said, it was the only way she could acknowledge his lack of anger, his edge. He was still formidable in appearance, but his expression couldn't quite pull it off.

'I was not exaggerating when I said that procedure was relaxing for me also. It requires concentration, and a channelling of power. The magic in itself is soothing in nature, it cannot be used for harm. I should know that, I did try once.' Severus smirked, then his expression fell into a grim façade. 'I think I've tried to use everything I know for harm at one point or another, and usually succeeded. The day I found out that the wand massage would not be effective I abandoned it. It was something I never forgot, and also something,' wry now, 'that you can never use on yourself. One of the principles of that type of healing. It is given and received, it requires more than one person, the dividends are dual.'

'Then...well, thank you.'

Severus turned and looked at her, his nostrils flared, he was probably picking up the sweat of exertion, the potions brewing in the next room. She thought it was a shame that he couldn't smell himself, that musk and sandalwood. Her body was starting to chill through the thin nightgown and she shivered slightly, noticed rather embarrassed that her breasts were responding to the cold. Then she sighed, it wasn't like that particular fact mattered.

'You must be cold.'

'Getting there.' She said softly and he indicated the depression in the bed that she had left.

'Lie down and rest. You're going to need your body to be better healed in preparation for the antidote. I daresay it will be ready for consumption by tomorrow morning.'

'And there's enough to eradicate it from my system?'

'Yes. More than enough. I'm making a large batch so that I can continue experimenting on it. It is, as far as I can see, one of the more volatile potions that I've ever handled. He must have made many mistakes before he came upon a version that wouldn't have instant damaging effects to one's health.'

The cold chill invaded her bones at that point and she froze.

'He did. A lot of mistakes with it.'

'And I suppose you...?'

Know about that first hand? Siana nodded once, curtly. There was a stretch of silence and then Severus cursed under his breath. It shocked her, that open display of, what was it? Sympathy?

'At any rate, it will be excised from your system tomorrow. There is a large chance that there will be side effects, namely the flashbacks that you mentioned. Are you prepared for that, what that could entail?'

'Are you serious? I've been prepared for it all my life. Side effects, schmide effects. That's nothing new. And I'm going to try and stand.' Siana declared. Then her leg muscles tightened, pushed, and she swayed into standing position. There was nothing to hold onto, so she kept her balance by holding her arms out slightly. 'Go me.' She murmured and then walked a few ginger steps. 'Hey this is easier than I thought it would be.'

'It's not like you've never done it before.' Severus said and then sighed. 'As long as you don't break into a sprint I think you'll be fine. Those massages must have relaxed your muscles and central nervous system enough to help the toxic nature of the poison and spells to leach out of you.'

'Yay. I might just stand then, and sort of, walk around a bit. You can go back to sleep if you like.'

'There's some bread rolls down by my desk table, I've been eating lighter foods recently, my stomach can't seem to handle much else. If you want some feel free to have as many as you like. Don't get crumbs on the bedspread, or the floor. Perhaps you should just eat over the sink.' He said yawning, and then kicked his boots off tiredly and shuffled under the covers. He twitched the blankets over his shoulders and Siana watched him, did nothing but looked. Eventually he shifted a little.

'I'd appreciate it if you did something other than watch me.'

'Oh. Right. Of course.'

She walked over to the bag and pulled out one of the bread buns, still a little warm. It made her think of the house elves, and then of the two house elves at the Basilican mansion. She realised sadly, that she hadn't even given them a thought since they'd died, then she realised that it didn't really matter. They were only house elves.

***

'Do you know how to play chess?'

'I have a chess set organised on my bench, the only item on the bench aside from my potions notes, and you ask me if I know how to play? It might just be ornamental.'

'Ha ha.' Siana said as she leant against the bench, tired now, but enjoying the freedom of being able to walk around. Severus rubbed a hand through his greasy hair and stared at the set.

'Yes I know how to play. I'm not an expert, though people have assumed that I am. It seems that you're supposed to be good at all manner of problem solving and lateral thinking games when you're a potions master. I haven't the heart to correct most people and tell them that I'm actually good at very few things. But what I can do, I do exceedingly well. This chess set,' he came near her, she felt a frisson run down her spine at his presence and ignored it, 'was given to me by the Potions Institute. A graduation present. Every potions graduate gets one.'

'Oh.' His hand delicately touched one of the pieces, the rook, and he stroked it once and then moved his hand away.

'Albus once asked me for a game. Needless to say I lost, rather spectacularly.'

'It's hard to imagine you losing at anything.' Siana remarked and Severus shrugged, stared down at the stone set, with the dark granite and lighter crystal.

'I'm generally not good at losing competitions, though I have had my fair share of loss. As have you.'

'Yes.'

Severus cleared his throat. The atmosphere was becoming uncomfortable once more.

'Do you play?'

'No. I suck at things like that. Nathan once asked me for a game and I forgot how the pawns moved, and every piece, and in the end started talking about shapeshifting and Transfiguration. Then Nathan got bored and took Mercury for a walk.'

'Your brother? Nathan is your brother?'

'Was.' Siana corrected and then laughed a little. She reached out herself and took one of the pieces, it was rough underneath her fingers and crudely sculpted, but there was charm in the heaviness, comfort in the solidity. The piece shuffled a little, squirmed, and then stilled. She rubbed the porous stone under her thumb and enjoyed the texture. She jumped when Severus reached out to take the piece from her.

Finger brushing against her own thumb and she licked her lips nervously. His hands were sleep warmed, and his movements were sure as he placed the piece back on the board.

'Sorry.' She whispered. Severus shook his head a little.

'Irrelevant. Never waste apologies if you don't need them, it makes the needed ones seem trite.'

'I'll remember that. I'll probably need to apologise to you for something really serious eventually. It always seems to be the way.'

'The Basilicas and the Snapes have never liked each other. Apologies seem to be inevitable.' His body turned to face her and she found herself tempted to move a step backwards, she remained still, alert. He was watching her, and she didn't have the willpower to return that gaze. 'Your hair is getting to be as greasy as mine.'

'Thanks, considering it's normally brittle, it's a shift in the world.'

'Your eyes are such an unfortunate colour.' Severus said suddenly, moving a gentle hand underneath her chin and tilting her head up so that he could look at her eyes more closely. When he stopped looking at her eyes and instead shifted so that he was actually looking at her, she swallowed. 'Speechless?' He said. Siana laughed through her nose.

'I'm trying to think of something that isn't really stupid to say. I'll let the silence speak for itself.'

'Evidently.' Severus said wryly, his voice quieter now that they were standing so close. He released her chin but didn't move away, stayed close to her and raised his hand so that it was resting on the stone squares of the chess board. 'It's getting late, you're going to need your rest. Antidote in the morning.'

'What about you?'

'I'll need to test it a few times before I'm satisfied with it's safety. The Insidious is a poison in disguise. It's name is apt.'

'But you must be exhausted.'

'I slept quite restfully thank you. I don't need great amounts of sleep to get by.'

'Severus?'

'Yes?' He said softly and she nervously raised her own hand, placed it slowly on his own, over the chess set. He jerked back slightly, but his hand remained.

'I know you didn't want to kill that girl. And I'm sorry you had to. I know we're both caught in situations that aren't good for us at the moment, and I'm sorry about that too. We might be so radically different that we actually come full circle and have a few things in common.'

'Our hair being greasy is the only one I can think of right now.'

Siana laughed, her stomach hurt as she did so, but she found the ability to laugh uplifting. His hand shifted under hers and turned palm up. His fingers scraped down the soft skin there and she froze, her eyes widened. But his fingers stilled, curled against her hand until she sought out his face. His lips were thinned, as though he was torn.

'I appreciate your sentiments regarding the girl. Lucius is, unfortunately, onto my game. Though I suspected he would be. My methods are different now. Before I took as much pleasure in the kill as the next person, more than most. Now I put down, I don't participate. They're noticing.'

'Me too.' Siana said, gamely curling her own fingers down into his palm, pattering out a little rhythm. The skin of his palm was warm and slightly moist, and she traced the creases and crevasses there slowly, becoming mesmerised, until his fingers splayed and he caught her by the wrist.

'When did you start calling me Severus?'

'When I knew you wouldn't kill me for it.'

'Ah.' He said and bought his other hand up, using his index finger he started tracing the lines of her knuckles, holding her wrist still with his other hand. Siana felt each movement over her sensitive nerves and found herself staring at a shadowed spot in the corner of the dimmed room. Her breaths were longer, but still controlled.

'I nearly have killed you.' Severus said reflectively and Siana smiled to herself.

'Me too. Though that wasn't so intentional. That was more my defunct wand. Oh no actually there have been a couple of times where I think if I'd have known how, I probably would have.'

'Another thing we have in common.'

'I told you we've come full circle.' Siana said with a grin and Severus pulled his hands away slowly, leaving her own feeling cold and bereft.

'You need sleep and I need to work on my concoctions. I'll wake you in the morning. Are you feeling physically well? Not too exhausted?'

'I'm tired, but not stupidly tired. I actually think I'm alright. You've done well.' Siana said with a shy grin. 'For once.' She added and Severus scowled at her a little.

'Go to bed Siana, before my good will runs dry.'

'Right. Good night.'

'Good night. Sleep well, tomorrow is going to be a tumultuous day.'