The Only Protectus

Siana stared at her face in the mirror. She looked tired. Dark circles under her eyes and worn lines around her mouth seemed permanent parts of her features nowadays. The cut along her forehead was taking its time healing, but at least her long, somewhat lank hair covered it. She looked past herself, looked through herself...what she was really trying to look for was the change. The part of her that had defended Severus, the part of her that cared, after everything that had happened.

She couldn't see the change, she didn't look any better or any worse. She tried imagining pure, vituperative hatred and found she couldn't, however she tried imagining actually feeling positive towards Severus, and found that difficult too.

This, Siana, is a rut. You have gotten yourself into a rut. Brava.

She fiddled with her black cloak, twitched it around her shoulders so that her neck was hidden and her pale face poked out of a collar and dark hair. Her leg was much better now, she could stand on it, walk on it, and she sometimes even forgot about it.

When she patted the place where she normally kept her wand, she remembered giving it to Lupin, to give to Severus the night before. Of course. She didn't need it for what she was about to do anyway. She only hoped that Dumbledore wouldn't ask any questions...she wasn't a very good liar.

***

As she walked past the Great Hall, and smelt the remnants of breakfast, she was reminded that she hadn't really eaten for quite some time. There had been no time for dinner last night, and she hadn't caught any rabbits either. Her stomach growled. Yeah yeah, shut up. Honestly...the lack of food is probably doing you good. Besides...you need to do things right at the moment. Seriously. If I don't act accordingly, they might realise that I'm not as confident as I appear to be. And I don't appear to be confident anyway, so what would that mean?

Dumbledore was waiting in the staffroom for her, quietly nursing a steaming cup of tea. He smiled at her, but did not rise, merely indicated for her to sit near him. There was no one else around, and a soft, cold breeze blew the curtains by the open window towards them in waves. Siana shivered and sat. The plush of the overstuffed armchair rose around her and she caught a vague scent of Severus. Sandalwood, musk. She looked at the armrest startled. It was disconcerting to think that he sat here, devised plans here, thought here.

'Ah. Severus' favourite chair.' Dumbledore said softly into his tea and Siana jumped. She hid her blush by looking at the window. After enough seconds staring at the dazzlingly bright sky she slid a sideways glance at him. He was looking at her over his wizened hand. He settled his cup on its saucer, and placed it on the stool nearby, hummed a soft tune. Siana didn't recognise it.

'I'd like for you to look at my Transfiguration notes, if you will, and point out any flaws or virtues in them. I don't only want to know how this works physically, I would be very interested to understand the theory.' Dumbledore said softly, a kind of soft hunger in his eyes. Siana understood that hunger, it was possibly one of the few things she understood about the venerated Headmaster. They both shared a hunger for learning. Though he, evidently, knew a great deal more about a great deal more topics than she did.

'Well. Okay. We can go back to your quarters if you like and take a look. I don't like to point out flaws though, Transfiguration is a highly irregular form. You know that. There are a thousand different ways of approaching it. Everyone is different.'

'Yes. Everyone is different.' Dumbledore winked at her and Siana got the feeling that Dumbledore was feeling playful today. It made her both excited and uneasy.

'Plus...' Siana continued. 'You already understand a lot of the theory. You taught Transfiguration, you majored in it, as far as I know it's what your wand was made for.' Siana said softly and Dumbledore pulled it out and stared at it.

'It's been such a long time since I was told what it was made for. I think 'general purpose...put it to great use' was what Ollivander said. He was very young at the time, an apprentice, and learning his master's trade. He sometimes likes to remind me that all those years ago, I had a fond penchant for sweet things, talking to animals, and discarding all sense of propriety whilst casting some horrific and, I must say, often hilarious curses, on the unsuspecting.' He smiled fondly at his wand, which though well-used and slightly worn, still gleamed with polish. He pocketed it again and tilted his head. 'I was very different when I was young.'

'Everyone is different when they are young.'

'So what will you be like when you are older, Siana?'

'Well. Assuming I live long enough to be old. I have honestly no idea.' She shook her head. 'You're playing with my head, Sir, I can tell. I know you normally call the shots, having all the power and what have you, but I'd like you to at least be straight with me.'

Dumbledore chuckled and stood.

'Straight? Candid? Honest? Well...I never.' He started walking out of the staffroom and Siana followed, finding her own mood was starting to bubble, become lighter. Of course, it was also comfortable to at least be able to walk. Thank god for Pomfrey...and Lupin covering for me.

'I heard that you and the others decided to go for a bit of a romp last night?'

'Pardon? Oh. Yeah. We did.'

There was an awkward silence then, Dumbledore walking calmly ahead, Siana wondering if Sirius had already been to see the Headmaster about Severus. She swallowed, stared at the slabs, then stared at the open windows. Her arms wrapped around her body, her fingers curled claw like into her soft stomach. Her lip tasted bitter when she bit it.

'Did, uh, did Sirius come to see you?'

'Yes he did.'

'Oh.' Siana swallowed.

'We've all been very busy lately. I shan't be talking to Severus about the Wolfsbane potion, I'm sure that's what you were referring to. Severus has never forgotten to make it for malicious reasons before, and he has quite a heavy workload at the moment. His students aren't getting any easier to teach, the upset with Voldemort has led some of them to rebel, and many of the students are expressing outright hatred towards him, simply because he is connected to Slytherin. I would hate to think what would happen if...'

If they found out he'd been a Death Eater.

'Me too.' Siana nodded and jerked a little when she realised they were already moving up Dumbledore's spiral staircase. For a few seconds she amused herself by placing patterns of fingertips on the gold banister, and then followed him inside his office. Fawkes immediately fluted a short tune and then settled back to resting again on his perch, tucking his brilliantly coloured head behind his sleek wings.

She was a little shocked when the heavy book fell into her hands, and she realised, somewhat embarrassed that she'd been staring rather blankly at Fawkes, whose feathered breast was rising and falling with his every breath. She shifted the red bound book in her hands and then went over to one of the chairs, as Dumbledore went to sit behind his desk.

'Take your time looking through, then tell me what you think, what changes need to be made.'

It was easy to get lost in his handwriting. It was looped, curlicued and slanted forwards on a forty five degree angle. His symbols were quick and sketchy, but always completed, always decipherable. Almost nothing had been crossed out. Siana found herself drifting off in a world of alternative Transfiguration theory, it was easy to tell how a person thought when you looked at their hypotheses, and Dumbledore had an extraordinarily different mind to her own. Her fingers traced letters and words, her forehead knotted as her eyebrows pulled together, and she was barely aware that her stomach occasionally growled from a lack of food.

She became aware that she was murmuring to herself as she reached the end of the book, muttering the theories and the words of Transfiguration out in her head, some of his ideas were flawless, and some of them defied any Transfiguration law that existed. She was getting ideas, how to make some of it practical, how to alter some of it so that it made more sense.

When she snapped the book shut, she noticed Dumbledore's light blue eyes watching her closely.

'Brilliant.' She said softly. 'Utterly...but,'

'Ah. Yes. But?'

'But you're getting ahead of yourself. That's what I think. This is really really hugely advanced stuff. To manage a double Transfigure, that's pretty basic.'

'If it's so basic, then why are you the only one who can do it?'

'Because I'm a freak. And because I suck at everything else.'

Dumbledore's eyes clouded for a moment, and he looked away, thoughtful. Siana didn't want to interrupt his reverie, she had a feeling that she'd said the wrong thing. It was strange, how much she tried to monitor herself around him. After everything her Dad had told her about him, she couldn't help but be wary. However she also knew that Dumbledore wasn't a complete fool, or a crackpot, or any of the things her Dad had insisted that he was. He was powerful, and yet only a man.

'You're not a freak, Siana.' Dumbledore finally said as he turned back, his face grim. Siana shrugged.

'Whatever. You live in the Basilica mansion, come out and tell me you're not a freak. Even my Mother was a freak, and she was halfway normal. No, even Camille, who was beautiful and small and young, she would have been a freak. We're all freaks.' Siana's mouth became hot, her eyes burnt, but did not become moist. Mentioning Camille had been too much for her and it was her turn to look away and breathe deeply. I can do this. I won't fall apart. Not now, not after everything.

'I'm not exactly run of the mill myself, but if you're looking for someone to call you a freak, Siana, I'm not going to be that person. Nor do I agree with you. You're different, certainly. Interesting, yes. Freak? Pardon my saying so, but I'd reserve that judgement for your Uncle.'

Siana felt oddly lightheaded, no one had ever defended her like that before and it was strange, in turn it also made her defensive, she wanted to stand up for Frederick, and she wasn't sure why. At the same time she found herself suddenly wondering if Dumbledore could be right. Could he be right? Her hands were tapping nervously on her legs, and she became aware that toes were clenched in her boots. Jittery.

'Look, with this theory.' Siana said quickly. 'The thing is, what I meant by basic...was that there's no way even a Master of Transfiguration could come up to these theories and do them, straight off. I mean I couldn't, I doubt many people could. They're way too advanced. When I do the theory, I fully treat it like I'm going to make it practical one day, so I dumb it down, I work out stupid problems with it. Theory like this is beyond me, I'll never be good enough to reach this level, like this problem...towards the end that you solved? Transfiguring someone else? Transference of power? Changing someone into an animal so that they always remembered it? It's like installing the magic into them first hand.' Siana said in amazement. 'I've never seen anything like it.'

'It would work though. In theory.'

'Yes. It would. What you've written makes entire sense. You want to learn double Animagus right? You need to go back to fifth year Transfiguration, it's all there. Though...I'm not entirely sure what fifth year Transfiguration is here.' Siana added, she was aware that they might teach the syllabus very different at Hogwarts, as opposed to Moreberries.

'Fifth year Transfiguration, the main gist is changing one object, usually a kettle or chair, into an animal, and then changing that animal into something else.' Dumbledore's eyes brightened and he suddenly smiled. 'Of course! If one can double Transfigure something else, then an ability to double Transfigure oneself would automatically be present.'

'Yup. Or that's what I thought. But that's exactly it. Look, I'll have to get you my notes...but this is workable. Can I also, borrow some of what you've written? It's amazing stuff, and I'd like to look at it a little longer if that's okay.'

'Certainly, I'll arrange to have to book sent to you if you so wish.'

'Oh no, I couldn't take the book.' Siana said uncomfortably and Dumbledore thumped it goodnaturedly.

'You're a Basilica at heart, Siana, I'm sure you'll take good care of it. Now another thing, about -'

They both turned their heads to the window at the same time. A black owl, a species Siana had never seen before was scraping frantically at the glass, trying to find a way in. Two pieces of parchment had been rather hastily tied to one leg, it did not carry the pouch most post owls did. It was obviously a personal messenger. Fawkes shifted in his corner, looking up tiredly. When he saw the owl he perked up a little, fluffed, glowed. He was intently alert. Siana noticed that Athena's two feathers were still hanging, beautiful, cared for. She felt a burst of love towards the Phoenix and smiled.

Dumbledore let the owl in, allowing it to climb on his arm and rest as he untied the pieces of parchment. Siana wanted to ask what kind of owl it was, but there was a seriousness about the Headmaster which she didn't want to interrupt. Dumbledore's face seemed to darken as he read the first letter, and he untied the second one quickly afterwards, his eyes racing across and down, as though reading a very thorough list. He placed both pieces of parchment face down, so Siana could not read the writing, she did however catch a postmark that she'd never seen before, and considering the Basilica's kept even a list of postmarks in their library...she was intrigued.

'There is to be another meeting tonight. Attendance is compulsory.' Dumbledore said softly and Siana blinked, shocked, and then bit the inside of her lip so hard that her mouth filled with the taste of copper. How are we expected to do this again? Dumbledore seemed to be thinking the same thing, he looked suddenly weary. 'I haven't even had a chance to properly talk to you or Severus yet about the last meeting.' He sighed, stared out of the window, the owl picked at his sleeve, rubbed his head against Dumbledore's arm as if to tell him it would be alright. In the corner Fawkes shifted a little, then piped a soft and looping song which seemed to warm Siana's blood.

Dumbledore smiled.

'Thank you, Fawkes.' He sat, letting the owl crawl onto his shoulder. 'Siana can you handle another meeting?'

'I can manage it. But, it's happening too fast isn't it? Whatever Voldemort has got planned...it's like one day there's a meeting, and the next day he's ready to take over.'

'Voldemort isn't naïve.' Dumbledore said with a grimace. 'He may be power crazy, but he certainly isn't naïve. I think, I hazard that he wants to largely take us by surprise. After all, a build up of meetings, taking one's time, can sometimes be detrimental, it can lead to sabotage. He's trying something fast for a change. He's changing his battle tactics. A very smart move.'

'Can we take him?'

There was a silence then. Siana noticed that it was much later than she originally thought. Did I spend what, like three hours looking at that book? Through the window she could see the clouds gilded a flaming yellow, on the other side of the sky night was already creeping in. There wasn't much of the afternoon left, and once more she'd have to face another meeting. She felt sick. What would they do this time? Would it be worse? Would anything happen to Severus? Is Frederick going to notice me? Is he?

'We have our defences, in case anything happens, but loyal supporters of a worthy cause are few and far between, and I strongly suspect that we are outnumbered.'

'If worst comes to worst I could you know...I don't know. Attack them or something, during a meeting.'

'No. If we could imprison them, now...we would. We have very little evidence, and the magic required to visually record a Death Eater's meeting would be easily detected. You do realise of course, that unless we or the Ministry catch them in the act, there are very few other ways for us to acquire enough evidence to get a lawful conviction. Besides, Azkaban is no longer an adequate prison and Cornelius Fudge is-'

'A wanker?'

Dumbledore's eyebrows rose sharply, curiously.

'He sanctioned all of Dad's experiments.' Siana explained. 'He was meant to be the conservative one. Crouch would have as well though, sanctioned them I mean. Everyone was so in love with Dad.'

'Even I was, for a while. He was very powerful and very charismatic. Are you certain Cornelius sanctioned your father's experiments?'

'Certain? I was there. I'm all kinds of sure.'

'That deserves thinking about. Siana, could you please let Severus know that there's another meeting tonight? I'd like for him to ghost Malfoy if he could, afterwards. That will give you a chance to get away from Lucius with relative ease.'

'Lucius isn't a problem. He treats me with...' Siana trailed off, unsettled. She could still clearly remember the feel of Lucius' hands on her body, the caring way he ruffled her fur back and forth, scratched her until she tingled. She remembered the way his sensual voice pressed into her, rumbled through her, until she was sure she held secret knowledge of this man in her paws. It was dangerous. Forbidden. Unreal. Siana squirmed in her seat, acutely aware of how wrong it all was. Dumbledore's expression was grim. Siana nodded to herself. 'I'll pass on the message to Severus, I'll do it now.'

'Thank you Siana. Watch your every step, it's not Lucius I worry about, it's-'

'Draco's been fine so far.' Siana lied hastily and Dumbledore's eyes narrowed a little, he fixed her with a piercing stare. Siana bristled, held still, and Dumbledore then smiled, a little sadly.

'Bravery is an amazing quality, if a little misinformed. Remember to temper it with a sense of self preservation.'

'Yeah...' Siana said slowly and then suddenly grinned. 'Hey, you want to see me change into three animals in about fifteen seconds?'

I need the relief of an animal's mind, maybe three will just happily obliterate me.

'Certainly.' The Headmaster said with a chuckle that was both kind, and sincere.

***

Forty minutes later Siana was wandering back down through the dungeons, tired, a little dizzy but otherwise mildly content. Albus had asked her interesting questions about her methods of Transfiguration and it had been a difficult pleasure answering them all. Her cheeks had burnt blush red and she had started fidgeting with her simple black robe, after all, no one had ever asked her questions like that before. No one's ever bothered to show an interest in me. I wonder if he was just humouring me? Whatever it was I should be very careful. I'm growing quite attached to that old man.

As she rounded her corridor corner her foot connected with something flexible but solid and she shrieked as she went flying forward into the floor. Her hands were awkward as they reached out to catch her. She breathed into the cold stone and then turned. I'm going to break the shit out of that thing.

Harry? Harry Potter?

Harry looked a mix of dazed and wrought, his unruly hair was crumpled, his robes stained with dirt, and both of his pale hands were clutching at his knee. Siana assumed, rather guiltily, that that was the offending object she was just about to break-the-shit out of. On closer observation Siana suddenly noticed the paleness, the barely dry tear tracks, his huddled position between wall and floor join. In the cold. Alone. Crying???

Siana scrambled ungainly over to his side, stared at his face, very aware that they were in the middle of the dungeons. She feared the worst.

'Harry, is everything okay? Did someone attack you? Harry?' Siana said breathlessly and Harry shook his head, looked away blushing very slightly. As he looked away his hands came up from his knee, scrubbed all the wet marks away from his face. She was vaguely aware that he would be embarrassed about crying and she scooted backwards a little, giving him some space. After all, she was touchy about crying too. In her books, it was something that never, if ever, happened.

'I'm alright.' Harry said softly, voice slightly muffled, slightly croaky. Siana squinted. Sure you're alright. You're alright like I'm alright, as in, not at all.

'Did someone attack you?'

'No.' Harry suddenly paused. 'Not really, Snape accidentally, I hope he's not too badly hurt. I didn't want to go back in and check. He was in a foul mood.'

Siana blanched. She stood up and offered her hand, which she noticed was trembling. Harry looked at it strangely, before accepting the hand. As he stood he brushed himself off.

'What happened?' Siana pressed and then took a deep breath. 'I'm sorry for tripping over you. I'm the world's greatest hazard sometimes.'

'It's okay. It didn't hurt. I...' Harry trailed off again looking back to Snape's office, his eyes brightened for no good reason. He was near tears and Siana was half in shock. The Boy Who Lived about to cry? Crying? What's going on?

'Look, you're obviously a little out of it. I know the feeling. Why don't you, go and wait in my rooms, while I go check on Sev, er, Professor Snape, because by the sounds of things it's not great in there. Okay? Then I'll come back and we'll talk, or something. Or you can just hang and you know, hang. Okay? Okay?' Siana said nervously, realising that she sucked at comforting people too. She steered him, gingerly placing one of her hands on his back which suddenly seemed frail. He's just a boy really. A young teenager.

And what are you? Ancient? You're just a young woman. Kind of young. Okay. Maybe not a spring chicken anymore.

Siana opened her door, noticed that Severus' door was open ajar as well and she breathed deeply, tried not to be too anxious. She gave Harry a little nudge inside and he went in mechanically. He's probably afraid he's going to get into trouble or something.

'Just grab the bed or something. Sorry it's not made! I'm not the cleanest person in the world, and the elves don't really come here much. Er. Um. I'll be back in a minute okay? Okay Harry?'

'I heard you.' Harry said softly, and Siana grit her teeth a little, closed the door behind her. Poor guy, and I'm treating him like he's two. By Artemis.

'By Artemis.' She breathed, storming into Severus' rooms, all sense of propriety abandoned. It took her a moment to notice all the details in front of her and in her periphery vision, when she did, she blinked.

'Oh, Zeus.' She saw the pale, prone form of what looked to be a very sick Severus on the floor. The heavy rise and fall of his chest indicated he was still alive. He's had another attack. Shit. Shit. This looks bad, especially with the meeting coming up tonight. Siana knelt at his side, passed a hand to his forehead which was clammy and warm. Long, greasy strands of hair were matted into the sweat that evenly sheened his face, and she pushed some of the strands away absently.

The sound of a sudden pop made her jump. She looked up and noticed one of the three cauldrons was bubbling excitedly, the flames underneath it were burning brighter than those under the other two cauldrons. She took a quick cursory glance at the other two, but they only seemed to be simmering. Behind the cauldrons a blaze of vivid vermilion caught her eye, Svelte was cowering in the corner.

'Oh hey there little kit. Come on. Come out. It's okay.' She crooned as she held out her hand, palm up. Svelte wriggled a little, cautiously whimpered, then slowly tottered forward, unsteady in her fear. Siana looked down at Severus quickly and decided that he seemed to be breathing easier, she stroked the rest of Severus' lanky hair away from his face and then shifted so that she was no longer kneeling, but sitting, her legs curled up to her side.

Svelte, as she reached Severus' head, sniffed at him unhappily and then whined. She pushed her delicate triangular head into the crook of his shoulder. Siana couldn't help but smile faintly as she heard snuffling...she loved all foxes and this one was no exception.

'Hey little lady, come on, he's going to be alright. Come on.' Siana scooped the wriggling creature into her hands and with a free finger scratched behind Svelte's ears. Svelte turned tawny gold eyes up at Siana, blinked lazily and then settled, as though resigned to accepting such generous scratches.

Siana enjoyed currying her fur, running her fingers along sensitive scar ridges (no doubt left by that Malfoy monster, you and I have something in common) and she enjoyed finding the places that bought forth sleepy contented sighs. She was absorbed, and so was Svelte.

'Svelte, it does not do to consort with strangers.' Siana frowned, looked down, and wondered how long the Potions Master had been awake. Severus himself looked tired, his eyes were slightly bloodshot, his voice was hoarse, yet he was still able to pin Siana with a disconcerting stare.

'You had another attack.' Siana volunteered. 'Harry told me.'

Snape's face darkened. 'Enjoyed the show did he? Revel in seeing an enemy suffer complete loss of control?'

'No. He didn't. Are you...are you okay?'

'I am...' he trailed off, his eyes narrowed and he rolled his head to the right. 'How long has that potion been boiling?'

'Uh.'

'Get up. Tell me what colour it is.' He commanded, a hint of steel returning to his voice. Siana stood, gently depositing Svelte on his chest. She frowned.

'Dark green.'

'Damn.' His expletive was soft, Svelte kitten-whimpered. 'Siana, I need you to do something for me. I'm not going to be able to...see the table behind the cauldrons? There should be two rods, one silver, one a very light silver. Almost white.'

'Okay.' Siana said, moving over the table in question.

'Get the light silver one.'

'Got it. Severus, um, what if I screw up? This is highly likely, you realise.'

'Siana. If you can't follow simple instructions then you should have been put down at birth.' Severus hissed crisply and Siana swallowed. Point taken. She could a feel a blush burning her face. 'In your other hand pick up the vial with dark green liquid in it. It is the only clear vial with dark green liquid in it. It should be about a quarter full.'

'Got it.'

'Go to the boiling cauldron, pour the entire contents of the vial into the centre of the potion.'

Siana's hands shook as she emptied it in, Severus was trying to rise, but he was too weak. As he, irritated stopped trying to stand, the potion stopped bubbling for a minute and then started to hiss.

'Place the light silver rod into the potion, stir ten times clockwise. Wide stirs around the rim of the cauldron.'

'Okay.' Siana used both hands, mentally counting in her head each stir. She was certain Severus was counting along with her, ready to bark out some insult if she did something wrong. By the sixth stir the potion had stopped bubbling, by the eighth something disturbing started to happen. It was turning blue.

'Is it supposed to be going blue?'

'Shade?'

'Er, dark. Navy.'

Severus breathed an audible sigh of relief. Siana dared a look at him. He was resting on his elbows, staring at her curiously. 'Take out the silver rod and let it drip into the potion until you can safely carry it to the sink without it dripping onto the floor. Alternatively you can wipe the contents onto your robes...' he volunteered with a mild sneer and Siana sighed.

'I've just been to Dumbledore...there's another-'

'I was hoping that my arm was only hurting because of the seizure. It's tempting to ask you to look after the potions while I'm gone. Only, I'm not insane. Not yet.'

Well it's good you realised that, because it would have been fairly difficult for me to think of some excuse about that.

'Wait a minute. How did you know?' Severus said suddenly, his voice clipped, clear, no longer hoarse.

'Excuse me?'

'I never told you that I still went to those meetings, how did you know?'

'Dumbledore told me.' Siana said hastily and for something to do, she took the pale silver rod over to the sink and rinsed it. She didn't do a very good job. 'He also told me...' she turned the tap, which creaked. 'He also told me to tell you, or ask really, if you would ghost Lucius Malfoy. Afterwards.'

'Really?' Severus muttered and as Siana turned back she shifted a little. It was strange, being here in his rooms like this, discussing things openly. Severus seemed to have become aware of the atmosphere at the same time. He stood stiffly, his breathing was laboured all over again, Svelte was nestled against his chest, in his arms.

'Why did you upset Harry?'

Severus remained expressionless. His breathing hitched a little.

'I like hurting people.'

'...But-'

'Actually have no idea why he would be upset. Maybe the real world hurts his sheltered mind too much for him to bear. He came to me about an assignment, I didn't even have time to explain to him why humans have brains, and that even wizards need to use them sometimes.' Severus paused, his dark eyes glinted. 'I wouldn't expect you to understand.'

'No. Of course you wouldn't. I'm only a Basilica.'

Then there was silence, the only sound was the simmering of the three potions. The room seemed too hot, and the heat seemed too many broiled things at once, of shame, of guilt, of anger and of other emotions which were rarely explored. Siana thought he looked like a fortress. She had just seen him at his most vulnerable and now he was impenetrable again. The way he cradled Svelte reminded her disturbingly of how Lucius protectively cradled her. Too many similarities. Death Eater. She suddenly wanted to scream. This horrific world which was theirs seemed so surreal, a shaft of dizzy, messy colour from a crazy kaleidoscope. She didn't want it anymore.

She was really, truthfully, so lonely that it burnt holes in her stomach.

'I have to go.' She breathed.

'Your potion is nearly ready.'

'Is it?' Siana licked her lips. It scared her that they could talk like this. It was as though she could be standing in front of her mirror again, trying to find hatred, trying to find like, unable to find either. You came back here for him, you fixed yourself up and came back here for him...and look at this. It's a mess.

'Why did you defend me?'

Oh. Dear.

'Oh I was....delirious, sick.'

'Yes. Of course you were sick.' He sneered and turned away as though to leave.

'But I meant it, I'd do it again. When you know, I'm not hating you.'

'Then I doubt you'll be doing it again, Miss Basilica. Good evening.'

I don't hate you.

'Night.'

***

Siana opened the door and paused when she saw Harry, shoulders bowed, twisted, head lowered, a mixed message of strength and vulnerability.

'Severus is fine. He said he didn't do anything to upset you. That true?'

'Yes. I'm fine. '

'I think you're fighting a losing battle with yourself there. Anyone who thinks they're fine at a time like this is delusional.' Siana said as she plonked down beside him on the bed, pulling the covers around her. Harry had pulled out his wand and pointed it at the fireplace.

'May I?'

Siana waved her hand. 'Sure. I'm not good at stuff like that.' Plus you know, I don't actually have a wand at the moment. She watched as Harry concentrated, got the fire flaming. Soon it was already warming the room, he inched closer towards at and further away from her.

'Sirius doesn't like you much at the moment. He says you're defending Professor Snape.'

'Severus isn't all evil.'

'Dumbledore doesn't think so either.'

'Although he is evil a lot of the time, and he's certainly evil to you. I guess. I don't know, I'm not making much sense. I wouldn't be a good teacher either. Probably trip over things, but I already do that. Right?'

Harry half smiled, and looked at her then, his impossibly green eyes still over bright. He looked away quickly, as though ashamed and instead twirled his wand between his fingers.

'It makes me sad.'

'What does Harry?'

'I was thinking about my...hatred. I've been thinking about it a lot lately. With everything that's been happening. I wonder if I'll ever live to be old enough to have children, if my son, will hate Malfoy's son, if I haven't already killed him. And then I wonder if it's just bred hatred. I don't want that, Miss Basilica. And I don't want to stop hating Draco, because it's, easy to...' he trailed off. 'I don't want that.'

Siana felt her heart twist. Harry continued talking. His voice was even, unaffected, but he studiously kept his eyes away from hers as he talked.

'And Snape, I hate him, and will my son hate him too? Hate the memory of him? I have a grudge that my father started, that Snape continued. I don't normally think about these kind of things, but I, after Voldemort. There's so much hatred Miss Basilica. You, your family, Snape, Malfoy, the Potters, there's just this legacy of...' he passed a hand over his green eyes and it came to rest delicately on his other hand. He sighed.

'It's a lot for someone like you to be thinking about.'

'It's what I have to think about. Dumbledore's been asking me to do things lately, they're not really hard or anything, but...'

'They get you thinking?'

'I went to see Snape because of an assignment, and I just found that I couldn't hate him because of my Dad. It's not fair that I have that hatred. And then I wondered, if the only reason I hang onto that hatred so hard, is because my Dad didn't leave me much else.' Harry stopped suddenly and then looked at her, his lips were thin. 'Snape's easy to hate without Dad's hatred, but it changes things...'

'It does.'

'Ron doesn't like you, he doesn't think I should trust you, but you talked with me that time, before you left, about things. And it helped. I'm sorry.'

'No no. You can talk to me. I'm of course not as good to talk to as I imagine Dumbledore is.'

Harry smiled slightly and looked at the fire again, then at the door. 'He is good to talk to. He doesn't look at my scar all the time.' Harry laughed a little at himself and Siana suddenly realised that he'd grown up a lot, or perhaps grown more bitter since the last time they'd spoken. Last time they had talked about wizarding debts he had seemed mature, but not necessarily self deprecating, or bitter. Siana winced, he had a lot to be bitter about. His whole world was constructed on hatred, on murder. And yet...he'd found things for himself like friendship, and love.

'It'll work out anyway, Harry. You're disgustingly strong.'

'Right. That's why I was out there.' He murmured and shrugged. 'Professor Snape, when he had that attack, just looked so. He looked horrible. And I know that he's...I know what he is. Do you know what he is?'

Siana nodded. 'I do. I know about the meetings, and his past anyway, sort of, if that's what you're talking about.'

'Sirius says it's the other way round, he's really working for Voldemort, and pretending to be an agent for Dumbledore.'

'No. I know for a fact that's not true. Besides I was on Sirius' side for a while. I believed that. I also believed that Snape was entirely evil, and that...well. He's not a very nice person.'

'No.' Harry said and then he shrugged. 'My eyes feel weird.' He added.

'You really aren't used to crying are you? It's part and parcel. If it's any consolation, you don't actually look like you've been crying. Like no red rims or anything. You look a bit worse for wear, but not in that way.'

'The last thing I need is Hermione on my back anyway. She's been really worried lately.'

'Sirius has been as well. He really cares for you. He can't see straight when he thinks you're in danger.'

Harry grinned then. 'Sirius is excellent. So what about you Miss Basilica? You're not teaching anything, but you're still here. We can't figure out why. We know it's for Dumbledore though, because you keep seeing him.'

You little devious thing, trying to figure out what I've been up to.

'I'd like to think that I'm helping. But I'm still much better looking after a library. I think the Hogwarts library hates me though, after all the stuff that's happened there.'

'Do you miss your family?'

'I try not to think about it. Really. I get upset that Frederick lived while everyone else died. Then I get upset knowing that Frederick helped kill them. So, I try not to think about it. Besides, it rarely comes up. It's weird you know? No one talks about it. It's like they never existed.'

'Dumbledore once told me they exist in us. So I guess, they're in you.'

Siana smiled, suddenly she felt better than she had in a long time. Of course, I always worry that I'm just like Frederick, just like Dad, but I've got Camille, Nathan, Mercury, Mum...even Athena. It's nice to know that wherever you are Athena, there's a part of you in me. 'See? Dumbledore gives great advice. Now. Are you going to be okay? Seriously?'

'Yeah. I don't know what to do about this hatred thing. It's new, I always took it for granted, and I don't think I will anymore. Now that I know about it, I realise how much I do hate. I never thought of myself as someone like that before.' He stood up and pocketed his wand, then looked at her closely. Then his eyes sparkled with sudden humour instead of grief. 'It really has been a strange past couple of days. I guess, thanks for you know, listening.'

'Oh, no problems. You don't really talk much. So it doesn't really count.' Siana said with a chuckle and Harry blinked.

'You know, if you ever need to talk to...not that you'd come to me, because...' he stopped suddenly and looked confused with himself. Siana clapped him on the shoulder.

'I rarely need to talk, because I have a constant case of verbal diarrhoea, but in the case where I do. I'll hunt you down. I mean it.'

'Good.' He walked towards the door and then closed it quietly behind him, without saying anything else. Siana placed her hands behind her head and then let herself fall backwards onto her lumpy mattress. She had a strange relationship with that boy, she tended to see him once, and then never again.

Probably best that way, not a good thing to get tied up with the famous Harry Potter. Your situation might get worse. So many people want him dead...

Then again Siana. You're also on the wanted list. She rolled her eyes. I'm going to have to be very careful tonight. And I'm going to keep an eye on Severus, I don't care what Dumbledore says, I'm hanging around until he leaves. It's just not safe for both of us anymore.