Discussions from the Dinner Table

The time: 6:32

The place: The Happy Hut

The people: Sirius, Monica, James, Aries, Kevin, Diana

*circus music plays in the background*

ARIES: (scared) Must go to my happy place...must go to my happy place.....

JAMES: You were one of those kids who never went to Disney World, huh?

KEVIN: Oh no, he wanted tried kill Mickey when we visited Di's muggle family.

ARIES: That mouse had evil in his eyes...

(Enter GREETERS)

HAPPY HUT GREETER #1: (perky) Welcome to Happy Hut! My name is Lana and this is my partner, Rachel.

HAPPY HUT GREETER #2: (happy) Hi!

SIRIUS: (to James) Did she say "partner"?

JAMES: (to Sirius) Suddenly, I'm getting really happy....

DIANA: (ignoring them) Um...where do we sit?

HAPPY HUT GREETER #1: You can sit by the bouncy bounce-

HAPPY HUT GREETER #2: -or the arcade.

ARIES: Bouncy bounce! Bouncy bounce!

MONICA: Wait, you don't want the arcade?

(pause)

ARIES: Oh God, I just realized this could be a difficult decision. This is like one of my major life paths breaking off, forcing me to choose my destiny....I don't know if I can do this.

KEVIN: Thanks Mon, now he'll never move.

DIANA: (to GREETERS) Give us a spot by the arcade.

HAPPY HUT GREETER #2: Alright, your escort, Gina, will be right with you.

JAMES: (to Sirius) Dude, we got an escort?!?!?!?

SIRIUS: Dad, I don't think I can ever thank you enough for this place.

(GINA appears)

GINA: Let me show you to your table.

ARIES: (to JAMES) This might be a bad time to mention this, but you're getting fixed tommorrow.

GINA: Here it is, your waiter will be with you shortly.

SIRIUS: Uh, waiter?

GINA: Yes, why?

SIRIUS: You're not serving us?

GINA: No.

SIRIUS: Can I get your number then?

GINA: It's in the phonebook.

SIRIUS: But I don't know your last name.

GINA: That's in the phonebook too.

(GINA leaves)

JAMES: Ouch.

SIRIUS: That was the first time that's ever happen. I feel the weird urge to go kill myself.

MONICA: By the looks of this place, I can only suggest overdosing on Flintstones vitamins.

JAMES: Hey, I was addicted to those when I was six!

SIRIUS: (ignoring them) That Gina...wow. Her body was a temple.

ARIES: Sounds like there's no services today.

KEVIN: Aries, be nice to him.

DIANA: He's having a hard enough day already.

SIRIUS: What?

MONICA: Mom!

SIRIUS: What?

DIANA: Oh...nevermind.

SIRIUS: (yelling) WHAT DID YOU TWO DO TO ME?

MONICA: My name in the future of science is forever ruined.

DIANA: It worked though.

MONICA: Yeah...

SIRIUS: (yelling) WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?

DIANA: Monica wanted to cure you of some...illegal habits.

KEVIN: What illegal habits?

MONICA: (ignoring) I switched something with your-

KEVIN: His....?

DIANA: Monica put Midol in place of your...stimulants.

SIRIUS: What stimulants?

MONICA: Those weren't yours?

SIRIUS: No...quidditch coach makes us take drug tests during the summer.

MONICA: They were in your room though, they had to be yours or...

(pause)

ARIES: You're all looking at me because I'm fat, huh?

KEVIN: Oh-

*clown laugh censors out swear word*

(WAITER enters)

WAITER: (monotone) Hello, I am Doctor Fun and I will be your server this evening.

JAMES: Aren't clowns supposed to be happy?

SIRIUS: Gina probably turned him down too....

WAITER: (monotone) No, I'm just really sad on the inside and I have severe allergies to children.

DIANA: Why do you work here?

WAITER: (monotone) Because I'm sad on the inside.

ARIES: I'm sad on the inside too.

WAITER: (montone) Why are you sad?

ARIES: It's a fat-day.

WAITER: (monotone) Can I relate....food has taken over my sex life and I can't get into my own pants.

(awkward pause)

WAITER: (monotone) Let me bring you some menus....

(WAITER exits briefly)

KEVIN: Well, this is...interesting.

MONICA: I don't know if I feel safe here.

SIRIUS: I got turned down for the first time in my life.

JAMES: I'm getting fixed tommorrow.

ARIES: I'm having a fat day.

DIANA: I sent my son into PMS.

KEVIN: Should we go?

DIANA: Yes. Takeout anyone?

SIRIUS: As long as I can pronounce it...