The Fall of the House of Black, or, How I Spent My Summer Vacation

Even though he had been friends with Sirius Black since their first year at Hogwarts, Remus Lupin had never actually been to his home, which had been described to him as "a moldering mausoleum" (Sirius had always had a flare for the dramatic). Remus always assumed that this was due to being either a Gryffindor or a half-breed, as there was little chance of the Black family knowing of his lycanthropy.

This is why he was so surprised when he received a letter from Sirius half way though the summer after their fifth year begging him to come visit at 12 Grimmauld Place, for as many weeks as he liked. Apparently, Sirius' parents were off visiting relatives ("horrible, beastly sorts - not anything like you, though, Moony") in some random Eastern European country, and had managed to drag Regulus off with them. The only other person who would be staying there would be Sirius' cousin Narcissa, who was left behind when her parents took off ("not to visit the relatives - too gauche for words, darlings - but to some wizarding beach in the South Pacific"), but Sirius insisted she would stay completely out of their way and probably rack up a large credit charge in the ritzier parts of Diagon Alley.

"So, come, Moony, please, otherwise I'm sure to waste away, in a manner suited to some heinous romance novel maiden!" Sirius wrote, desperately and dramatically. Remus decided not to comment on the romance novels and sent a reply in the affirmative.

This is how he found himself standing in front of an entrance that had obviously been styled in the best of gothic traditions, as if the house were just waiting for some supernatural creature to lift the silver serpent doorknocker. Remus decided not to tempt fate, and instead knocked on the black door. As this resulted in no answer, he resorted to kicking it gingerly until a rather disgusting looking house-elf answered the door.

"What do you want?" said the house-elf, acting as if Remus were some kind of disgusting beggar.

"I'm here to see Sirius Black." Remus replied, wondering if he was even going to make it in the door. Luckily Sirius came jumping down the staircase, interrupting.

"You finally made it, Moony!" He said gleefully. "Push off, Kreacher, you stupid sot." The house-elf sneaked off into the shadows, muttering under its breath. Sirius turned with a big grin. "We're going to have a smashing good time, Moony, absolutely great! Come on, I'll put you into the room next to mine, up on the second floor."

Remus found himself drawn along with Sirius, who had grabbed his battered suitcase and was hauling it up the stairs. As the stairs wound around, they suddenly passed a cunning looking elderly man. He merely sniffed as he passed, and headed on down the stairs.

"Who was that?" Remus asked.

"Stupid doctor. Narcissa's taken it into her head that she ought to have a fainting fit in protest." Sirius said, panting. "The reason she's here is that her mum wouldn't let her stay with her fiancé - that wanker, Lucius Malfoy - so she's having a fit. Not that I care. She could go stay in Timbuktu for all I care."

They had reached the top of the stairs, and Sirius threw open the door to a rather opulently decorated room. Unfortunately, serpents were the overwhelming design feature.

"Sorry, mate, but Mum's a stickler for Slytherin décor." Sirius said, throwing Remus' suitcase onto the high, green bed. Remus finally got a good look at Sirius. He looked rather drawn, skin tight around the eyes, and his chrfulness seemed rather forced.

"What's the matter with you, Padfoot? You look like hell."

"Just being in this house, Moony - the curse of the Blacks. Duty of the heir." Sirius sighed and flung himself onto a settee with unseemly forced. "Load of bollocks, but good for a bit of drama. I'm glad you're here, otherwise I would absolutely perish."

Sirius looked better for his dramatic reenactment of some Victorian romance novel, and he and Remus discussed pranks, classes, and exactly what fate was in store for James, who was neglecting his Marauder duties in favor of mooning over Lily Evans.

Suddenly, a rather eerie and piercing noise filled the air. A phantom in white moved through the hallway, ignorant of their presence.

"Oy, Narcissa, knock it off!" Sirius yelled. "I bet your wanker boyfriend isn't crying over you." She passed by, still weeping. "Driving me bloody insane, that one. She doesn't seem to notice that I couldn't give a knut what she's up to."

That was the last time Remus saw her. At one point, he knew she had an argument with Sirius, though he wasn't sure over what.

Eventually, Sirius called him into the drawing room on the first floor to talk to Lucius Malfoy, who had called on the Floo to see Narcissa. Apparently, Narcissa was still perfecting her wasting away act, and wouldn't deign to come down. So, Sirius did the only thing he could think of:

"Sorry, mate, but she got really sick, and the doctor came, and told us he couldn't do anything about it." Sirius looked absolutely sincere and heartbroken, though Remus could tell from the way he was bouncing his feet, he was about to crack up. "I don't know why no one thought to tell you; I mean, her parents haven't even made it home yet."

"Please let me know immediately if she is feeling well enough to talk to me." Malfoy replied, looking only vaguely upset.

"Right-o, old chap. Pip pip and all that. Cheerio!" said Sirius, who was unable to uphold his façade any longer. Fortunately, Malfoy had gone off the Floo when Sirius sprawled out laughing on the floor.

"I don't know if that was very smart, Sirius." Remus said, shaking his head. "What if he tells Narcissa's parents? Or your parents, for that matter, who I'm sure wouldn't be amused by your prank-flooing Lucius Malfoy."

"Stop being so stuffy, Moody. I swear, you're as bad as McGonagall, going on about being good and moral and all that rot. It's funny! I'm sure everyone will have a big laugh about it at Narcissa's pompous expense." Sirius was feeling extremely clever, so clever that, without telling Remus, he sentan official death notice, lined in black and everything, over to Malfoy Manor.

Unfortunately, Lucius Malfoy immediately flooed Narcissa's parents in the South Pacific, Sirius' parents in Hungary, and a good many other members of the Black family. It was even more unfortunate when Sirius convinced Narcissa that looking like a member of the living dead would help press her case to stay with the Malfoys on the very day that a number of distraught and angry Blacks came streaming through the doors of 12 Grimmauld Place.

Remus stayed out of the way, though he did think Sirius' impassioned cry of "We have put her living in the tomb!" was very dramatic, if only it wasn't plagiarized.

No one else did.

Remus had quickly gone home, not wanting to receive any of the fallout. Within a week, Narcissa was staying at Malfoy Manor, under the careful supervision of her older sister, Bellatrix. Sirius' problems with his parents got worse, and within a year, he had run away from home to stay with James for the rest of his time at Hogwarts. Remus didn't like to think that he'd caused Sirius to run away (though he was certain he was better off away from his family, but he couldn't help laughing at the memory of the assembled Blacks and Malfoys staring up in horror at Narcissa, covered in dirt and cobwebs, moaning inconsolably at the top of the stairs, as Sirius cried out madly:

"We have put her living in the tomb!"