Bittersweet

    Platform 9 & was bustling with Hogwarts students as their families when Harry, Ron, Hermione, Lupin and Mrs Weasley entered through the barrier. The train, gleaming red as always and sending billows of white smoke up, looked utterly inviting to Harry, who was excited to be returning back to school. Although he enjoyed his visits at the Burrow and had been most pleased with Mr Weasley’s thoughts of adding another bedroom for Harry, it was Hogwarts where Harry truly felt at home. After the difficult summer of feeling estranged from his friends it was somewhat a relief to be heading back to school. Even the thought of Potions lessons did not bother Harry for he no longer cared much about his hostile professor.

    "Have you packed everything?" Mrs Weasley demanded of Ginny as she hovered over the luggage carts. "You’re sure?"

    "Yes," Ginny declared, annoyed, sweeping her long red hair out of her eyes as she dragged her trunk from the cart. Having spent the summer with her brothers, Fred and George, working at their shop Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes, she had grown accustomed to having more freedom and less time being supervised by her mother. "‘Bye Mum!"

    Mrs Weasley waved rather tearfully as Ginny boarded the train, although Ginny herself seemed glad to be shut of her, at least temporarily. Mrs Weasley turned her attention to Ron, wiping a smudge on his cheek with her damp thumb.

    "You’re getting spit on me, quit it," Ron complained, pulling away and wrinkling his nose disgustedly. "Come on, Harry, let’s find a car and stow these trunks. Hermione and I have to go up front to the prefect’s car, but we’ll be back to sit with you."

    "No need," Harry replied breezily, giving Ron a cold look. "I’ll just sit with Lupin."

    "Right," Ron replied, looking none to pleased. He turned and gave his mother a hug, protesting loudly when she rumpled his hair and proceeded to kiss him on the forehead.

    "You be careful, all of you. Stay out of trouble! Write often," she urged, looking forlorn. Harry approached and gave her a hug as well, unable to express any better his thankfulness for her kind treatment over the summer. He even permitted her to press on his hair, trying to neaten it in her motherly way, although he knew it would never lie flat.

    "Goodbye, Harry," she said. "I’m sorry Arthur wasn’t here to see you all off. He’s busy with the Order, you know."

    "It’s fine," Lupin said over Harry’s head. "You take care now Molly. Go visit Fred and George, they would love to have you. There is no reason to be alone."

    Mrs Weasley nodded. "I know, perhaps I will. It is different with Arthur gone. Well, you have a good time then, and I’ll see you all at Christmas."

    Lupin nodded and led Harry onto the train, which was already packed. First years stood around searching for compartments, looking scared and homesick. Harry saw a flash of silver blond hair - Draco Malfoy - but the two ignored one another and Lupin soon found an empty compartment for them. He stowed the trunks and suitcases with some difficulty and sat down, wheezing. "I’m sort of excited to be coming back to Hogwarts, truth be told," Lupin remarked to Harry. "The best years of my life were spent there."

    "Mine too," Harry commented.

    Lupin smiled sadly. "There will be happier times, Harry. Your whole future lies before you."

    Harry nodded without comment, not caring to discuss the topic. Without his godfather the future stretched out like a great black void. "What did you do when you left school?" he inquired, to make conversation.

    Lupin grinned. "I moved in with Sirius. He bought a house with the money his uncle left him, and invited me to stay. I took a job as a security guard, that’s how I learned real Defence Against the Dark Arts, and Sirius and I spent every night on the town." His eyes took on a faraway look as he faded into memory and a smile appeared on his face. "Sirius was impossible! I remember one night he had way too much Fire Whiskey and we were in the Leaky Cauldron. He started dancing on the tables and actually pulled me up with him, well, of course we were both asked to leave, so then he pulled out his wand and attempted to duel with the bartender!"

    "What happened?" Harry asked, surprised.

    "Well of course he was too drunk to properly work any spells, but he did manage to give the man the Jelly Legs Jinx. Two patrons hit him with the bat bogey hex and we spent the rest of the night getting a telling off from Maddox Harper, who was the Assistant to the Minister of Magic at the time. We were banned from the bar for a year." Remus wiped his eyes, still chuckling.

    "You really miss him, don’t you?" remarked Harry.

    "Constantly," remarked Lupin, clearing his throat. He drew a breath. "Sirius was one of a kind."

    They both sat in silence for a while, Harry glancing out the window and Lupin looking into space as his thoughts wandered back to his time as Sirius Black’s roommate. The witch pushing the snack cart interrupted their respective reveries, and Harry ordered a variety of snacks.

    "I’ll take a roast beef sandwich if you’ve got it, and two cauldron cakes, and two cans of pumpkin juice," said Lupin, reaching into his robes for some money. He withdrew a handful of Sickles and held them out. "I’ll buy his too."

    "You don’t have to," Harry said.

    "I know," Lupin replied, handing over his money to the witch, who passed them their purchases and slid the compartment door shut. "It’s nice to have money."

    This made Harry think about Ron, who was constantly bemoaning his lack of gold. Harry wondered what Ron was doing at the moment, and if he had found pocket money for a snack. It had been difficult for Harry to communicate with Ron over the summer. Ron had expected a Quidditch partner and a friend, as always, but Harry had been unable to give anything of himself. He had spent most of the vacation lying in bed, feeling a depression so thorough that he could hardly force himself to wake up in the morning. After a few half-hearted attempts at practising Quidditch Harry had given up. He had neglected his broom and his schoolwork, but more so his friends. Ron and Hermione seemed like strangers. Both had moved on, but Harry remained trapped in the past, unable to conquer his negative emotions.

    "Harry?" Lupin inquired, looking over nervously.

    "I’m fine," Harry replied automatically. "Just thinking."

    Lupin nodded. "Does Ron normally ride with you?"

    "He’s got prefect duties," Harry muttered, knowing full well that the prefects would have been released already. Most likely Ron and Hermione were just avoiding him. He couldn’t blame them, for he had been both distant and hostile, but he still felt annoyed that they had not even bothered to come by. Their absence only made him more unwanted and more guilty.

    Lupin sank back in his chair and slowly unwrapped his sandwich, his eyes on Harry. "It’s difficult, isn’t it?"

    "What?" Harry asked, fiddling disinterestedly with his chocolate frogs wrapper. Although he had not eaten well in the previous weeks he was not very hungry, and even his favourite snacks failed to arouse an appetite.

    "Going on," Lupin said, more to himself then to Harry. He cleared his throat. "Having friends, continuing to breathe."

    Harry paused, his eyes on his shoes. It felt to him as if Lupin was reading his mind. "Neither of them care that Sirius is dead," he muttered to the polished wood floor.

    "Oh, they do in their own way, but he was not their godfather, or their best friend." Lupin nodded as if confirming something to himself. "They regret his passing, but they have grown to accept it. For you and I, Sirius played a much larger role."

    Harry was not content with that answer. "They keep expecting me to be how I was, they don’t understand."

    "How can they understand?" Lupin asked wisely, his voice calm and sad. "They have not endured your trials, yet. Can you blame them for not understanding what they have never experienced?"

    Harry looked up; Lupin’s eyes were misty and he was staring out the window unblinking as if fascinated with the woodland scenery that was rushing past. "It’s not fair," Harry said, frowning.

    "No." Lupin glanced over, his face sombre and set. He nodded at Harry. "It is not fair for you, or for him. By rights you should have been able to keep your godfather, but this is not a fair world." He paused and sipped his juice, looking sad and thoughtful. "Your friends care about you very much. They sympathize, and they miss Sirius in their own way. Give them time, but more importantly give yourself time."

    "For what?" Harry asked.

    "To adjust," Lupin answered. He unfolded his cloth napkin and set it in his lap absently, as though unaware of what he was doing. "It will take a long time before things begin to return to normal. Don’t rush yourself. Ron and Hermione are patient, they will be there for you when you are ready for them."

    "I dream that he is just beyond that veil," Harry confided softly, unprepared to give up the thoughts of Sirius. "Some nights I picture myself there, in the Ministry, throwing back that old curtain and there he is, just waiting. I reach for him and pull him out from behind the veil, and other times I just go through to his side." His eyes began to grow moist and he swiped at them impatiently with his sleeve.

    At this Lupin looked rather unnerved. "You do?"

    "Sometimes," Harry admitted. He paused, uncertain if he should tell the details of the dream to Lupin. Often in his dreams Sirius did not appear to have aged at all. In fact he was unaware that any time passed. His shaggy hair hung in his eyes, and he was grinning. Harry decided not to tell Lupin this, guessing that the dreams were of little importance.

    The door to the compartment slid open, and Harry glanced up to see Draco Malfoy framed in the doorway. He had grown a bit taller, although he was still delicate in appearance and shorter then Harry. His blonde hair gleamed in the dim, dusty light.

    "What do you want?" Harry demanded angrily, clutching his hands into fists and preparing to fight. He had never faced Malfoy without receiving taunts and insults from him. Only a sudden hand firmly gripping his shoulder caused him to remain seated.

    Remus looked up at Draco with an expression of curiosity instead of contempt. He had taught Draco Defence Against the Dark Arts and although he understood the animosity between Harry and Draco, he retained a bit of respect and sympathy for the boy. Although he had never mentioned it, Remus knew Draco’s father and had a good idea of what it was like to be Draco.

    "Mr Malfoy," Lupin said softly, the corners of his mouth perking into a sad little smile.

    Harry continued to glare furiously at the figure in the doorway, gripping his wand so tightly it was in danger of snapping. He was convinced that Draco had just come in to taunt him about Sirius’s death.

    Draco looked up in surprise at Lupin, paled, and then turned on his heel and left at a rapid pace. Harry flicked his wand; the compartment door slammed closed with a loud bang.

    "Stupid little git," Harry hissed under his breath, his eyes still on the door.

    Lupin relaxed and sighed; he had been expecting a confrontation and possibly even a duel between the two boys. Although he was not in doubt as to Harry’s skill he was concerned about the effect of tangling with someone so distraught. Harry was quite a powerful wizard, although not as trained and polished as he could be, and in his emotional state he could have easily seriously wounded or even killed Draco.

    Harry calmed himself after a moment, although he continued to throw suspicious looks at the door in case Draco returned.

    "I hate him," Harry declared as he settled back against his bench.

    Lupin raised his eyebrows slightly. "For what reason?"

    "Are you kidding?" Harry said in surprise. "He just came in here to pick a fight. You should have seen him last year on the train home, he was furious. I had just turned in his dad to the Minister and it was out that his family was Death Eaters."

    "I think Draco Malfoy is closer to understanding your predicament then you might think," Lupin commented. "His father has been placed in Azkaban prison, and he has lost everything that mattered to him, including status and friends."

    Harry recalled that Draco had not been flanked by his familiar sidekicks, Crabbe and Goyle. Although he knew both of them had Death Eaters fathers, and therefore would not have turned their backs on Draco, it had seemed odd to see Draco alone. For a moment Harry considered the fact that Draco had not been clutching his wand or preparing to duel either. Then he shrugged angrily. "I don’t care."

    "Old grudges die hard," Lupin said with a nod.

    Harry turned to his uneaten sandwich and began tearing it into pieces, more to occupy his shaking hands then anything else. They continued to ride in silence, and as the journey progressed rain started to beat steadily onto the roof and windows of the train.

    An slight rap on the window glass sometime later caused Harry to glance up again. Hermione and Ron, looking timid and uncertain, were hovering outside. Lupin set down the magazine he had been reading and smiled, although Harry gave a halfhearted grin and turned to watch the window. The weather was starting to match his mood.

    "All finished?" Lupin asked.

    Hermione looked relieved to have a familiar subject to latch on to. "Yes, we are. We just had to get the passwords, patrol a bit, you know, you were a prefect."

    "That’s right," Lupin said, nodding thoughtfully. "It’s been quite a while though. I suppose the duties are basically the same." He looked at the collection of food wrappers beside him and located an unopened cauldron cake. "Hungry?"

    "Er," Ron said, looking at the sweet with longing. Hermione pursed her lips and turned to him, impatient.

    "Aren’t you ever full? Really, we’ll be having the feast in an hour."

    Ron nodded glumly and looked down at the smashed sandwich in his hand. At this Lupin smiled and passed Ron the cauldron cake discreetly while engaging Hermione in a conversation about her career plans. Nothing pleased Hermione more then discussions on school, and she started to speak to Lupin about her options.    

    "My parents, they’re Muggle dentists, they suggested that I go into healing, but I spoke to Professor McGonagall and she suggested that I might do well in Muggle relations," Hermione explained. "Of course, I was also giving thought to a position within the Ministry, but I still don’t trust that lot."

    "No?" Lupin inquired gently.

    Hermione shook her head. "It’s corrupt, well, you must know. They’ll overlook any rules when someone makes a large donation. Lucius Malfoy went free for years, but everyone knew he was a Death Eater. Fudge was just pleased to get more galleons."

    "Not to mention the wackos they hire," Ron murmured as he swallowed the last bit of his dessert. "Look at old Umbridge."

    At the name a brief, faint blushed graced Lupin’s cheeks, but he maintained a dignified, thoughtful appearance. "Ah yes."

    Hermione frowned, no doubt remembering Umbridge’s cruel taunt about dangerous half-breeds, and her legislation that had prevented Lupin from getting honest work."You see, that’s exactly why I don’t want to work for them."

    "The adoption of honest, trustworthy people into those positions might make a difference for the good, however," Lupin mentioned, looking as if he was not too keen on continuing an Umbridge bashing session.

    Hermione waited a brief moment, then shrugged. "Perhaps, but I do believe teaching is more my calling."

    "Really?" Lupin questioned, raising his eyebrows a bit. He looked quite pleased. "What subject?"

    "Possibly Transfiguration, as it’s my best," Hermione replied.

    Ron scoffed. "Everything’s your best. The lowest grade you’ve ever gotten was an E."

    Hermione blushed, displeased at the grade. "Yes, well, but in Transfiguration I’ve done my best work. And anyway, it seems an interesting branch of magic, don’t you think?"

    Ron looked prepared to say something more but Lupin held up his hand, cutting him off gently. "If you will excuse me, I hear a bit of a ruckus."

    As he rose to his feet, Harry, Ron and Hermione turned to look at him. Noise was coming from outside of the compartment door, several angry shouts and jeers.

    "What is it?" Ron asked, looking puzzled as Hermione grabbed his arm firmly. "I don’t know if we ought to go out there."

    Hermione shook her head, looking exasperated. "We’re prefects," she reminded him in a stern tone, hauling him to his feet.

    Reluctantly Ron rose and trudged out after Hermione. Harry followed them, curious. Lupin walked briskly, his hand in his pocket where Harry knew his wand was concealed.

    The noise grew louder as they approached the end of the train. Harry could hear angry screams and taunts being fired, as if the whole of the end compartment had decided to attack someone. "Malfoy," Harry hissed, feeling anger well up. There was no doubt in his mind that Draco and his chums had started picking on someone, probably a timid first year.

    Lupin reached the compartment before anyone else and flung the door open, causing an immediate cessation of noise as the students looked up in panic. Harry pushed his way in, watching through a space in the crowd. Hermione and Ron followed; Hermione telling students in a no nonsense voice to return to their seats, Ron gaping.

    "Mr Longbottom?" Lupin asked, sounding quite surprised as he hoisted Neville Longbottom to his feet. Hermione gasped, and Harry stared in surprise. Neville was red in the face and sweaty, his hair a mess and the edge of his robe torn. He clutched his wand at the ready, looking furious. At his side was Susan Bones, a Hufflepuff, her braids half unravelled and the clasp of her robe hanging open. She was puffing and fuming, gasping for breath.

    Neville gestured at the crumpled body on the floor of the compartment, his eyes burning with unfamiliar hatred. This more then anything shocked Harry, as Neville was normally passive and of easy temperament. "He, he, he’s one of them," Neville declared with effort, glaring.

    Susan Bones stepped aside as Lupin rushed to the figure curled on the ground. Harry saw the flash of white blonde hair before Lupin even spoke the name.

    "Mr Malfoy?" Lupin asked in a soft, surprised voice. He glanced up at the crowd of onlookers, many of whom immediately stowed their wands in their pockets or hid them behind their backs. "What happened here?"

    The sound of Draco coughing silenced the circle of students. Harry could see a trickle of blood running out of Draco’s mouth, and felt vindictive pleasure. Neville was still standing close, not looking repentant or frightened even in Lupin’s presence. He was expressionless, just watching the unmoving shape of Draco Malfoy.

    Hermione finally found her voice, and grabbed the arms of the fourth years standing before her. "Back to your seats, back to your seats or I’ll write you up." One look into her eyes convinced most of the younger students that she meant business and they filed out, whispering.

    "Get on, you lot," Ron called as he slid the compartment door closed, leaving himself, Harry, Hermione, Lupin, Draco, Neville, Susan Bones and Ginny inside. Harry noticed that Ginny was horribly pale and breathing irregularly, looking as if she might swoon.

    He moved towards her and set a hand on her shoulder. "Are you okay?"

    She nodded wordlessly, not glancing up.

    "What happened?" Ron asked, noticing his sister for the first time.

    Ginny swallowed and took a calming breath. Harry noticed that her hands were shaking. She pointed at Neville, and at Susan Bones. "They, he, they came into his compartment and just started hitting him with spells."

    Hermione frowned. "You mean he came into this compartment and they attacked him?"

    Ginny shook her head. "No, we were in here, they came in, Neville and her."

    "We?" Ron asked, surprised.

    Looking quite faint, Ginny nodded. Harry and Hermione exchanged shocked looks; Ron was busy gaping at Ginny.

    "He came in to start a fight with you, I bet," Ron said fiercely. "He knows you were at the Ministry when his dad was arrested, he probably blames you."

    "He came into our compartment too," Harry said, indicating Lupin. "But he left the second he saw Lupin, filthy coward."

    Lupin was gently hoisting Draco into an upright position. Hermione and Ginny both gasped as Lupin pushed Draco’s hair, which had been hanging in his face, out of the way. Draco was deathly pale, but his lip was cut and the blood pouring from it made a stark contrast. Bruises were blooming on his left cheek, the corner of his mouth and his right eye. There was a bloody gash on his neck, and his eyes remained closed.

    "Mr Malfoy?" Lupin said cautiously. "Draco?"

    Draco opened one swollen eye and heaved a painful sigh. Lupin touched his wrist, which was bent at a bad angle, and Draco moaned and gritted his teeth.

    "Can you stand?" Lupin asked Malfoy. Draco shook his head once, wincing in pain. Harry noticed a small puddle of blood on the floor where Draco had just laid, and saw redness matted into Draco’s shining silvery hair.    

    Lupin turned to Hermione. "Go, go to the front compartment and get the witch that sells the snacks. We’ll have to hope she remembers her healing training."

    "She’s a –," Hermione started, but was cut off by Lupin’s intense, troubled glance.

    "Go!" He called to her.

    Lupin turned back to Draco as Hermione rushed out. "What was done to him?" he asked, obviously addressing Neville.

    Neville went slightly red, but still looked angry. "His father is a Death Eater. They tortured my parents!"

    "Were any spells used?" Lupin inquired in a calm, relaxed voice as if he was discussing a rather boring game of Gobstones. His eyes, meeting Neville’s, were calm and reassuring, although Harry recognized the set look of his jaw.

    It was Malfoy who eventually responded to the question. Opening his bruised, swelling eyes he glared up at Neville, who paled and clutched his wand all the tighter. "Cruc–," Malfoy whispered painfully, gritting his teeth. "Cruciatus."

    "No!" Ginny said in alarm. Beside her, Harry and Ron jumped. Susan Bones went scarlet. "It wasn’t I," she said loudly. "It was Neville. I just wanted to have it out with Malfoy, but not like that."

    Harry had always thought of Susan Bones as a fairly timid, mousy girl who would not hurt a fly. He was surprised to see her involved, but would have been even more shocked had she admitted to using the Cruciatus curse, an unforgivable.        

    Susan Bones glanced piteously over at Neville. "I’m sorry," she said softly to him. "I just can’t have anyone think...that I–,"

    "No," Neville replied woodenly. "It’s my fault. I did it."

    Lupin seemed to take this as a matter of course. "You used no spells on him?" he asked Susan Bones.

    "Just a Bat Bogey Hex," she admitted, redfaced. "Have you any idea what his family has done to mine?"

    "I understand," Lupin said as Draco began coughing, splashing blood onto the floor in front of him. "Go ahead, I’ll speak to your head of house when we arrive."

    Hermione burst in with the woman who sold the snack goods during every Hogwarts Express trip. Both were pale, and immediately the woman dropped to Malfoy’s side, wand out. "What’s happened here?"

    "The Cruciatus Curse," Lupin responded briskly.

    Hermione winced, glancing at Neville with concern. She had a definite soft spot for him, and often helped him with lessons whenever she could. It was obvious from her shocked expression that she was just as startled by his sudden violence as Harry and Ron.

    "Oh my," exclaimed the woman. She muttered a spell under her breath and pointed her wand towards Malfoy. "Do you have any idea who did this?"

    Lupin paused, and licked his lips once. "I believe that is going to be a matter of investigation at the school," he answered after a moment.

    "The security of the train!" began the witch, but Lupin looked at her gravely.

    "The security is not breeched, I assure you. There are no Death Eaters aboard the train. Please," he added, indicating Malfoy again. "He needs to be comforted until we arrive at the school."

    "Right," she answered, and waved her wand at Draco’s face. Immediately his eyes closed and he collapsed limply against Lupin. "I’ll stay with him, until we reach Hogwarts."

    Lupin nodded. "Thank you. Well then," he said, looking at Harry, "let’s give them some space. We’ve just twenty minutes until we arrive at Hogwarts."

    Harry and Ron made to follow Lupin as he pulled Neville into an empty compartment, but Lupin stopped them. "Mr. Longbottom and I need to have a few words," Lupin explained softly. "Harry, I’ll speak to you this evening."

    Harry, Ron and Hermione gaped at each other as Lupin closed the door gently behind him.

    "Neville, wow, I never would have thought!" exclaimed Ron, looking faintly impressed, although slightly sickened as well. Beside him Ginny groaned.

    Hermione patted Ginny on the hand. "I know, it’s perfectly awful, and you’re an insensitive wart, Ronald Weasley!"

    "Me? What?" Ron stammered, looking affronted. "You want me to pity that git, after all he’s done to us?"

    Hermione shook her head, hair flying. "You might think of Neville. He’s gone and done an Unforgivable Curse! You know what happens to wizards who do things like that? Azkaban!"

    Ron paled a bit. "But really, they aren’t going to put Neville in Azkaban. He’s just, just our age. It’s only adults who go there."

    "Untrue," Hermione snapped back. "Anyone who does an Unforgivable, really does one, can be sent there. What I’m really surprised about is that Neville was able to do it at all. Those are supposed to take years of practice."

    Harry was wondering the same thing. He thought back to the Ministry of Magic and his very brief application of the curse upon Bellatrix Lestrange. She had been able to shrug it off without a thought, despite Harry’s very intense anger. He had no idea how Neville would have learned to do the curse, much less apply it enough to do proper damage.

    "I wonder where Crabbe and Goyle are," Harry said. "I’ve never seen Malfoy alone."

    Hermione looked disconcerted, glancing around as if to double check that indeed the two hefty Slytherin’s were absent. "That is curious."

    Ron still seemed not to realize the implications of Neville’s actions. "Well, who knows, if they had shown up he might have just shouted Avada Kedavra and been done with it. I never would have guess, but he has style. Malfoy’s a mess."

    At this Ginny burst into tears and rushed away, shocking all three of them.

    "What?" Ron called after her.

    Hermione clicked her tongue impatiently, tears in her own eyes. "How can you be so absent minded? Ginny went out with Neville two years ago, you might recall, and now he’s done something mad that might land him in Azkaban. You could try and have some sympathy."

    "We’re here," Harry commented, feeling the train slowly grind to a halt.

    "Prefect duties," Hermione reminded Ron, who still looked confused. They rushed off, leaving Harry standing beside the door.

    A second later the door slid back, revealing a sorrowful looking Lupin and a tear stained Neville. Harry offered Neville a reassuring smile, but Neville continued to look miserable, and Harry remembered Hermione’s grave words about Neville going to Azkaban.

    "Is he –," Harry started to ask Lupin, unable to keep his worries to himself, but Lupin simply patted Harry’s shoulder.

    "See me in my office after the feast," Lupin said. He offered a wan, joyless smile in Harry’s direction, but his eyes were clouded with unhappiness. Neville, distraught, burst into fresh sobs, sniffling as he followed Lupin away from Harry. Harry wanted to offer some type of reassurance, but nothing came to mind.

    As he left the train, Harry caught sight of Lupin following Neville into one of the Thestral pulled carriages. Harry remembered that Neville too could see the skeletal horses. Feeling depressed and sorry for Neville, Harry found a carriage of his own. His much anticipated return to Hogwarts for sixth year was not going according to plan.