Fred and George's Guide to Snogging

Introduction: A History of the Snog

Hello, dear reader. Chances are if you're reading this book, you are, at the very least, curious about the delightful action known as snogging.

To snog, as defined in muggle dictionaries, is "to kiss and cuddle," but it is our firm belief that anyone who has ever engaged in the act of snogging will inform you that that definition is completely and totally false. In Chapter Two: The Mechanics of Snogging, you will learn that there is usually very little cuddling involved, and that the term "kissing" is far less descriptive than it ought to be. However, we mustn't fault the muggles for their poor defintion. Given that we already know they are incompetent at most everything, it is safe to assume that improper snogging is one of their many deficiencies.

Snogging was first invented by Miss Bertina Snog in the early thirteenth century, though her name was not applied to the action until its rapid increase in popularity during the 1960s made a specific term necessary. Rumor has it that Miss Snog, a member of the royal court at the English Lord of Magic's palace (this was in the days predating the Ministry of Magic), had grown tired of the ancient practice of kissing. So, one day, when her suitor, Viscount Jarvis Sylvester, kissed Miss Snog, she did not allow for the customary duration of the kiss. Rather, she is said to have grabbed the back of his head and held on for as long as two minutes, at which time she announced what great fun was to be had from such a method. However, most looked upon the custom as an inordinate display of immodesty, and it was practiced only in extremely private places until the 1920s.

It was at this point that some women, "flappers," as they were ridiculously termed by muggles (we assume for some sort of bird-like quality), began to display a moderate air of promiscuity, particularly in the United States of America. Snogging fell out of favor during the Great Depression and World War II, however, as between standing in lines to procure bread and fighting the Germans, there was not much time for kissing of any sort.

By the dawning of the 1960s, however, snogging was back and more widespread than ever. It was at this time period that people finally began to realize that there was fun to be had in life. The term "snogging" was first popularized by Dr. Julius T. Inglebaum, a researcher on wizard sexuality, who undertook to write a much longer and drawn out version of the history we just gave you. It was further introduced by the phenomenon known as The Snog Monsters, a band which burst onto the scene in 1965 after drunkenly stumbling into a performance of The Great Hangleton Symphony Orchestra, seizing instruments, and giving an impromptu concert. Their first single, "Snogging Julietta," was a colossal hit, leading not only to an uprise in snogging, but also quite a lot of unwaranted attention for girls named Julietta.

Today, snogging is the common pastime for bored teenagers, shameless twenty-somethings, and drunk people of any age. This book will show you, should you choose to continue reading it, how to successfully join the ranks of whichever category you happen to fit into.

Happy reading,

Fred and George Weasley.

Note: All facts in the above passage concerning the history of snogging may or may not be one of the following: completely true, mostly true, completely false, or the subject of great controversy to be verified only at a much later date by someone other than the authors of this publication.