The You I Never Knew

After waking Adele up and sending her off to the shower, Hermione set out for the kitchen to pack a lunch for Adele's train trip. She rummaged around in the refrigerator without paying much attention to what she was doing.

It had been eleven years since she'd been on her own. With her little girl off to Hogwarts, what would she do with herself? Her days had been meticulously planned around Adele. She had it all down to an art form, and now, all of that would be gone.

Hermione couldn't help but wonder if all the emotions she was feeling were the ones that her own mother had experienced when she had gone off to school. She suddenly felt as if she understood her mother a lot better than she ever had. All those dreadfully long goodbyes at the train station and owls she had received nearly every day for two months during her first year -- she finally realized the reason behind all of that. That was what it meant to be a mother.

As she cut Adele's sandwich in half, Hermione first noticed the tears on her cheeks. She wiped them away with her sleeve, but by the time she had the sandwich packed away they were back again. She promised herself that she wasn't going to cry in front of Adele; she'd save her tears for when she was alone.

The last thing she wanted to do was show her daughter that she was upset. If Adele saw, she might feel guilty about leaving. Hermione swore that she wasn't going to jeopardize Adele's happiness.

When she heard the familiar sound of Adele running down the stairs, Hermione tried to hide any evidence that she had been crying. She absolutely had to keep a straight face. Hermione told herself that it shouldn't be much of a problem; however when Adele came bursting into the kitchen, she found herself ready to crack.

"Are you all packed up?" she asked, the strain in her voice giving her away.

"What's wrong, Mum?"

"Nothing's wrong, love."

Hermione hoped her daughter believed that. If she started to talk about what had her so upset, she'd be an even bigger wreck. Nothing she could have done could have prepared her for her little one leaving the nest for months at a time. She was envious of all the mothers who got to keep their children until it was time for them to go to university or find a job. Having to let go of her child when Adele was still so young was one of the few things she hated about the Wizarding world.

"You were crying, weren't you?"

"Of course not," she said, putting on a smile. "Why would I be crying? This is an exciting day."

"Then why is your mascara is running?"

Before she knew it, Adele had her arms wrapped tightly around her waist, giving her the biggest hug she could muster.

"It's okay to cry, Mum. I'm going to miss you too."

That was all she could take. The flood gates broke down, and there wasn't anything left to hold back the tears. Pulling Adele as close as she possibly could, Hermione held her there for a long while, planting kisses on her forehead every now and then.

Reaching for a tissue, she dried up her tears and tried to clean up her runny make-up. It wouldn't be forever; she knew that. As hard as it would be, she'd have her daughter back at Christmas time. Taking a deep breath, she regained her composure and smiled.

"You'll write to me everyday?" she asked, running her fingers through Adele's ginger curls.

"Everyday?" Adele rolled her eyes. "Not everyday. Maybe every week."

"Brat."

"But you love me for it."

"I do more than you'll ever know, Adele."

Unable to resist the urge, she pulled her daughter to her once more. This time there was no tears or sobs. Instead, Hermione tried to express all the things she couldn't find words for. She hoped that her daughter really did know that she meant the world to her.

"Alright, dear, what do you say we finish packing your lunch? What kind of snacks do you want?"

"How about some sweets?" Adele proposed.

Hermione, being a dentist and all, had to cringe. Knowing how much she disapproved of sweets, Adele loved to bring it up every so often. When Hermione would drop her off at a friend's house, she would promise to eat a whole bunch while she was gone. They both knew it was an empty threat but still one that got on Hermione's nerves.

"You must be out of your mind."

"We'll see, Mum. I have a whole stash around here somewhere."

With that, Adele shot out of the room and up the stairs before Hermione had the chance to say anything. All she was able to do was smile. How did she get blessed with such a wonderful little girl? Difficult at times, yes, but absolutely wonderful and smart beyond her years. While rolling the question around in her mind, Hermione finished up the lunch.

*******

While her mum finished packing up the car, Adele leaned into the back of the car to scratch Vincent under the chin. He pawed at the door of the pet carrier to show his disapproval of the cage.

"Sorry, Vince, but Mum says you have to stay in there. Don't worry; I'll let you out on the train."

"Are you ready?" her mother asked, getting into the vehicle.

"Yes, can we go?"

"Not until you get buckled up, young lady. How many times do I have to tell you?"

Adele rolled her eyes and reached for the seat belt. Couldn't they just get going? As soon as she was on the train, it would be official. She would really be a Hogwarts student. She didn't have time to worry about seat belts and the like.

"Are you sure you have everything?"

"Yes, Mum, I've got it all. That's like the twentieth time you've asked me."

Honestly, why did her mother worry so much? Was she planning on driving her mad before she left for school? It wasn't like she was really forgetful. Her mum had reminded her about a few little things, but they were only things her mum would actually think about. And they hadn't been anything she absolutely had to have like her wand.

Suddenly, Adele put her hand over her mouth and went bug eyed. She didn't remember placing her wand in her trunk. How could she be such an idiot! A witch forgetting her wand? Who had ever heard of such a thing?

"Wait, Mum! I forgot something!"

"This is why I asked you twenty times if you had everything."

Forcing the door open, Adele jumped out of the car before her mother had even made a complete stop. With a slam of the door, she quickly ran to the house.

*******

Hermione sighed deeply. Despite what Adele thought, she had actually reminded her to check for a reason. It might have been annoying, but Adele should have listened. Putting the car in park, she watched Adele fiddle with her key, and disappear into the flat.

Where had all the time gone? It seemed as if it was only yesterday that she was holding a tiny bundle in her arms all swaddled up in pink. Hermione didn't know how many times she had kissed her baby girl that first day, taking in the scent of her small tufts of ginger hair.

But if it seemed like yesterday that Adele was born, why did it seem like an eternity since she'd been separated from him? She could recall every detail so vividly that it was painful. At times, she would replay what had happened over and over again in her mind, as if she were watching from a Pensieve, and knew now where she had gone so wrong back then.

The whole situation was one huge mess. She should have never left the morning after, should have never assumed that Ron would have regretted being with her. They had made that promise, but, looking back, it seemed a bit foolish. There was no sense in waiting; it wouldn't have changed anything between them. He wouldn't have respected her any more or less, loved her any more or less. But at the time, she hadn't been able to get that through her head.

And when she had first discovered she was having his child, she should have gone to him right away. She knew now that she shouldn't have waited to feel him out on the subject of children. Now she realized that had only made her over analyze every little thing that he had said or done. Maybe he really had wanted to have a child with her, albeit not so soon, but it was certainly a possibility. And if he hadn't wanted to be a father, then that should have been his choice... But instead, it was her regret to bear.

Out of all the problems that they'd had, the hardest thing for her to accept had been finding Ron in the arms of another woman. Ginny had warned her about Eva's reputation. Hermione tried to brush it off as nothing, but in reality, she didn't know if she could handle Eva training Ron to be an Auror. She'd gone to Ginny to talk about the situation. It was a pointless thing to do though; no matter how many times Ginny had told her that Ron wouldn't be interested in Eva, Hermione couldn't believe that. She'd seen them together. Slowly, she had had to watch the love of her life being stolen away from her.

And so many times she tried to tell him about their unborn child, but that damnable woman got in the way at every attempt she made. Just before she left, Hermione thought long and hard about leaving him to her. But it was what he wanted, wasn't it? If she blurted out that they were having a child, he would have likely stuck around due to obligation. That was one thing that she couldn't handle.

"Where are you now, Ron?"

That question had plagued her a lot over the years. He was no doubt a fantastic Auror; it had been his dream since childhood, so she knew that he would put all his heart and soul into it. Had he stayed with Eva? She doubted it very much given the woman's reputation. But surely after all these years he'd found someone to take her place at his side. He probably had a wonderful wife and troop of little red headed Weasleys. It was a bittersweet thought. If that was the case, she was very happy for him, but she also couldn't easily let go of the thought that one day, long ago, she'd wished that she would have one day been Mrs. Ronald Weasley and that they did, in fact, share a beautiful little girl together.

By allowing Adele to return to the world that she had forsaken, she would probably would cross paths with Ron again. After all, her little secret would finally be out and about at Hogwarts. The Weasleys knew enough people there that surely it would get out to somebody.

Her reunion with Ron was something that she both feared and desired. She'd dreamt an unrealistic dream where he would pull her into his arms and all would be forgiven. Hermione wasn't naïve enough to believe that. He was going to hate her, and she rightly deserved it.

Her only wish was that Adele wouldn't be anymore of a victim in the situation than she already was. She had to hope that Ron would love Adele dearly despite all that she had done to him.

*******

On their way to King's Cross, Adele watched the scenery as it went by. There were many buildings and shops that lined the streets, but they weren't anything like the ones at Diagon Alley. There wasn't anything exciting inside of them, nothing magical, just plain, everyday, boring merchandise.

Non-magical people no longer seemed interesting to watch. They didn't dress in fantastic robes or carry wands. They'd never performed magic or had eaten Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans, which her mother allowed her to try on their shopping trip. At some point in time, they stopped being like her and suddenly became Muggles.

"What are you thinking about, pumpkin?"

Adele looked over at her mother. Did she feel this way too? The people she worked with, her patients, her own mum and dad, did she see them all as Muggles? Adele hadn't even been a part of the Wizarding world that long, and she felt different from everyone. Her mother, who had lived as a witch for a long time, returned to the normal world. How could she have done it?

"Mum, do you feel different?"

"I don't understand. Different how?"

"Like, you know." Adele found difficulty in forming the right words. "Well, you're a witch, but you live as a Muggle. How do you keep from doing magic?"

"Oh, that. It wasn't easy to adjust at first. But I had lived without magic before, so I was certainly able to do it again."

"Did Grandmum and Granddad understand you? You know, because they're Muggle and you're a witch."

"Oh, Adele."

Adele understood by the tone in her mother's voice that it was a topic she didn't want to discuss. But much to her relief, it wasn't that warning tone that she had heard so often those past few weeks.

"What? It's an honest question."

"It was difficult on them. They didn't really understand. Actually, they still don't. It's not their fault though. And don't you start looking down on Muggles, young lady," her mother warned.

"I wasn't looking down on them!"

"Just like in the Muggle world, there are also prejudices in the Wizarding world. People look down on Muggles, Squibs, Muggle-borns, and house-elves. It's a bunch of rubbish too, so don't believe a word of it. Adele, someone once believed that it's not our abilities but our choices that makes us who we really are."

"Who said that?"

"Albus Dumbledore. He was a great man, one I truly respected. It's a good philosophy to have, so you should take it to heart."

Adele couldn't help but wonder who this Albus was. Was he someone who went to school with her mum? An old friend maybe? Whatever he was, her mum talked about him in the past tense, so apparently he was no longer alive.

Oh, and what exactly was a Squib? Just as she was about to ask, her mother pulled into the train station parking lot.

"Here we are. Get Vincent; I'll take care of your trunk. We're running a bit behind, so let's hurry up!"

Adele's eyes couldn't move fast enough as she tried to catch of glimpse of anything that looked remotely magical. The people looked normal though, and there were no signs that had any magic related names. So, Adele kept a look out for platform nine and three- quarters.

When her mother announced that they had arrived at the platform, Adele was quite confused. Behind her was the sign for platform nine and in front of her was the one for platform ten, but no where did she see platform nine and three-quarters.

"Umm, Mum, where exactly is it?"

"Right through there, dear." Her mother pointed to the wall in front of them. "Take your cart and run along."

"Run into a wall? Are you out of your mind?!"

"Would you just trust me? I've done this many times. Now go, Adele."

"But, Mum," she groaned.

"Quickly! If you don't go soon you won't have to worry about going to Hogwarts because the train will have left you behind."

Leave her behind after all the waiting she had done? Not a chance. Summoning up as much courage as she could muster, Adele took the cart handle and ran, praying that she wasn't about to fall, quite literally, for some joke. When she opened her eyes on the other side, she was absolutely mesmerized.

*******

On the platform groups of people were packed in front of a shiny red engine that read Hogwarts Express. Children were being hugged by their parents; some parents were saying tearful goodbyes to their first years while others received a quick kiss on the cheek from their older children and watched as the children located their friends and disappeared onto the train.

"Come on, love. It's time to load up," Hermione said, handing her daughter Vincent's traveling basket before taking the trunk off the cart.

"Adele!" Suddenly, Akemi appeared from the boarding steps of the train. "I found a compartment all to ourselves! We're finally going to Hogwarts! I'm so excited."

"Yeah, me too!"

"Let's go," Akemi said.

The time had come. Hermione kissed Adele's head when she came over for her goodbye. Knowing that Adele would be itching to get on the train, Hermione didn't keep her very long. When she set her daughter loose, Adele and her friend began chatting away as they fought through the crowd to get onto the train.

In truth, Hermione had a difficult time letting ago. She felt as if it were the last few moments that Adele was truly hers. Now, she'd have to share her with the entire Wizarding world. It was a difficult concept to wrap her mind around. So many years she'd had her little girl all to herself, and never once had she taken it for granted, but Hermione still felt like she'd been cheated as a mother. She wanted to open her mouth, wanted to call Adele back to her. Hermione wished that she could just keep her at the house forever. But that would be selfish and cruel; and she had done enough selfish and cruel things in her life.

Besides, she had to focus on the positive things. Adele had a friend now, one that she could truly connect with, considering that none of her other friends were witches. Hogwarts would be good for her too. It would teach her and mature her, make her independent and strong. Adele would be all right without her mummy to protect her. Hermione knew that was what she had to keep telling herself.

Hearing the sound of the whistle, Hermione searched for Adele's face among all the children who were saying their final goodbyes to their parents. With little time to spare, she found the girls waving from the window first to who she assumed were Akemi's parents and then turning their attention to her.

"Bye, Mum! I love you!"

"I love you too, baby. Don't forget to write me. And keep up with your studies. Limit your sweets. Don't put off doing your homework. Oh! And no copying!"

The last thing she saw was Adele's smile as the pair withdrew from the window. She tried to smile too. It was on her lips for a fleeting second before she was overcome with emotions. Tears spilled down her cheeks.

There was so much that she never told her. Before Adele left, she should have sat her down and explained all about Ron. A girl should know who her father is. But she was scared that Adele would hate her.

Her problems were much worse now though. She'd just sent her baby into an unfamiliar world where people could say something to her about her father and mother, could make up such believable lies, and poor Adele wouldn't know what to think or who she could trust.

She didn't have the chance to fix things this time around either. It was as if her exit and reentrance into the Wizarding world would be littered with mistakes. When did she, Hermione Granger, become so frightfully awful with dealing with life? She could figure out the most difficult arithmancy problems, translate runes as if she were reading her own language, but none of that mattered. None of that could help her understand and cope with basic human needs and emotions. And it was there that she had gone wrong so many times. Brightest witch of her age? Maybe, but she was a considerably stupid woman.

Now she had to face all of her demons, had to roll with the punches and take whatever wrath may fall upon her. She'd done this, she reminded herself. It was high time she owned up to it.

*******

Filing into their compartment, the girls arranged Adele's trunk by the window, then took a seat beside each other. Immediately they began to chat away about the last two weeks and their shared anticipation for Hogwarts.

After about an hour and a half, Adele decided to take out Vincent, who was obviously growing restless and agitated from being locked in a cage all day. The kitten soon began playing with its mistress, making swats at her hand with its small paw.

"Aww, he's so cute, Adele. What's his name?"

"It's Vincent. I bought him at the Magical Menagerie in Diagon Alley. Did you bring a pet?"

"Oh, yeah, I'll show you."

Akemi crossed over to the other side where her things were stashed. Standing on the seat, she was just tall enough to reach a square box with holes cut out. Jumping down, she fell back into her spot, fiddled with the lid, and took out a huge toad.

Adele scrunched up her nose at the sight. Though she didn't have anything against toads, she never thought they were particularly cute creatures. She certainly wouldn't want one for a pet. Yet, it seemed as if Akemi thought it was as cute as Vincent or maybe even cuter by the way she was talking to it and petting it between the eyes.

"Does it have a name?"

"Warren," she replied cheerfully. "I know you must be thinking that I'm very weird, but I've always liked toads."

"It's not really weird. He's sort of cute in his own way, I guess."

When the girls were in the middle of giggling over something Adele said, the door slid open. A shaggy haired boy stepped inside the compartment, looking a little embarrassed. Adele and Akemi looked at him and smiled.

"Excuse me, but can I crash in here for the rest of the way? I was a few cars up, but it was getting cramped."

"Sure!" Adele chirped. "The more the merrier."

He shuffled in with his things and secured them. Sitting on the seat opposite the girls, he took off the covering to what was presumably a cage, revealing an owl.

"There, that's a bit better, don't you think?" he asked the bird before turning his attention to the girls. "The name's Gawain Wood, and this is my barred owl, Elsie."

"Gawain Wood? Why does that sound familiar?" Then Akemi remembered. "You're the son of Oliver Wood, Puddlemere United's famous Keeper!"

"Yeah, that's me," he replied, blushing.

"Wow, your dad's a celebrity? That's so cool. I wish I had a famous parent," Adele said. "Are you going to playing Quidditch at Hogwarts?"

Soon after Adele had learned about the Wizarding world, she asked her mother if she could read some books about it. That's when they went over to her grandparents, and her mum dug out all her old school books. Some of them were very dull; Hogwarts: A History stood out in her mind. But she was definitely fascinated with the books about Quidditch.

"Actually, I'm ruddy awful at it," he explained. "Oh, I didn't catch the names."

"Oh, sorry, I'm Adele, and this is Vincent."

"Akemi. It's a pleasure." She held up her toad. "This here is Warren."

Gawain began to fish around for something in his rucksack and returned with a crumpled brown paper bag. Opening the sack, he pulled out two sandwiches then proceeded to offer them to the girls.

"Want one? They're ham and cheese. Mum packed too many for me to eat."

"Thanks," the girls said in unison.

Soon, all of the packed lunches were being shared and traded between the three of them. They chatted quite a bit, passed around their pets, talked a little about their families, and then spoke about Hogwarts for the rest of the ride.

"I'm really excited! Are you nervous about being sorted?" Akemi asked.

"Sorted?"

"I thought you told me you'd read all about Hogwarts. Must have skipped over that chapter," she replied. "At Hogwarts, the first years are sorted into the houses that they'll stay in until they leave school. There are four houses: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin," Gawain said.

"Oh yeah, now I remember Mum telling me something like that. What house do you want to be sorted into?"

"I wouldn't mind being sorted into Ravenclaw," Akemi answered.

"My dad was a Gryffindor, but my mum was a Ravenclaw. I'm not sure where I'll end up. How about you, Adele?"

"Um, well both my parents went to Hogwarts, but I'm not sure what house they were in. My mum won't tell me. She says that I shouldn't dig around in her past and all."

"That's not fair," Gawain stated. "What does your dad think about that?"

Adele's ears became suddenly red at the mention of her father. How was she supposed to explain the situation when she didn't even know what happened? Would her friends think she was odd because of the circumstances surrounding her dad?

And while they were on the topic of her father, how exactly was she going to find out about him? Where would she look first? Mr. Ollivander said that her father was an Auror, but there had to be more than a few of them if they were like the police. She didn't even know where the Auror office was. Even if she did, she doubted they'd just let her waltz right on in.

She did know he went to Hogwarts though. But like the Auror lead, she didn't know where to go looking for any information on him. How does someone go about searching for a person without a name? Adele really never took all of that into consideration before. She was so confident about finding him, that she never took the things that might get in her way into account. With her limited knowledge of the Wizarding world, she worried if she was going to be successful at all. But she had to try!

"I- uhh, err.... I don't have a dad."

"What are you talking about, 'Dele? You just said your parents went to Hogwarts," said Akemi.

"Well, I never knew my father. My mum had me when she was really young. Maybe my dad didn't want me."

"Aw, you don't know that," the boy spoke. "Listen your dad must be completely daft not to want you. You're better off without him."

"You think so, Gawain?"

"Sure, don't let it worry you."

"I know you said you wanted to find out stuff about him. Maybe Gawain and I can help you."

"Do you really mean that?"

"Sure," they answered.

Adele was ecstatic. With two other people working with her, there was a good chance that they'd be able to find something out, especially since Gawain and Akemi grew up in the Wizarding world.

It wasn't long before they arrived at Hogsmeade. The trio could hardly contain themselves. They cleaned up and got ready to leave the train.

Adele was about to burst when the train came to a halt. Soon she would be able to see the school she had read about. Things couldn't get much better. She already had two wonderful friends, and it was the beginning of seven magical years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.