As If Burned

As If Burned

Severus Snape's dragon leather boots made no noise as he hurried down the long hall back toward his private chambers.

It was his privilege, as head of his house, to use the grand bedroom and equally grand sitting room and foyer that had once housed Salazar Slytherin. The opulent rooms had a cold and haughty appearance, much like Severus himself. Fitting.

Besides that, they were quite a bit more elegant than the shabby flat he kept in Devonshire.

It was not his accommodations, however, that were the focus of his attention as he flared down the corridors (nearly trampling an unfortunately small boy on his way. Cresby or Creevy was his name, Severus thought. He couldn't wait until the next morning when all the brats would be shipped out for the summer.)

He had just been informed by Dumbledore that Remus Lupin would be returning to Hogwarts to teach Defence Against the Dark Arts and that he, Severus, would need to brew Wolfsbane potion for him regularly. Starting next week, although Remus himself would not arrive until the start of next term.

Shorted again, he bitterly thought to himself, and in favour of Remus! He'll most certainly be an improvement over that blithering idiot, Lockhart. At least in the professional sense.

He stopped suddenly before the large door inlaid with ornate silver scrolls. His robes fluttered and swished around him. Severus retrieved a slender, silver key from deep within a concealed pocket with a familiar fluid motion and inserted it into the lock.

"Boomslang," he muttered. With a purple spark from the lock the door sprang open.

Remus, who had spurned him, was coming to Hogwarts! Severus knew he had an uncomfortable year to look forward to.

He removed the dress hat he'd worn to the troubling meeting (out of respect for Dumbledore) just inside the door and fairly threw it into the front closet. When the hat tumbled from the shelf, Severus caught it as it fell and placed it forcefully. Then he slammed the closet dramatically and headed toward the bathroom where he intended to take a scalding hot bath.

Without calming potion! he thought savagely. He was determined to savour his foul mood for what was left of the day. He was entitled to his indignation .

"Is something troubling you, Severus?" inquired a polite, rather musical voice from his doorway.

He did not need to turn around to ascertain the identity of the voice. He preferred not to face the man now standing in his sitting room and hide the shock that was currently registering on his face. Dumbledore had not mentioned that Remus was here at Hogwarts.

"What are you doing here?" The acid tone of his reply was unmistakable. Remus Lupin, the very man on his mind- the current thorn in his side- was in his home!

"Surely I couldn't take the post of professor without interviewing for the job."

"No, what are you doing in this room uninvited?"

"I thought you might welcome a visit from a familiar face," the voice answered smoothly. "Your door was left open just now

"Ah, how sweet of you to intrude upon my privacy, Lupin." Snape turned and offered a smile that more closely resembled a sneer. "If you'll forgive me, I've more pressing things to do and can't sit and chat." He began to turn, intent upon having his bath.

"Perhaps I could assist you," Remus offered.

Severus made a muffled noise that sounded suspiciously like choking and turned back to the sitting room. Remus had walked up behind him and they now stood only a few feet apart.

Glancing over the other man's face, Severus was met with a sincere amber gaze. Just as he remembered. But the rest of Remus was not as he remembered. Where his cheeks ought to have been there were now deep hollows and the skin under his eyes was a telltale shade of purple. His clothes had always appeared careworn, but the robes he was currently sporting were little more than rags. It seemed there weren't many employment opportunities for werewolves such as Remus.

"Time has treated you well, Severus." Remus's voice was as young as ever even if the rest of him was not.

Snape's eyes fell to Remus's mouth as he spoke. He remembered that mouth. Had spent many lonely evenings recalling that mouth, in fact. "Pity I can't say the same of you. What did you really come here for, Lupin?"

At this, Remus lowered his eyes to the cold marble floor for a moment before answering. "To thank you, of course. For agreeing to make the potion. For welcoming me to Hogwarts. Just to thank you."

"Ah." Severus's swept him with a quick, calculating look. "There is no need to thank me, Lupin, thank the headmaster. Now if that is all you require, I should like to be left alone for the evening."

"I also want to let you know, Severus-" Snape turned once more at the sound of Remus's low, musical voice.

"Yes?" he nearly whispered.

Remus lowered his eyes momentarily again before he continued. "I wanted to let you know that my office and my quarters are always open to you if ever you need anything."

"And what could I possibly need from you, Lupin?"

The two men were nearly nose-to-nose.

"Anything, Severus. To talk, perhaps. About our time together... at Hogwarts." Snape's proximity seemed to dominate Lupin's, forcing his voice into a hushed tone.

"Again, I will ask you, Remus, what is your reason for disturbing me?" Snape's mouth twitched into a grimace a second after he realized he had called Lupin by his familiar name. He had a fairly good idea as to what had compelled the werewolf to visit him in his private quarters rather than showing up in his office or sending his thanks by owl. He was determined not to admit he had any inkling, however. Playing safe by playing dumb. He would not be caught in the open by mentioning a history that was best forgotten.

"I wanted to know if our past would be in the way of our being colleagues, Severus. I wanted to be sure there were no hard feelings between us." Remus paused as if gathering nerve. "I also wanted to apologize for my... behaviour last time we spoke. I never meant for you to feel...."

"Used?" Offered Snape in a practiced, mocking tone. He remembered the night in question. Spoke indeed! Precious little speaking went on at that meeting during their sixth year at Hogwarts. He'd been sixteen years old and Remus had come to him to apologize for the actions of his friends concerning the whomping willow. He'd wanted to apologize to Severus for mauling him.

Instead of apologizing he'd mauled him again, in a manner of speaking. And Severus had, of course, welcomed it. It was true that he and Remus had not spoken since.

"Is that how you felt?"

Of course that was how he'd felt after it became clear that Remus had wanted nothing more to do with him. Or rather it became clear that Remus was far too infatuated with Sirius Black to give him a second thought.

"Hardly. It was I who used you, Remus. Don't over-exaggerate your charm. Your indiscretion meant little to me."

Snape held Remus's eye hoping that the other man would not use legilmency and see through his lie. Severus had, for lack of a better word, pined for Remus. For a ridiculously long period of time. And hated himself for doing so.

A brief look of confusion flashed across Remus's face. Snape silently congratulated himself for avoiding any further embarrassment or appearance of vulnerability. If there was one thing he hated it was feeling exposed. But Remus had accomplished that. He had made Severus hurt nearly fourteen years earlier. Surprisingly enough, the wound was still tender.

But now he'd gotten his chance to wipe that pitying look off of Remus's face. And he'd done it. He'd shown Remus indifference. He'd shown him what he knew was a look of insufferable superiority. "I'm more experienced than you," that look was meant to say. "I'm more mature, more self-sufficient, and you're just another notch in my belt." It was a look full of absolute bullshit.

However, Severus was wrong. He'd been too absorbed in his own thoughts to notice that the confused look on the other man's face had morphed first into a look of understanding and then a look of intent.

Remus leaned across the last few inches that separated the men and kissed him like he'd done all those years before.

Severus's body gave a cry of pleasure. Oh, how he longed to kiss back, to wrap his arms around Remus's diminished waist and drag him to the waiting bathtub.

Instead he recoiled as if burned.

"Get out, Lupin." He spoke in a ragged whisper. "I'll make the Wolfsbane for you, but I won't be your friend or your lover. It'd do you well not to make such assumptions in the future." His eyes bored into Remus's with a cold fury as he spoke.

Without further warning, Snape turned on his heel and at last retreated into the bathroom leaving Remus to let himself out.