Pillars of Wisdom

She had waited all day for that first snowfall, holding her breath as the first few flakes drifted loose of the bleak, grey clouds. They were inevitable, a silent promise that made the air quiet and heavy with anticipation. Lisa had never really understood the excitement of snow--it came ever year, along with bitter winds that made her nose run and her lips grow chapped and rough. If anything, it was an inconvenience. During the snowy months, the trek out to Hagrid's Hut for Care of Magical Creatures was nearly unbearable, as there was only so much a warming charm could do against cold, wet robes and socks that froze her feet.

If it weren't for the fact that her best friend was dating Terry Boot, who also happened to be a good friend of hers, she wouldn't have even bothered to turn up for the Quidditch matches during those weeks. Terry was on the team, had been since third year, and Lisa was obligated, in a way, to huddle on a cold bench, her teeth chattering, and cheer for Ravenclaw every time he flew past. Even the wind, icier than ever up in the stands hadn't managed to curb Mandy's excitement, though. All Lisa could think about, as Mandy squeezed her hand so hard it hurt, was of the steep, snowy climb back to Hogwarts that awaited them.

The snow was lovely to look at, even if it was bothersome, she reflected now, as she sat in the Common Room, pretending to read. But it wasn't really the snow she was watching.

If there was one thing that Ravenclaw Tower had going for it, it was that it was undeniably the most comfortable of all the House Common Rooms. It was entirely made up of old, oriental rugs, overstuffed couches and pillows, and more than enough reading nooks to satisfy an entire House full of book lovers. Lisa had caught brief glimpses of the Hufflepuff and Gryffindor Common Rooms, and even though she'd never seen Slytherin's, she was certain that none of them, especially not one which was situated in a dungeon, could ever come close to matching Ravenclaw's. There was something very comforting about its quiet warmth, and over the years it had come to feel more like home to her than Lisa's own home did.

It was in one of these nooks, a window sill to be specific, where the object of Lisa's attention had currently sequestered herself. That had become one of Luna Lovegood's favorite perches this year, ever since the air had grown cold and the skies were bleached a dirty grey. It took Lisa a few days to puzzle out that Luna was waiting for the snow--although why she cared enough to hang around watching for it Lisa couldn't say. She'd never really bought into the widespread belief that her classmate was a mad as a March hare, although it was easy to see why everyone would think so.

Maybe it was because Lisa was Muggleborn, but she didn't react to Luna's outlandish stories the way the other Ravenclaws did, with condescending disbelief. Up until she'd received her Hogwarts letter, Lisa would've laughed at anyone who tried to tell her things like magic or wizardry existed, or that she was a witch herself. Her father taught Biology at a university, and her mother was a psychologist. Growing up she had been taught to think logically and rationally; her parents spoke of science with a reverence that was almost religious, the solidarity of facts and proofs the basis of their doctrine.

The revelation of magic was the turning point in her life--it was an epiphany in more ways than she could ever begin to describe. But first and foremost among these was its cold, merciless destruction of Fact. Lisa had had to come to terms with what she had later realized was the only truth--that there is no truth.

Everything that exists is subject to change and fluctuation. With a wave of her wand, she could rearrange the particular structure of atoms and DNA of a flower that nature had taken millions of years to create. With a word, she could disrupt and disprove the facts her father had spent his entire life learning and building upon. Carelessly, she tore down the towers of Science and Fact and built them again in a thousand, ever-changing ways.

And so when Luna tried to explain that it really had been a three-headed Pegasus that was sighted in northern Greece, and then her friends objected, demanding proof, demanding Fact--Lisa was more inclined to ask them to disprove it. After all, if werewolves and vampires and bizarre, anomalies of nature like Hippogriffs could exist, then why on earth was a three-headed, winged horse so ridiculous?

Not that she'd said any of this out loud. She'd seen the way Luna was shunned and laughed at, and Lisa wasn't particularly eager to make an outcast of herself as well, and certainly not over something so minor.

Nevertheless, Luna and her ability to believe anything and everything fascinated her, and her mind had been thoroughly occupied with putting together the puzzle that was Luna Lovegood for weeks now. Lisa could understand her own arrival at the one truth, but she was desperate to know how Luna had come to accept it. And she also couldn't help wondering why Luna was so absorbed in watching the snow. Now that her vigilance had finally come to an end, Luna looked more withdrawn than ever. Lisa couldn't see her expression very well from where she was sitting but she could tell from the slump to Luna's shoulders, and the solemn curve of her mouth, that she was sad.

As if noticing that she was being watched, Luna turned, and her pale, misty eyes met Lisa's gaze for one long moment. Neither one of them moved or said anything, and it was almost as though time had actually stopped; Lisa could see all the little details that she'd missed about Luna before, like how dark her eyelashes were, and the little indentations in her bottom lip from where she'd bitten it. Every tiny thing became a revelation, and Lisa struggled to understand what it all meant, because there was something inside her that was changing, and she was frightened.

At last Luna blinked and looked away, gathering her robe about herself as if suddenly cold. Without a word, Luna stood and left the room, never once looking back.

******

The sounds of her own movements--soft breaths pushing past her lips, feet crunching in the snow--were the only things Lisa could hear. The snow blanketed everything, absorbing all things with its presence. Color, warmth, sound... One by one all signs of life disappeared into the icy, monochromic landscape. She was grateful for the imprints her feet left behind; they reassured her with their proof, however temporary, that she had been here, once.

Hogsmeade lay behind her like something dirty, a series of black stains against the pristine earth. Its streets were grey with slush and darkened in spots by brown mud. Here, in the flat moors beyond the town, she could escape the many-windowed shops, staring at her as though she were something to be claimed. Everything was wrong, and Lisa couldn't tell if it was the frozen air that pierced her lungs and made her heart ache, or something far less clean and so much harder to name.

She closed her eyes against the pain and felt the wind snatch away her tears before they had the chance to fall. She could still feel his hands against her, calloused and too hot, squeezing her shoulders as wet lips pressed a sloppy kiss against her mouth. Every image, every remembered word was a new betrayal and when she opened her eyes, there was only the snow, an endless white oblivion, empty and cold.

******

Mandy couldn't speak to her. Lisa understood, but understanding didn't make it hurt any less when her best friend looked at her with eyes that said all the horrible, true things she couldn't bring herself to say out loud. In her mind Lisa told herself that it would all blow over eventually, that Mandy was her friend and friends didn't let things like this come between them. But Lisa's heart was already breaking with the knowledge that nothing would ever be the same again.

She wondered how she'd never noticed before. All this time, had everything merely been leading up to this? Had Terry always looked at her as he did now, with dark eyes full of shame and hunger? Lisa had always been good at seeing only what she wanted to see, but maybe she'd been even better at it than she'd ever realized.

******

Lisa had just finished her Christmas shopping and stepped inside the Three Broomsticks for a quick drink before the walk back to Hogwarts. She wasn't surprised to find Terry already there, but the fact that he was sitting all alone in a corner booth was a little strange. He and Mandy were practically attached at the hips, and Mandy's suspicious absence, in addition to the gloomy expression on Terry's face, all pointed to one thing. Clearly the two had had an argument.

Unsure of what to do, Lisa wandered over and slid into the bench next to him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. She'd been friends with Terry almost as long as Mandy, and while they'd never been quite as close as she and Mandy were, she could tell that something really awful had happened.

"Hey," Lisa said gently, and Terry looked up at her with red-rimmed eyes. She was taken aback by the intensity with which he stared at her, but there was something else bothering her far more--the presence of a glass of amber colored liquor which was clearly not Butterbeer. "Terry... That's not Firewhisky, is it?"

"Mandy's gone," Terry slurred, his breath powerful enough to make her scoot back a few inches. "Is all my fault, too."

She sighed. "Did you guys have a fight?"

He tried to take another sip of his drink, but ended up spilling most of it onto the table. Lisa frowned, and pulled it away from him. Terry was too far gone to resist.

"I think you've had enough of that. Come on, I'm sure whatever happened couldn't have been that bad, right?" Lisa asked, although from the state of things, it was probably worse. "Why don't you tell me what happened?"

"She doesn't unnerstand," he said, glaring down at the spot where his glass had been. "I can' tell her, 'cos she'd hate me if she knew the truth..."

"What are you talking about, Terry?"

"I don't want her," he whispered, voice low and hoarse. He looked up, dark eyes pinned on Lisa's. "I want you."

Lisa froze, her mouth open, unable to speak. Her mind felt blank, like she kept reaching for answers in a dark place that held none. Before she had a chance to respond, Terry had already moved in, his hands coming to rest on her shoulders, so that she couldn't run away. And then he was kissing her, with sour lips that tasted of Firewhisky and heat, wet and messy and completely wrong.

Then the shock wore off and she tore away from him, eyes wide and heart pounding wildly. Terry was oblivious to her reaction, whispering secrets that should've been Mandy's against her neck, his breath hot and sticky.

Lisa felt bile rising up in the back of her throat and she pushed him away with all her strength, staring as he stumbled back against the bench hard. Terry seemed to come to his senses then, more sober than he had been since she'd arrived, his face growing pale with fear.

"Wait, Lisa, you don't understand," Terry pleaded, his hand reaching out to grab her wrist. Lisa tugged it away from him quickly and he flinched. "Lisa..."

"What?" she snapped, giving into the anger that was tearing at her. "What don't I understand? You don't get to use me just to get back at Mandy for whatever you two argued about. You don't get to betray our trust like this."

He shook his head, trying to reach out for her again but stopping before he made contact, a look of pain flitting across his face. "It's not like that. I would never use you! Don't you get it, Lisa? I'm in love with you!"

Everything in the world seemed to stop at that admission, the silence hanging thick and heavy around them. Lisa's face felt hot, her feet rooted to the floor and her hands dangling uselessly at her sides. What was she supposed to say? How was she supposed to react to something like this? This wasn't supposed to happen. Mandy loved him so much, and they were perfect for each other; everyone thought so. Lisa hadn't liked it at first, her two closest friends disappearing constantly and leaving her with her books and her loneliness. But then she'd seen the way Mandy glowed, her face flushed with happiness at the smallest things, and even though it hurt Lisa had been happy for them.

And now this.

Lisa's shoulders were trembling, and she had to force herself to look away from the expression on Terry's face, so raw and open that it frightened her. She felt all of the anger at being left behind, all the fear that Mandy would just walk away forever, that she would become unnecessary. Every pang of jealously and moment of blinding loneliness bubbled up inside of her all at once, leaving her shaking with a rage unlike any she'd ever felt before.

Her eyes found Terry's again, dark and shining in his pale face. She'd never hated anyone so much in her life.

"You've ruined everything."

His face seemed to crumble into itself as she watched, knowing even as she saw it that this was what it was like to see someone's heart break. She wondered if he'd felt the distance she felt now as he'd broken Mandy's. The room was choking her and she couldn't stand it anymore, just standing there as Terry destroyed the fragile tower that had been her reality. She should've known better than to try to rearrange the stones of her old life into her new one; nothing could withstand the force of change, there was no solid truth in this world, only the broken-down towers of chaos.

Lisa turned her back on Terry's despair and fled.

******

Lisa's lips were cracked and her hands tinged with blue by the time she finally dragged herself indoors. Save for a brief and disastrous run in with Mandy earlier, she'd spent nearly the entire day wandering around the moors outside of Hogsmeade, too angry to care much about the cold. She hated how dead the snow made everything seem, burying all signs of life and color beneath its frozen surface. The barren branches of the trees and smooth white hills were infuriating, and she began to realize that the empty halls of Hogwarts weren't much better.

Without much thought she made her way up to Ravenclaw Tower, feeling as though each loud, echoing footstep was a testament to her isolation. She was desperate for the warmth of the Common Room and the sound of another person's voice. Everyone would be at dinner by now, but even her need for company didn't make the prospect of facing her Housemates seem anymore attractive.

She was surprised and a little relieved to find that Luna was still sitting on her windowsill in the Common Room, and Lisa couldn't stop herself from wandering over to sit beside her. Luna hardly registered her presence at all, her pale blue eyes watching Lisa's reflection in the glass. Made brighter by the dark sky behind her, Luna's soft hair framed her face like spun gold. She was captivating and warm and even though they weren't touching, Lisa felt as though she'd never been closer to anyone in her life.

"Why do you love the snow so much?" she asked, genuinely curious. Luna frowned, the snowflakes swirling through her half-realized reflection.

"What makes you think I do?"

Lisa nodded toward the window as though it were obvious. "Why else would you sit here everyday, watching for it?"

The younger girl reached a hand up to play with the bubblegum wrapper necklace resting against her chest. Her fingers worried the brightly colored paper, twisting it to and fro as she considered the question. Luna's gaze drifted away from Lisa's reflection and began to watch the snow again.

"My mum's dead, you know," she said conversationally, making Lisa wonder if maybe she really was mad. "Except I didn't really believe that at first. She died when I was little, I mean, and you know what it's like when you're a kid. All you care about is catching Figgy-Fingered Frog Gnomes and undermining dolphin conspiracies - they're really a lot smarter than people realize, you understand. But you don't know then just how easily everything can fall apart. It always happens when you're not looking. Once upon a time in the winter when I was nine there was snow on the ground and my mother was lying underneath it."

Luna sighed. "At least, that's why my dad told me. I didn't believe him. It was true that my mum had disappeared, but I couldn't accept that she was dead. Death was too final, too scary... So of course I came to the conclusion that it must've been the Cailleac Bheur."

Lisa blinked. "The what?"

Luna gave her a look that made it perfectly clear that she thought Lisa was particularly naïve. "The Cailleac Bheur. You know, the Blue Hag? She comes at night in the winter, bringing snow and death with her. I thought she'd kidnapped my mother. Every year after that I watched for the first snow, hoping I might catch the Cailleac Bheur and trick her into bringing back my mum. But I never saw her, and eventually I just accepted that Mum was dead."

It was cold near the window, so Lisa moved a little bit closer to the other girl, their elbows bumping. Luna relaxed against her, looking a little less pensive than she had earlier.

"Then why do you still watch the snow?" Lisa asked softly. She felt Luna shrug beside her.

"Habit, I suppose. Or maybe I'm not as grown up as I like to think I am," she replied, then shook her head. "No, that's not it. You know, I think maybe it's because I'm waiting for everything to change again. I guess I figure that if I can at least see it coming, it won't be so difficult. But it's already changed, hasn't it?"

Luna's gaze turned away from the window for the first time that evening, locking onto Lisa's in that strange, unblinking manner she had. Lisa swallowed thickly, thinking about how everything had been ruined, how Terry and Mandy, who had been her sanctuary for years, were gone now. But here, out of the rubble of that chaos, was something bright and new.

She smiled and gently laced her fingers together with Luna's.

"Yes, I think it has."

Fin.