Yesterday; Snape Reflects His Past

"Yesterday"; Snape Reflects His Past
Song by: The Beatles

I lye there for a few minutes, resting a bit before my afternoon class. I had the radio playing because sometimes the music soothes me. I had been just flipping stations, when something caught my attention.

"...And next we have a song for those old school listeners. Yes, it's the Beatles with their song, 'Yesterday' coming up next on the Rock Block of 93.6!" a teenager's voice slurred in a speedy tone.

The Beatles, eh? Odd for me to get a Muggle station, yet, I like this song and I haven't heard it since I was a student, either. Those Muggle-borns always had enchanted their record players around Hogwarts, and it caught my ear when I'd heard it. Especially since it was by the Beatles, the exceptionally good Muggle band that a lot of students talked about. Even Lucius liked a couple of songs!

"Yesterday..." the song began. "All my troubles seemed so far away..."

All that came to my mind were those days so long ago. Days when I was just a kid, that time right before Voldemort was in power. Before I needed to care about anything. And days when I was with Lily. Beautiful memories I miss so much.

"Now it looks as though they're here to stay..."

Voldemort is back at full power...Back to cause misery....Back to haunt so many who thought the nightmare was over...

"Oh, I believe in yesterday...

Suddenly...I'm not half the man I used to be..."

I picked up my left sleeve and stared at the mark, more memories filling my head each second. Oh, how it burned, when I got the Dark Mark. And yet, did I know what I was doing? Did I really? Did I know that so much pain, so much suffering would be what I was joining? I don't remember, exactly, but that was the biggest mistake I'd ever made in my entire life.

"There's a shadow hanging over me..."

Yes...Voldemort must want me dead. But its my own damned fault. Why, though? Why did I ever become a Death Eater? So much horror inflicted by him, but what was I thinking? Really? I will have this on my conscience for the rest of my life, and I cannot forget my past.

"Oh, yesterday came suddenly..."

So fast. It all happened so quickly. It was here in an instant, the days of peace, then swept away by the cruelty of his ways. And then I joined him. So fast these days have left me, however they are scarred forever in my memory.

"Why she had to go, I don't know, she wouldn't say..."

Lily...Why did she have to leave my arms that day? How vividly I remember that day when she left. She said that she had fallen for James, and I vowed that day that my hatred for him was to grow a hundred fold! Why did you have to leave me, Lily? Why? After that day, Lucius began to be around me more often than I would have preferred, but he kept going on about a fantastic offer he'd been given. An offer to join a legion of very powerful wizards. Very powerful dark wizards. He told me I should join, too. So I, being the naive fool I was then, agreed, and he Dark Mark was tattooed on me. Not just on my skin, but mentally. I had taken an oath and swore to follow the Death Eater way. How stupid I was, how irrational. I had not thought out the consequences of my very unwise decision. And I cannot forget what Voldemort did later on.

"I said something wrong now I long for yesterday!"

I nodded at hearing those lyrics. How much I wish I could alter what had been done.

"Yesterday...Love was such an easy game to play..."

Yes, it was. We were so in love, Lily and I. At least, I thought we were. But, she wasn't, I guess. It must have been because I was a Slytherin and her a Gryffindor. I really had nothing against the lot, other than those four bastards. She was all I needed, anyway. But she didn't need me. She needed wonder-boy, Potter. Lily, why did you have to do that? Why?

"Now I need a place to hide away..."

She was the only person I'd loved. Ever. My feelings for her ran so deep, and yet, she didn't feel it? That's what it seems like, but I felt her so much. I felt she felt me, too. Oh well...There is nothing I can change about her fate...

"Oh, I believe in yesterday."

...But I still wish she had never left my arms. I wish she had never known Potter. I wish she could have stayed with me and never caused me to make this mistake I live with all my life...

"Why she had to go, I don't know, She wouldn't say..."

...Because now she is dead. Voldemort murdered her. He murdered James, too, but I didn't want that, either. I mean, sure, I hated the guy, but not nearly enough to end his life. Lily...you left me, and he killed you. After I had heard of his plan to commit such a horrible crime, I decided I'd had enough and left to join the side of light with Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix. But it was already too late, and you still died. Voldemort will kill me for that betrayal, but why did he have to kill her? Why could she have not been spared? I won't ever forgive Voldemort for what he's done, and I swear that on Lily's grave. Till the day I've left this Earth, I will fight him.

"I said something wrong now I long for yesterday..."

If only I could have the past back in my grasp...I would die for Lily to be alive once again. I yearn for Voldemort to be just a memory or nightmare to wake up from. How I wish this suffering would be over. How I wish I never became a Death Eater. How I long to fix my mistakes.

"Yesterday...Love was such an easy game to play..."

Lily...If only you could be with me...If you were alive to be with....

"Now I need a place to hide away..."

I can never love anyone again...not like I loved you, Lily...I haven't ever felt the same way I did with you with any other person...

" Oh, I believe in yesterday..."

I think a tear just fell from my eyes...

"Mmm mmm mmm mm mmm mm mmm..."

I hummed along, sitting up from my bed where I was day dreaming. I stepped out and walked out of the room to the mirror. I was crying. I wiped my tears, and switched off the radio I had been listening to. I, then, gathered my things and walked to class, my past and "Yesterday" still ringing in my head. I hummed it all the way to the dungeon, where I snapped back to reality and took a five points from Potter for walking in late. He is the closest thing I know to James, the bastard...and yet, at the same time, Harry is also the closest living thing to Lily...