Harry Potter and the Chamber Maid’s Half-filled Goblet of Stone ...

Harry Potter and the Chamber Maid's Half-filled Goblet of Stone Ordered from Prison

The Part That Lulls You Into Thinking That This is a Normal Fic

Occlumency lessons with Dumbledore, N.E.W.T. classes, Head Boy duties, Quidditch practice, extra defense lessons, D.A. meetings - several weeks into classes at Hogwarts, and Harry was already counting down the days until the holidays. He located Ron and Hermione in the library and dropped his bag in an open spot between his two friends. Ron gave him a weak smile before hunching back over his parchment. Hermione glanced over as Harry made himself comfortable in the vacant chair.

"Harry, I thought that you'd never get here," she said before slipping a brightly colored chart before him. "Here's a concise graph of all your Head Boy duties, homework allowances, Quidditch practice, and extra lessons. I've also included two entire hours on Saturday for recreational activities." She smiled, obviously quite proud of her meticulous attention to his schedule.

He glanced over at Ron, who seemed to be taking a great interest in his parchment. "Er... thanks, Hermione! This will be helpful!"

She nodded, her lips a firm line, and she stabbed her quill into a nearby ink bottle. "Some people don't seem to think so." Ron snorted from Harry's right when she added, "Some feel as though I'm a bit interfering, rather than a helpful friend who has taken time out of her schedule to aid her other two friends."

Ah. Harry puffed out a breath before pulling his books from his bag. He had stepped into yet another disagreement between his two best friends, something that seemed to be occurring all too often since Hermione had surprisingly taken up with Neville. Harry had a vague idea what was happening, but he'd been too preoccupied with his own busy life to dwell on his friends.

A few minutes passed as he drifted into his potions notes, pretending not to notice the surreptitious glances and annoyed huffs from either side. It was hard to feign concentration, though, when suddenly someone pounded a pile of books onto the table.

"Ron Weasley, you knew that I would need to use most your sixth year books. Did you really find it necessary to play hangman all over your charms book?" Ginny Weasley opened to a random page, where _ _ AFF _ E was scrawled across the margins, along with a stick figure torso that dangled from a gallows pole.

"Hey," Ron said as he flipped through the book, "that's not all mine, I'll have you know. It wasn't exactly new when it was passed to me."

Hermione mumbled something about desecration of books under her breath, and Harry couldn't contain his laughter.

"Oh no," Ginny said, pinning Harry with her flashing brown gaze. "You don't get to giggle about this when half these doodles are yours, Harry Potter."

"I don't giggle," Harry muttered as she paged through her book and shoved it across the table at him.

"Here's a lovely piece that I know isn't Ron's."

He studied the drawing of Snape sporting jackass ears with a tail and grinned at Ginny sheepishly. "Well, that's...oh..."

"That was after one of your detentions last year," Ron supplied in a helpful manner.

Harry frowned at him, but before he could reply, Hermione said, "Now really, how do you expect her to do well in her classes if you've gone and mucked up her books?"

"I didn't do all this," Ron snapped and waved his hands at the markings.

Hermione retorted with something and they began bickering in earnest, oblivious to Harry's presence between them.

The corner of Ginny's mouth curled into a smile and she motioned from Ron to Hermione with her eyes.

I know, Harry mouthed at her as she settled into the chair across from him. Ginny looked content to silently watch Hermione defend the honor of school texts everywhere. Harry took the opportunity to study Ginny from behind his glasses. She was a sixth year now, he recalled, no longer the little girl that chased after the Hogwarts Express so many years ago. Ginny had longer hair and a young woman's graceful neck, that drew Harry's gaze right down to her bigger...er...

He gaped at the curve of her breast until she gave a polite cough. Harry nearly jumped in his seat and his eyes darted to meet her own. She was watching him now rather than their bickering friends, one eyebrow arched wryly.

Galloping Grindylows, what's this, he wondered as neither one of them broke the stare. Sure, perhaps Harry had noticed that Ginny was developing a few curves in places where he didn't have any. And yes, he may or may not have looked straight up her sun dress as she climbed one of the trees in the paddock near the Burrow this summer. Her smile made him feel wonderful and a little loopy. He wanted to sing about Ginny and dance on the study tables. Quite an odd reaction, that, but it wouldn't be the first time strange things had happen to him.

A sharp tug on his elbow saved him from bursting into song at a most inopportune time.

Ron grabbed onto Harry's elbow and literally dragged him from his chair. "Harry, help me find this book," Ron was saying as Harry stumbled along after his friend. Ginny gave him a parting grin and turned her attention to Hermione.

"Crazy...not in her right mind..." Ron was muttering as they wove a path though the library stacks. "Don't know why... he can't even work a proper spell..." Harry felt the safest response to be positive-sounding hums. Ron finally quieted and paused at an aisle to search through the books.

Harry didn't even know what Ron was searching for, but he didn't want a repeat of his grumbling, so he just scanned the spines for interesting names. Household Potions, Achieving the "Greasy Look" in Five Easy Steps - Harry was about to give up when he spotted a large tome with a dark, velvety binding. The book required two hands just to move the thing from its niche on the shelf. Harry glanced over at Ron, who still seemed occupied, and he decided to peek at the book.

"Potante Potions And You," he read softly. He opened to the book to a random spot and began turning the pages. " 'Giving thine enemies bunny ears', 'Force thine enemies to resemble Martha Stewart'... oh, wait a tic... 'Overwhelmed? Get a helping hand for all you need to do'." Harry glanced over the potion, all his responsibilities for this year bouncing around the back of his mind.

"Harry, mate, are you heading back with me?" Ron was watching him, curious, and Harry slammed the book shut so that it kicked up dust around his head. Hmm. Interesting.

Where the Sad Excuse For a Plot Begins

That evening, Harry had begged off studying, claiming that he had important Head Boy duties to fufill. Hermione had given him a confused look, but she said nothing. Harry made his way to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, where one went when one needed to concoct something nefarious.

The potion needed to be mixed cold, in some sort of stone basin. Harry had grabbed a heavy, stone vase from the common room earlier, and he had dumped the flowers that it held. He hoped no one would miss them. Harry now kneeled before a swirling, pink liquid, which smelled a bit like baked salmon. He was ready to add the final ingredients.

"Alright. Toenail of virgin. Nostril hair of Transfiguration Professor. Chocolate in the shape of an amphibian." He dropped the last bit into the frothy liquid and checked the book for the final step.

"First shalt thou take out the Holy Ladle. Then, shalt thou stir, counting to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt stir, and the number of the stirring shall be three. Four shalt thou not stir, nor either stir thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Ladle and drink thine potion."

He followed the directions precisely, hoping that the slotted spoon he'd nicked from the kitchens would suffice. The potion emitted a belch of fluffy pink clouds.

Well. There it was. A potion that would solve all his problems, so that he would have more time to work on the normal things in his life, which might perhaps include staring at Ginny a bit more. He vaguely wondered what the potion would do, but squelched down the guilty feeling he had for keeping this from Ron and Hermione. He pinched his nose and tipped the goblet back. Three swallows later, Harry blacked out.

The Part Where Harry Goes, "WTF?"

Harry's muscles were stiff with cold when he awoke an unknown amount of time later. He gingerly checked out his body, touching his chest and legs. Everything seemed exactly the same.

"Oh... so you didn't die then," Myrtle said from behind him. Harry nearly stumbled when he turned around to look at her. "I was waiting to see if you would be sharing my toilets."

"No, I'm not dead...but did you see what happened?" He felt rather disoriented as he tried to shove the goblet into his bag. The potions book was no where in sight, which Harry found unusual, but he was more interested in Myrtle's words.

"Harry, Harry, Harry. All over. And not one of you even stopped to say hello! One of you even walked through me! You would think that they would be polite as you are to me, but no! Bwaaaaaaaaa!" Myrtle gave one heaving sob and dived into the toilet before Harry could question her further.

"Harry all over? What does that mean?" He stretched a bit, cracked his neck, and began walking back to the Gryffindor common room.

The corridors were strangely quiet. Harry couldn't even fathom a guess if it was night or day. He ascended the stairway, keeping an eye out for anything strange. It was quite wise of him, because the fourth flight of steps revealed the oddest sight. Two copies of him were descending the same set of stairs, exact in every detail except the scar. They paid Harry no mind as they passed by, discussing something about moving heavy stones. Harry just watched for a moment before he remembered where he was going.

Was that what the potion had created? Were there copies of him running around Hogwarts? And how many? Suddenly, what Myrtle had said in the bathroom made much more sense. Harry quickened his pace, taking the stairs two at a time. Before he entered the corridor that lead to Gryffindor tower, he noticed two more Harry-clones harassing Parvati and a younger Gryffindor Harry didn't know. He pulled his wand and was about to catch up and defend them when Seamus, Dean, Ron, and Neville burst through a nearby door. Seven or eight Harrys chased right behind.

Seamus yelled, "They've got two of the girls! Get them!" Harry watched, incredulous, as Neville and Ron started throwing rocks at the Harrys. Dean turned and emptied what looked like a bucket of boiling water on one Harry-clone before two others sent stunning spells his way. The fight was a blur to Harry, who ducked behind the open door until he could regain his wits. A rock bounced off his shoulder and the pain allowed him to focus. He looked up from his hiding spot into the flushed and scratched up faces of Neville and Ron.

"This one has a scar, Ron. Do you think they're starting to copy that as well, or is it really Harry?"

"I don't know. I have a bad feeling about this." Ron bent and peered into Harry's face. Harry wrinkled his nose.

"Is there something wrong with the showers in the tower? You two stink!"

"Harry?" Ron said, his smile lighting up his face and eyes. "Harry! Where have you been the past two days? We thought something horrible..."

"I've been gone for two days?" Harry repeated. He looked over Ron and Neville, who looked quite scruffy in their white Oxford shirts and torn trousers. Neville was peering up and down the corridor and took a step backwards.

"We need to get him back to the base now, Ron. Hermione and Ginny will go spare when they see our losses."

Ron nodded and guided Harry by his elbow. Losses? Base? What the bloody hell was going on?

Ron," Harry began, "what's happening?"

Ron eyes were darting around as they kept their brisk pace down the hallway. Neville shifted a bucket of rocks from one hand to another and halted before they turned a corner. He peeked around and turned to Harry. "We'll tell you soon, Harry. Ron, those two aren't paying attention."

"On it." Ron dropped Harry's elbow and lit two grey spheres with his wand. He tossed them around the corner, and the hallway filled with fluffy spun sugar.

"Run, Now!" Neville prompted and Harry followed him into the cloud of candy. He felt Ron seize his elbow again and ran blindly until Ron pushed him into a classroom. Harry collapsed into the nearest chair to catch his breath before he had a chance to look around.

"EEEEE! Harry!" Hermione squealed and flung her arms around his neck. "I thought something horrible had happened to you!"

"Harry! Don't ever do that to me again, okay?" Ginny wrapped one arm around his own and rested her cheek on his hair. He had the distinct impression that she was trying to hide tears from him.

Harry glanced around the classroom. Ron and Neville were waiting impatiently for the girls to ease off of him. There was parchment over all the student desks, books stacked precariously all about the room, and a large sketch of Hogwarts across the professor's desk. Obviously, something was terribly wrong.

Ron must have read his body language because he pulled a chair to the opposite side of the desk. He looked very serious, an expression that looked out of place on his friend. Hermione and Ginny backed off a bit, though Ginny refused to release his hand. He didn't mind.

"First off, we've lost Dean, Seamus, Mary, and Parvati. They've figured out what path we were taking to the kitchens."

"Lost? Do you mean they were killed?" Harry asked in horror.

"No no," Ginny explained. "Let me start at the beginning. About two days ago, you came back to the common room rather late at night, and you immediately stunned Lavender. Not too many of us were awake - I think Hermione was still up with Neville, and I was listening to Colin and Dennis explain some Muggle things. Hermione was quick, and after she noticed your missing scar, she pulled off a few good hexes..."

Hermione beamed proudly at the praise but sobered up. "It was useless. We've since discovered that the Harrys absorb any magic that is used against them and then use it to divide into two. There are hundreds in the castle now."

"Well, that explains why you were flinging rocks," Harry said. "Anything else I should know?"

"They can use magic against us," Neville said as he pulled out a chair to sit in. "They've got the professors immobilized in the great hall, even Dumbledore. It seems they knew where everyone was and what their weaknesses were. They've also blocked out every path to the library. They know our Hermione, that's for sure."

"They've got your map and cloak Harry," Ron added. "They took over the tower pretty quick as well, because they all knew the password. Dean and I were able to sneak past them yesterday though. No one is hurt, but they want to keep us all contained and keep us from talking to each other."

Harry heaved a great sigh. He wished he could get hold of a time turner and stop himself from brewing this stupid potion. It was time to confess what he'd done.

"It's my fault," Harry blurted. When the others made to reassure him, he shook them off. "I wanted to ease my load, so I tried to mix this quick potion that only required a few ingredients and a stone container. I don't know what I was thinking, but I was desperate. I'm sorry."

Ginny squeezed his hand while the others looked on sadly. "It's fine Harry. We obviously haven't been paying enough attention to what you've been going through this year."

"There's more though," Harry said as he pulled the goblet from his bag. "I've got the goblet, but I've lost the book. It's Potante Potions and You and it's huge. You haven't come across it, have you?"

"No. Sorry mate. But we know it's not in the library either because they secured that right away." Ron looked thoughtful and glanced over at the drawing of Hogwarts. Harry watched Ron's 'chess face' as he called it, until it was apparent that Ron had an idea.

"What do you think?" Hermione asked. "Should we go out and look?"

Neville moved behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders. "There's not much else we can do now that we've lost four more of our group," he said.

Ron looked up from the map. "I think our best strategy is to check the other houses and see if they've picked up the book. They might be looking for answers as well, and maybe we can convince some of the sixth and seventh years to help."

"I can go to Hufflepuff," Neville said. Hermione nodded along with him in agreement.

"I think I know where the Slytherin common room is," Ginny said. "I can go there."

"I'll go with you," Harry added. "I know where it's at because of something from second year."

"Fine. I can check Ravenclaw. We can meet back here if possible." Ron passed out a few of the grey spheres. "Make sure to take some of my brothers' cotton candy bombs and dungbombs as well."

Harry allowed his gaze to wander across each one of his friends' grim faces, wondering the whole time why he had such an incredible urge to listen to a John Williams score.

The Tale of Harry and Ginny

A few hours later, Harry and Ginny were hiding behind a grotesque statue while four Harry-clones passed by. They were down in the dungeons, in a corridor that seemed familiar.

"Over there," Ginny whispered against the shell of his ear. Harry shook off the goose bumps induced by her soft voice and focused on the words.

"How do you know where the Slytherin common room is?" he asked as they crept along, flush against the cold stone walls.

"It's somewhere here I think. I once saw someone disappear into the wall." Ginny was sliding her hands across the stones. A half meter from where Harry was standing, the stones began to scrape against each other and a door way appeared. Harry and Ginny stepped back when Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson appeared, framed by the passage entrance in castle walls.

Malfoy folded his arms and frowned at them. "Potty, I'm not very happy with you right now. One of your faces is repulsive enough. Now you're everywhere I look."

Ginny grabbed Harry's arm to hold him back. "Malfoy, we're working on getting rid of them. We're looking for a certain ancient potions book. Can we come in and have a look?"

Malfoy rolled his eyes at her. "Of course not! You're Gryffindor types!"

Harry closed his eyes to compose himself and tried again. "We simply must look! If not, we might have to come in and take it by force!"

Pansy made a great show of inspecting her nails for a moment. "You don't frighten us, Gryffindor pig-dog! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person. I blow my nose on you, so-called Boy-Who-Lived, you and your silly Gryffin-groupies!"

"Now wait a minute! This is important!" Ginny said.

Malfoy turned and looked coyishly over his shoulder at Harry and Ginny. "I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wipers. I fart in your general direction. You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. Now go, or I will taunt you a second time!" The wall slammed shut again, leaving Harry and Ginny in the hallway.

"That was a bit pointless, yes?" Harry said while he tried in vain to locate the doorway again. It had blended in with the wall after Malfoy and Pansy's departure.

"We really need to get in there. I'd bet fifty galleons they picked up that potions book." She moved back to the stones of the corridor wall and began checking the cracks again.

"We need to hurry," Harry said as the voices of Harry-clones drew nearer.

The grinding noise filled the air again, and Malfoy popped his head out of the doorway. "You're still here then? Very Well. We have some lovely parting gifts for you." He yelled back to someone unseen, "Bring the eggs and dungbombs!"

"Eggs..."

"and Dungbombs?" finished Harry.

A raw egg splat against Harry's chest, while a second nearly hit Ginny in the face. The Harry-clone voices were even louder now, and Harry and Ginny looked at each other in panic.

"RUN AWAY!" they both shouted as eggs showered around them and the putrid smell of dungbombs filled the air.

The Tale of Neville and Hermione

Neville and Hermione had waited for a Hufflepuff to pass by and followed her down a staircase off the main hallway. They dodged and wove around a few statues, keeping a distance. Hermione pushed Neville behind her when it appeared he seemed rather interested in the Hufflepuff girl's backside.

"Oh come on now, love. You'd have me believe that you wouldn't do the same thing if it were the other way around?" Neville grinned at her, a bit guilty, and Hermione's serious expression softened just a bit.

"Well, perhaps," she said. "But I'm going to hold you to that."

"Excuse me," the Hufflepuff girl interrupted. "Why exactly are you following me? You're not working with those awful Harrys, are you?"

"Of course not, Susan," said Hermione. "We need to locate a potions book entitled, Potante Potions and You. Once we find that, we should be able to clean up this mess and release the faculty from the Great Hall." She played the Head Girl card quite well and smiled in encouragement.

Susan Bones considered Hermione's words, but she still appeared unsure. "I need to talk this over with the members of my house. Could you wait here?" Neville and Hermione nodded as Susan disappeared into her common room.

Neville looked wary. "They don't trust us, I think."

Hermione agreed. "It's most likely because Harry is from our house, and they're suspicious. I probably would be as well."

The portrait opened again and Susan returned, trailed by Justin Finch-Fletchley, Hannah Abbott, and Wayne Hopkins. "So," Susan said.

"Yes?" Hermione tried not to sound too impatient.

Justin looked over Hermione and Neville and paused as if he had come to a conclusion. "We think we know the location of this book you speak of. First though, you must fetch us a shrubbery."

"A what?" Neville and Hermione said together.

"A shrubbery," Wayne repeated. "Now don't return without one, or we will not answer your question!" The Hufflepuffs all turned in a dramatic swirl of robes, leaving Neville and Hermione standing in the hallway.

Neville turned to Hermione and shrugged. "I guess I'll just nip down to the greenhouses then, shall I?"

The Tale of Ronald Weasley

Ron had gone outside to look for a Ravenclaw. He spotted Luna Lovegood sitting on a grassy knoll, watching the Harry-clones build something enormous out of sandstone blocks. She was humming and had a dreamy smile upon her face, which betrayed no indication that she had noticed Ron watching her. He cleared his throat a little awkwardly. "Luna? Did anyone in your house happen to locate an enormous library book about potions? It might have been left in a girl's toilet."

Luna hummed for a bit longer, and just when Ron was ready to ask again, she hopped to her feet. "Follow me, Ronald," she said, heading back towards the entrance hall with quick steps.

Ron just blinked, confused, and finally trailed after her. She led him through the corridors to the west side of the castle, humming the entire way. The Harrys either didn't notice them because they were busy with the stones or didn't care, because Ron and Luna were able to walk without having to hide. Ron followed Luna up to Ravenclaw tower, and she whispered a password to the portrait.

"So...er... you have this book then?" Ron asked. It appeared that she recognized what he was talking about, but you never knew with Luna Lovegood. Ravenclaw birds as a whole were a bit odd, Ron decided.

Luna just smiled back at him and headed up the stairs to the girls' rooms.

"I'll just wait here, I guess," Ron said when Luna began climbing the steps. "I know what'll happen if I try to climb these stairs."

"Ronald, they're quite safe. We've just recently bypassed the jinxes on these steps. You're the first boy that we've told though."

He placed a tentative foot on the steps, and when they didn't collapse, he followed her up, a little nervous. "You're sure this is all right?" he asked as they ascended the stairway.

"Of course," Luna replied as she opened one of the doors. "This is the sixth year girls' room. You go ahead in and rest, while I ask around for the book. The beds here are warm and soft -- and very, very big."

Ron looked around the room at the soothing, blue and bronze decor. "If you say so," he said quietly as he stood near the center of the room. He was alone for a few minutes. When he was just considering letting himself out, Padma Patil walked in, leading Mandy Brocklehurst, Luna, Lisa Turpin, and a few other Ravenclaw girls that Ron only knew by sight.

"Now then," Ron said, a bit frustrated. "Do you have this potions book or not? We've got to find it to send all these Harrys away. It's called Potante Potions or something to that effect."

Padma rested a comforting hand on Ron's arm, drawing a suspicious look. "Oh, wicked, bad, naughty evil Luna! Oh, she is a bad person, and she must pay the penalty."

Ron's eyes widened and he looked over at the gathered Ravenclaw girls and settled on Luna. "You lied to me?" he asked, stuttering a bit when the girls all gathered closer.

"I would never lie to you, Ronald!" Luna said as she moved too close for Ron's comfort. "We have all sorts of books here, but it will take a while to look through all of them. I just didn't tell you that part!" She began tugging on the edge of his shirt, so he stepped back. He was starting to feel cornered.

"Well, why don't you look and get back to me. I've got to go find Harry, Hermione, Neville and my sister. We need to rid Hogwarts of these clones, and I should find out if they've located anything." He continued to retreat until the back of his knees hit a bed and he had to sit.

"Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours as one of Harry Potter's best friends," Lisa said as she sat on the bed next to Ron. "We are but a few young blondes and brunettes, all fourth to seventh years, cut off in this tower of the castle with no one to protect us! Oh, it is a lonely life --bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear.... We are just not used to handsome, freckly Gryffindors. Nay, nay, come, come, you may lie here."

Ron scooted up onto the bed, kicking against the midnight sheets wildly. "Er... that's all fine, but I should just get going. Luna can find me later and tell me if you've located that book."

Padma shook her head firmly and crawled onto the bed, while Luna just giggled. "I caught us a Gryffindor," Luna sang between her laughter.

Lisa cornered him on one side of the bed and another girl trapped him up near the headboard. He pressed up against the wood as close as he could. Padma straddled his lower legs and pinned down his flailing hands. "No no no. Luna was quite naughty when she didn't give you a direct answer to your search. You must spank her well, and after you are done with her, you may deal with her as you like... and then... spank me."

"And me!" Lisa added. "We could take turns while searching for the book."

"Me too!" said the blonde girl on his right.

"Yes. Yes, you must give us all a good spanking," Padma repeated as she slipped her hands under his shirt.

Luna nodded enthusiastically. "And after the spanking, the oral sex!"

Ron glanced around at the Ravenclaw girls who were now in various states of undress, eying his body eagerly. "Well, I could stay a bit longer," he said.

The Tale of Neville and Hermione, take II

Neville arrived back down the stairway where Hermione was pacing. He carried a large topiary in his arms and set the plant down near the entrance to the Hufflepuff common room. He wiped the sweat off his brow with the sleeve of his robe and said to Hermione, "Get these badgers out here, because that wasn't the easiest thing to do while not attracting the Harry-clones' attentions."

Hermione pounded on the portrait and soon the Hufflepuffs emerged. "Your shrubbery is here. Now the information, please?" She rolled her eyes when they formed another Hufflepuff Huddle (TM).

Justin broke from the group and faced Hermione and Neville. "It's a lovely shrubbery. But before we tell you about the book, you must find... another shrubbery! .... Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must place it here beside this shrubbery, only slightly higher so you get the two-level effect with a little path running down the middle. .... Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... with... a herring!"

The other Hufflepuffs voiced their agreement over this while Neville groaned.

Hermione snarled and pulled her wand out. "Enough of this! Tell us or suffer!"

"Do as we bid of thee or you shall suffer as well!"

"You shall suffer first! Diffindo!" she bellowed at Justin, and his left arm cleaved right off.

Neville, Hannah, Susan, and Wayne jumped back, but Justin said, "So... we're to duel, are we! Have at you!"

Hermione paused. "What! Your arm's off already! Now where's the book?"

"'Tis but a scratch! Now face me!" Justin said, brandishing his wand with his good hand.

"A scratch? Your arm's off!" She ducked when Justin hurled a curse back at her. She raised her wand and shouted, "Diffindo!" again, this time severing his right arm off. "Now I've won. Tell me where the book is!"

"Won? You haven't won! This is just a flesh wound! Tell her Hannah!"

Neville moved behind Hermione and placed a soothing hand on her shoulder as he glared at Justin. "Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left!"

"Yes I have! I'm invincible! Come here, you crazy bint! Or are you chicken?" shouted Justin, the members of his house cheering behind him.

"You're all loony!" Hermione said, exasperated. "Come on Neville."

But Neville had tossed his wand aside when Justin had mocked Hermione, and he stomped over to the boy and punched him right across the jaw. Justin fell backwards against his house-mates and Neville dove on top of him, pounding at his face. Suddenly, he froze.

Hermione watched, too shocked to move, as Neville pushed off of Justin and began heading up the stairway. She shook herself out of her stupor and scrambled up the steps after him. "Neville? Neville? What's wrong?" She grabbed his elbow, but he shook her off. "Neville!"

He faced her finally, and she couldn't suppress a gasp. His face was entirely devoid of emotion and his eyes were glowing bright red. "Are you the Gatekeeper?" he said in the most unnatural voice Hermione had ever heard.

Part II

The Long Part Where Yet Another Film is Pillaged for Material

Harry had become separated from Ginny as they fled the Slytherins. He skidded around the corner and crashed into a small group of the Harry-clones. They clamoured to their feet again, but one clone halted Harry's escape.

"We have been summoned, brother," the clone said when Harry made to head in the opposite direction.

"What now? By whom?" Harry asked, thinking that any extra information might come in handy.

The group of Harry clones pushed their way through the corridors towards the entrance hall. "The time is upon us. He will return to us and purify the world of Muggles and Mudbloods."

Harry stopped in his tracks. Uh oh, he thought as he drifted to the back of the group. For the first time since this had started, Harry really took a look around the school. Harry-clones were everywhere, some harassing Hogwarts students while others were exiting through the great doors. Harry spied a flash of flaming red hair in one of the corners and bolted in that direction, hoping he blended with the other Harrys. He caught sight of a red ponytail. Ginny then, but wait...what? Her eyes resembled glowing, crimson orbs and she studied every male that passed like a predator.

Harry pushed his way through the crowd and reached for her hand. "Ginny? Ginny, are you feeling well?"

Ginny focussed that eerie gaze on Harry and cocked her head. She was breathing heavily, her chest rising and falling as she panted. "Are you the Keymaster?" she asked, her voice low and husky.

Harry's eyes widened. "Am I who? Ginny, what's going on?" He pulled her unresisting body out of the steady flow of Harry-Clones that streamed towards the doors.

"Are you the Keymaster?" she hissed.

Harry looked around, confused. He had no clue where the others were. What could it hurt to play along if this... whatever... could give him answers? He had to get his Ginny back from whatever was possessing her. This entire thing started because he wanted more free time to possibly spend with her, and now she wasn't even in her right mind because of him!

"ARE YOU THE KEYMASTER!" she prompted again impatiently. She was starting to look angry, so Harry nodded.

"Yes. Er...actually, I'm a friend of his. He asked me to meet him here." He yelped when her hand darted out and grabbed him by the front of his Oxford. She yanked his body towards her own and kissed him, swallowing Harry's half-hearted protest.

Holy tongue... It was the only thought that formed in his brain as he slipped his arms around her waist. This was wonderful! This was sexy and hot! This was... not really Ginny, he realized. He pushed her back, scolding his traitorous eyes as they locked on her mouth. She slowly ran her tongue across her bottom lip, and he nearly whined.

She pouted at his behaviour and rubbed up against him like a cat. "We must go. He comes."

Harry allowed her to lead him outdoors, his mind working quickly to piece together a plan. He needed to find Hermione and Ron - fast. "So what happens now?" he said, feigning nonchalance as they wove through the crowd of Harry-clones. He noticed random students in among the clones, probably curious.

"The most recent great evil has been summoned to return back from where he was banished. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the great evil came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you." Ginny grinned in an unearthly show of white teeth after her speech. It gave Harry the chills, even if he had no clue what the hell she had just said.

The Harry-clones had erected a large, post and lintel stone structure a few meters from the castle. They circled around the stones, and Harry realized that Neville was perched atop one of the center stones. Hermione was near this alter-shaped stone, and he heard her begging Neville to come down.

"Hermione! HERMIONE!" He caught her attention and waved her over.

"Harry! What on earth is going on? Have you seen Ron at all?"

Harry tried uselessly at pulling his hand from Ginny's grip. "I can't be sure, but I think it's very bad."

Hermione snorted. "You don't say? Neville's gone out of his mind, looking for some kind of Gatekeeper!" I was starting to think that..."

But whatever it was that Hermione thought, Harry wouldn't learn, because Ginny had tensed and turned sharply at the word 'gatekeeper'. She looked between Harry and Neville with those vacant, red eyes and growled out, "LIAR!"

She grabbed Harry again, but this time, she tossed his body nearly ten meters away. Harry tumbled across the rocky terrain, grunting aloud when Hermione was thrown at his side.

She shook her bushy hair out of her face. "Liar?" she asked as she got to her feet. Harry assisted her up, his expression grim. He glanced over where Ginny was now snogging Neville on the stone alter.

"I may have led her to believe that I was some sort of acquaintance of this Keymaster bloke, which apparently possessed Neville this evening."

"Well, it was probably a good idea at the time to distract her. The Keymaster and the Gatekeeper together, along with all these brainless clones? This is extraordinarily bad."

"And it wasn't before?" Harry said. Suddenly, the ground began shaking, knocking Harry to his bum again. Dark clouds were rolling in the skies while lightning arced in crackling flashes. Harry had to retrieve his glasses before he scrambled to his knees.

"Harry! Look!" Hermione shouted over the rumbling earth and the thrum of the Harry clones chanting. The clones, numbering in the thousands now, began circling round the stones Ginny and Neville stood upon. Lightening flashed between the sky and ground, dancing along the stone alter and its occupants.

"Noooooo!" Harry bellowed and tried to rush forwards. Hermione held him fast and pulled him far back from the gathered Harry-clones. He tried to throw her off and froze, his jaw dropping at the sight before him.

"They've been turned into hippogriffs!" Hermione whispered in awe.

"I don't believe this!" Harry said, shaking his head in dismay. "All I wanted was a bit of extra help this year, not another evil thing bent on destroying the world!"

They watched in disgust as the Harry-clones tossed dead animals and raw meat to the Ginnygriff and Nevillegriff.

"If only you would have consulted me on this spell Harry!" Hermione said, her hair whipping across her face in the wind. "I could have told you if it was dangerous! We need that book back to see if we can reverse this!"

Harry whirled on her in anger. "Of course I knew how dangerous it was! Why do you think I didn't tell you?"

"I would have stopped you!"

"I just wanted more time for normal things!" Harry said, nearly shaking with emotion. "Like everyone else, right? BUT NO! HARRY MUST BE CARVED AND HONED LIKE SOME SORT OF BLADE! HARRY MUST GO TO EXTRA DEFENSE CLASSES AND OCCLUMANCY LESSONS AND VANQUISH HORRID, EVIL WIZARDS THAT MOST THE POPULATION CANNOT EVEN NAME! AND ALL THIS IN ADDITION TO NORMAL THINGS LIKE QUIDDITCH AND HEAD BOY DUTIES!"

"Well, you still shouldn't have attempted that potion," Hermione tried weakly to reason with him.

Harry kicked at a clump of grass a the outer edge of the circle of clones. "Instead of a quiet evening spent really getting to know her, my would-be girlfriend is now munching ferrets! I think that I've already been punished for making that potion!"

"Harry, please don't..." Hermione began before trailing off and staring at something over his shoulder. Her mouth curled into a triumphant smile.

Harry turned to find Ron picking his way along the rubble strewn about from the earthquake, his arms wrapped around a thick book. He was flanked by Luna Lovegood and Padma Patil. Mandy Brocklehurst, Orla Quirke, and Lisa Turpin followed behind him, they're wands out and ready.

"You couldn't find this potion in a lighter book, mate?" Ron said as the group reached Harry and Hermione. "What's going on out here anyways?"

Harry's mood brightened immediately, and he pulled the enormous book from Ron's grasp. He began flipping though the brittle pages, muttering, "It's too dark...Lumos!" He glanced up at Ron over his glasses and then looked back down at the book. "It appears that I've brought about the second coming of something horribly evil. Isn't that lovely?"

Ron spluttered out something unrepeatable and looked at Hermione for confirmation.

Not only that," she added, "but those hippogriffs are Ginny and Neville." She looked over at Nevillegriff wistfully and cringed as he chomped down a weasel.

"Well, naturally!" Luna blurted. "One doesn't normally see a hippogriff with that colouring in the wild. A manticore perhaps, but they're not from around here."

"My sister is a hippogriff?" Ron repeated in disbelief.

"Yes. Where did you find that book anyways? We've looked all over the place!"

"Well...er.." Ron stuttered, his ears going red. "ItwasintheRavenclawrooms."

"I found it near a girl's toilet that no one uses," Padma said as she moved closer to Ron's side and twined her fingers with his. "I was planning on returning it to the library when we were allowed back in. Books shouldn't be treated like that, you know."

"He would have returned it, but he was a bit occupied," Lisa added as Hermione raised an eyebrow at Ron.

Ron rubbed his free hand against the back of his neck and seemed quite interested in the clouds.

Mandy, Orla, and Padma nodded. Mandy cocked her head apologetically. "If we had realized how important that potions book was, we would have released his bonds earlier!"

Hermione's other eyebrow shot up when Luna curled herself around Ron's free arm, humming along with the chanting of the Harry-clones.

"Yes...well...the earthquake reminded me. Have you found the potion yet, Harry?" Ron said, looking desperate to change the subject.

"I'm reading it over now," Harry said, oblivious to what had just transpired. "It's just as I recalled, except this bit in another language."

"Give it here," Hermione ordered. She followed along the symbols with her finger while Harry, Ron, and the Ravenclaw girls watched on. "It's ancient Sumerian, but fortunately, I can read that." She paused for a moment to decipher it and looked up at Harry, just as the ground began to tremble again. "Harry! You twit! It says any stone receptacle is fine for the use of this spell, except the Chamber Maid's Half-filled Goblet of Stone. Whatever you do, do not use the Chamber Maid's Half-filled Goblet of Stone. In combination with this potion, it will resurrect the most recent evil to be vanquished from the earth. That's Grindelwald."

"I thought it was a vase!" Harry said in his defense. He pulled the stone goblet from his book bag. It was a near match to the illustration in the book.

"Oh goody!" Luna said, interrupting Harry. "Something's about to happen! My father says that the four horsemen of the apocalypse are actually hippogriffs. Do you think I could be the third one?"

Ron hushed her, but Harry pointed towards the alter. "Look! Something is happening!"

The Harry-clones were opening a path between the stones and where Harry, Hermione, Ron, and the Ravenclaws were standing. The group huddled together as the Ginnygriff reared and jumped down from the stones. Her great wings flapped one lazy stroke and she lighted before Harry. He took a careful step towards her.

"Ginny?" he called softly.

"CHOOSE!" The Ginnygriff thundered, forcibly reminding Harry that Ginny might be lost to this crimson-eyed beast.

"What do you mean, choose?" Hermione called out.

"CHOOSE THE FORM OF YOUR DESTRUCTOR!"

Harry looked back at the others, where Padma was scanning the book. "Look at these pictures!" she said.

Luna was swinging Ron's left arm. "Don't think about Crumple-Horned Snorkacks or Heliopaths, Ronald."

Hermione gasped and Ron looked from Luna over to Harry, shouting to be heard over the increased chanting and the thunder. "Harry! Grindelwald is going to return as whatever we think of, I'm sure of it!"

"Don't think of anything! Nothing!" Lisa shouted over Padma's shoulder.

Harry shut his eyes, clearing his mind the same way he did for his occlumency lessons and before he went to sleep at night.

"THE CHOICE IS MADE! THE GREAT EVIL HAS COME!" Ginnygriff rasped and flew back towards the stones.

Harry opened his eyes. "Wait a tic! I didn't choose anything? Did you Ron?"

"My mind is totally blank! Any of you?" Ron said, turning to the Ravenclaw girls.

"Nothing."

"Completely nothing!"

"Er..." Hermione said softly. Everyone froze and turned to look at her.

"What did you do Hermione?" Harry said, glancing to see what was different in their surroundings.

"I... I couldn't help it! He just popped in there!" Hermione was babbling. The ground began to shake with the echos of giant footsteps.

"Bloody Hell, Hermione!" Ron yelled, grabbing the two closest girls tighter. "What did you think of?"

Hermione's eyes shined in panic as she looked from Harry to Padma and back at the source of the footsteps. " I tried to clear my mind, but it was so difficult to do, and then I remembered that I hadn't brushed him lately..."

"LOOK!" Lisa shouted pointing at the east side of the castle. Everyone turned to where she was pointing. An enormous, ginger paw was batting its way along the castle.

Hermione shook her head sadly. "It's Crookshanks."

"MEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!" The giant Crookshanks made his way around the castle, his furry head and bottlebrush tail towering over Hogwarts. Harry, Ron, Hermione and the Ravenclaws gaped as he caught up a Harry-clone in his paw and bit the head off.

"We could really use some catnip right about now," Luna said, breaking their stunned silence.

Padma dropped to her knees, frantically scanning the potion book for answers. Harry crouched down next to her, holding his lit wand as she flipped pages. Every step that Giant-Crookshanks took, the ground trembled beneath them.

"Are we getting anywhere?" Ron called out to Padma and Harry. "Hermione, have you got anything?"

Hermione shook her head slowly, unable to tear her eyes away from the spectacle before her. "Ron, I'm terrified beyond the capacity of rational thought."

The gigantic kneazle bared his claws and took a wide swipe at the crowd of Harrys. They scattered, screaming and running in all directions. Two ran towards Orla, Luna and Ron, and Mandy stunned them. The Harrys dropped to the ground and doubled. Four Harry-clones hopped up from the ground and kept running. Mandy looked up from her spell work, surprised. "What was that?"

"They seem to be absorbing any magic used against them and reproducing. That's what caused so many if the first place," Hermione said, snapping out of her previous stupor. "Some of the professors tried that when the first two Harry clones started hexing everyone they encountered."

"MEEEEEEEOOOOOOWWWW!"

"That was before they built Harry-henge over here, right?" Ron asked. The ground shook again as Giant Crookshanks pounced on an unsuspecting clone. "I don't fancy being catfood, and he's bound to find us soon. Does anyone have an idea?"

Lisa inspected the goblet by holding it upside down. "Can we break it?" she suggested.

"Wait!" Harry said from his spot on the ground. "There's an entry in the appendix about the goblet. It's in that weird language though. Hermione?"

"Already there." She sat cross-legged in the damp grass and pulled the huge book into her lap. The group watched in anticipation until Hermione looked up, grinning. "Brilliant!"

"What Hermione!" Harry asked, pulling his attention back from watching the Ginnygriff.

"To destroy the work of the potion, the goblet must be fed to a great beast. It will vanish the clones, and kill the beast that swallows the stone. We can take care of both our problems, though I don't think I can participate in killing Crookshanks - even a gigantic, evil one."

Harry hopped to his feet and scanned the surroundings for ideas. Giant Crookshanks was shredding his claws on the Whomping Willow now, a few hundred metres from the Quidditch pitch. Hmm. Quidditch...he recalled the unfinished game of hangman scribbled on the side of Ginny's book, where the Q, U, and L were missing from quaffle. Harry's mind made several rapid connections and he jumped to his feet to face Ron, Hermione, and the Ravenclaw girls. Hermione and Padma were rubbish on a broom, but he knew Ron, Lisa, and Orla were Quidditch players. Luna was a mystery as ever, but even on the ground, she and Mandy could be helpful.

"Harry. You've figured out something?" Ron asked, watching Harry closely.

"We're going to play Qudditch with the big kitty, and the goblet is going to be the Quaffle!"

"No way, Harry!" Hermione scolded. "That's completely daft!"

"That's brilliant!" Lisa shouted at the same time. "Orla and I are Chasers. If you can keep him occupied, we can toss that goblet down his gullet."

Orla voiced her agreement and turned to Padma. "You and Hermione can Accio the goblet if we miss, and you can toss it back up to us! We can do this!"

Ron made a dive for Hermione's bag. "Hermione, do you have any cotton candy bombs left? They're nearly the same size as a Snitch. I could hover with as many as I can hold..."

"...and chuck them for me to catch and distract him with? Perfect!" Harry caught on quickly and became excited about the plan.

"This is way too dangerous!" Hermione snapped. "There has to be a safer way. We should look for a spell to immobilize him and we could feed him the goblet like I feed him his allergy pills."

"Won't work, Hermione. How many times has he spit the pill out after you've crammed it into a snack to trick him? This giant kneazle will do the same thing!" Ron folded his arms to punctuate his stubbornness. "I say, let's crack out the brooms."

"Toss the cotton candy bombs at his fur and claws, Harry." Luna said bluntly. "If I were a kneazle, which I wouldn't be because I really would love to be a feathering flittle, but if I were a kneazle, I would find it annoying to have sticky goop in my fur. I would stop destroying things to lick my fur clean."

"That almost made sense to me Luna," Ron said proudly. Hermione just rolled her eyes. Harry appeared to think it over.

"Let's do it! Hermione, you help Ron load up these cotton candy bombs and find a way he can carry them on the broom. Padma, you and Luna think of spells that might distract Crookshanks, and keep an eye on the clones. If they catch onto what we're doing, they might try and stop us." Harry nodded once to Orla and Lisa. "We'll pull the best brooms we can out of the shed. We might have to borrow the Slytherins, but this is important. Mandy, how are you with healing spells? Am I correct in thinking that you occasionally help Madame Pomfrey out?"

"That's right," Mandy said. " I can wait on the sides here and hopefully not be needed. I'll put together a few quick bandages just in case though."

Harry looked at each of his friends, checking their expressions to make sure they were all in this together. He watched as Hermione followed the Nevillegriff with her eyes, her lips pressed in a fine, determined line. The Ravenclaw girls were taking turns kissing Ron, who seemed completely blown away at their interest. Harry felt his own gaze drawn to the Ginnygriff. It'll be better soon, Ginny, Harry promised to himself. I'll get us out of this mess, and I won't waste another minute to tell you how I really feel.

This time, as Harry scanned his friends, he knew he wasn't imagining the John Williams instrumental reaching a crescendo.

Hogwarts Squadron

The broom shed doors burst open dramatically and Harry strut out, broom clenched tight in his hand and a torn strip of blindingly orange Chudley Cannons T-shirt wrapped across his forehead like a headband . Orange strips hung from his own school Cleansweep, intended to distract the giant kneazle. Ron, Orla, and Lisa followed, orange stripes across their own brows so they could see each other easier in the twilight. Their eyes were fixed on the enormous ginger animal before them. They marched over to the other girls, who where gathered under a rock outcrop that jut from the surrounding hills. Hermione ran to meet them while carrying a canvas sack with one thick strap.

"Ron, just sling this across your chest. The cotton candy bombs should be easy to reach this way." She stepped back nervously and stepped forward again to fling an arm around both Ron and Harry. "Be careful up there!" The boys each forced a smile. No words were necessary. She drew back and acknowledged Orla and Lisa with a nod of her head.

"You four be careful too," said Lisa. Mandy fussed with the supplies she had scraped together, and Luna stared intently at Giant-Crookshanks.

"Hang on to this," Padma said, handing Ron the goblet. "That thing is heavy, so I'd suggest unloading it once Lisa and Orla are in a good position. Chasers are used to working with three, but you need to lob those bombs at Harry."

Giant-Crookshanks roared a meow that echoed in their ears. He seemed angry that he couldn't find a flat surface available to hop onto Hogwarts castle and scratched at the stone walls with a horrid screeching noise. The group winced at the noise and Hermione cupped her hands over her ears.

"You might want to get out there now," she shouted over the racket. "He's going to get bored really soon and look for a new toy!" She pointed her wand at Harry's throat and shouted, "Sonorus!", then did the same for Ron, Orla and Lisa.

Harry adjusted the orange band and mounted his broom. He flew nearly twenty metres from where Giant-Crookshanks was using the castle as a scratching post. . The others followed his example and took their positions.

Harry squinted and searched for his friends. Time to test this out, he thought. "All brooms report in!" His voice boomed across the grounds and Giant Crookshanks froze, his entire body tensed for action. The others' voices echoed loudly in return.

"Orla standing by!"

"Ron standing by!"

Lisa nearly in position... standing by!"

Giant Crookshanks whipped his head around in search of the loud noises. Harry swallowed down his fear and nudged his broom forward. Time to see if this insane idea would work. "Hold tight!" he bellowed as he flew towards Crookshanks face. The giant kneazle's eyes finally noticed the movement and Harry swerved so the trailing orange strips would catch his attention. "Accelerate to attack speed! This is it, everyone!"

Crookshanks raised one immense paw and swatted at Harry. He barrel-rolled and spotted a flash of orange to his right.

"Look at the size of this thing!" Ron said. Crookshanks made a sudden turn for where he hovered and Harry distracted the kneazle again.

"Ron! Cut the chatter unless you want to be cat food!"

Orla and Lisa looped under Crookshank's shaggy belly in a chaser-drill move, their graceful swoops a result of obvious practice together on the Ravenclaw House team. Harry darted across the kneazle's focus of vision again. Crookshanks followed his movement, and Ron took the opportunity to lob the goblet at one of the girls. Lisa caught the heavy stone and nearly fell from her broom.

"Alright then?" Ron bellowed from where he hovered a few metres back. He already had a cotton candy bomb in hand.

"Harry! It's Lisa!" She was using her thighs to guide her broom, avoiding Crookshanks' tail. "We're starting for the target mouth now!"

"Lisa! Orla!" Ron called from where he hovered at Crookshank's side, "We're in position! Harry's going to cut across the axis and try to draw his attention with the bombs!"

Orla darted around Crookshanks raised paw and Lisa tossed the goblet at her. Harry swooped over the kneazle's head, letting the cloth on his broom tail drag across his nose.

"MEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOW!" Crookshanks lunged for Harry, who turned his broom sharply in the air.

He heard Ron yell, "Harry!" and twisted the broom, brushing along the kneazle's stomach to catch the bomb. Harry turned to judge his position.

"Back at me, Orla!" Lisa said from somewhere behind Harry. "Harry! I'm going in!"

Harry caught the second bomb that Ron lobbed at him. "Stay low Orla!" He sped his broom beneath Crookshanks' stomach again, getting as close to his forelegs as he dared, and slammed the first bomb at his front paw. Crookshanks began to sit, his 'REOW' shuttering through Harry's body. Harry realized in horror that he was about to be crushed. He urged the school broom towards the triangle of light under the kneezle's front paw and darted through it. One of Crookshanks' claws nearly raked across his shoulder as he pulled out of the dive.

"Are you alright?" Ron said as he swooped closer to where Harry paused to hover and catch his breath.

"I got a little scratched, but I'm okay." Harry looked over to where Crookshanks was crouching and licking at his forepaw. Lisa circled near his mouth, but couldn't make her move because he was busy cleaning the cotton candy off.

"This isn't working!" Ron said, disappointed. "It's stopped him from running into the forest, but his mouth..."

"I'm on my way now!" Harry interrupted, speeding over towards Crookshanks and aiming at his furry ears. "Lisa! On my mark!" He flung the second bomb into the hollow of Crookshanks' ear. "NOW Lisa! Stay on target!"

Crookshanks hissed, his fur standing on end, and he tried to rub the affected ear against the grass. Lisa dived after the kneazle's open mouth. The second time he hissed, she threw the goblet at his great jaws. It clanked against Crookshanks' teeth and fell to the earth, and she pulled up towards Orla. "Negative! It didn't go in!" she wailed.

Harry went into a twisting dive to divert the angry kneazle's attention from Orla and Lisa. He saw Luna accio the goblet from beneath Crookshanks' paw. Ron swooped down to take it from her. Padma had what looked like a length of rope in her arms as she ran up to where Ron hovered near Luna, and Harry was just wondering about it when he was slammed from behind. He spun in the air, grunting as he pulled his way back onto his broom. "What the..."

"Harry!" Orla yelled, "The clones! They're in the air!"

"We've got new friends Harry!" Hermione called in a non-magiced voice from below. "Enemy Harry-clones must have figured what we're up to!"

Crookshanks gave up on licking the candy off and reared up to swat at the brooms swarming around him. Harry looked around the sky, disoriented from nearly falling. Orla, Lisa, and Ron were dodging Harrys on Shooting Stars, while two Harrys looked like they were trying to ride Ginnygriff and Nevillegriff.

Ron handed off the goblet to Orla and dived back towards Harry. "It's getting rough out there!" He tossed the rope at Harry and shook his hair out of his eyes. "Padma says to trip up Crookshanks' legs with this!"

Harry got the idea immediately. "Girls! We're going for his legs!" He looked over at Ron, who was watching the girls in fear.

"Orla! You've picked one up...watch it!"

"I see him! I can't shake him though!" she said as she rolled upside down under a batting paw. "Lisa! Come catch this!" Lisa dove towards Orla with a clone on her own tail.

"Harry! They're after the goblet!" she called as she caught Orla's toss.

Harry and Ron watched in shock as two of the Harry-clones slammed into Lisa from both sides. She fell from her boom, knocked out, and a clone snapped up the goblet. Lisa crashed to the ground and Crookshanks pounced at her. The remainder of the clones swarmed on Orla.

"Bugger!" Ron said, his voice cracking even with the magical enhancement. "Harry! Trip that cat up!" Ron barrelled towards the clone with the goblet and began hurling bombs at him with both hands.

With the rope loosely coiled around his arm, Harry leaned his broom towards Crookshank's back legs. Luna, Padma, and Mandy were hexing the giant kneazle's face, so he dove between it's rear paws. Harry twined the rope from one paw to the other, circling each leg...Crookshanks began to stumble...Harry tightened his grip on the last length of rope and urged the school broom as fast as it would move. Crookshanks wobbled and fell to his side, yowling in pain.

Harry wiped the sweat from his eyes and surveyed around him. Mandy and Luna had pulled Lisa's limp body to safety; he still wasn't sure how bad she was hurt. Hermione and Padma were flinging something over at Ginnygriff and Nevillegriff so they wouldn't go airborne. Ron had knocked a few of the Harry-clones out of the air with the cotton candy bombs and was madly chasing another group to distract them from Orla. She was flying a pretzel pattern around Harry-clones and Crookshanks' free front paws, the goblet tucked under her arm.

"Orla!" Harry said, flying closer but darting out of the way of wild paw, "Get ready to make your attack run!"

"What about the clones?" Orla shouted, upside down in her loop.

Ron nailed a clone with a bomb and called out, "You two worry about Crookshanks! I'll worry about the clones!"

Harry urged his broom towards Giant-Crookshanks' face again, narrowly avoiding his snapping jaws and teeth. It gave him an idea. He hovered his broom just out of the kneezles reach, letting the orange cloth strips dangle in the air above him like he'd seen Hermione do with yarn to tease the real Crookshanks.

"MMEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOW!"

"GO Orla! Go!"

She swerved towards Crookshanks' mouth...Crookshanks hissed at her again....she threw the goblet...Harry watched as several Harry clones tackled Ron to the ground...the goblet balanced in Crookshanks mouth for a moment and then fell. The Kneazle abruptly rolled onto his back, forcing Harry to shoot upwards to avoid his paws. Orla wasn't so lucky.

"Orla! No!" She fell several metres to the grass, flopping against the ground near the fallen goblet. She rolled, clutching an awkwardly bent arm to her body and shouted out, "I'm hit! I can't stay with you!" Hermione reached her side and waved Harry down.

Harry manveuored the broom towards Hermione and snatched the stone goblet from her arms. "One more time," he said, looking over to where Harry-clones were pinning Ron to the ground. "See if you can't help Padma free Ron! I'm going in!"

Harry was so angry that is chest was burning. The school broom felt clunky and slow, and it was hard to fly with the heavy goblet, but he was determined. He swerved the boom in an arc, attracting the attention of the other Harrys. The clones veered towards him. Harry made a figure eight and looped upside down so that several of the clones crashed into each other. The others still had Harry's skill on a broom though, and were able to follow his dive. Out of the corner of his eye, Harry saw Giant Crookshanks' movement slowing as the kneazle remained on his back.

"Harry!" Hermione had cast Sonorus on herself and her voice echoed across the school grounds. "He's getting tired! Crookshanks always naps on his back! See if you can...ooof!" A Harry-clone snuck behind her and pulled her to the ground and Harry swore.

Sure enough, Crookshanks was starting to yawn. This was it! Harry pulled the goblet closer to his body and sped his broom over the Kneazle...Crookshanks made a lazy swipe at him and Harry looped around a forepaw...his broom stalled and he nearly lost his balance. Two of the Harry's were grabbing onto the orange strips of cloth, trying to reel Harry in to knock him to the ground.

Harry urged the broom on even faster, rolling in the air to break free. The clones stuck tight and forced him to bounce off Crookshank's flailing and tied hind legs. Harry angled the broom and spiralled around the enormous bottlebrush tail, but he couldn't shake the clones or reach his wand to sever the orange ties. He turned sharply and flew back towards Crookshanks' belly...Crookshanks looked like he was ready to yawn again...the Harry-clones jerked on the cloth and Harry nearly dropped the goblet...and suddenly he was free!

"YAHOOO!" Luna shouted from a broom in the air. She swooped down again and dumped a second bucket of boiling water onto the clones. "You're all clear, Harry! Now lets feed this cat and go home!"

Harry secured the goblet in his arms and circled back to Crookshanks. The kneazle began to yawn and Harry forced his broom in the steepest dive he could manage with the heavy stone. He swerved and squeezed between Crookshanks' raised paws and there! Crookshanks yawned...Harry jumped off his broom in a flying leap towards the open jaws...Crookshanks opened even wider to hiss...Harry slammed the goblet into the kneazles mouth and pushed it down his throat.

The giant kneazle tried to yowl, and Harry grabbed onto every ginger hair he could manage. Crookshanks tried to roll. Harry held on, hoping he wouldn't get crushed, and suddenly, Giant Crookshanks vanished in a puff of smoke. Harry fell the fast few metres to his bum. The Harry-clones began popping out of existence, sharp cracks echoing in the sky. Luna landed her broom, looking for all the world like she had just gone for a pleasant garden stroll. Harry leaned back into the grass and sighed.

The requisite Cheesy Ending, and I mean CHEESY.

Luna eased Harry into a sitting position to survey the damage around them. The clouds had dissipated, allowing a pale, full moon to cast its glow upon the dark grounds of Hogwarts. Harry watched as Ron pushed to his feet to sling an arm around Padma and limp over near the outcrop where Mandy was tending to a shaken Lisa and Orla. Ron grinned at Harry as he passed, a missing front tooth causing a gap in his smile. Professors and Students wee emerging from the castle in a confused mass.

"Oh no!" Hermione cried, and Harry turned sharply to where she stood, her fingers touching her lips. Nevillegriff and Ginnygriff had turned to stone! "Neville!" she called out as she ran to the petrified creature.

Harry's heard pounded in his chest as he took off toward Ginny. After all that! She can't be! He refused to finish the thought as he reached the rock Ginnygriff. His eyes burned with tears and he bellowed, "NOOOO!" Harry punched his fist at the statue in anger. His knuckles broke through the surface, and the stone crumbled a little. It was hollow!

"Harry?" He heard a soft rasp from inside the statue and Harry's heart soared.

"Hermione! Break through! They're inside!" Luna joined Hermione, and they both began whacking at the rock surface with broomsticks.

Harry turned back to the Ginnygriff statue. Her fingers were poking through the hole he had punched earlier. There was coughing from inside. Harry tore at the stone, his fingernails ripped and his hands bleeding. Ginny was fighting from the inside, and her head finally broke through the hole they had made. Her hair was dull with dust and her skin so was filthy that her freckles were invisible, but Harry didn't care.

"Ginny! Oh Ginny! You're alright!" Harry wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her from the rubble of the statue. She wobbled when she hit the ground but kept to her feet. The school staff and Dumbledore tried to ask questions, and Harry ignored them all.

"Wha...what happened Harry?" Ginny said, breathless. "Last I remember, we were getting pummelled with egg yolk!"

She looked up at Harry with the most confused expression on her face; Harry couldn't help it. He leaned in and kissed her hard, pulling her as close to his body as allowed by the rating of this story. He broke the kiss but kept her in his arms.

"I love you, Ginny Weasley! And when this all settles down, I want everyone to know!"

Ginny giggled at him and turned his face away with the palm of his hand. Hundreds of students and teachers were cheering around them. Some whistled and shouted, "Nice one Harry!" Harry looked back at Ginny with a question in his eyes.

"They know now Harry!" she said, smiling though her exhaustion. "Your voice is echoing really loud in my ear!" Harry's eyes widened in realization, and he quickly raised his wand to end the Sonorus spell.

Ginny stepped back and took his hand, leading Harry though the crowds of cheering wizards and witches. "That's better Harry," she said. "Now why don't we go cuddle by the firelight in the common room, and you can tell me all about it."

THE END.

Thank you for reading! And thank you to LadyG for your beta work on this massive thing!