Of Choices and Regrets

Mission: Accomplished

"It's time for bed now. You need to calm down!" Draco was calmly standing next to Natara's newly ruined bed, trying to coax her down. He was acting carefully, his movements slow and relaxing.

Natara, on the other hand, uninhibitedly jumped up and down, the bed shaking and groaning with each bounce. Her hair was a wild mess around her head, her eyes were sparkling with a crackling energy, and a huge smile was plastered on her washed face.

Draco had attempted to act like a parent, which was a scary, chilling thought. It had fortunately worked until he had taken her to the room and turned his back without making sure she was sleeping. Within moments, the bangs and laughter emitting from the little girl's bedroom could be heard echoing down the hall and into Draco's. She had gone from heavy-eyed and yawning to bright-eyed and hyper in under ten seconds. It had to be a world record.

"Natara...please, come down and go to sleep. Pour moi!" Draco begged in vain.

"Non, non! Je ne voudrais pas coucher!" Natara cried. Distress briefly flitted across her face.

Draco stopped himself from rolling his eyes and hitting his head on the wall. He softly sighed. This was not working out as he thought it would.

There was only one thing left to do. Pursing his lips in annoyance, he quickly ran into his room and grabbed a half-forgotten book. Going back into Natara's room, he perched on the edge of her bed and read. It was difficult to read with all the jiggling, and he hoped it was worth it. Draco knew that Natara was a curious girl, and he hoped to be able to use it against her.

Just as he had predicted, she demanded to know what he was reading. Draco pretended to ignore her, which made her want to know more. Natara's jumps got slower and lessened in fury. She tried to get his attention; he purposefully turned his back to her.

This upset her greatly, and she began to whine and give him the 'big eyes'.

"I would tell you what I am reading, but..." Draco tempted. Natara wanted to know what. "If only you would get in bed, maybe even lie down, I could read to you. I can't if you are jumping around, can I? But you do not want to go to bed, do you?"

Natara debated for a second, wiggled her mouth and nose, then slide beneath the covers.

"Read- le livre," she demanded, poking the book. "S'il vous plait," she added meekly.

Draco smiled and sat next to her so that she could see the pages and pictures. It was a book of myths and fairy tales, one of his favorites from his own childhood.

Natara was absolutely captivated by the stories. She gasped at the right places, held her breath when things got tense, leaned forward with anticipation, and clapped when everything was resolved and happy.

Soon she grew tired and fell asleep, her head awkwardly tilted against the back wall and her pillow propping up her back. Draco read almost a whole story before he noticed, and did not move for a while after that. Natara and her innocence and joy captivated him much as his stories had captivated her.

He managed to reposition her without waking her, and he pulled the covers up to her chin. He stealthily and quietly traversed her room. He gazed at her slumbering figure one more time before turning out the lights and closing the door.

~~~~~~~

Draco was thrown to the cold ground. His body quivered as he cowered, afraid to raise his gaze for he knew the fury that would be hovering there.

"You disappointed me, boy," Lord Voldemort towered over Draco, his body seeming to grow with his anger, enlarging an already huge presence. "You have failed me!"

"Please, my lord!" Draco managed to sputter, but it was no use.

"Crucio!"

Hot daggers pierced his flesh, tearing his muscles from the bone. Draco cried out in pain. After a moment, the spell was reluctantly lifted.

"Now you must be punished, young Malfoy!"

"No! Please! I beg you!"

"Avada Kedavra!"

Draco saw the stunned, horrified expression of his father's unmasked face as he fell to the green curse. He had willingly offered his life to the Dark Lord, and now he was unexpectedly forced to fulfill that promise.

"No..." Draco felt tears on his cheeks.

Voldemort smiled. "One more to go," he said gleefully. He turned to Narcissa, who looked shell-shocked and oblivious, lost in her own thoughts of the death. The Dark Lord raised his wand...

And started to poke Draco.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Draco woke up with a start. Natara was standing next to his bed, her face level with his own, poking his shoulder. It was all a dream.

"I'm hungry and bored. Its time to get up!" she demanded with her normal smile, trying to ease the command.

"Wh-what time is it?" Draco groggily asked.

"Il est sept heures. Actually, a little after seven. You sleep a lot!" She giggled, and then sauntered away. "I will let you get ready, d'accord?"

Draco let his head drop to the bed once she was out the door. The small groan was masked by his soft pillow.

This was the one reason he could never be a father, or at least not a doting one. The hours were terrible.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Draco managed to pull himself out of bed and into the shower. The cold jet woke him somewhat, but he needed his morning tea to fully awaken. He ordered their breakfast and went to get Natara.

He found her playing with some of the dolls he had conjured for her. After they ate, she was able to convince him to participate, and the morning was spent playing her new games.

After lunch, he took her outside. She was delighted with the gardens. She ran up and down the different paths, asking what the plants were, and pulling his hand to follow her. She expressed patriotic love of the perfect, manicured French gardens, splashed about in the water gardens, and climbed around on the rock garden, but found her favorite area to be the wild flowerbeds and woods in the back.

Near those gardens, Natara found the quidditch pitch. When Draco told her what it was, she clapped her hands and demanded to fly. Draco was adverse to the idea. He thought the dangers far outweighed the fun, but Natara held fast. She asked, whined, begged, and tempted him to take her. Eventually, she wore him down. Against Draco's better judgment, he took her flying.

Natara loved the wind on her face and the way it played with her hair. Through her eyes, Draco found a new appreciation of the sensations he was so used to, and felt the exhilaration of flight for the first time in many years. But even more than that, Draco loved the freedom the broom gave him, as though he was flying away from his prison.

It was nearly dinnertime by the time he started to think about his decision.

Draco did not want to give up his Natara, yet her knew he could not keep her. He was torn between want and necessity, a tough place for everyone. He was stuck between an idyllic world and the realistic world. Just the thought dampened his mood.

Yet it had to be done; he had to stick with his decision. He had to be strong.

Draco retrieved the Black family book from the library and found his cousin's address. He prepared to leave, changing his clothes and conjuring new ones for Natara. He checked to make sure his mother would be gone, and thus no one would hopefully notice his brief absence.

Getting Natara to go was a different matter.

She frowned and got depressed when he told her he was going to take her somewhere. She did not want to leave the Manor. Only when Draco told her that it was his cousin's home, and that she could return to him, did she agree, yet she still sulked and lingered.

He dressed her up in a pretty new outfit, one without the dirt and grass stains that testified to the afternoon's adventures, and bundled her up in a green jacket to guard against the wind.

Draco understood why Natara did not want to go. It meant going back to the real world, into the arms of new strangers, and it meant having to think about the battle and the fate of her mother. The Manor had been her safe escape shielding her from the real world as much as it ultimately kept Draco from it.

Lifting Natara up into his arms, Draco hugged her tightly and kissed her forehead. He whispered words of comfort and encouragement before apparating them to Nymphadora Tonks's address.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a dirty, dejected street, filled with trash yet deserted of people. Draco's brow and nose wrinkled, and he unconsciously held Natara closer. Someone, especially his cousin, actually lived here? Looking at the house numbers, he realized her home was not in fact there.

Draco awkwardly reached into his pocket and looked at the correct page once more. Looking up, the house seemed to materialize out of thin air, pushing the buildings next to it at it grew.

Draco's eyebrows shot up. Why was she in hiding? And who was her secret keeper? He started to ponder and speculate.

Natara shivered in his arms, bringing him back to reality. He had a mission to accomplish.

Natara rested her head on his shoulder, as though burrowing into him. "I don't like it here. Je suis effrayé."

He shushed her, whispering that everything was fine and that there was nothing to be afraid of because he was there.

Draco put on an air of confidence and purposefully strode up to the door. He knocked quickly and sharply, and then stepped back. Suddenly unsure, he quickly dived behind a large, old oak tree in the small, grassless yard.

There was shouting in the house, then the sound of something falling and breaking, and finally the front door swung open, revealing a dark interior and a petite woman: his cousin.

The look of exasperation was replaced by an unhappy scowl, then confusion.

Tonks took a few timid steps down the front steps to the sidewalk and was about to walk back inside when a movement at the periphery of her vision caught her eye.

When she cast her eyes upon the tree, Draco stepped out from behind. Silently and carefully, he walked over to her. She was startled and stared back in shock.

Natara's head was still tucked into Draco's chest, her arms firmly gripping his light jacket, and she quietly protested when he attempted to disentangle her. He kissed her again then handed Natara to Tonks who automatically accepted her. He nodded, then turned and walked away.

"Wait!" Tonks yelled as soon as she found her voice, but he was already gone.