Bring Me to Life

Chapter 2: Spark of Hope

I still remember the world
From the eyes of a child
Slowly those feelings
Were clouded by what I know now

Where has my heart gone
An uneven trade for the real world
I want to go back to
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all

I still remember the sun
Always warm on my back
Somehow it seems colder now

Where has my heart gone
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger
I want to go back to
Believing in everything

--Evanescence

September 27th, 2007

Hermione was sitting quietly in her kitchen, contemplating the owl that she has just received from Remus. She wondered briefly when Ginny would awake; it was nearly one in the afternoon. She wished that she could sleep late like the redhead, but she was always plagued by the feeling that she would miss out on something if she passed the day away indoors. Also, she was usually wakened by the nag in her stomach, the familiar ache of guilt that lingered with her where ever she went.

She swirled around her cup of tea, and considered the idea of going back to bed herself. Lately, all she wanted to do was stay inside with her flat mate and read. Or just sit around. It wasn't that she didn't want to have a life; it was just that she hated the life she had. For ten years, ever since that day, everything felt...wrong. Harry had turned his back on them, and she knew it was her fault. And if there was one thing Hermione Granger despised, it was being wrong.

It was a matter of life and death and at that crucial moment, a text book would have done no justice. Not that she would have had the time to consult one had it been handy anyway. That was the way wars were. Quick and crippling, all at once.

She placed her head in her hands and sighed, rereading the owl from Remus yet again. It sounded urgent, but urgent didn't matter to Hermione anymore. Nothing was urgent when she lived her life in despair.

If only she had been sure, then maybe Harry wouldn't have blamed her.

But it had been too late.

Harry was gone, living in Muggle London as far as they knew, and slowly but surely forgetting everything about his past in an effort to gain back a life, any kind of life.

Because when Draco died, Harry might as well have died too.

Not a day went by that Hermione didn't mull the entire situation over in her mind. Every morning was spent sitting over her cup of tea, wondering what Harry was doing. What he was thinking, feeling, if he was crying...

Did he miss them at all?

***

Ginny awoke and rolled over to look at her clock. It was afternoon and she wondered if it was worth getting up at all. She had nothing of importance to do and Hermione was probably reading a book in the sitting room anyway, minding her own. The world would undoubtedly go on without her, but she decided that lying around all day would only make her lazy and dull. With a sigh she heaved herself out of bed and padded into the kitchen. She swore silently at the coldness of the linoleum on her feet and vowed that someday, she would live in a house with rugs. All she had to do was find someone worth spending her life with, not that Hermione wasn't a good flat mate. She would even give up on the whole 'fairy tale romance' theory she had had when in school, before the war and before Harry had left. She was content to settle if need be.

See took a seat across from Hermione, who didn't even look up. After a moment or two passed she reached over and took her flat mate's hand. Hermione met her blue eyes with a sadness that made Ginny's heart break. It was as if the warm brown eyes Hermione used to have had been slowly growing duller and lifeless over the past ten years or so.

"It won't help if you dwell on it, you know." Ginny offered, and attempted a reassuring smile.

Hermione nodded and wiped away a shining tear form the corner of her eye. "I know, Ginny. But the longer I know that Harry hates me, and the longer I know he is hurting somewhere all by himself, the more I feel as if I am wasting away when I could be with him. I miss him...." Hermione trailed off as her voice cracked slightly. "It was ten years yesterday since..." she trailed off, trying hard not to cry.

Ginny frowned and didn't know what to say. To be honest, Hermione had a point. Day after day would go by and she would wonder about Harry. But Hermione, without meaning to, had hurt Harry in a way that couldn't be forgiven. Not really, anyway. Not even by the Boy-Who-Lived Hero who loved all could be expected forgive a mistake like Hermione's.

"Don't you ever think that one day, he'll come around? Just decide that he's had enough of being alone and come back to us?" Ginny asked, hopefulness evident in her voice and etched into her face, where it had dwelled for ten long years.

"I used to. I don't anymore." Hermione looked down at that, and decided that she would have to visit Remus. Maybe he had news that would change her mind. She stood up quietly and brought her teacup to the sink. After placing it carefully down she turned and face Ginny.

"I am going to see Remus today. He has owled. Can you do the food shopping? I was supposed to do it yesterday..." Hermione's voice was lost yet again and she looked at her flat mate with a small plead in her eyes.

"Of course, 'Mione." Ginny smiled and stood. She took a few steps toward Hermione and wrapped her arms around her friend, who was trembling slightly. "I'll do whatever you need me to do."

***

Remus was teaching at Hogwarts again. After the war he had been reinstated as Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, as many of the other professors thought the job suited him well. It was all he could do to keep his mind off of the loss of Sirius, even if it was only a small bit of peace. And when Harry had left, he had thrown himself even more vigorously into his research.

His closest friend of late had been Hermione Granger; the former student had grown to be a very competent fighter and he admired her for her courage. She, like Remus, had lost the man she loved, just before she lost her best friend to the Muggle world.

They, ironically, shared what he and Harry used to share. The loss of a lover and the loss of a friend. Everyone had thought of Harry as a hero but no one had seen the strength Hermione had carried with her after her loss like Remus had. She was just as much a hero, to live on despite so much death and guilt and regret.

It was those things that made him decide that he should tell the news to Hermione first. She deserved a little peace and deep down inside, she craved it. Remus could tell that much. She craved acceptance and most of all, she need to feel that she could be forgiven for her mistake. If what he read was true, then she might get both in one shot.

He stared down at the article again, focusing his thoughts on the man in the picture. It was from a London Muggle newspaper that he read nearly everyday, hoping that there would be a glimpse or mention of the famous Boy Who Lived. But it seemed that once out of the spotlight in the Wizarding world, the young man had avoided it rather successfully in the Muggle world.

He sat quietly in his office, mulling over the new information like he would a new Potion or Curse. The fire was burning merrily in his fireplace and for once, Remus was beginning to feel warm. It wasn't the heat, though. It was the warmth that started deep in his heart and spread slowly, fingers grasping at each and every organ inside of his body, thawing out years of hard bitterness and pain, letting loose emotions that Remus had assumed were as hard as a block of ice, and just as hard to crack. It was the warmth caused by a spark of hope.

***

Hermione had showered and dressed in her warmest robes and was ready to go. She took a deep breath and walked into the living room. She allowed herself a moment to look out upon the street below, the hustle of Diagon Alley the only proof that life was still going on even though hers had long since died out. She could see young wizards with their parents, laughing and pointing out various things that children often liked to laugh at. The parents would nod and smile before taking the hands of their kids and walking down the busy street. With a sigh, Hermione wondered if she would ever be one of those happy parents.

She turned away from the window decided that it would be best to Apparate to Hogsmeade and then walk to Hogwarts. She was not up for floo travel and had never exactly sharpened out her flying skills. It was something she tried to avoid, because flying only made her think of the Quidditch games, of Harry and Ron...

She slipped her shoes on and went to say a quick goodbye to Ginny.

***

Ginny was standing in her room in front of the mirror, aimlessly pulling a comb through her hair. She turned when she saw Hermione's reflection in the glass, and smiled. She was happy that she was living with Hermione. They were able to lean on each other, because they both understood that while one had lost a lover and the other a brother, they both had lost Ron Weasley. And both had lost Harry, too. It was hard sometimes, because Hermione often became depressed and would cry in her room with the door shut. She always tried to hide it from Ginny because she didn't want to upset her, but Ginny worried that it would get worse and Hermione would resort to something more dangerous than just crying all alone. Ginny just wished that Hermione wouldn't act so brave all of the time. Even the strongest had to break down and cry in someone's arms sometimes. Hell, even Harry had.

Ginny had grieved but eventually had been able to move on. It still hurt if she thought about Ron, but it was not a constant ache. She had a feeling that Hermione suffered more from the guilt and regret, because Ginny didn't think she could ever handle it at all, let alone put on a brave face like Hermione often did. She didn't know because Hermione had erected walls around her, and she wouldn't even let Ginny in to visit.

"Ready to go, dear?" Ginny asked, placing the comb on her dresser and sitting on the bed.

"I suppose," Hermione answered, smiling slightly. "It'll be good to visit with Remus. Besides, he has some news. I think it's about Harry."

I hope it is, and good news, for Hermione's sake, Ginny thought. She studied the brunette and noticed that there was something different about her, she could see a small glimmer in her eyes that was probably ignited by new hope. Maybe something wonderful was about to happen.

"I hope so. It would be so refreshing to hear something new and good. Good luck, Hermione." Ginny stood and crossed the room, giving her flat mate a hug. "I have faith that something great will happen," she whispered into Hermione's ears.

"As long as one of us does," Hermione replied, a tear in her eye.

"Don't lose hope, dear," Ginny replied, squeezing Hermione's hand. "Even if it's been ten years."

***

Remus left the article on his desk and walked to the window on the other side of his office. He stared out at the grounds in front of him, frowning at the bleary day. It was cloudy and drizzling slightly, and Remus looked up at the sky.

For the first time in what could have been years, he smiled. The sun was absent, but he was sure he could see a glimmer of light behind the clouds. It was quite similar to the glimmer of hope in his heart. He hoped that Hermione would come, and soon. She hadn't answered his owl, but that didn't matter. He knew she would she come simply because she was always holding onto the tiniest sliver of hope for Harry.

And this, Remus thought, was more like ten-thousand slivers...

With a smile Remus watched the small glimmer in the sky turn into a ray of sun. The clouds and gloom were breaking.

***

Ginny absentmindedly wandered into the kitchen, wondering whether she wanted cereal or the more difficult choice of eggs. She flipped through the cabinets and sighed, remembering that the food shopping needed to be done and simultaneously realizing that there was hardly any food in the flat. She grabbed a lonely looking apple from the countertop and sat down.

Outside, she saw, it was cloudy and rainy to match her mood. She hoped the sun would come out, she want to take a walk and get some air. She took a small bite of the unappealing apple and her eye caught a parchment on the table in front of her. Wearily, she picked it up and studied the careful scrawl. It was the owl to Hermione, from Remus. Eyes narrowed, she read the short note.

Hermione,

Please come at your earliest convenience. I've learned of news that might change the last ten years.

Remus.

With a start, Ginny dropped the parchment back onto the table. A ghost of a smile passed across her face as she considered the possibility. Remus would not send for Hermione if it wasn't real. He was smart enough not to give away false hope.

Suddenly motivated enough to get up, shower and dress, Ginny stood and threw the apple across the room into the rubbish bin. When it hit the bottom with a satisfying thwack, Ginny grinned and set off. It was going to be a beautiful day.

***

Hermione opened her eyes and surveyed the surroundings. Hogsmeade was almost completely sunny and there were numerous witches and wizards walking along the streets, passing in and out of shops and chatting with shopkeepers. She could hear the innocent laughter of a group of children up ahead and thought of the past, when she was young. She remembered when she first became friends with Harry and Ron, and how happy she had felt to have friends who cared.

Her throat constricted as she remembered the present, and she forced back the tears that threatened to spill over. The guilt was a part of her and she had become accustomed to pushing back the tears on a regular basis. She hardly ever cried anymore, after the war it seemed like nothing else was worthy of such a response.

As she made her way to Hogwarts, Hermione tried to clear her mind. If Remus had news after all of this time, then she would need to be prepared. She needed to be strong and if her train of thought continued down memory lane then she was sure to meet disaster. She walked the worn path and took note of everything around her. The trees were beginning to turn colours and it was beautiful. She could faintly smell lilacs and a smile crossed her face. She loved lilacs.

Hogwarts was in view and Hermione sped her pace up a little, anticipation causing her heart to race and blood to run faster. Her hands began to feel clammy and the tips of her fingers were tingling slightly. She took a deep breath and when she came to the front doors, forced a smile on her face. Remus would see through it, no doubt, but that was no reason not to try. Hermione had never one to wear her emotions on her face.

She approached Remus's door with her heart in her throat. It was open, as always. Remus liked to believe that if he kept his door open his students would feel more welcome to stop in for help, or maybe just to chat. She lingered in the doorway for a moment, observing the gray-haired man. Remus had aged far beyond his years since the war, mainly due to the loss of...well, the two people he cared for most.

Hermione didn't want to disturb the man, who was seated bent over his desk, face in hands. Whether this was a sign of good news or bad news, she couldn't tell. His face was hidden in shadow and she reluctantly cleared her throat.

Remus looked up and smiled. Hermione had to choke back an audible gasp at the sight of his face. It looked as if he had grown younger since the last time she had seen him, if that was possible. His face was not lined with the same worry lines that she had thought were permanent, and he seemed to glow a little. She breathed a deep sigh of relief, because if they needed anything at all, it was good news. She didn't know if Remus had the strength for another loss, and in the back of her mind she admitted that she no longer had it either.

She felt lighter when she stepped into the room, as if there was a weight lifted off her shoulders that she had grown so used to it felt as if it were tangible. Remus stood and Hermione hugged him, feeling tension melt away from her body. She always felt a little safer when he wrapped his arms around her.

"Hermione, it's good to see you again." Remus said. "How've you been?"

The question held much more in it than Remus let on, but Hermione smiled anyway. "Hanging in there, thanks. And you? You look like you've lost years, Remus."

Remus nodded, and realized that Hermione's innocent statement actually had more meaning than she had thought. He had lost so many years since Harry left. Looking back, Remus decided that many days were just a repeat of the days before, no feeling or emotion put into them. After awhile it had been years repeating years. And yet here was Hermione, using the statement to mean something good. Maybe he looked better; he had reason to anyway.

"Thank you. I have something to show you." Remus very nearly grinned ear to ear, and he turned to his desk to pick up a piece of paper. Hermione assumed that this was what Remus had been concentrating on when she had walked in. "I'm not exactly sure what it means, but I think I have a good idea. If so..." Remus trailed off as he handed what was definitely a Muggle newspaper article to Hermione. The pictures weren't moving and Hermione recognized the newspaper as one she often read when home during holidays.

She took a seat in front of Remus's desk and steadied her hand, which had started trembling once she caught a glimpse of the person in the picture. It was blurry, because the man had to have been in motion when the snapshot was taken. He had dark, unruly hair that spilled over his eyes as he helped a girl with short, blonde hair wheel a stretcher out from the back of an ambulance. He wasn't wearing glasses, but that didn't matter.

It was Harry Potter.

Hermione choked back a sob as she looked at the man she hadn't seen in ten years. He was exactly how she imagined he would be. She didn't know why she was so surprised; they knew that Harry lived in London. After he had left, they tracked him long enough to find out where he was living. But they couldn't owl him, he had left without a word and obviously didn't want to be in contact with them. They had decided that it was best to wait until Harry wanted them back in his life. Terrible things had happened and Harry blamed Hermione for the most part, she knew.

Hermione knew that it would have hurt more to be rejected by Harry after he had left than to live life the way she did now.

Tears began to form in her eyes and she swatted them away. She became aware of Remus behind her, his hands on her shoulders. "I know. You'd think that we would have seen him there before, being an ambulance technician," Remus tried to make sense of it.

"Is-is it really him?" Hermione managed to breathe out before a sob escaped.

Remus looked down and shrugged before replying. "Read the article. There's more."

Hermione didn't know if she was ready for this but then, she had been waiting too long to give up now. She lowered her eyes to the paper in her hand and read, her breaths small and quick as she fought back hard, burning sobs.

"Ambulance technicians rushed to Northumberland Ave in centre London early Sunday morning on September 26, where a young man assumed to be around the age of 27 apparently attempted suicide and became in need of emergency medical assistance. The man carried no identification, and remains identified as of yet.

Anyone who can help determine the identity of the unknown man is urged to call St. Thomas' Hospital, where he is currently in critical condition. The only objects left behind, which may be of highest importance in his identification, were a small, silver ring with an emerald inset and what can only be considered suicide note that, due to privacy purposes, cannot be reprinted. It was, however, addressed to HP.

If any reader knows or has any information about this, again, please contact St. Thomas' Hospital."

The paper fluttered to the floor, and Hermione sat in shock. Remus leaned down and pulled her into his arms. He smoothed her hair down, trying to calm her. At last he felt her body shake as she cried. She cried until her eyes felt dry and scratchy; huge, wrenching sobs that shook her until she ached. She cried for the last ten years. And when she finished she lifted her head to Remus' face, still disbelieving. His nod assured her that her imagination had not been working overtime, that what she had read was real.

The guilt of ten years slipped away as she realized what it all meant.

He wasn't dead, wasn't dead...Harry had blamed her and it hadn't happened...she had been right...

"I-" Hermione tried, but it was no use. Her throat was raw and her head was pounding. Remus shushed her and smiled. Despite the tears, it didn't change the fact that Hermione had just been relieved of a weight that lasted longer than life itself...guilt.

He caught her when she collapsed, pain and tears giving way to relief and exhaustion. He carried her weak, sleeping form to the infirmary, deciding that it was time Hermione got some much needed peace. Madam Pomfrey was surprised to say the least, and said so. Mrs. Granger hadn't been a student there in ten years, though she knew that the former student often visited Hogwarts on a normal basis.

"I know. But she's had a very overwhelming visit this time."

"Oh?" Madame Pomfrey raised an eyebrow, a small smile quirked on her face.

Remus nodded, very serious, and Madame Pomfrey looked slightly puzzled.

Remus hadn't told anyone else yet, but it was only a matter of time before others would find out. He had wanted Hermione to be the first to understand. Taking a deep breath, Remus searched the nurse's face. She looked confused and a little curious.

Nothing compared to what her face looked like when she heard the news.

"Draco Malfoy is alive."