Counting to Ten

Sirius's POV...

~~~

Count to ten, like Remus suggested, I thought. Just count to ten...

1...

"Excuse me, sir," I said, trying for the fifth time to address the secretary at St. Mungo's front desk with a civil tone. "I need to see my husband."

"What is his name?" the obnoxious wizard drawled in a deadpan voice.

2...

"I've already told you three times...sir."

"And your husband's name is?"

3...

"Remus Lupin," I snarled through gritted teeth.

"Can I ask you to spell that?"

4...

I think my eye was twitching at this point. "R-e-m-u-s..."

5...

"...L-u-p-i-n."

"Let me look for his file."

6...

"..."

"Could you please tell me his name again?"

7...

"Re-mus Lu-pin," I replied, putting extra emphasis on each syllable.

"Just a moment..."

8...

"Ah, here we go. I've found his file."

"Good," I said. "May I see him now?"

9...

The man laughed dryly. "Of course not! Visiting hours are over."

10...

"What?!"

~~~

The bench that the secretary had told me to wait on was cold. Even through my robes the hard stone was uncomfortable, or maybe I was just worried about Remus. For the last three hours my stomach had been clenching with anxiety. It was an awful shock to return to Grimmauld from Diagon Alley and have Molly Weasley tell me that my precious Moony had fainted and was taken to St. Mungo's. Now I wouldn't even be able to see him! Unless...

My eyes traveled to the rude secretary. It wouldn't take much, all he'd have to do was look away, and then I'd slip out of the waiting room and figure out where they put Remus. Ten minutes passed while I fidgeted impatiently, but finally a young woman entered the lobby. Once the secretary started talking, I slunk through one of the doors into the main part of the hospital. I was about to change into a dog and sniff for Remus's scent when I realized the utter stupidity of that plan. Any large dog running loose around a hospital would attract far too much attention. That's when a new idea struck me. Striding toward me from the other end of the hall was a middle-aged nurse who was about my height with black hair about the same length as my own.

"Excuse me, sir," she said in a crisp voice. "You're not authorized to be back here."

"Yes, well," I replied with a charismatic smile, "I'm terribly sorry about that, but..."

"But, what?" she asked.

"I'm even sorrier for this. Stupefy!" I yelled, yanking out my wand and stunning her. Before she hit the ground I carefully caught her and carried her into a room on our right which, thankfully, happened to be a utility closet. Quickly stripping off my robes, I gently pulled off her uniform, thanked Merlin that she had on discreet undergarments, and slipped on her outfit. Miraculously, it fit although I had to suck in my stomach a bit. Straightening the nametag, I noticed she was Head Nurse Claudette from Ward P. Hopefully, no one would realize that Ms. Claudette had gotten a lot flatter in the chest. Now all that was left was to get her shoes. I eyed the red pumps dubiously, but in the end, I removed my dragon hide boots and put the other shoes on.

~~~

Swaying unsteadily on the high heels, I staggered down the hall, glancing around for someone who might be able to help me. Finally, I spotted a desk at the end of the passageway. Wobbling toward it, I smiled at the woman and--in a high-pitched, scratchy voice--asked if she could help me find the whereabouts of a patient.

Raising a concerned eyebrow, she inquired worriedly, "Are you okay Claudette? You sound awful, and you're walking funny."

Waving away her words, I replied in what I hoped was a slightly smoother voice, "I'm alright, really. Just a bad night's sleep that's all."

The red-haired witch shrugged nonchalantly. "If you insist. Now, who's this patient you're looking for?"

"Huh?" I said. "Oh, yeah, um, Remus Lupin."

"That's L-u-p-i-n?"

I nodded.

Bending over, she tapped one of the draws. "Lu-section, please!" After rummaging around in the draw for a second she removed a file and shut the draw.

"Oh, yes, Remus Lupin!" she said placing the manila folder on the top of her desk. "He's in Ward--"

"Stop!" someone yelled.

Quickly, I whirled around to see the nurse I'd stunned striding toward us in her lingerie and looking furious.

"Claudette?" the woman at the desk called hesitantly, looking from me to her and then back again.

Apparently, it was time for me to make a run for it before the secretary overcame her shock and cursed me. Snatching Remus's folder from the desk, I made a mad dash down the hall, but not nearly fast enough. The nurse who I'd stunned grabbed me and swung her fist directly into my left eye. Really hard. Squirming out of her grip, I took off again, both women screaming at me to stop. I didn't listen to a word as I dashed out the door, and I didn't stop running for at least ten minutes. Finally, exhaustion--and high heels--caught up with me, forcing me to lean against a wall and try to breathe evenly.

Once I knew I wasn't going to pass out, I opened the folder I had snagged and look for the name of the ward where they had placed Remus, but instead of a whoop of triumph, the only sound that exited my mouth was a groan of despair. Somehow, somehow, I had managed to grab the wrong folder! The medical records were useless to me. They belonged to some wizard called Philli Buster, not my beloved Moony. In a particularly childish gesture, I tossed the folder over my shoulder and onto the floor and began walking down the corridor. Might as well figure out where I'd wandered (escaped) to, I decided.

I had hardly taken two steps when a doctor grabbed me by the shoulder, startling me out of my mind. Barely succeeding in staying upright (my God, how can women wear such shoes?!), I found myself facing a middle-aged man who reminded me of a younger Dumbledore.

"Ah, there you are, Claudette," he said, beaming jovially. "I've been looking for you. The couple I mentioned to you early is here for a pregnancy check-up."

This just keeps getting better and better, I thought sarcastically. "Gee," I told the man, Dr. Grey according to his nametag, "I don't really think I can handle this. I, uh, know we talked about it and everything, but I'm not sure I'm ready--"

"Nonsense," he replied chuckling and leading me to the examining room, "you'll be fine. All you've gotta do is tell them the pregnancy succeeded and explain the procedure which is all here in this folder. Oh, and make sure you're very polite. This is Harry Potter and his fiancé, Draco Malfoy, we're talking about after all."

You could've knocked me over with a feather, I swear to Merlin. Then the man gave me the folder he'd been holding and pushed me into the room before I could stutter another word. I deeply and truly wish I could say that I kept my cool, but at the sight of my godson and a Malfoy literally hanging off of each other, I was barely able to stop from going ballistic. The only thing that could've been worse than a Malfoy was Snape.

"Harry James Potter!" I yelled, completel dropping my fake feminine voice. "What the hell is going on?"

"Sirius?!" he gasped, eyes widening in shock; it would've been funny had the situation not been so horrible. "What are you doing here?"

Trying my hardest not to yank out my wand and hex Lucius's son, I--attempting to be calm--told him, "Remus is sick, but they wouldn't let me see him so now I have to find him in a more...unconventional fashion. But hold off on that for a moment, is it true that Draco's having your child?!"

"Um, actually Sirius," Harry corrected, "I'm carrying Draco's child."

Let's just pause and say about half of St. Mungo's probably heard me shouting.

"Look," Draco said stepping forward. "It's not like you have any reason to worry. Nothing will happen to Harry or our child, not while I'm around."

"But you didn't even tell me you were engaged," I accused, feeling more betrayed than angry after my initial outburst.

"And this is why!" Harry responded in exasperation. "I knew you'd overreact!"

"Yes, well--" I was getting ready to go on about all the reasons why this would never work between the two of them when an announcement suddenly blared over the hospital loudspeakers...

"Attention all staff and St. Mungo's patrons, there is an unauthorized wizard in a nurse's uniform somewhere in the hospital. He's about 5'10" with shoulder-length black hair and a bruise beneath his left eye. If anyone sees him, please notify personnel immediately. Thank you, that is all."

When the speaker finished talking, Draco actually snickered, and Harry gave that maybe-my-godfather-really-is-a-lunatic sigh.

"Y'know," Draco began with a slightly evil smirk, "we could distract them while you make an escape..." I glanced at him suspiciously and was going to say 'yes' when he added, "as long as you don't try to split up Harry and me."

I considered changing my 'yes' to a 'hell no' when we heard to sound of people running down the hall. "Alright, fine," I snarled. "You have my word."

"Good," Draco said, turning to Harry who whispered something in his ear. Lucius's annoying little brat nodded in agreement.

"Okay, Sirius," Harry explained with a faint smile, "I'm going to pretend something went wrong and that I'm having severe cramps. Then Draco will call everyone in here. While they aren't paying attention, slip out that door," he paused and pointed to a door on the other side of the room, "and go find Remus."

Despite my shock at their relationship, I couldn't quite keep a proud grin from creeping across my probably haggard face. "You're bloody brilliant! Not even your father could've done better."

"Thanks," Harry replied, and I knew how much my raise meant to him, "but you'd better hurry."

As I left through the back door, Harry dropped to the floor and pretended to moan in pain while Draco started frantically calling for the doctors. A quick wand scan would most likely confirm that Harry was perfectly fine, but that would buy me at least five minutes. Standing in the deserted back hall, I transformed into my (according to James) more-lovable self. However, even with a dog's acute senses, Fate was still against me because--conveniently--the first room I went into happened to be some type of staffroom.

"Hey!" a doctor shouted. "No dogs allowed!"

Instantly, at least two dozen medi-wizards came rushing toward me. Turning tail (literally), I bolted out of the room and into the hall. Calls of "Catch him!" and "Stop that dog!" followed me along with the pounding of determined feet. I raced blindly through doors and crowds, hardly knowing where to go. St. Mungo's was like a labyrinth!

Rounding another corner in the endless maze of corridors, I skidded to a stop and sat down hard. Head bowed in defeat and tongue lolling out as I panted, I just stayed there. Might as well let 'em catch me, I thought bitterly. It's not like I'm gonna find Remus on my own anyway.

I had all but given up hope when, a very kindly voice said, "Hello, Sirius."

Slowly, I picked my head up, and dammit, if there is a God, he must really hate me because standing right in front of me was none other than Albus Dumbledore. With a pitiful whine, I bowed my head and waited for the lecture, but none came. Instead a gnarled, careworn hand scratched me gently behind the ears. It was the first nice gesture all day, and my tail thumped against the floor showing how much it meant.

"Now," Dumbledore said as he pulled his hand away, "would you like to see Remus?"

I woofed loudly in assent, and he chuckled. "I'll take that as a yes then. If you'll please follow me, there's a broom closet where you can change back into your robes...which I have with me," he added.

So, ten minutes later, I was dressed properly and standing outside Remus's room looking quite the worse for wear. My hair was disheveled, my robes rumpled--and in a few places torn--and I had a nasty bruise forming under my eye from when the nurse punched me. Great. Oh, well, maybe Remus won't notice...

"Sirius!" he exclaimed, smiling as I walked in. My poor Moony was sitting up in bed with a book in his lap looking extraordinarily pale, but other than that he seemed fine.

Striding over to the bed, I engulfed him in a bear hug, albeit a very gentle one. "How are you Moony? What have you got is it serious?" questions poured like water out of my mouth, but Remus put a hand to my lips, softly shushing me with cold fingers and a loving voice.

"It's nothing to worry about, Padfoot. I actually have the flu, not anything important. However, back at Grimmauld I fainted so Tonks and Molly Weasley brought me here, but really, I'm quite fine. In fact," continued, "I'll probably leave in about five to fifteen minutes."

I believe at this point, my lower jaw was hanging off my face and about ready to fall on the floor. This was also the moment Remus realized my particularly bedraggled state.

"Sirius!" he exclaimed again, voice worried and reproachful now. "What happened to you? You look like you got trampled by a herd of centaurs."

I opened my mouth to tell him all about the many indignities I had sooo unfairly suffered, but then I sighed and said instead, "Nothing really...I was trying out a few training techniques with Buckbeak before I came. He wasn't...cooperating."

"Did you try counting to ten?" Remus inquired.

In a drawling, deadpan voice, I answered, "It didn't work."

~END~