The Bachelor

Chapter 2: Luna Lovegood

Draco stomped down the hall with his minions or goons or whatever you prefer. "This is ridiculous," he said aloud. Suddenly, two girls stepped out of the corridor. Draco considered both to be very pretty. Yet, the one on the right, with the flaming red hair was an impossibility. A Malfoy could never marry a Weasley. So, Draco chose the strange, but pretty, blonde, Luna Lovegood.

Draco motioned to Crabbe, who immediately hid along the wall and grabbed Luna towards him. Ginny just kept walking and failed to notice the disappearance of Luna. But, even if she had noticed, given that it was Luna, she probably would have just shrugged and continued on her way.

"Oh...Hello," Luna sang as Crabbe tossed her over his shoulder. "This is very rude indeed," Luna continued.

Draco considered her response: it was certainly a better start than Parvati. "Perhaps," he thought, "I can get her to try to bite me or plead with me to leave her with her mudblood-loving friend." Draco turned to Luna, "Shut up, you loony little wench." Draco reflected on how strange it was that he was calling everyone "wench," but quickly disregarded the thought and continued to walk towards her. Luna drew her wand from behind her ear; she aimed at his throat and stated, very clearly and with no fear, "Have your goon or minion or whatever you call him put me down, now."

Draco considered his options. She was in Ravenclaw; she had to be smart, and she looked very menacing with her wand so strategically placed. He turned to Crabbe, "Fine, let the wench down." Crabbe lowered Luna onto her feet and, to Draco's surprise, she placed her wand back behind her ear and said, "I prefer to walk on my own, thank you." Draco just stared at her. He expected her to try to escape, but it was clear that she was prepared to follow him to wherever he was taking her.

"I'm kidnapping you, wench," Draco tried to hide his confusion with what he imagined to be an evil Death Eater tone of voice.

"I gathered that," Luna sang back. "I suppose your evil master, the Dark Lord, Voldemort, Tom Riddle, He-who-must-not-be-named, or whatever you prefer, has ordered you to find a suitable wife and breed Death Eaters. Daddy's favorite reporter uncovered the plot ages ago. It was in the Quibbler, you know, towards the back flap. Daddy found an amazing pair of Boojums, which was obviously on the front page." Luna continued to smile at Draco while she divined his entire plan and incidentally, the plot of this story.

"Yes, that's the plan. Now shut up, you wench, and get moving." Draco decided that he'd better get a move on; the Dark Lord's patience had been wearing thinner and thinner after a certain pretzel incident earlier that year.

"Oh, this is so exciting. I suppose I'll see a real Death Eater and perhaps the lair of the Dark Lord, Voldemort, Tom Riddle, He-who-must-not-be-named or whatever you prefer. Daddy will love this for the Quibbler. 'A Death Eater wedding;' well, it doesn't have the same ring to it as 'The Hunt For The Crumple Horned Snorkack,' but it will definitely fetch a place on page three." Luna appeared to be almost out of breath with excitement.

Draco couldn't figure out what was more irritating: the fact that Luna was actually excited to marry a Death Eater, that his marriage wouldn't even fetch the first page or that he wasn't, to Luna, a "real" Death Eater. He decided the first two were just silly. "I am a real Death Eater," he shouted, louder than he intended to.

"Oh, are you?" Luna asked as she reached down and pulled up the hem of his robes. "You look like Draco Malfoy to me," Luna continued, "Daddy says Death Eaters wear green Dragon skin trousers to hide the disfigurements caused by joining the Dark Lord's legions." Draco was momentarily shocked by the fact that Luna didn't continue her rant on the Dark Lord's multiple names and simply called him "the Dark Lord."

"Why did you call him "the Dark Lord?" Draco asked, curiosity obviously getting the better of him.

"Well, if I'm to be a Death Eater wife, I ought to start acting like it," she proclaimed.

Between her willingness and "Daddy," Draco could take no more. He turned to Luna, "Get out of here. I've changed my mind."

"Oh, too bad. I think Daddy would have liked the story for the Quibbler," and Luna promptly turned to go. Draco stared at her and, for a second, thought he saw her start to run.

Humph. Draco couldn't find a suitably petrified candidate for marriage. He thought on the scene with Luna. Did she, Luna Lovegood, just out smart him, Draco Malfoy? Nah, Draco decided that she really didn't care about anything but the Quibbler. He had to find someone smart enough to be scared to death or scared of death or at least scared of a Death Eater. He reassured himself, "Green dragon skin trousers or not, I very much am a Death Eater."