Dancing

Dancing

In his dreams Sirius would dance. Dressed in white with a wreath of leaves in his hair he would skip around the trees of the Forbidden Forest which were lit with a magical half-light. The moon, which was never full, would flicker over him, illuminating the creamy skin of his face, the beautiful dark eyes, the folds in his clothes, the hands that stretched out and beckoned to Remus. But Remus would never join. He would watch Sirius, laughing, singing, as he danced and danced. Then Sirius would stop. He would come to Remus and hold him, gently, caressing his hair, whispering soft words that Remus could never hear nor understand. But he didn't care because Sirius, his Sirius, enfolded him completely.

It was all a fantasy.

In the day Sirius would run and jump about in a vulgar and raucous way. Dressed in untidy school robes, tie undone and shirt hanging out, he was loud and clumpy. The lamps in the school were too bright, the crowds too noisy, and the moon far too frequent. Sirius would slap Remus on the back or punch him in the arm, urging him to join in the prank or the teasing. But Remus would never join. He would watch Sirius laughing, yelling, flirting. But this time Sirius would never stop and Remus would go on watching, repulsed at the way he was, but loving him all the same. He was unable to draw his eyes away from him and unable to stop dreaming about him, unable to stop himself being the reasonable anal Remus to him but unable to stop him bullying others.

Sirius was a sea untamed, a wild horse, a ferocious wind.

Remus wanted to see him tender and caring. He wanted to see him peaceful and calm. He wanted to make him all these things himself because Remus believed that's what love could do to someone. And because he loved him. He knew that the unruly and crude Sirius had a horrible family and they hated him as much as he hated them.

But Remus loved the Sirius of the day as much as the Sirius of his dreams.

He was brash and that made Remus yearn for him. He was conceited and that made Remus hunger for him. He was a manly mate and that made Remus ache.

James was Sirius' best friend.

Remus was one of the group, a fellow Marauder and Gryffindor, but he was just a friend. Despite this, he was the one who looked after Sirius when James was too drunk to do so. He was the one who got Sirius out of trouble with his 'great excuses' and his 'we wont do it again look'. He was the one who nursed Sirius after fights.

But Sirius cared for him.

He became an animagus for him and looked after him the mornings after the full moon. Remus never knew what Sirius was thinking, never thought what he could be thinking. Sirius loved him only in Remus' dreams, never in the harsh, brutal light of day.

Sirius was an actor.

A perfect actor, until he eventually held Remus tenderly and warmly, and danced for him under the trees.