My Pain, My Hate, My Suffer

My life started to turn into hell. It started with my parents hating me, and I was frightening my own brother. He was the only one in my family who still cared for me. I would never have thought that this curse, how some people may call it, had so many disadvantages. I learned quickly that I now had to care of myself.

2. Silent Cries

When I came home the first person I saw was my brother. He looked at me with frightened eyes, then looked over to our mother. She only nodded and left the room. My brother came slowly closer and as we were only some inches apart he asked, "Who are you?" These words came slowly but full of hope.

"It's me, Remus..." I answered quietly.

He looked at pensively and exclaimed, "No! If I only had taken more care of you!"

We just embraced until my father came and tore us apart. I slammed against the wall and I had to control myself not to scream out in pain. Romulus saw this and went to stand protectively in front of me.

"Romulus, get out of my way! That isn't your brother anymore!" my father shouted.

Romulus then looked at me, and then my father, and said, "If that is your opinion, Father, then I am leaving with Remus!"

Father took Romulus by the arm and pushed him out of the room. He came back to me, took my arm and pulled me along to the cellar. He pushed me down the stairs and exclaimed, "You'll stay here, and I'm warning you -- don't try to break out!"

My whole body was in pain as he closed the door and locked it. I looked around, and to my surprise, all my belongings were down there. The small window was now barred and there was no glass anymore so the cold wind could blow in. In the door was a trap door where they pushed the food through.

I had made myself a calendar so I wouldn't loose the feeling of time. The nights were cold, but I still could lie down on my bed under the warm blanket. Still, I didn't know for how long I could endure this. Time to time, my father would come to see if I was still alive and to give me a beating. Nightmares were also now coming nearly coming everyday, which made the night for me the worst part of the day.

The first full moon was the worst I have ever had. Father had come early in the evening and brought me in the woods in to a small cabin that was out of pure steel. I can't remember clearly the night but I know the transformation was dreadful.

Before my father came the next morning, Romulus came with teary eyes and with a pessimistic look. He looked at me with shock -- I was lying on the floor, bloodstained and crying.

"Rem?"

I wanted to say something but I was to weak to give any response. He sat down next to me on the floor and took me protectively in to his arms saying, "Remus, listen to me. I'm going to go, and I am not coming back before July." My heart sank of the thought being left alone once more. He always came home for winter holidays -- why not this time? "Whatever happens, I will always be there, I promise." Romulus left.

I have forgot how to trust my family, after I learned my father didn't care how badly I was injured. I had to get along on my own with the pain. It didn't matter how loud I screamed; nobody came to help.

Romulus never came back, and I can still remember my mother sitting at the kitchen table crying one afternoon because of it. I wanted to go to her and ask what the matter was, but Father pulled me along down in to the cellar, and since then I never saw her again.

After some months I even had my own bathroom down in the cellar and I came only outside to the fresh air for some minutes during the full moon. The years passed by slowly and painfully until there was no hope for things to get better. It wasn't until I was ten years old that I once again had hope.

But that I am going to tell you another time...