My Pain, My Hate, My Suffer

How would you react if you hadn't left the house for three years? That the sunlight for you would be totally strange, because you're only used to the sunset. If you would only see your father and no one else, a father who treated you like a piece of shit... What would you do?

I can still clearly remember the cold morning during wintertime as I could seek for hope once again in my life.

3. A new name, a new beginning.

It was one week ago that we had a full moon, and I still feel the pain from the monthly transformation. Outside it was freezing cold, it was snowing and sometimes some snow was coming through my open window. I had already put on my warmest robe, yet still I felt cold.

If I would have known that my father had started to bellow through the house, I would have known already that I wouldn't feel my bones anymore in one hour if not less. I sat down in the corner of my room and just waited. The much more I waited the more cold I got, and my body started to tremble eventually. Then the door opened but not my father came, but a woman and a man I had never seen before. I recoiled even more against the wall, frightened of what would now happen.

It was strange to be in contact with other people than my father, who always said that I was only safe down here in the cellar, safe from the humans. My name wasn't used anymore, I was only the wolf, and the beast like my own father described me. My father always complained of not having killed me on the morning as he found me in the forest. I am still scared that nowadays he may sneak in during the night to kill me.

I started to get scared of humans, but how could I react differently? I was scared of the woman who slowly came closer and who then knelt down in front of me. I was feeling so cold that couldn't move away from her as she gently touched my forehead. The woman smiled at me and said to the man behind her, "Could you please give me a warm blanket; the poor boy is as cold as ice."

She then laid a warm blanket around me and helped me up on my feet. I didn't know what to say -- the woman was being so kind to me, my father must have been lying. I see that not all humans are bad to werewolves, or at least these aren't. We slowly went up the stairs and as we reached the corridor, the light blinding me.

I can hardly remember how I landed in this bed. I still know that I couldn't stand anymore and that is all. I was lying there and I had no idea where I was -- at least I wasn't at home in the cold cellar anymore. Well, I really couldn't call it home -- it was more a prison then anything else. I felt drained, but I was lying in a warm and comfy bed, which made the situation more bearable. I closed my eyes wishing that this was reality and not just a dream.

On the next day I got to meet the woman and the man who got me out of my prison: Michael and Catherine Lupin. They were the loveliest people which I ever met. They had adopted me through the help of a wizard called Albus Dumbledore. From then on, my name wasn't Remus J. Bones but Remus J. Lupin, a name that should make me forget my past. After some days I saw the two like my own parents and they were happy that I got so quickly acquainted to the new situation. Being allowed to call them mum and dad made my luck perfect.

Still the nightmares still came on a nightly basis and sometimes I still got scared that my father would appear here someday to kill me. The first day I stayed there, I was scared to do anything and then have to receive a beating.

That didn't happen there, though, and everything was different. Everyone was much more kind and loving, and not even one harsh word fell. I felt safe there. Yet, the feeling won't go away, the feeling of being scared of every human I don't know, which made me become nervous and edgy. I don't know if I can ever trust a human again after what my father did to me.

The Lupins lived on a small farm with horses where Muggles could spend their holidays riding. There was the main building/house where we lived in, a small apartment house for the guests and of course the stables. The country around was wonderful; this is one sort of the places I thought they would only appear in your dreams. I started to love my new home and as the months passed by I forgot my father for the first time. Then during one morning a strange letter arrived addressed to me.

But this I am going to tell you another time...