My Pain, My Hate, My Suffer

Prologue

I would never have believed that once in my life I would receive the emotion of love. My hope was always small because of the family life I had to suffer at home. But when I went to Hogwarts my life changed dramatically. I had become friends with people who finally saw the human in me, and not the beast that would have loved to thrash his friend's bodies. Even as my friends, the only ones I ever had, found out who I really was, they never left me alone. Our friendship grew even more and I have learnt, or better to say, I felt for the first time what true love is. Only that was so long ago, and nowadays I love to remember the old happy days with my friends. But I also remember the days, which come back in my nightmares. The days where I just wanted to die because of pain hate and suffer. But I wan to tell you everything from the beginning, and the best is to start at the age of seven...

1. The hunter becomes the prey.

It was a wonderful summer day when I was sitting outside with my brother and I listened to what he said. He told me about the magical creatures, which live in the forest, from the good, and the bad. He was 7 years older then me but that didn't bother us. Until now I could always rely on to my older brother whichever situation I was in. "Remus, will you promise me something?" Romulus started to ask. I looked at him questioningly and just nodded at him.I didn't have the right words to answer him. "Stay away from the forest late in the night, because the wolf wants you for his prey." I looked at him with a scared expression on my face. What did he mean?

"The wolf wants you for his prey tonight." I didn't understand him anymore. My favourite animals have always been wolves, why should I be careful around them? They are such peaceful animals. My brother looked at me if I was his worst enemy, got up and went in to the house without saying one word. I would have stayed outside if mother hadened called me for lunch. I went, sad and distraught in to the house for lunch. Father and Romulus already sat at the table waiting. I sat down at my usual place opposite from my brother and just waited for the food. My father never really liked me. Why, I didn't know, and sometimes I got angry, just because I looked so similar to him. But what can you do? You can't choose as a baby into which family you want to be born and I have satisfied myself with that conclusion. Lunch passed by very silent, nobody said one single word. Later on we were all in the forest, taking a walk and everything between Romulus and me was forgotten.

Why didn't I look out better? Then I wouldn't have got lost after an hour. Now I was standing here, alone in the forest. The sunset already had been half an hour ago and still I looked for my parents. But I didn't find them and I just got more deeper in to the forest. After some time I was too tired to continue my search and I stopped looking. Then I heard a loud howl and something strong, big and hard pressed me to the ground, with my back to the top. Something sharp went in to my shoulder by the neck and I just cried out in pain. Then everything went black.

As everything came into focus again, I found myself in St. Mungos. It looked like it, the white beds, and the sanitary room. (This just could be the hospital witches and wizards.)I felt miserable, my back, my shoulder and my arm were in pain and I felt like if I would vomit any minute. After some time, came doctor in the room and looked at me, concerned. He went to stand next my bed and asked, "Do you still remember what happened Remus?" I gently shook my head. (What should have happened, only that I got lost nothing happened.)

"You were bitten by a werewolf Remus. You have become a werewolf, Remus..." said the doctor. He was silent for some minutes and then he said, "You will stay here for some days. And what happens to you is your parents business." He went out of the room and locked the door after him.

A werewolf, no, that couldn't be true! No! But then I remembered the bite, I am a werewolf now and I have to live with this situation. In the next three days I felt how my senses got better, I even felt the feelings of the humans that were surrounding me everyday. After one week, all my wounds had been healed and only a big scar on my back remembered me of the accident, my mother came to pick me up. I had been standing at the window and I had been frightened, as a cold hand had touched my shoulder. But I stayed calm and turned my head in her direction. Her went away and she took three steps back. I had changed, I can still remember standing in front of the mirror two days ago and not having brown hair anymore, it had turned into a light brown. With my eyes happened the same thing, they weren't brown anymore they had turned in to amber and my skin was deadly pale.

"Come Remus we want to go home." She just said and left the room. I followed her quietly and then we travelled with a Portkey home. If I had known what would happen to me at home, I would have fled already.

But that I am going to tell you another time...