Potions Accident

Chapter Two: Imperfection

"The more anger

towards the past you

carry in your heart,

the less capable you are

of loving in the present."

.--Barbara De Angelis

Severus' Point of View

I walked through the corridor towards the Great Hall, lips drawn thin in thought. The encounter on the train had been unusual, to say the least, as I hadn't expected the Potter boy to cry. I had thought him heartless, and he had proved me wrong. Harry Potter truly missed his godfather, truly loved him. I could see that written as clearly as possible across his face.

I had assumed that he did not like Sirius. That was the impression the deceased animagus had given me. The night that Harry had refused to allow him to accompany him for the ceremony had hurt Padfoot horribly.

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"What else can I do to make the boy like me, Sevvy?" Sirius whined pitifully, curled up around me on our bed.

I closed my eyes against the pain that radiated from my lover's body. "Sirius, you try to hard to make him like you. Honestly, the more you push, the less he'll want you around."

Silence greeted this news and I realized, with a start, how harsh that would seem to Sirius. "Siri?" I asked casually, letting my hand fall on to his shoulder.

"Sevvy," he choked out in a sob. "He told me he didn't want me at the ceremony with him. I feel like I've done something wrong. It's so painful trying to be there for him. He's so emotionally unstable."

I stroked my fingers through the Gryffindor's silky hair, but said nothing. My respect for Potter, because yes, I actually respected him at one point, had decreased substantially. Anyone who could hurt Siri without understanding the amoung of pain they were causing couldn't be a good person. Sirius, even with all his foolish pranks, was a great person when it came to a life or death situation. And all he wanted was a little bit of love from his godson.

"Oh, Siri," I whispered into the man's hair, not surprised to find that he had already drifted off to sleep.

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I shook off the memories and entered the Great Hall, lining up behind the First Years for the Sorting Ceremony. Another formality Dumbledore had insisted on, of course. Sometimes I wondered if the man actually had any sanity left in him at all.

I listened, nearly bored to tears, as all the new First Years were sorted. I resisted the urge to clap for the Slytherins because I would not be joining them. My mission was of too great of importance to end up having Potter suspicious of me. And Slytherin House would accomplish only that.

"This year, we have a transfer student joining us for his 6th year. If you would take a seat on the stool, Mr. Sumner?"

I sighed inaudibly and trudged up the steps to the stool. I waited patiently while the hat settled on my head.

"I see you've been in Slytherin once before," the hat murmured. "But perhaps it does suit your needs at this time, Severus Snape. Very Slytherin, I must admit. Nice job with the Potions accident too, buddy."

I growled low in the back of my throat. The hat had a mean streak that only I brought out in it. I don't know what it was it had against me, but gods, I hated the thing. "Just put me in Gryffindor, already, and shut up about it," I gritted my teeth and demanded.

Luckily, the hat did what I suggested, and yelled, "Gryffindor!"

Feeling utterly violated, I slank down off of the chair and made my way over to Potter, who was sitting, surprisingly, all by himself.

"Don't you have any friends?" I asked grumpily, sitting down across from him. I didn't understand why he had deserted Ron and Hermione. Friends were one thing I never had the privilege to have growing up.

Harry glared back at me. "If all you're going to do is gripe at me, why'd you sit here in the first place?"

I stared back at him in shock, though my facial expression never faltered. It rarely did. After thirty two years of practice, my shields were impenetrable. They always had been, except for the few years I spent with Sirius by my side, and then only he could read me. "Wasn't griping," I responded mildly.

"Really?" he asked, apparently perturbed by my monotone. I spoke that way on purpose, but it wasn't to frighten people. No, it was actually for the opposite reason. I hated it when my peers felt they had no one to turn to. Of course, that usually didn't apply to students, but since my students were now my peers, it was inevitable that I would feel the same way.

"Really," I confirmed. "I was just curious why you, out of all people, would choose to sit by yourself."

"Why? Because I'm the famous Harry Potter?" he shot back nastily.

My eyebrows rose at this unexpected outburst, a loss of control that I could afford. "Potter, I was not insinuating in anyway that you should be being fawned over because of your fame. I am just saying I find it surprising that anyone would rather sit by themselves than with their friends."

"Oh." All the fight seemed to go out of Potter, and I relaxed. "Well, wouldn't you rather sit by yourself?"

I blinked at him. "What do you mean by that? I don't know anyone here."

"That's not what I mean," he waved me away impatiently. "I meant, wouldn't you rather sit by yourself than with them if you knew you had seen more death and horror than most people your age ever have to cope with?"

Shock flooded me. Out of all the responses I expected, this one was the least likely. "Death is a hard lesson to learn," I said quietly. "But living in the past doesn't make it any easier to deal with." I stood and walked away before I let any pertinent information about my mission slip out.

"Sumner, wait," Potter cried, and I turned around briefly. "What's your first name?"

I rolled my eyes. "Aiden," I responded, and walked fluidly out of the Great Hall.

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I found my way up to Gryffindor Tower, which wasn't difficult, having been a teacher for almost twenty years. The Fat Lady looked at me suspiciously and I raised my eyebrow at her.

"Don't recognize me, then?" I asked, smirking.

"Why, young S-"

"Sumner," I interjected quickly. "Aiden Sumner. Professor Dumbledore's suggestion, I'm afraid." I couldn't afford to have the Fat Lady spread the fact that Aiden Sumner, in actuality, was Severus Snape.

The Fat Lady smiled at me. "Very well, dear. I'll just open the door for you and go have a talk with the Headmaster."

I smiled, as best as I could remember how, and entered the Gryffindor Common Room. It didn't surprise me to learn that there was no other person besides myself in Gryffindor Tower. Everyone else was still at the feast. I hated parties.

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"You do realize, Sirius, that I am not going to any type of party with you," I stated calmly.

Sirius laughed at me. "Sure you will, Sevvy. You've got to attend my birthday party," he said playfully.

I grinned at him. "Only if it's me and you. I hate public activities. I am not a people person."

"I know, Sevvy," Sirius said softly. "And I wouldn't want to take your privacy away from you. Severus, you're such an intensely private person it can be frightening at times. But that's one reason I love you."

"What is?" I asked, turning to face the animagus.

"The fact that you chose to share so much of your life with me. I know you feel comfortable around me and that melts my heart. You did know I loved you, didn't you, Severus?" Sirius asked, a partly worried look on his face.

I smiled at the man. He had captured my heart a long time ago. "Of course, Siri. And I feel the same for you," I whispered. Just acknowledging the fact out loud almost killed me. I didn't want to know what saying the real words would feel like.

Siri grinned at me. "And you are coming to Remmy's party whether you like it or not."

"I am, am I?"

"Yup."

"And how exactly do you plan to accomplish that?" I asked, bemused, stirring yet another ingredient into my potion.

"By pouting and making you feel horrid unless you do come."

I sighed and gave in. "Fine, Sirius. But only this once. I absolutely loathe parties."

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I snapped back to the present and was surprised to find that all of the other Gryffindor students had found their way up to the Tower. The first years were looking at me as if I were a unique specimen, so I scowled at them, and they turned back to their new friends.

I surveyed the Common Room, and noticed a few things. Hermione and Ron were curled up next to one another on the sofa, whispering about Harry, as if their furtive looks in his direction didn't give that away. Harry himself was seated in the chair opposite me, pretending to be deeply into a Potions textbook. I almost snorted at the sight of him reading anything to do with my beloved art, before I remembered that I was now a student.

Sighing, I walked over to him and took the seat beside him. "You know," I said. "It's slightly difficult to read a book upside down."

Harry flushed and looked down, turned the book around, and scowled at me. "What is it that you want, Aiden? Everywhere I go, you're there. Are you stalking me?"

I laughed at the insanity housed in the very suggestion. "Are you insane, Potter? And no, I'm not stalking you. I merely wanted to point out that if you don't want Granger and Weasley to realize you're hiding something from them, you should stop acting suspicious."

Harry glared at me. "How do you know that I'm acting suspicious?"

"I don't. I just know that Granger and Weasley are both glancing at you and trying to hide their concern. I assume they are your friends?"

Potter glared at me, then nodded. It seemed he had a talent for glaring. "Yes, they are my friends. If they can even be called that, anymore."

I shook my had sadly at the boy. He was full of misdirected anger. He was angry at his friends because they had never witnessed death and he had. Harry was angry at Professor Dumbledore because he had lied to him about Voldemort's actions in the war. But most of all, I could tell, Harry was angry at himself, because he believed himself to be at fault for Sirius' death and the deaths of everyone who died at the hands of Voldemort.

"I know what it is like to face death," I said softly.

Harry's eyes settled back on me. "How could you know? You're not any older than I am."

"And you have faced death, as well. My parents both died to that bastard. I watched him kill them when I was twelve. It wasn't pretty and I'm not going into details."

The Potter boy had paled visibly during my short tirade. "I wouldn't ask anyone to go into details. I'm sorry you had to suffer that. But Hermione and Ron don't know anything about death. They cannot see thestrals and they are too innocent to be as cynical as I am."

I smirked at him. "Well of course they are. I assume that they have been protected from the full knowledge of the war, and that they have never engaged in a full-out battle. Am I right?"

"Of course you're right. It seems you're always right, Sumner. I just wish everyone would stop lying to me about the war."

I sighed. "Sometimes you just have to live with it. Not one of us is perfect, and especially not someone born into the role of a hero."

I still didn't understand his refusal to make amends with his friends. They were his most powerful asset, and Harry Potter didn't seem to realize this.

"Aiden," Harry called as I began to walk up to the dorms.

"Yes, Harry?"

"How perfect are you?"

Well that was a question I hadn't expected. And there was only one answer that I could give--the truth. "I am broken, Harry. Never forget that. No one is perfect, and I am the least perfect of all."

I found my way to the dorms, and let Sirius' voice and the past consume me.

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Harry's Point of View

"Watch my lips and hear the words I'm telling you

Give your trust to me and look into my heart and show me,

show me what you're doing.

So sit on top of the world and tell me how you're feeling

what you feel now is what I feel for you…" Take My Hand- Dido

The first few days back were hell. The only thing that actually made them bearable was the fact that Snape was gone, of course the circumstances were suspicious but still he wasn't there to antagonise me and also there was Sumner. We weren't what I would call friends. I'm not really sure what we were then. I guess we were acquaintances. As the first week progressed he began to grow on me. It was obvious he wasn't a people person and at that time, I wasn't much either. For hours the two of us would sit together in the library and not utter a word to each other. But we were together in our silence. We had only had a few in depth conversations. I would often glance at him. I noticed the sharp outline of his jaw and the tensing of his face muscles. His jugular would often be at the surface, highlighting his pale complexion. He noticed me a few times but didn't say anything. He was obviously unnerved by my gaze. Of course, I immediately blushed. Not even sure why I should be embarrassed, but still my face burned.

Ron had taken to asking me odd and random questions before going to bed.

"Potatoes taste so much better mashed with cream don't they Harry?"

"Are they new socks Harry?"

Hermione just kept staring at me, every once in a while she would say something along the lines of, "What have we done Harry?"

I couldn't handle it. I know now they were just as confused as I was. I know now that I shouldn't have been hostile to them. It would be something that I would deeply regret later on in my life. But at the time, I was still very angry with them. I was smarting from the abrupt cut off of communication in the summer. I loved very few people in the world then, and for the pair of them to desert me like that, cut me very deep. And back then, I wasn't an open person. It took me a while to tell them this. In fact it took me three months. But I won't dwell on that now.

Sumner and I sat next to each other in the lessons we had together, which was the majority. The potions lessons were amusing to say the least. We had a new teacher, Professor Malzany. Dumbledore had hired her because his Headmaster duties interfered too much in order for him to teach us properly. She was fairly young and this was her first teaching post. It was quite obvious. She was nervous around the students and made mistakes now and again. Sumner, for some reason unknown to me, took delight in pointing out her mistakes. On our first lesson she was going over potions we would have learned earlier.

"The main ingredient in memory spells is the plant, lovage and this can be…"

"I think you will find that it is in fact Jobberknoll feathers that are used in memory potions. You will also find that lovage is used in confusing and befuddlement draughts. It is not used in memory spells. Quite obviously, it will be lethal and may cause complete memory loss." He didn't smirk as such he just had a look on his face that was full of arrogance and glee that he had shown up the teacher.

"A...oh yes. Thank you Mr Sumner." And she continued the lesson, trying very hard to avoid Sumner's stern gaze. He obviously was in love with the subject. And it was obvious that he hated the teacher.

About two weeks into the term we found ourselves alone in the common room. In our silence, I discreetly glanced at Sumner who was staring intensely into the fire that was crackling ferociously. I would be lying if I said I didn't find him oddly attractive. I had noticed attractiveness in boys at the same time I had noticed girls. There were a few crushes both on girls and boys. Of course, at the time, nobody knew about the feelings on boys. As much as people like to fool themselves, same sex relationships were not the 'norm's although I am sure that there were many a wizard or witch who had experimented once in their life with the same sex. It just boils down as to who is honest about it. I guess we are all bisexual to some extent. Didn't Freud say that? Sure he was a nutter but still if that is true then it just stands that some of us act on it and other do not. Maybe some more strongly than others.

It wasn't exactly something I found easy to bring up in conversation. But there was something about Sumner. He had a straight jaw and pale skin. I'd imagined it would feel like velvet to touch. He reminded me of someone but I couldn't quite say whom. The thing was that he wasn't incredibly attractive and I'm sure he didn't have a trail of girls after him but still I felt attracted to him.

Still silence.

"So, Sumner, I, err-, was wondering how you are settling in?" A weak attempt to strike a conversation on my part. Not one of my worst now but it was then.

"Fine thank you." He still gazed into the fire. His jaw was set. Barely blinking.

I had taken a deep breath and started again. Properly.

"I never thanked you for listening to me when we first met. I um find it hard to talk about my feelings and well um you didn't appear to judge me and I appreciate it. Even if you did run off right afterwards." I wasn't sure but I think he tried to smile. The corners of his mouth sort of twitched and looked as though they were being reluctantly tugged by invisible string. I wanted to laugh but I didn't.

"I never mind listening, Potter."

I smiled briefly at him but he wasn't looking at me. His gaze was still fixed on the fire.

I followed his gaze into the fire with my own eyes, wishing and hoping that Sirius' head would appear. The past few months had just been someone's idea of a sick joke.

"I keep dreaming about him you know. Every time I close my eyes and he is there. I guess I should be grateful. I mean, at least I'm not forgetting what he looked like. It's just it hurts to see his face. The dreams...they… haunt me. Taunt me even. I-I dread sleeping. The reason I'm still down here at two in the morning." I tried to laugh but reality stopped me.

He had still continued to stare into that bloody fire. I had almost jumped when he spoke eventually.

"Potter we all have nightmares, an over active imagination, in your case a distortion of reality. But you cannot allow them to rule your life. They are not real Potter. "He still made sure he avoided my eye line, "Maybe if you just learned to treat them as that distortion. Nothing else."

I smiled. He sounded so much older than he actually was.

"Or maybe I could just stay up all night with you. You don't appear to sleep much either." I paused waiting for some sort of reaction, but nothing. "I'm sure we could find ways to occupy ourselves in the late hours of the night right until the early hours of the morning"

He immediately shot his gaze up at searched my face to see whether I had been entirely innocent in my suggestion. I blushed. Flirting. I hadn't meant to. Maybe I had subconsciously. I winked all the same. He looked uncomfortable and the twitching of the mouth started again.

Ever since our small conversation on the train I had always had this intense feeling. I guess it was the mystery. Each time I found out little bits about your past, I wanted to know more. At first I had tried to stop myself. I was short with him at first. I was pissed off after he ran out. But he was always there. A part of me was glad for that. He understood things. He had seen horrors as I had.

Far from unusual we sat in silence for another hour or so. I wanted to say something but I kept counting to ten and then pause and remain in silence.

"Sumner?" I eventually croaked. But silence and I looked over and eyes were closed and silent snores escaped his lips.

He looked so peaceful. I got out of my chair and knelt down next to him. I stroked his cheek and it was close to velvet.

"Sweet dreams Sumner." I whispered into his ear before removing my robe to drape over him. I paused and kissed him lightly on the forehead before I turned and went up to my dormitory. I slept for an hour and again Sirius' face was there but another joined his. Sumner's.