Harry Potter's Infinite Thickness

Harry Potter's infinite thickness (and surprising inclination to French poetry)/ Moondaughter

La lune s'attristait. Des séraphins en pleurs
Rêvant, l'archet aux doigts, dans le calme des fleurs
Vaporeuses, tiraient des mourantes violes
De blanc sanglots glissants sur l'azur des corolles.

I sit outside by the lake. It's night, and I'm supposed to be asleep in my dormitory like everyone else. But sleep evades me. I should be back; the night is not my friend -- me of all people. Who knows what waits in the shadows to try and kill me?

The lake is peaceful. Sometimes there are slight ripples on its surface when the giant squid moves his tentacles during his dreams.

The moon looks at me sadly. It sees my pain. Night has such a mourning air to it, like the lack of sunlight pains it. I remember hearing someone saying that Hell used to be only the lack of God's presence, and that was punishment enough to everyone who had been in His presence before. It used to be oblivion filled with fallen angels walking around as ghosts. I am quite sure I look similar to one of them right now, sitting by the quiet lake, hidden by a tree, surrounded by darkness that is welcoming and undesired at the same time. I let it encapsulate me, as I can't seem to help myself from feeling sorry about my love.

C'était le jour béni de ton premier baiser.
Ma songerie aimant à me martyriser
S'enivrait savamment du parfum de tristesse
Que même sans regret et sans déboire laisse
La cueillaison d'un Rêve au coeur qui l'a cueilli.

You kissed Pansy yesterday in Hogsmeade. I saw both of you behind the Three Broomsticks, lips softly touching each other in quiet bliss. You let her lean into you and you held her so calmly, as if protecting. I immediately felt my arms aching for your touch, my body cold for your warmth. I dreamt of you long before that weekend, your pale features, your trim body. Last night I thought I wouldn't dream of you and me anymore, but I was wrong. I still dreamt of us kissing and holding hands. I still dreamt of you kissing the crook of my neck lightly, but I was weeping. The wetness of my tears collided with the shivers of my sensitive skin. You never noticed as you turned and disappeared into the shadows behind you.

When I woke my pillow was drenched in salty tears and my body lightly shivered. For a minute I actually believed you came and kissed my neck in the dead of night.

J'errais donc, l'oeil rivé sur la pavé vieilli
Quand avec du soleil aux cheveux, dans la rue
Et dans le soir,
Tu m'es en riant
Apparue

I walked around as if a haunted man the day after that dream. I saw you eyeing me strangely at breakfast, but kept my gaze on my plate. I shall never look at you again and hope. Hope is ripped away from me, drowned in whirlpools of sorrow.

You looked particularly beautiful today. Angelic, even. You seemed flooded in some kind of relief, and I wondered what provided you with that. I try not to think of all the possible options. Happiness, being one.

I sit here alone by the lake as the moon keeps me company like it did for so many years now. It shrouds everything in a soft blue light.

Even your hair glows blue as you suddenly appear by the bank of the lake.

I stiffen and crouch into the shadows. I wish you won't see me here, I'm down enough even without you coming over and speaking to me lightly, your cheerful expression silently mocking my lost hopes.

Lady luck ignores me tonight as I see you turning your head exactly to where I sit and start striding in my direction. I gasp and try to restrain my hopes as they suddenly burst alive like some inner flame.

You are so beautiful, I'm sure Pansy can't even appreciate it like I do. Moonlight suits you, I thought many times over, imagining you doing exactly what you are doing right now. And then it sinks in. You are doing what I hoped you'd do. You are walking towards me.

Oh God. What am I supposed to do?

Et j'ai cru voir la fée
Au chapeau de clarté
Qui jadis sur mes beaux sommeils d'enfant gâté
Passait, laissant toujours de ses mains mal fermées
Neiger de blancs bouquets d'étoiles parfumées,
D'étoiles parfumées.

I've always thought of you. First in hate, then in wonder, and finally in love with a definite wistful tone to my hopes. You have been betrothed to Pansy since your second year, I'm sure. Too young to carry wedding rings on your fingers, nevertheless your secret is widely known in Hogwarts. However, that didn't seem to stop me from falling in love with you.

You come next to me, your eyes never leaving my own. I try to turn my gaze away from you, but you keep them fastened to where you want -- deep into the depths of your own grey eyes. It kills me to see you and not think of you as mine. I try to get on my feet.

"Potter."

I stop in my tracks. Your voice freezes the insides of me; my feet suddenly disobey my commands.

"Potter, please stay."

You have never asked anything from me. Not even after you went to the side of light and needed my trust. You never asked for it.

I look back at you. You hold my gaze defiantly, trying to still me. I comply with your will for the first time and stay.

"I need to say something to you."

I look at you nonplussed. I have nothing to say to you. You have an almost pleading look in your eyes. My heart softens. I am oblivious to the danger of the outside world now. My world consists only of you. You open your mouth hesitantly for a minute, and then starts to speak.

"Pansy and I broke up."

I am shocked. The sight of both of them kissing just yesterday is still painted in ferociously vivid colours throughout my mind. The pain is still so fresh. I will my voice to be calm and blank as I speak back to you.

"What does this have to do with me?"

"Eve--" You stop in the middle of the word, and look suddenly furious with yourself for not shutting your mouth before.

"What was that, Malfoy?"

You are silent for a moment, looking as though you're fighting an inner battle.

"Everything." You finally say in a voice only slightly louder than the softest whisper. You say no more after that.

"You couldn't have broken up with her, Draco." Your name rolls so naturally on my lips; this startles me. "I saw you kissing her yesterday afternoon. You've been engaged to her since second year!"

You shake your head slowly.

"Not anymore. She broke the engagement last week after I told her it's not her I want. Her parents never spoke a word against it, they never wanted her to marry a traitor like me." You laugh harshly. "The kiss you saw was a goodbye kiss, she gave it to me to show me how she still loved me. No matter, I'm sure Blaise will comfort her extremely well." He finishes with a mock cheerful tone.

"Why are you telling me this Malfoy?" My hopes start floating high again; I hate it when they do that. When they crash afterwards it's always as painful as the first time they've done it, even though sadness has already rendered me numb, insensate.

"Because you are the reason."

What? What the hell are you talking about?

"The reason for what Malfoy?"

"The reason for my broken engagement of course. How could I marry that poor girl and never love her? I may be heartless, but not that heartless." You finish low, self-mockery in your tone.

"Why am I the reason for that? What do I have to do with you and Pansy's relationship?" My voice borders hysterical now. Hope tends to do that to it.

You roll your eyes impatiently.

"Really Potter, you can be so thick sometimes. I wonder how I can still love you."

You suddenly place both hands on your mouth, looking frightened to the core.

Really, this has got to be the best joke so far this year. I cannot hold my laughter anymore. You look suspicious.

"What are you laughing about Potter?"

I wipe tears of hysterical laughter off my face. "You Malfoy! You...you just told me you're in love with me!"

All of a sudden your words sink in. I instantly stop laughing. My eyes widen so much I fear they'll pop out like Moody's magical one.

"And he finally caught on. Yes Potter," you sigh, shaking your head dejectedly again, "I do love you, even though you are a complete git, first class." You motion to my tear stained, now white face. "And I know you don't find me physically repulsive either"

"What? How do you know that?" I ignore the fact I have just confirmed what you said.

"Well, it was kind of hard not to notice how you looked at me when I was with Pansy, and that talk with Granger was helpful too."

"WHAT? TALK WITH HERMIONE? WHAT DID SHE TELL YOU?" That girl is never going to see the light of day ever again, I swear.

"Relax, Potter. It's not like she told me your vital stats or anything. That I found out on my own." You smile wickedly. "She was worried about you, and since we seemed to have the same agendas, we met for a little chat. Okay, well, maybe not the same agendas, cause that would be weird. Oh just forget it." You roll your eyes in annoyance.

I chuckle and realise that Draco Malfoy and I are chatting. What a strange night for that to happen. You glare at me, your annoyance not quite masking your amusement and what seems like relief.

"Hmm. Since you didn't just try to rip my hair off for this, I guess she was right."

My eyes narrow.

"What was she right about?"

"Oh, just that you fancy me." You smirk at me teasingly. My heart flips, jumps, and falls somewhere behind my shorts.

You clearly see my fear, and reach out your hand, touching me lightly.

"Again Potter, relax. I already told you I fancy you. God, you are thick."

I growl, and come to a realisation. Oh my God I am thick if you, Draco Malfoy, just told me you fancied me and broke your engagement for me. And I didn't jump over the moon because of that?

You look at me as if you have just read my thoughts.

"Be careful when you land though, Harry. I don't want our date on Friday to be in the Hospital Wing." You start laughing at my total bewilderment.

"Our date on Friday?"

"Ah yes. Forgot to tell you about that, didn't I?" Your broad smirk now turned into a wicked grin. "You don't mind that I already fixed that up, Potter? I trust you don't mind."

I shake my head numbly.

"Good." You cup my head with your hand, bringing me closer to you and plant your lips over my own.

The night doesn't seem so undesirable anymore, now that I have you with me, your tongue in my mouth, your hands in my hair.

Hmph. I need to learn how to catch up with things faster.

Fin