Things I Have But Could Have Done Without

With a slow groan, the heavy oak door swings open to expose Molly's Weasley's surprised expression.

"Tonks! What are you doing here at this hour? I'm just out of bed myself."'

"Morning, Molly. Sorry to bother you. Password's changed again, has it?" Dodged that question skillfully.

"Yes, dear. It's 'pepperup potion' now," she replies, after sealing the door again. "So, why the early appearance? Or, is it a late one, then?"

Why do I bother? It's like she knows all anyway.

"It's the latter, I'm afraid. Pulled another all nighter for the Order." She's already leading the way back into Number Twelve's basement kitchen, so I subconsciously follow, thinking that it might mean tea, or maybe even coffee, when the aroma of something heavenly baking blindsides me as we pass through the door. I close my eyes for the inhale - that's how good this smell is.

"Oh! That smells brilliant, Molly. I thought you said you were just up?" I am realizing only now that I haven't eaten in maybe . . . 26 hours? Can that be right?

"Mad-Eye and Arthur left around 5, and I guess I must have risen soon after. Hard to get back to sleep when it's almost light. You know how it is." Not really. Usually I can sleep well into the day.

I look at Molly, and see her anxieties revealing themselves briefly on her tired face. She's had so much to worry about over these last few months. More than her fair share. Quickly, she resumes her cheery façade. "Anyway, I threw together some breakfast. Sirius and Remus are the only ones here to enjoy it, so it's good that you stopped over. Why don't you put the kettle on, dear?"

Molly leaves the room on some errand, and as instructed, I fetch the kettle and move to the sink. As I am at my task, I hear the kitchen door open again quietly. My back still to the door, I smile secretly to myself.

"Wotcher, Remus," I say, without turning.

"Very perceptive, Tonks. And here I thought stealth and tracking wasn't your forte." His voice reveals the smile I can't see. And so now I turn. Sight for sore eyes, he is.

"As an auror possessing so many talents, some will always rank below others, I imagine." Remus is one of the few people with whom I can comfortably make fun of myself, which is nice. And much needed on a day such as today.

"Too right. You're a wonder, Ms. Tonks." He humors me, I know, but I'll take it.

"Actually, Molly told me who's in the house, and it's a pretty safe guess that Sirius wouldn't be up this early. What time is it, anyway?"

He checks his watch. "About half six. Speaking of which, shouldn't you be home sleeping right now?"

Oh, yeah. Forgot.

The few minutes of levity have served to distract me from why I'm here and not home. Because as we speak, my perfectly wonderful boyfriend is in my flat packing up all evidence that we ever had a relationship these last months. Gods, it's going to be depressing to go back there later. Remus must have noticed my face cloud over, because he asks, "Are you alright, Tonks?"

What? "Oh, yes, fine, thanks, Remus. Just a bit tired, I suppose."

"And you're not home because . . .?"

I pulled another all night duty, and just came here afterwards because I was hungry. I'm sure I've got nothing in my flat." Okay, a lie. But I am hungry.

He's not buying it, though. Oh, hell. I've got to tell people sometime, and Remus will be the easiest. Won't rib me like Sirius, or question me, like Molly. "I think things are over with Curtis."

"You think?" Ah, the 'gentle prod' approach. But how can I be cross with him when he looks so genuinely concerned for me?

"Okay, I don't think. I know. He's there now, undoubtedly cursing the nigh the met me. He caught me out all night tonight and I'm fresh out of alibis. He's tired of it."

"I'm sorry."

"Me, too. But it was just getting too difficult, you know? I feel like I'm lying to him all the time. No, I was lying to him. He deserves better."

"So do you, Tonks." What?

"Remus, Curtis is great! Please, don't - "

"No, no, don't misunderstand me. I don't mean better than Curtis. I mean better than that arrangement. You shouldn't have to hide any part of yourself to someone you're close to. It just never ends well that way."

He sort of trails off here, and maybe we're not talking about me and Curtis now. No one knows more about hiding than Remus, to be sure. Still, I feel like I should say something.

BANG!

We both jump as Molly comes into the room backside first, arms full of boxes containing Merlin knows what. Remus rises to help lighten her load and I know our conversation is over. But he gives me a small smile that is meant to reassure me. It doesn't in itself, but his desire to offer it sure does.

Breakfast is just the three of us, as Sirius is still in bed. Molly's cooking is legendary and not wasted on me this morning, as I go for my third helping. Remus chuckles, but Molly clucks at me.

"My word, Tonks. Where do you put all that food? Look at the size of you! When is the last time you've eaten?"

"Yesterday afternoon, I think. I've been on duty since then."

She's outraged. "That's ridiculous. We'll have to talk to Albus and Alastor. You can't be working 20 hours in a row!"

I swallow my tea before explaining. "No, Molly, I was only scheduled to be on until 8, but I covered for Hestia. She had plans to visit family this weekend, and I couldn't really say no. She's covered for me so many times."

Molly looks placated, but still concerned. "Well, nonetheless, you should be on your way now. Get home and get some rest. Remus will help me clear." I shoot Remus a look and he comes to my rescue.

"Actually Molly, Tonks was just telling me she's planning on resting here for awhile. No sense in going all the way home when she's got a room here and we have a meeting tonight." He turns to address me.

"Tonks, let me help you sort your room out. I know it's been awhile since you've used it and I'm sure it could use some freshening up. Molly, I'll be back in just a minute to help you clean up." But Molly is already at the sink, waving us off, before we leave the kitchen and start up the stairs.

"Thanks, Remus. I appreciate the diversion in there. I love Molly, it's just - " He puts a hand up to stop me.

"Don't apologize. Believe me, I know. She means well, but you'd be in there listening to her forever if she knew you were here as a romance refugee, and not just for the food." His smile is genuine.

Suddenly we're at my door. I open it and enter, wincing inwardly with embarrassment. It's a mess as usual, but as haven't stayed here in a few weeks and it's a bit dusty and stale as well. If Remus is dismayed, he doesn't show it. Instead, he moves past me, lights the fire, casts a couple of quick scourgifies - on the bed and then the floor, and turns back to me.

"That'll do for now. You can do the rest later. Do you have anything to sleep in?" Hadn't really thought about that.

"No. I suppose I should probably move a few things back here. I can just kip in my clothes for today. S'not a problem."

"Tonks," he begins, sounding for all the world like a professor speaking to an impertinent student, "you've been in those clothes for a long time." He sees my growing mirth for his little lecture, so he lightens it with, "It's quite revolting, actually. Let me lend you something?"

"Sure, Remus, that would be appreciated. I wouldn't want to subject you to any further revulsion on my account."

And with that, he leaves to fetch me something, and I sit down on the bed and begin to peel off my grubby jeans. They have taken on that stage of dirtiness where they begin to feel like actual skin. He's right, it is revolting. I'm sitting there in my knickers, realizing just how tired I actually am, when Remus walks back in carrying some pajamas.

"Oh!" He immediately turns his back. "My apologies, Tonks. I didn't think you'd be changing already." Still without facing me, he holds out the clothing, which I accept. His embarrassment is adorable.

"Remus, really, it's fine. I work in an almost all-male department, and change in front of blokes more often than I care to think about. I'm used to it. Please don't be embarrassed."

Still, he waits a good sixty seconds before turning around, presumably to ensure that I've managed to cover myself properly. And indeed, I've changed into the pajamas he's brought me. He gives me a bit of a crooked smile as he surveys my appearance. They're a bit large, but not too bad. I'm taller than I look. The pixie face makes me appear shorter, I'm told. But Remus is tall, I'm noticing, as he stands here in my room. Hadn't really thought about it before, but he must be over six feet.

I don't know why he waited for me to change before leaving, but now that he's facing me, he doesn't seem to know how to take his leave. Why does he seem nervous?

"Well, you should really get some rest. I can't have you getting sick on me." Very charming, this one.

"It's very sweet that you're worried about me, Remus -" I start, but he cuts me off.

"No, it's not that. It's just that I have two nights off in a row from the Order, and everyone else is on. If you get sick, I'd be the first one asked to cover for you." Oh. Well, I feel sheepish.

He continues, "And I really don't want to pick up the shift, because I have plans for after the meeting."

Plans? "Plans?"

"Plans."

"As in a date?" Am I being nosey?

"Yes, if you must know, I have a date."

"Do you, now?" I plop onto the bed in a conspiratorial fashion. "Do tell, Remus! Who's the lucky girl?" Was I tired? Not anymore. This is fascinating.

For a moment, I think he might roll his eyes at me, but he resists the temptation. "Emmeline, if you must know."

"WHAT?! Vance?"

"Do we know another Emmeline?" He's not insulted, just waiting for my reaction.

"Isn't she a bit, I don't know, old for you?

"She's only a few years older than me."

I snort. "Yeah, in actual years, maybe."

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know, it's just that I tend to think of you as a mate, and I think of Emmeline as someone who'd have tea with my mother." He seems to like this assessment, because he laughs at that.

"She's not as uptight as you'd think." Eew! What does that mean?

"You've slept with her!" Did I just say that out loud?

"No," he says plainly. Although I don't see it's any of your business." But he's smiling all the same as he starts toward the door. "Get some rest, Tonks. I'll see you at the meeting."

After he closes the door, I cast a quick spell to darken the windows and climb into bed. It's actually quite comfortable, and smells fresh now. The fire has already warmed the room, and the quilt is snuggly. The pajamas I'm wearing are soft - old and worn and patched, but soft all the same. And they smell of tea, and soap, and something else. I breathe deeply and close my eyes. Smells like home.