Ginny Weasley, In Her Own Words

GWIHOW

September 21

Hi Joanna! You won’t believe where I am - in the kitchens!

Are students supposed to be in the kitchens, Ginny?

No, but Hermione told me how to get in. She comes down to visit the house-elves - I told you about her SPEW.

Yes Did you come to visit the house-elves?

No, actually, I came here to avoid Colin. He’s been following me around, Joanna, I swear! I think he wants to ask me to the first Hogsmeade weekend as soon as they announce it, but Hermione’s already begged me to go with her, Harry, and Ron, so she’s not stuck in the Quidditch store or Zonko’s with them the whole time. I wish Colin would just ask, so I could tell him no and get it over with.

Poor Ginny.

That’s right, make fun of me. At least William Long seems to have recovered - he says hi to me in the halls, but that’s it, and he certainly seems to be settling into Ravenclaw just fine. I’ve been writing to Miriam - she says her mum gets such a kick out of Pig delivering the mail. She says that it’s all she can do to prevent her mum from getting her own post owl, even though Muggles aren’t supposed to have them.

I’m glad William’s doing all right.

So am I - he’s seemed really happy every time I’ve talked to him. Draco Malfoy, on the other hand...

Draco Malfoy has talked to you? After what you did to him?

Well, no, he hasn’t talked, actually. Not yet. But the last couple of times I’ve been studying in the library, he’s come in and sat down at the next table over, where he could see me. And he keeps looking at me. He doesn’t bring his goons in, either, and I’ve never seen him before without them.

So, you’re all right with it?

Well, no, actually I’m not. I don’t like the way he looks at me - it makes me feel uncomfortable.

What are you going to do about it?

Well, I’ve asked Hermione to go to the library with me as much as she can; of course, she agreed. But I hate relying on Hermione, especially because Draco is always so horrible to her, because she’s Muggle-born. As though she couldn’t out-duel him as easily as she out-thinks him.

Out-duel? You’ve been dueling?

No, of course not. Though I wouldn’t put it past Professor Moody - he’ll probably say it’s good practice. No, I just meant that Hermione could, if she wanted to, so it’s absolutely silly that anyone could say that Muggle-borns aren’t as good as pure-bloods.

Of course it is.

He just makes me so angry, the way he sneers at everything! And yet...and yet, my anger isn’t enough, Joanna. I’m still...I still feel uncomfortable around him. He makes me...nervous. Joanna, tell me what to do!

First off, Ginny, you need to calm down. Take a deep breath. Remember where you are - you’re in Hogwarts, and no one can hurt you in Hogwarts.

How can you be sure?

Well, I suppose I can’t. But think about it, Ginny. How could anyone hurt you at Hogwarts? You go to classes, meals in the Great Hall, and the library to study. You don’t have to go anywhere alone until you feel more comfortable.

But, Joanna, I go lots of places alone. I take walks by the lake...there’s a wonderful seat in the South Tower that I love to read in...I...well, sometimes I go to watch the Gryffindor Quidditch team practices. I’m alone right now! I don’t want to give all that up - I don’t want to live my life in fear.

Oh,

breila. I don’t mean forever. What you need to do is find something to make you more confident, more sure of yourself, so you can face this Malfoy creature and make him back down. Actually, didn’t you tell me you did that already?

Yes, but that was with Ron and Harry there. I didn’t need them, but I knew they were there. And Hermione was there, and lots of other people. What if he comes at me when I’m alone? What will I do then?

Ginny, why do you feel that you can’t do what you did before when you’re alone?

I...don’t know exactly. Maybe because I’m rarely alone, really. You know the Weasleys - all for one, and one for all. And with six older brothers, I’ve always had someone looking out for me. But now there’s only Fred, George, and Ron, and they’re busy with their own things, and, besides, I don’t want to rely on my brothers all the time. I don’t want to rely on anyone all the time.

Of course you don’t. And you don’t have to. You’re a very talented witch, Ginny, you just need to believe in yourself more.

The thing is, the last time I didn’t rely on anyone - the last time I pushed my brothers away - I wound up in Tom Riddle’s clutches. I almost killed Hermione and Colin. How can I trust my own judgement after that?

Breila. Oh, Ginny. Ginny, you were eleven, and you’re human. Everyone makes mistakes, and that one was very understandable.

No, it wasn’t! My dad always told me, "Never trust anything if you can’t see where it keeps its brain." I know where you keep your brain - I’ve been there - but I didn’t know anything about Tom Riddle, and I wrote in that diary anyway. Why did I do that? What was I thinking?

You were lonely, and you were young. When you’re young, you think you’re immortal and invincible. You’re still young in years, Ginny, but I think you’ve learned that lesson already. You won’t fall into that trap again. Now you just need to avoid going too far the other way - you need to believe that you can take on this Malfoy creature all by yourself.

How can I do that?

Well, I know one thing that might help you feel more confident. It’s a charm that repels attackers, and it works only for witches. You have to be absolutely certain that you don’t want your attacker to touch you, and if you are, he will be propelled away from you with a force equal to your resolve.

Wow! That sounds perfect. What’s it called, and why haven’t I ever heard of it before?

Well, that I don’t know. In my time, it was taught to every young witch, to my very great chagrin. The first time Llewellyn kissed me, which was his right as my husband to do, I invoked the charm, not really meaning to, and gave him the shock of his life.

That wasn’t in that book I read about you, Joanna!

I’d have been surprised if it was - I never told anyone, and I doubt that Llewellyn did. He was a very understanding man, even accepting a wife who was a witch, but that was highly embarrassing. And not many people knew I was a witch, of course.

They suspected, though.

But they didn’t know for sure. That would have confirmed it.

True. So, what is the name of this charm?

It tends to have a different name in different places and times. I learned it as the Welsh Pox Charm, but when I talked with witches in Wales, they referred to it as the English Pox Charm! The last time I’ve heard it mentioned was a couple of centuries ago, and it was the Highwayman Charm then. You’ll have to find out. I’d suggest finding the prettiest girl you know and asking her. She’s sure to know it.

I’ll do that. Thanks, Joanna! I feel better, knowing that there’s something I can do to feel on an equal footing with Malfoy.

I’m glad I could help. You’re such a brave girl, Ginny; I know that in your place, I would have just attached myself to someone and never gone anywhere alone.

I refuse to live my life in fear. Besides, I’m in training to face down Voldemort - how can I do that if I’m too scared to face Draco Malfoy?

Speaking of Voldemort, you never told me if there had been any attacks while you were at Miriam’s.

No, there weren’t any. I actually talked with two of the Aurors who were watching over me, and they said that they thought that it was too soon. They were very nice, not at all like I thought Aurors would be - I suppose I had based my opinions on Mad-Eye Moody. Jon and Samwell were quite young, though, about Charlie’s age, and they took their duty very seriously.

That’s good. I’m glad nothing happened.

I know. I kind of wish it had, though - I’d love to be of some real use to Harry, instead of just - hang on a moment, Joanna. It sounds like someone’s crying.

Crying? Didn’t you say you’re in the kitchens?

Yes. It must be one of the house-elves. How odd. I’m going to go see if I can help the poor thing. Talk to you later, Joanna.

GWIHOW

September 28

Hi Joanna! Ron made the Quidditch team!

That’s good news, Ginny. I suppose all the training you two did over the summer paid off.

Yeah, and besides, he’s really got a mind for strategy. The only other person who even had a shot was Colin, but he’s just good at stopping the Quaffle. The Keeper’s got to be able to do that, and also plan strategies, and Ron’s much better at that. Of course, he’s wonderful at chess - always has been - and he’s being tutored by Professor Dumbledore, of all people.

The Headmaster’s tutoring him in chess?

Well, it’s really in strategy, but at the moment it seems like it’s just playing a lot of chess. Ron hasn’t lost a game to any of us in months, but he hasn’t been able to beat Professor Dumbledore yet.

That must be lowering for him.

It is, but all it’s doing is making him more determined. He’s working on this more than I’ve ever seen him work on anything. He keeps challenging me to games - he says I’m the only one who can give him a game, which isn’t true, but I think I’m the only one who can who will sit still long enough. George, especially, is quite good, but he’s wrapped up in the N.E.W.T.s, Quidditch, his extra Potions classes with Professor Snape, and I think he’s becoming interested in Brenna O’Keefe.

Who’s she? You haven’t mentioned her yet.

She’s one of the other students in our Auror training classes. She’s also in my Advanced Charms class with Professor Flitwick, and she’s very good. Her assignment is to work on creating a Communication Charm - to let Aurors in the field talk with each other mind to mind. It’s never been done before, of course, but Professor Flitwick said that he wants new, young minds working on these things that everyone says are impossible.

So, what are you working on?

Protection Charms. There are a lot already out there, of course, but Professor Flitwick wants me to work on one that protects a certain someone from a certain someone else. He thinks that the charm can be made stronger than usual that way, since it only has to protect against one danger.

Interesting. But what about all the other dangers? I mean - and I assume we’re talking about Harry, here - what about random Death Eaters, if he’s only protected against Voldemort?

Oh, I know. He’ll have all the usual Protection Charms on him, of course - this will just be in addition to those. If I can build it, of course - creating charms is much more complicated than I had thought, Joanna! But it’s worth it, for Harry.

He’s sitting not three feet from me, Joanna. You know, when I said that I wanted to be friends with Harry, even if nothing more, I hadn’t reckoned on just how frustrating it was going to be! He, Ron, and Hermione have been absolutely wonderful, including me in everything - I eat meals with them, go on walks with them, study in the Common Room in the evenings with them. Like tonight - Harry and Hermione are sitting at a table, studying, and Ron and I are lying on the floor nearby. I was studying, but my brain’s frazzled, and I hadn’t written to you in awhile anyway. But Joanna, Harry’s feet are right there - right near mine - and I want to reach over and touch one. I can feel it - I can almost taste it - and I can’t do it. I should be grateful for what I do have, and not - hold on a second, Joanna, Hermione’s talking to me.

* * * * *

Honestly, Joanna, Hermione’s a scream! She’s made up these study schedules for Harry, Ron, and herself, where every last minute of the day is scheduled. I know they’re busy - in addition to their regular class work and their extra classes, they’re studying for the O.W.L.s as well, but you can’t schedule fun!

Is that what Hermione did?

Yes, isn’t it ridiculous? She offered to make one up for me, too, though she said she could trust me to study, not like Harry and Ron, but I said no thanks. I doubt Harry or Ron will follow theirs, either.

Maybe Ron will.

Good point. Maybe he will. You should hear him during our chess matches, trying to feel me out on what Hermione thinks, especially after the whole thing with that ridiculous bet came out. He thinks he’s being so subtle and sneaky, and he’s just not. Sometimes, I just want to hit him over the head with the chess board, and tell him that we all know how he feels about her, he just needs to do something about it. But Hermione’s made me promise not to say anything.

She has? Why? It sounds like a little prodding is in order.

I agree, but she...well, she thinks that if he’s prodded into it, it’s not real. She wants it to be completely natural. You might not think it to look at her, but Hermione’s a romantic. She wants everything perfect, no matter how many times I tell her that this is Ron we’re talking about - perfection is not an option. Of course, I’m biased, since I’m his sister.

And you’re not looking for perfection from Harry?

I think by this time I know I won’t get it. I’m practical. I just want him to love me, and the rest of the world can - oh - Harry’s feet have moved - he’s coming over here, I think -

What?....Ginny, what’s going on - Ow.

GWIHOW

Joanna, no one trusts me! No one believes that I’m old enough to make my own decisions.

What did Harry do?

He...he asked me about you. He wanted to make sure I was all right.

But isn’t that a good thing?

No, because he’s only worried that you’re another Tom Riddle. He thinks I’d make that exact same mistake again.

But Ginny, you were worrying about that yourself, that day in the kitchens, remember?

Yeah...but that’s different. Harry shouldn’t worry about me like that, he should know better. He should.

Ginny, don’t you think you’re over-reacting a little?

No! I...well...Joanna, there’s something I haven’t told you.

What is it, Ginny?

Remember how I told you about my first Seer class with Miss Stuart?

Yes.

Well, before she started teaching us, before she told us about her own vision, she read my palm. I had never believed in that stuff before, Joanna. When Professor Trelawney reads my palm, she always mutters stuff about a dark destiny, and a snake. Well, she talks about a dark destiny for everyone, and she was here during my first year, so she certainly knows about the Chamber of Secrets and the basilisk. But Miss Stuart...she was trying to show us how silly reading palms is, and how it has nothing to do with what a true Seer does, but she could tell that I have six brothers, my fate is intertwined with another person’s, I have an incident in my past that I’m deeply ashamed of, and I’ll have five children! She said all this, with Harry sitting right there. I almost died, Joanna. The only reason I didn’t was because she started talking about what true Seers do, and I became so interested in that that I was able to put it aside. But...my fate is intertwined with another person’s? Is that Tom Riddle? I really, really hope not. Or is it Harry? And for some reason, having some stranger be able to see the Chamber of Secrets in my palm makes me shudder. Will it always be there, a mark on my skin, forever? And, was it there before it happened? Was it fate?

You do ask the difficult questions, Ginny. I don’t know the answer to any of that - no one does, really. Some people will tell you one thing, others something different. I’d be very interested in hearing what your Miss Stuart thinks. Have you told her all of your worries?

No. Do you think I should?

Well, she is training you to be a Seer, Ginny. Now, I don’t know all that much about it, but from what I’ve heard, it is very easy to cause a block against visions. Miss Stuart still has one, doesn’t she? And all because of something that happened fifteen years ago. These questions that you have, and the intense emotions you’re feeling, worrying about the answers, may be blocking you. You haven’t had any visions since you started working with Miss Stuart, have you?

No, and it’s been really frustrating. But Miss Stuart says that it often takes some time before a young Seer settles in to her powers. She is starting to get impatient, though - she’s started having us try to induce visions in lots of weird circumstances.

Hmm. Well, maybe if you told her some of your worries, she could understand better why you haven’t had a vision yet. It sounds like you’re not completely comfortable with what a true Seer does.

...It does, doesn’t it? Joanna, why is it that when I talk to you, everything makes so much more sense?

Probably because you’re having to organize your thoughts, in order to put them down on paper.

That’s a good point. There is one thing that talking to Miss Stuart won’t have even a chance of solving, though.

What’s that?

Harry. How will he ever see me as someone old enough and mature enough to...to be in a relationship, if he still thinks that I’m the naive and stupid little girl who opened the Chamber of Secrets?

Oh, Ginny. I’m sure he doesn’t think of you as only that girl. Besides, time is your friend here. The better he gets to know you, the less he’ll remember that one incident, and the more he’ll think of you as a complete person.

I do hope so. Oh, what a muddle. I never really did thank him properly for saving my life that time, too. I was so embarrassed that I didn’t want to talk to anyone - I don’t think I opened my mouth the whole rest of the time at Hogwarts that year. And, really, how do you thank someone for saving your life?

Maybe a nice, loving kiss?

Joanna, you’re impossible! Don’t tempt me, but thank you for making me laugh. I needed that.

You’re welcome. By the way, what’s happening with the people who don’t see you as a little girl? Have you had any more run-ins with Malfoy?

No, but that’s basically because I’ve been with Harry, Ron, and Hermione all the time. Hermione’s been coming to the library with me, and actually, so have Harry and Ron.

Hermione didn’t tell them about Malfoy, did she?

No, of course not. Hermione wouldn’t do that! No, they’ve actually been studying. Hermione made me promise not to play chess with Ron until she says it’s okay, which she only does when he’s finished his studying.

I’m surprised Ron puts up with that.

I know. It’s really funny to watch them dance around each other this way. Harry and I have been enjoying ourselves immensely. Is that a bad thing?

No, I think it’s a good thing. Anything you do with Harry is a good thing, right?

Joanna, you have a one track mind. But so do I, so...he’s so wonderful! And so...so sad. Everybody here has been a bit, well, somber this year. We know Voldemort is back, we know he’s planning something - he is Voldemort, after all - and we can’t help but be worried. So no one is really themselves, not even Fred and George. Of course, like I said, they’re really busy, too, but they haven’t pulled even a single prank, unless you count teasing Fleur about Bill. Anyway, Harry’s really being affected by all this. He’s always felt responsible for the world, but it’s been worse since Voldemort used him to get his body back. I’ve seen him looking around the Great Hall, and I can almost feel the sadness emanating from him. He looks at every person there, and thinks of how dangerous it is for them, and how many loved ones each of these people could lose.

You can tell what he thinks?

It’s all right there on his face, Joanna. I know people say that Harry’s difficult to read, but I’ve never found him so.

Poor Harry. That’s quite a burden for anyone to carry, and especially a fifteen year old boy.

I know.

Not to change the subject, Ginny, but have you found that charm we talked about? I suppose not, if you’re still going everywhere with Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

I haven’t, and it’s annoying! First, I asked Angelina Johnson, who’s Fred’s girlfriend. Not that I think she needs protection from Fred, but she’s a very pretty girl, and I thought she might know the charm. But she didn’t, and neither did Katie Bell or Alicia Spinnet, her two best friends. They asked the other seventh-year Gryffindor girls, and even the sixth-years, but no one had ever heard of it. I even asked Parvati Patil, who is the prettiest girl in Gryffindor, and whom I haven’t liked since Harry took her to the Yule Ball last year.

Ginny -

I know, I know, that’s unworthy of me. And it’s really silly, too, because Harry only asked her because he needed a date, being a champion, and he only danced with her once the whole night. But I just can’t help it.

That wasn’t what I was going to say - I think it’s very understandable, as long as you know that it’s silly. I was going to say that maybe you should try girls outside of Gryffindor.

Well, I thought of that, of course, but I don’t really talk much with people from the other houses. We have Herbology with the Ravenclaws and Potions with the Hufflepuffs, but...the kids in the other houses seem to remember the Chamber of Secrets more than the Gryffindors do.

Or maybe the Gryffindors know you as Ginny, not as the girl who opened the Chamber of Secrets. The students in the other houses haven’t had the chance to know you better. I must say, I don’t think the house system promotes amity among wizard children.

You know, Joanna, I’d never thought of it like that before. It’s quite true, although there are a couple of other factors at work here. First of all, we’re talking about me. And, secondly, I’m in Gryffindor. The Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs are usually quite friendly, except when they play each other in Quidditch, of course. But the Gryffindors and the Syltherins aren’t, to put it mildly, and that rather leaves us out in the cold.

Hmm. So, what are you going to do about the charm?

Well, I have two options. I could just ask some of the Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff girls, and prepare to be rebuffed. Or, I could ask our Care of Magical Creatures teacher.

The one that’s part veela? I wouldn’t be surprised at all if she knows it - that’s a good idea, Ginny.

Thank you. Besides, Bill’s letters to me have been rather full of her; I suspect that they’ve been seeing quite a bit of each other. So, she should be more inclined to help me.

Oh, Joanna, you see why I write in you so infrequently - once I start, I can’t stop! It’s twelve-thirty, and everyone else is asleep. I’m rather surprised Hermione didn’t come in to check on me after that scene downstairs, but I’ll be a good little girl and send myself to sleep. Good night, Joanna.

Good night, Ginny.

GWIHOW

October 4

I just had a very interesting conversation in the library, Joanna. Two, really.

Oh? With whom?

Well, the main one was with Brenna. I asked her advice on a component of my Protection Charm. But, oddly enough, once we had discussed that, we started talking about other things.

Why is that odd?

Because Brenna is probably the shyest, most self-effacing girl I’ve ever met. And I have no idea why. She’s obviously very bright - she’s in Ravenclaw, after all. She’s quite pleasant-looking, and every time she opens her mouth, she’s absolutely sweet. She just doesn’t open her mouth very often.

So how did you two get talking?

Well, she had explained things to me about the charm, and then out of the blue she asked me what it was like being the only girl with six brothers. So I told her some things, including some very silly stories about my brothers’ sappiness and overprectiveness. She really seemed to enjoy it all, and she really opened up - she told me some stories about her own brothers and sisters. I gathered, from some of the things she said, that magic wasn’t very common around her house, though I don’t think she’s Muggle-born. She became a bit uncomfortable, though, when I asked questions, so I stopped. I was in the middle of telling her about George threatening to hex Neville into next week if he stepped one toe out of line last year at the Yule Ball - and yes, Harry told me that George did indeed speak in cliches - when I heard George himself speak behind me.

"Telling tales out of school, little sister?" he said. Then he added, "And taking my seat, too? What have I done to deserve a sister like this?"

That does sound intriguing, Ginny. Do you think Brenna might be interested in George, too? Because it certainly seems to me like he’s interested in her.

Well, judging by the look on her face as she smiled up at him, I’d say she’s definitely interested. You know, I’ll soon be the only unattached Weasley - well, other than Charlie.

We’re still working on your status, you know.

I know. Oh, and speaking of Harry, we’ve been having the funniest Auror training classes.

Funny? That’s not a word I’d usually associate with Auror training.

I know, but - just listen! We’re learning to fight the Furious Curse - you know, the one that makes you uncontrollably angry. Professor Moody says that dark wizards love to put this curse on young Aurors, because they figure that they haven’t mastered their emotions yet. Neither Brenna nor Hermione have any problem in fighting the curse. I suppose the only thing that can make Hermione uncontrollably angry is Ron. All of us Weasleys are having huge problems, not surprisingly, since the Weasley temper is justifiably famous. And Theo Black is having problems, too - he’s one of those big, slow guys that take a lot to rile up, but once they are, look out. But the funny thing is that Harry is having problems, too, and it’s frustrating him to no end. It’s not the fact that he can’t master a spell that’s annoying him, because Hermione says that he’s actually usually quite patient about that. I think it’s that he likes to think of himself as level-headed and in control, and he doesn’t like not feeling that way. At any rate, I find it quite amusing - in a really cute sort of way - and it’s getting in the way of my learning to fight the curse.

Then I suppose that makes it a better test.

I suppose. Oh, Joanna, they’ve finally announced the first Hogsmeade weekend, so I was finally able to turn Colin down. I must say, I think it’s sad that the second I told him I was going with Harry, Ron, and Hermione, he acted jealous.

Why is that sad? If he’s interested in you, he would be jealous that you’re going with someone else.

No, not jealous of Harry (which would be silly, anyway), jealous of me, because I’m going with Harry. He’s always hero-worshipped Harry, which of course annoys Harry, and makes him less likely to want to be friends with Colin. I suppose that’s how he felt about me, when I was making my crush so painfully obvious.

That makes sense. It’s a good thing you’re not acting like that anymore. Has Harry noticed?

That I’m not putting my elbow in the butter dish every morning at breakfast? I would hope so! He does seem to enjoy my company, though I’m sure not as much as I enjoy his. There’s actually something I’ve been meaning to mention to him, but I don’t want him to think that I’m just forcing myself on him.

What is it?

Well, I’ve been coming down to the kitchens a lot - it’s where I am now, actually - to visit Winky. She’s the house-elf who was crying before. She was freed last year, and she’s not taking to freedom very well. So I’ve been trying to cheer her up, and I think it’s starting to work. She’s not drinking quite as much butterbeer, anyway. But there’s another freed house-elf here. His name is Dobby, and since Harry tricked Lucius Malfoy into freeing him, he’s worshipped Harry. (There are a lot of people that worship Harry, aren’t there?) Anyway, he’s simply pining for a visit from Harry. Do you think Harry would think I just wanted him to spend more time with me if I asked him to visit Dobby in the kitchens?

I don’t think so, Ginny. Harry doesn’t sound like the type to think that sort of thing, and if you just ask him to visit Dobby, there’s no reason for him to think it, anyway. You don’t have to tell him you visit Winky.

But how else would I know about Dobby?

Well, you don’t have to tell him you visit Winky a lot. Then you can meet Harry by accident in the kitchens, and there you are, free from prying eyes.

Joanna! You never let up, do you?

Sorry, just kidding. You are fun to tease, Ginny.

So Fred and George tell me. I’d better get going, Joanna, Hermione’s going to help me turn a turtle into a teapot. For some reason, the tea is always stone cold - it’s very frustrating!

Good luck, Ginny.