Infatuation

INFATUATION

By Miss Tito

The figure was approaching as he stood in the dark corner, breathing deeply and trying to remain calm...

"Professor Snape, you wanted to see me?" inquired the raven-haired boy in a very shaky voice.

"Professor Snape? Where are you, sir?"

As the boy with the tousled black locks slowly turned around, so that he was facing the doorways, the enigmatic professor stepped out from the shadows to face the back of the one who came in search of him.

"Mr. Potter."

At this, Harry turned around and gave a frightened "Eep!" The professor moved the right corner of his mouth up one millimeter, as to give the slightest impression of amusement.

"Sir, what is it you wanted to see me about?"

Harry had been doing very well in Potions his last year at Hogwarts, partially driven to master the brews that might help defend him in dangerous situations. The other portion of the reason that the Boy-Who-Lived-and-Had-Just-Defeated-He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named put out so much effort in his previously worst class was not a reason he was aware of. He might have done something very rash if he was aware of it. He might have jumped in the lake. If one day he woke up and realized this thing, he most likely would have soiled himself.

"Mr. Potter, I have recently found something out about myself."

"And what, sir, is the relevance of this to me?"

"Mr. Potter, I have of late realized that I am deeply infatuated with you."

At this, Harry squeaked, "You've got to be shitting me!" turned on his heels and bolted out of the dungeons as if being chased by a very, very large Blast-Ended Skrewt. He didn't run because he was frightened, though, he ran because he, too, had realized of late that he had a thing for his Potions Master.

Back in the dungeons, that same Potions Mater sat in his black leather desk chair, banging his head against his desk. He realized too late that this caused a cauldron full of a potion he had been brewing to fall to the ground, fully drenching the depressed professor.

***
Class the next day was quite... interesting. Snape found himself looking at his deceased enemy's son rather often, and the deceased enemy's son found himself turning rather pink every time his deceased father's enemy happened to look his way. The greasy-haired Potions Master was so engrossed in wallowing in his own sorrow about the love of his life "rejecting" him that he forgot to take twenty-five points from Gryffindor when Longbottom's cauldron exploded.

Again, Snape wondered just why he let Dumbledore convince him to take the overwhelmingly inept boy into his NEWT level class. Well, he did pretty well on the OWL, which didn't surprise a few people, who knew that the reason Neville didn't fail miserably was because his professor, of whom he was terribly frightened, did not proctor the exam.

Snape knew better, though. He was thoroughly convinced that the boy had a thing for him. And was afraid of making a fool of himself in front of his teacher, thereby causing himself to do exactly that.

Back to Potter. He seemed disturbed....Very disturbed. So disturbed, in fact, that the Professor scowled more deeply and began to wallow madly because he knew that this disturbance in his would-be mate was caused by a trauma inflicted by him. His head seemed about ready to explode. He would be surprised if Potter wasn't scarred for life. Wait, he already was. Well, such thoughts lead to great wallowing on the part of the distressed Professor. Internal wallowing, of course. The students must not know that he had emotions aside from hatred, anger, and pride. Geez, he thought, they must think I'm really shallow. Or a robot. Or a really shallow and quite prejudiced robot.

Snape was rudely shaken out of his reverie by a loud explosion. And it wasn't Longbottom's cauldron again nor was it Harry's head. It was Harry's cauldron. The eruption was a result of a miscalculation in the proportion of ingredients added to the Amis potion.

The Potions Master was able to tell immediately what sort of potion it had turned into. The Agaperos potion. Which was, of course, the strongest love potion known to wizard kind. And, of course, the entire class, including himself, was drenched in the violently magenta liquid.

He didn't even have time to bellow, "POTTER!!!" before the uncontrollable urge to give himself entirely to the black-locked teen washed over him. And, of course, the rest of the class.

Harry was almost entirely asphyxiated after spending three whole minutes under a mass of writhing bodies who were all fighting to gain possession of the gorgeous and oh-so-sexy Mr. Potter. It was McGonagall who saved him in the end, who had been sent by the twinkle-eyed Dumbledore, who just happened to 1) Have a security camera spell on every used classroom in Hogwarts, 2) Be married to the aforementioned Professor McGonagall and 3) Secretly be the father of both James Potter and Severus Snape, who both assumed the surnames of their mothers and who also bore no resemblance whatsoever to their biological father. But we'll not go there today.

McGonagall saved Harry by shooting his each of his classmates and want-to-be lovers squarely in the bum with an Anti-Agaperos potion (which, surprise surprise, just happened to be the antidote). Suddenly, everyone just climbed off Harry and went back to their seats calmly as if nothing had happened. Except our favourite Potions Master, who continued to snog the unconscious Harry as if nothing had happened and no-one was watching. As if he was still under the effects of the botched friendship potion made by his love. The empty syringe sticking out of his posterior clearly indicated otherwise.

Luckily, the bell rang at that moment. Perhaps luckier, no one but the ever-astute Ms. Granger noticed the prolonged snogging of her best friend by her least favourite Professor, and she kept it quietly to herself, but sniggered slightly as she strolled briskly past a McGonagall who appeared to be Petrified.

Well, she thought as she walked hand-in-hand with her steady boyfriend Neville, you certainly don't see that every day. Too bad I didn't have my camera with me.

***

With the weight of only one person snogging the life out of him as opposed to ten, Harry's unconscious state improved to semi-conscious, and then conscious, and then unconscious again as a result of his realization why he was unconscious in the first place.

Meanwhile, back in the Headmaster's office, Dumbledore watched with a bemused smile on his face, a twinkle in his eyes, and a brilliant plan hatching in his head. But in the mean time, he'd have to send someone to Stun his son who was trying to release his sexual tension by making out with his one and only half-nephew (and, of course, was completely oblivious to this relationship.)

***

Harry couldn't quite believe what had just happened to him as Dumbledore had taken matters into his own hands by Stunning his son. (Dumbledore did not know of this relationship either, he only knew that he had become involved in two whirlwind love affairs with two dark-haired women within the span of two years. He had, of course, finally decided that his true love was Minerva McGonagall, and they had gotten married and had a few children themselves, despite his being Very Old and Past the Age Where One Would Expect to Become Infertile. But enough about Dumbledore's child-making capabilities.)

Harry once again emitted a Very Frightened "EEP!" turned heel, and bolted out of the dungeons at a Very High Speed, catching only a glimpse of a Very Amused Dumbledore Ennervating a Very Stunned Snape. Harry ran all the way back to the Gryffindor common room, giving the portrait of a Very Fat Lady in a Very Pink Dress the Very Complicated Password of Gryffindor(Slytherins all die, we'll bake them in a pie) in a Very Breathless Manner. He encountered a Very Giddy Hermione who asked him Very Politely if they could speak alone. He, of course, agreed, as that is why he sought to encounter her in the first place.

"Hermione, you'll never guess what happened! My cauldron exploded, (you knew that) and then I woke up and Professor Snape was snogging me!"

"Actually, Harry, I already knew all of that. I was snogging you at a point too, but then McGonagall gave us all, including Snape, the antidote! He should have been fine, and not snogging you after being hit squarely in the bum with a syringe, but he still was like he-"

"Wanted to. Hermione, you know at the end of class yesterday how he wanted to see me later? That wasn't about the Occlumency lessons. I lied. He said- he said- he said that he was- infatuated with me!!!"

"Oh Harry, you must be so incredibly traumatized! Doesn't he know you're with Luna?"

"That's what's bothering me: I'm not traumatized! I enjoyed it! I really should be but I'm not! Hermione, I think that I-I-I have a thing for Snape!"

"What about Luna?"

"I love her dearly, but she's more of a friend, like you. I think I've been gay for a while, I just didn't realize it until now!"

"I thought you realized it in the beginning of sixth year, after that fling with Justin Finch-Fletchley."

"Nah, I only wanted to be friends, nothing more, but then...Justin started trying to snog me in the Greenhouses, and well, everyone saw and assumed that we were a couple. Which of course, Justin claimed we were."

"Oh. But Harry: PROFESSOR SNAPE???"

"Could be worse. I could be snogging Voldemort."

"AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH"

"Hermione, I think... I think I am starting to love Severus."

"Oh my God. Harry, you just used his... his... FIRST NAME!!!!!!!!"

"Well, I think I love him, why shouldn't I?"

"Mlrmph."

"Was Neville jealous of you trying to snog me?

"No. He was snogging you himself, he's in the class and EVERYONE got drenched, even, well particularly, Snape."

"Hee hee. I think ol' Severus and I need to have a little chat."

***

Harry made his way down to the musty, moldy, mildewy dungeons to seek out his Potions Professor. He had a brilliant plan hatched in his head. It went as follows:

*Approach Sevvie. Ask to talk.

*Beg for talk.

*Admit feelings.

*Throw arms around neck

*Confess undying love.

*Hear his confession of undying love.

*Give very long, wet, passionate kiss goodnight.

Harry knew, in his Heart of Hearts, that he was meant to be with the man who was more than twice his age, had been a complete bastard to him for most of his life at Hogwarts, and, unbeknownst to him or anyone else in the entire world, was really his half-uncle. But no one in the entire world needs to know that, except you, the reader, so that you will either find this utterly repulsive, quite kinky, or just plain not care.

***

Here, as follows, is what happened when Harry met Severus (well, encountered is closer to the truth, as they had known each other for quite some time):

Harry found Severus with one glass full of whiskey and three empty glasses that smelled like they had once been full of whiskey before him. In his left hand was a particularly impressive and repulsive peacock feather quill, (which Harry was quite sure had belonged to Lockhart), and he was writing a list. The list was composed as follows:

~Reasons to Commit Suicide~

The list was quite tear-stained. Snape had been pouring his eyes out for a long time, and continued to do so as a result of being extremely inebriated and unaware that the very person he believed to not love him (all right, one of the innumerable people he believed did not love him, but the only one he cared about) was standing right behind him. Snape in his snockered state also did not realize 1)That the Dark Lord was gone completely and forever and 2) That he had absolutely no reason to suspect Dumbledore as his father, because his mother had said nothing to her son of her whirlwind love affair with the then Transfiguration professor. He nearly smashed into the ceiling when Harry said:

"I believe that numbers one, six, nine, ten, eleven, and thirteen are quite off, Sevvie darling."

The combined result of being reassured by his true love that his love was not, in fact, unrequited, and being called the words Sevvie and Darling in the same sentence by someone other than his mother (who, despite all rumours, treated him incredibly well), made poor Sevvie Darling scream very loudly something that vaguely resembled an "EEP!" and faint. Harry had to ditch his very carefully crafted list and think of a new brilliant plan on the spot.

Snape awoke in the arms of one scar-headed boy, and to the singing of "Don't Worry" by Bob Marley.

"Harry? My love?" enquired the Very Snockered, Very Pleasantly Surprised Professor, testing to see if he was not having an alcohol-induced hallucination.

"Severus, Darling, what do you need?" replied his love, Harry.

"A Big, Long, Wet, Passionate Kiss to tell me that I'm not having an alcohol-induced hallucination."

"I'd be quite obliging"

And so they kissed. When their lips met, they each felt a wave of electricity go through their bodies as some unsuspecting first-year Muggleborn attempted to power up her laptop computer, which exploded, but did no particular damage to anyone or anything save the girl. Of course, our main couple was blissfully oblivious to this, and believed the shock to be due to the magic of their kiss.

"I love you Severus," said Harry.

"I love you too, Harry," said Severus.

"I love you both," said Dumbledore, who was watching all this from his office.

"I LOVE EVERYONE!!!" shouted the portrait of Phinneas Nigellus.

"My, Phinneas, that was quite unexpected," said Dumbledore in an amused sort of tone, and a few of the portraits of a few other deceased Headmasters nodded or grunted in sleepy agreement.

***

"Detention, Mr. Potter," said Professor Snape a few seconds later.

"Why, Professor? I don't see I've done anything wrong."

"You're out of my bed at this late hour. Surely you know all students must be in bed at 10 o'clock at night? It is well past 11. And the closest bed is mine, and therefore it is there you will go."

"Holy Shit! We missed dinner! Hermione must suspect something happened!"

"Never mind Granger. We must go consummate our relationship."

"But I'm waiting 'til marriage!"

Suddenly, Dumbledore burst through the door, dressed in elaborate red vestment type robes. They were encrusted in gold and jewels, and he handed a set of also Very Elaborate Robes to Harry and one to Severus. Harry's, of course, was green, to emphasize his eyes, and Severus' were black, to match his hair. And Harry's hair for that matter. And also Cho Chang's, and Sirius (May his soul rest in peace forever, or may he come back from the dead) Black's, and James Potter's, but that's beside the point.

"Hurry up and prepare yourselves! We're going to have us a Surprise Wedding! I must go round up the students and faculty!" proclaimed Dumbledore.

"But we're not even engaged!" cried Harry.

The Potions Master procured a black velvet box, got down on one knee (at which height he was about six inches less than eye level with Harry, because Harry was very short) and said:

"Will you, Harry James Potter, my beloved, marry me?"

Harry squealed rather loudly. "Of course, oh Sevvie, my darling, it would make me the happiest man alive!!!"

Snape slipped the engagement ring, which was silver and encrusted with emeralds, which brought out Harry's eyes, onto Harry's very thin finger. It was too large at first, as it had been Severus' grandfather's big toe ring, but with a little adjusting, it fit Harry like a glove. Which is, to say, it was so big that Harry could wear it over his hand. Severus scowled and tweaked it to fit Harry's delicate ring finger perfectly.

Harry did the same for Severus, except that Harry got the charm to make it fit his beloved's finger right the first time, and that Harry had inherited the ring from the Dark Lord, who had bequeathed all his fortune to Harry. Apparently, the Dark Lord secretly adored Harry, and had a little Shrine built for him in the middle of his father's mansion, and had listed Harry as the sole inheritor in his will. This made Lucius quite pouty, and the white-blonde man took his own life, which led to the suicide of his wife, which led to the suicide of his son, which was induced by the fact that he was having a torrid love affair with his mother, and she was very pregnant and he soon would have had both a half-brother and a son in the same baby. But that is an entirely different matter.

So Harry and Severus, bedecked in Fine Ceremonial Robes and sporting their new engagement rings, linked arms and processed into the Great Hall. Harry's bridesmaids (as he was definitely more girly than his professor) were Hermione, Ron, Luna, Neville, Remus, and Justin Finch-Fletchley (who was crying hysterically). Severus did not have any bridesmaids, as he was the groom, and his best man was Professor McGonagall (even though she was clearly not of the male species, she was the best man because all of Severus' friends died in the final fight against the Dark Lord, which involved a large quantity of peanut butter, but that is an entirely different matter.)

The Great Hall was set up like a large church, with the students sitting in pews and bawling their heads out. Some wept because they loved both of the people getting married, some because they wanted to get with either Harry or Snape and their chance was now almost completely gone, and some because the idea of Harry and Snape shagging, which they would inevitably do, tormented them to the depths of their souls.

The Bonding Ceremony consisted of various elements, including the Ritualistic Dance of the Sheep, the Lighting of the Official Hogwarts Wedding Candle, and setting off a large amount of fireworks while Harry and Severus shouted about how much they cared for each other. Finally, Severus got to kiss the bride, and the wedding ceremony. The reception was scheduled for the next day, and Harry and Severus exited the Great Hall, Harry being carried by Severus, not because it was tradition for the groom to carry the bride, but because Harry, being the child that he is, fell asleep.

They were showered by the students with Basmati rice, (courtesy of Parvati and Padma's father from India,) and Severus took Harry to his quarters and then.... They lived happily ever after.

The End.