Drunken Mistake

Chapter 5: The Diary

Donna quickly walked down the hall alone, trying to ignore the other students whispering - probably fake rumors - about her. The new year at Hogwarts had been only been up for six days, but already countless rumors have started. She had no friends - except Daniella, Lily Potans, and surprisingly, Justin had been hanging out with her lately. All of her teachers treated her different from the others, almost as if she were a baby, and didn't bother to give her any pressure about the work - like they did to the other people in their class. Donna would cry at night, wishing she had different parents, or that she was conceived a different way. It was too much for Donna to handle.

When she was alone she would get out her diary and write in it. She loved writing poetry - even if it didn't rhyme. She would just write whatever she felt - it was her way of expressing her feelings since she couldn't tell anybody. They already thought she was weird enough.

She walked into the library and sat down at a table where nobody was. She took out her dairy and flipped to an empty page and started to write.

When I was a little girl I would dress up in princess dresses and run around. Now I'm older and I wish I could do that again because everything was perfect.

As she read over that piece of writing she tried to think of something else.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

I don't know what I'm living for.

I'm losing friends -

and this is where my fairytale ends.

Rumors have spread ,

and I don't know where my life will be led.

My smiles are fake -

and I'm trying so hard not to break.

I'm just a little girl,

living inside my own cold world.

I'm running around -

trying my hardest not to break down.

As she read over it a little tear dropped down her cheek. It was all true. Before she had found out about her father and gone to Hogwarts, everything had been perfect. But now she had no clue what to do. Her heart, hopes, dreams, goals, and life had seriously plummeted after everything she had heard people saying about her.

Before when she went to a muggle elementary school she had been one of the most popular girls there. She had a ton of friends and she knew that it would be that way once she got to Hogwarts. But since everybody knew who she was and who her parents were she knew differently. Nobody besides Justin, Daniella and Lily would talk to her.

She felt so young, so immature. Before she had felt like the queen of the world. She had had everything - except a father that is. She had been very pretty, had a family, even if it was small, and had no worries in life. She knew she would end life very happy. Now she thought she would live her life alone and cold and miserable and afraid of everything. That was not what she wanted, so she blocked people out. She was afraid to get close to somebody in fear of getting hurt.

As more tears fell down her cheeks and splashed silently on the page she had written on she felt a hand touch her shoulder. She jumped and looked up, wiping the tears away. Donna was surprised to see Justin standing above her with a smile on his face. But his smile quickly went away when he saw tears in her eyes. He bent down and wiped them away with his thumbs. Donna smiled lightly and looked down, forgetting about her open diary.

"What's wrong, DJ," he asked softly, so softly it was more like a whisper. DJ was the nickname he used for her after finding out her middle name. Only he called her it and she felt special when he did. She looked up and put on a fake smile - just like her poem said she did.

"Nothing, Justin," she lied. "It - it's nothing. I'm fine. I was just thinking about home. I miss it."

"Easier back there, eh?" Justin asked, sitting in a chair and moving it closer to Donna. The corners of her mouth twitched in a slight smile and she nodded. "Oh, DJ. I promise it'll get easier. They'll be rumors, no doubt about that. But who cares? They're just people. They shouldn'-."

"That's just it, Justin." Donna said with force. She could feel her temper risen with frustration. "They're just people. I shouldn't worry about what they say about me. I never have before but now that I'm here it gets to me because they're taking a stab at my family. When it was about me I could handle it because I knew they were just people and they didn't know what they were talking about but here - here it's like everybody knows about my life. I didn't even know Draco Malfoy was my father until eight days ago and here people I don't even know are talking about it. It just - it just confuses me, is all."

Justin nodded and held her against him, rubbing his hand down her beautiful blonde hair. He listened to her breathing and his heart beating faster and faster. With her head against his chest he knew she would be able to hear the sudden quickening of his heartbeat.

"Ooh, now look what we have here, Janessa," Donna and Justin heard a girl sneering. Donna moved away from Justin and looked at them. It was the girl who had told her that all Weasley's were a disgrace and a waste of time, Nikholleta Danns. She had been placed in Slytherin, of course. She was a very pretty girl. She had short black hair that went down to her shoulders and was straight, with a few waves, emerald eyes, not as pretty as Lily's but pretty all the same. There wasn't a pimple or blemish on her face nor did it look like there ever had been. Nikholleta was around 5" 2' probably, around Donna's height but a little shorter, and was very skinny. Needless to say she had guys chasing after her left and right, even the older guys who were in the fifth and sixth year. She was standing with a girl who was pretty but not as much as Nikholleta. They were both holding their books against their chest and smirking at Justin and Donna. "How very cozy. But watch out Weasley, you might end up pregnant. You know what they say. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Your mother was a slut so you must be one too."

"That is enough, Nikholleta," Justin said, his voice showing anger.

"Oh, boo hoo, Justin," Nikholleta said. "She knows its true. She knows Ginevra Weasley was a slut, everybody does. Pity she had to grow up with a mother like that. But whatever. Your mother wasn't any better. Your mother - Loony Lovegood - had dung for brains. She believed in everything she read in the Quibbler and anything she was told. And plus, she fell for Harry Potter. She even married him for Merlin's sake! What a disgrace. I swear the world would've been bet-."

"Did you say Harry Potter?" Donna asked.

"Well, duh. Bloody hell, is there anything not wrong with you? Anyhoo, as I was saying, the world would've been better off without him."

"I - I must go," Donna said, jumping up and leaving, forgetting about her diary on the table.

Justin jumped up and called after her. Then he looked at Nikholleta and Janessa and pointed a finger at them ."You stay away from her," he warned.

"Ooh, have I been bad girl, Justin? Need to give me a spanking?" Nikholleta said with a giggle. At the word 'spanking' she popped her arse out a little bit, turning around and shaking it so that her skirt went up a little.

"Stay away," he hissed.

"I'll stay away from her as long as you give me something in return."

"And what is that? Endless shagging?"

"Now I wasn't going to say that, seeing as I am only eleven. But now that you've said it I think it is perfect. I'll leave the Weaslette alone if we have endless sex."

"Forget it. Just leave her alone." Then Justin ran off after Donna, but he couldn't find her anywhere he looked.

"DAMN THOSE BITCHES!!!" he yelled, making people around him stare at him in shock, than as if he was a Martian, -which - if you think about it - isn't as odd as it would be for a muggle.

~((*))~

Donna ran to the Gryffindor common room after the library to find Lily. She knew that Ron and Harry were best friends and Lily had mentioned Ron.

"Lily!" she gasped, when she found her. "Oh my gosh I've been looking for you everywhere!"

"Is something wrong?" Lily asked, putting down her book on history and turned to face Donna.

"No, no. I was just wondering since you've mentioned Ron and all if you by any chance knew Harry Potter?"

"Know him? Please, he's my father. Yep, Harry Potter the world's fricken hero is my old man. How exciting." Her voice was dripping with sarcasm as she said that. "He's never around, though, he's always off on business trips and signing autographs for the pathetic fans. I mean, sure, it was a great thing he did. He saved the world from Voldemort! But you know he's never around. Only every other weekends and Holidays. He was even late to drop me off here. I was almost late and didn't catch the train." She looked into space, as if trying to clear her mind then shook her head and smiled at Donna. "Why did you wanna know if I knew him?"

"Oh, yeah," Donna said, trying to remember. "My mother mentioned him in her diary, and she knew him when she was younger. And Ron was her brother and Harry was his best friend and yeah. Just wondering. Can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah."

"If Harry 'Potter' is your father, then why is your last name 'Potans?'"

"Oh that's an easy one. You see, when I was growing up, I was given the name of my father's late mother, Lillian. But both he and my mother knew that if my name were 'Potter' I would get hounded b the stalkerazi and decided to give me the name 'Potans'. The 'po' is the first two letters of my fathers' father's last name and the 'ans' is the last three letters of my fathers' mother's last name, 'Evans.' I know. It's all very confusing."

Donna giggled and smiled. "Well I can understand that."

"So I've noticed you've been hanging out with my cousin, Justin, more often." Donna blushed at the mention of Justin causing Lily to raise an eyebrow.

"Oh, um, well, yeah. He-he's great. He's really nice."

"Donna, may I ask you a question?"

"Oh, yeah. Of course."

"Is there something going on between you and Justin?"

"What do you mean?" Lily gave her a look and Donna turned even redder. "OH! No, no, no, no. Of course not, I mean he's sixteen and I'm only twelve. There's no way there's anything going on between us. Besides, the age differe-."

"Relax, Donna," Lily said with a giggle. "It was only a question. No need to get all excited. But, do you have any romantic feelings towards him?"

"Well, um, he's nice and funny and cute, but he doesn't like me so there's no point in me liking him."

"Donna if you like him, tell him. I'm sure he feels the same way."

"How are you sure he does? And wouldn't that be a little wrong? I mean, the age difference is really big and he only has two more year at Hogwarts whereas I still have my whole education."

"I see the way he looks at you. He's never looked at any girl the way I see him look at you before. Besides, if you love him and he loves you, age doesn't matter. Nothing matters when you're with that special person."

"Lily, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Have you ever been in love?"

"Oh," Lily whispered with a blush. "I know it's silly, seeing how I am only twelve years old but I was in love - once. His name was Kyle. I grew up with him. He was a few years older than me - maybe two. But anyways, when we met we just - clicked. I felt amazing and I couldn't seem to speak clearly or think straight. And then when we kissed...oh it was so wonderful. I felt fireworks and I knew I was in love with him.

"Apparently, he wasn't though. I found him two days later with some girl. They were watching a movie; I believe it was A Walk To Remember. It's a muggle movie. And I saw him put his arm around her. I couldn't believe it. A Walk To Remember was our movie. It was the movie we saw when we had first met. I could literally feel my heart breaking and I started to cry. After that, I never saw or spoke to Kyle again."

"Lil, I-I'm sorry," Donna said softly. "I didn't mean to budge in on your personal life."

"Oh, no, Donna! Don't worry about it! It was two years ago, and I am completely over him. I understand now that what we had was immature and wrong. He was too old for me and I was still a child. I shouldn't have gotten into anything I wasn't ready for. I was seriously putting myself up for the heartbreak."

"I'm really sorry though," Donna said, "That Kyle character doesn't know what he lost. He should be kickin' himself in the arse for what he did. Any guy would be blind not to like you...or at least stupid."

Lily laughed and hugged Donna. "Thanks, Donna," she said. "You're a great friend. I don't see how I can make it through seven years here without you here."

"Me either," Donna said, and soon the two girls were gossiping and laughing and pretending to be the normal girls for a change.

~((*))~

The next day when Donna woke up, she felt relaxed and happy for a change. For once she didn't care what was going on or who her parents were. She sat up and stretched out her arms, making a soft little noise.

Then she got up and took a nice long shower. It was Saturday so she had a whole weekend to relax and have fun with Lily, Daniella, and hopefully Justin. When she got out of the shower, she got dressed in a skirt that went a few inches above her knees and her tight little black shirt with black heels. Donna put her makeup on and when she was finished, she looked at herself in the mirror and felt sexy for a change. Since the beginning of Hogwarts she had always felt ugly and pale compared to the other girls, but today was going to be a good day. She would not let the pressure of the other students bring her down any more.

She was grabbing her purse when the door opened and Lily stood there. Lily stared at her for a second before saying, "Well, you must be having a good day. You look relaxed for a change. Now it is a nice, sunny day and we are going SWIMMING!!! So put your suit on underneath your clothes and bring a towel and I'll be waiting in the common room."

"Okay," Donna said and she went over to her drawers pulled out her pink and black bikini. She changed again and then got a fluffy white towel and left, grabbing her purse.

When she walked into the common room, everybody went quiet.

"See! I told you that she would follow in her mothers footsteps and be a prostitute, Kevin!" a boy on the couch said. Donna rolled her eyes and walked over to the boys.

"Okay," she said to them, "I'll admit that a few days ago that would've really hurt me. But now I can't help but think that it is pathetic that you people care more about what I do with my personal life that you don't seem to be giving a damn about yours. It's a really a shame though, you could be so much better than you are right now. Pity you waste all of your thoughts on what I do and not on what you do. Have a nice day. Bye bye."

With that, Donna turned around and walked over to Lily and asked if she was ready. Lily was surprised - as was the rest of the Gryffindor common room - that Donna had finally taken a stand to all of the rumors that she was left dumbfounded. She followed Donna outside and then they were walking down the halls to the entrance doors to go to the lake.

When they were about two corridors away from the doors, Donna stopped suddenly. She looked around at all of the people who were looking at writing on the wall - writing that seemed all too familiar.

She walked over to one of the and pulled the paper off and began to read it:

Everyday I _''wonder_'' if it's worth it

I _''wonder_'' if anybody will <>miss me<>

But it's not my [family and friends] who I worry about

I just worry if _*he'll_* miss me -

Or even notice I'm ~gone~

She couldn't believe it. She had written this! She had written it in her...

Oh no, it couldn't be, could it? She opened up her bag, expecting to see her diary there, but all she saw were her schoolbooks and stuff for her classes. She must've left it in the diary with...

Oh no, no, no, no, no, no! She had left her diary in the library when her and Justin had been there with Nikholleta and Janessa. They must've gotten in and made copies and spread it around the school.

Donna went to another paper and read it.

The girl I see in the mirror is

afraid and alone.

She has no friends,

no family,

and no life.

She needs help...

I need help...

Oh, sweet Merlin, no! This could not be happening! She felt the tears falling down her face and she grabbed another paper.

I sleep just to dream,

hoping they'll come true.

But it's been so long since one has -

that I need to stop dreaming...

Donna dropped to her knees and cried, scrunching up the papers with her fists. Then she looked up when she heard Nikholleta Danns saying loudly so that everybody could hear, "Students of Hogwarts!!! May I introduce the writer of all these fabulous poems, Miss DONNA WEASLEY!!!"

She heard people laugh at her and she looked up. Boys and girls were standing and staring, and pointing at her.

Oh, God, she prayed, closing her eyes, please tell me this isn't true. Please tell me that I am still asleep and just having some horrible nightmare. My dairy is in my book bag and nobody has read what I've written.

She could handle people starting rumors about her, but this she couldn't. These were her inner most thoughts and nobody was allowed to read them. She felt empty now, like nothing belonged to her anymore.

Donna stood up and ran away from everybody, ran away from the laughs and the pointing and life.

This isn't happening, she kept telling herself. This isn't happening. None of this is real.

She ran into a room and fell to her knees sobbing her eyes out. She didn't stop when she heard a door opening. She couldn't. All Donna heard was her breathing, her heart pounding harder and harder, her sobs, the laughing, and nothing more.

"DJ...DJ listen to me," somebody was saying. Somebody who sounded familiar but she couldn't place whom it was. "DJ, please. Stop crying. It's going to be okay."

She didn't stop crying.

"There, there," he whispered, pulling her close to him and holding her tight. He felt her clutch onto his shirt tightly. "Come now, it's okay, DJ. Nobody is going to hurt you. Shh...it's all right now. They can't hurt you anymore. Shh..."

Donna looked up, not bothering to wipe the tears away. "Why do they keep hurting me, Justin," she asked him in a tiny whisper? "What did I do to them? How have I hurt them?"

"You didn't do anything, DJ," he whispered back, wiping away her tears and pushing her hair back behind her ears. "They are just jealous of you. You are kinder, smarter, and far more prettier than they are. Plus, you are probably more talented in writing poems then they could even dream. It's their insecurities getting the best of them. Those people don't feel good about themselves so they will hurt anybody to make themselves look and feel better.

"The other people - they are morons. Do you hear me, DJ? Morons. If they don't see how great you are, they must be blind or ignorant.

"Besides, you don't need them. You've got me. I will always be there for you - no matter what. You can always come to me if you need to cry or if you need to be with somebody. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving, Donna Jo. I'm not. You'll always have me."

Donna looked down at the floor and nodded, swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat while he had been talking. Then she felt his fingers underneath her chin, picking her face up. He pushed back her hair and stroked her cheek with his thumb.

She was looking so deep into his eyes. She couldn't blink, she couldn't look anywhere else but into his eyes.

They were coming closer together. She tilted her face a little and soon they were only a centimeter away.

Donna put her hand on his cheek. He was so close...