Hermione's Grief

"Here, one Muggle Studies teacher hired," Hermione dropped the scroll of parchment on Minerva's desk. She had remained in New York one week after her initial meeting with June and then had returned once June had given her the signed contract. One task out of the way.

For the week that she had remained in New York she had lived on the Dreamless Sleep potion, having found an Apothecary store in Kramer Alley that would make her new batches whenever she needed them, which turned out to be quite frequently. As the week had progressed she had noted with some dismay that she was using more and more potion each night as her body slowly became immune to its effects. By the end of the week she had been going through nearly an entire bottle a night.

"This is certainly some good news. I could use a bit more of this type of news of late, Hermione, thank you," Minerva said, going through the document.

"June told me that she would be able to begin as soon as this September as long as we can take her daughter, Vikki, in as a student."

"Well, I don't see why we can't. Her mother was quite nice, if I remember correctly, Beauxbatons alumna, if I remember correctly. Of course we'll take Vikki on as a student," Minerva said. Hermione noticed that Minerva had bags under her eyes and seemed to be talking in a fairly muddled manner.

"Minerva, is everything alright? You seem a tad stressed. Anything I could do to help you?" Hermione asked , honestly concerned. If Minerva McGonagall was out of it, what was the world coming to?

"Oh no, no, I'm quite fine, you just run along now. That's it. I expect that Lilith will be wanting to speak to you," Minerva said as she waved Hermione out of her office. Once Hermione had shut to door behind her, Minerva put her head on her desk. "Oh, no, everything's all right. Except that my best staff member is going insane and I'm having serious concerns that she may need to be sent to St. Mungo's. But besides that, oh, everything's alright. "

* * * * *

"Eeek!"

"Umph!"

The two students who had been snogging on the couch in the Gryffindor common room quickly fell off of it upon the entrance of Hermione.

"Um…Is there anything I can do to help Professor Potter?" the girl who was cringing behind the red sofa squeaked.

"Oh, don't worry about it Celia," Hermione said, "I just need to speak to my daughter. Carry on. And I won't tell your parents."

As Hermione headed up the stairs she heard a sigh of relief behind her. The greenhouses were a decidedly more private place to do some serious snogging, Hermione though, not that I would know.

The plank in front of Lilith's dorm was charmed with a squeaking charm…all the teachers knew that…and none of the students knew that the teachers knew. It was simple to avoid. But Hermione didn't, because she didn't want to hide anything from Lilith anymore, be it the dreams, or simply her approach.

*squeak*

Hermione placed both feet firmly on the plank, and as is squeaked she heard squeals of laughter and mirth from inside the room…Lilith's resounded the loudest of them all…or perhaps that was simply Hermione's imagination. Rosalind stuck her head out of the door and looked around.

"Oh…Professor Potter! I see you're back…I hope your trip was fun," Rosalind said, stepping outside and pulling the door closed behind her.

"It was wonderful Rosalind…could I just step inside for a moment; I need to speak to Lilith."

Rosalind breathed a shoddily masked sigh of relief. "Oh…it's just Lilith…I thought…"

"Yes? What did you think I wanted?"

"Umm….to speak to Lilith…she is your daughter you know. Well, of course you know but I just thought that you would want to speak to her. Which you do. So I'll get her. Now. Right…okay." Rosalind slipped back inside the room. Hermione could barely conceal her smile. Rosalind was not being very subtle about the existence of something that they obviously did not want Hermione to find.

"Mom!" Lilith came out of the door and gave her mother a big hug and kiss on the cheek. "Oh…lucky ducky…got to go to New York. I wish I could have come."

"But you would have missed school," Hermione said, giving her daughter a kiss.

"Right…that's kind of the point," Lilith said. "So what's the deal?"

"Oh nothing much, I just wanted to speak to you for a bit and explain why I went so suddenly."

"Yeah, that'd be a good idea. I've only been worrying that someone had died since I got back to school. And Professors Black and Lupin have not exactly been what you'd call helpful."

"No…no one died. I would have told you if they had. But let's go to my apartment to discuss this. And we'll go through the backdoor. I think Celia wants some privacy."

* * * * *

"Hermione got back….Moony stop moaning, you sound like you're dying…I hope she's better, that trip should have done her some good," Sirius said as he tended to his friend's wounds. The previous night had been a full moon and Remus had gotten into a nasty scrape with a unicorn and had definitely come off the worse for it. He was covered in scrapes and bruises from head to toe which Sirius was currently dabbing with a purple elixir, turning Remus into what appeared to be a fairly hairy, man-shaped piece of cotton candy.

"Oh god, Sirius, do not prod me," Remus said, feebly trying to push away Sirius.

"Don't worry, what's that from?" Sirius said as he pointed a particularly nasty bruise.

"Ur…I think that was a hoof, or a horn. Wait, actually that was a rock."

"A rock?"

"Um, yeah. I tripped over one walking back this morning," Remus said quietly.

"You're a klutz, Moony. Anyway…what I was saying was that Hermione's back."

"I heard you the first time, Padfoot. I'm not deaf. And anyway, she sent an owl yesterday saying that she'd be back today. She's talking to Lilith now, explaining everything."

"What? How'd you know that?"

"I just said. She sent an owl. I left it on your desk. Didn't you check your inbox?"

"Uh…maybe not."

"Obviously, ow, careful Sirius. Just imagine that there's a big 'Do Not Break' sign next to me'." Remus shouted.

"Sorry, sorry. Should we go get her and welcome her home?"

"Hmm…in a bit. Let's give her some time to explain everything to Lilith. I expect that she'll come get us when she needs our help. She said in the letter that she wanted some support while talking to Snape about the Pensieve."

"What sort of support?"

"I'm not sure, but if it requires any movement on my part other than talking I'll leave it to you," Remus said, straightening the bandage over his leg.

"Right, Moony. In other words the unicorn kicked you too hard so if she needs someone to convince Snape to do anything I get to?"

"Yeah, basically," Remus said, trying to stand up and failing miserably, falling back onto the cot. He sighed. "Could you give me a hand over to that stack of books in the corner? We need to discuss this Pensieve idea. I'm not entirely keen on leaving Hermione's mental health up to Snape."

"Neither am I. Okay…I was looked in Magical Remedies for Your Mind and found a few references to it, but I think that the biggest help so far as been Freudian Illnesses and Cures for the Modern Wizard, which gave a suggested ingredient list for a Pensieve for this use. It had," Sirius ruffled through a stack of papers on his desk, " 2 pinches of asphodel, one snoodian, 2 cc of dragon's blood…"

* * * * *

"So that's it?" Lilith asked, bemused.

"What do you mean 'that's it'?" Hermione asked, shocked.

"The only reason you went to New York was because Professor McGonagall thought you ought to get away from the magic because you were having bad dream about Dad?"

"Well…when you put it like that, sure, it sounds pathetic, but there's a bit more to it than that. Wizards and witches, especially powerful ones like your father and I, experience lives that are vastly different from the Muggles among which you were raised. Especially when living through a war, like your father and I did. I…I can't explain it you any better than that. The horrors…the dread…the sickening happenings that occur during magical warfare truly have to be experienced to fully comprehend them. I can only hope you never do…but I did and lived to tell the tale. I suppose then that's it. Bad dreams."

"Oh…um…is there anything I can do then mom?" Lilith asked, putting her arms around her mother as they sat on the couch in Hermione's apartment.

"No, deary, but don't worry about me; I'll be fine. Severus, Professor Snape I mean, has some suggestions about what I should be doing and it'll all turn out fine."

"That's good. Um…mom?"

"Yes?"

"Can I ask a question?"

"Absolutely."

"What are the dreams about?"

Hermione breathed sharply. She had hoped that Lilith wouldn't ask that, but she knew that she would. Lilith was like her at 15, painfully curious. "Well," Hermione began, "lots of things, mostly about your father and I during the war fighting. Winning. Losing."

There was a moment of silence. "Losing mom? I thought you won?"

"We did. But that doesn't mean everyone survived," Hermione said in a heavy tone that pointed out the obvious without words.

"I see," Lilith said softly as her mother pulled her in tightly and gave her a kiss on her forehead.

"Lilith?"

"Yes?"

"Now can I ask you a question?"

"Uh…sure. Why not?"

"What did Rosalind think I had come to your dorm about?"

Lilith's eyes opened wide with the fright of one who needed to conceal the truth but had been caught without any lies prepared. "Well…uh…while you were away I…uh… snuckintoyourroomandtookthephotoalbumofyouanddad."

"Really? Do you think you could repeat that, this time with pauses?"

"Hehe…while you were in New York I borrowed that photo album…you know, the one that you said someone gave Dad when he was little, the one with pictures of his parents and then of your wedding in the back…I showed it to the people in my dorm…they…uh…wanted to see like what you looked like when you were little. And there were some funny pictures of Professors Lupin and Black at your wedding…"

"The ones with Sirius in that purple tux?"

"Yeah…and the one of Professor Lupin sinking in that mud puddle…you know…the one where he had green hair?"

"Of course. And Lilith?"

"Yes?"

"I'm not mad, but just return the album intact."

"Don't worry."

"I never do, but if it isn't I'm thinking a 300 point deduction?"

Lilith gulped nervously. "I'll go get it right now mom." She jumped off the chair and dashed out of the door, presumably to run back to her dorm.

* * * * *

Hermione rapped sharply on the door of the potions lab. She had spoken to Remus and Sirius just before she had headed to lunch and explained to them that she felt that this was one task that she wished to attempt by herself. They had agreed with her but had given her all of the notes they had taken that they felt might be of help to her and allowed her to go only once she had promised to call them if she needed any help.

Snape pulled the door open. "What do you…Oh Hermione, what a pleasure to see you again" he sounded as if it pained him to say just that.

"As it is for me. Should I come back later? You seem to be in the middle of a class right now," Hermione said, peering over his shoulder and winking at Lilith who was hunched over her cauldron measuring dried frog powder, it appeared.

"Oh, no, no problem," Snape led her to the front of the room a rapped sharply on his desk. "Class dismissed. Get out now. I'll keep an eye on the cauldrons and you come back in an hour to finish the potion." He glared at the class of students who were sitting at their desks wondering if Snape had finally cracked. He NEVER let a class out early. "What didn't you dunderheads get!? Get out. NOW!" The class finally found their feet and dashed out of the door before Snape could change his mind.

Hermione coughed nervously.

"Ah yes. Hermione. What do you need?" Snape said, sitting at his desk and motioning for Hermione to sit on the table directly in front of it. Hermione wondered why she felt as if she was about to receive a lecture about proper conduct in a Potions lab rather than that she was in a meeting with a colleague.

"Well, while I was in New York Remus wrote to me that you had mentioned at a staff meeting that perhaps a Pensieve used in some manner might be able to help me. Remus, Sirius, and I looked through some books and came up with some information about it but we thought that perhaps you could look over it before I did anything." Hermione handed the rolls of parchment to Snape who looked over them in silence.

"It appears as though your research is correct. But for the Pensieve to work you need to understand why it will work. Do you?"

"Yes."

"Explain."

"Well…uh…the Pensieve causes me to…um…remember what happened so that…"

Snape cut her off. "No, you don't know how it works. I will explain. The Pensieve, when made using the special directions that I have right here, instead of holding memories you place into it, will search through your mind for memories similar to the one that you put in as part of the spell. Understand?"

"Yes, so far."

"While it is looking for these similar memories each memory is reviewed by your concious mind. As a result, later, after having used the Pensieve, while you dream, if a memory that has been reviewed by means of the Pensieve comes up, then your mind will not play through it because it already has. The memory becomes old news. Done. Happened. Boring."

"I see. But how will the Pensieve know what type of memory to look for?"

"Simple. While making the Pensieve, part of the spell involves adding a memory that you already have dreamed. Simply select a memory that disturbed you and add it to the spell and all like that will be sorted. I assume these dreams all have a common thread?"

Hermione thought of Harry. "Yes, of course they do."

"Good. The spell will take only a few hours to complete as it is a fairly easy set of directions. A marvel of magic. Such a simple spell creates such a powerful and complex object. Simply marvelous combination of potions and charms combined. I have most of the ingredients right here but you will need to go to Diagon Alley to get the rest. Are you free the rest of the afternoon?"

"I believe so. If you'll just point out which ingredients I will need to purchase I'll run down right now and I can start on the spell when I get back."

"Purchase a stone basin, a few stalks of wild dragonweed, 10 cc of dried pheonix tears, and a few cubes of frozen mercury."

"Okay, I'll charge them to the Hogwarts account we have at the Apothecary." Hermione gathered up the bundle of papers and put them neatly back into her bag. As she strode out of the door she wondered why Snape had been so nice and…and helpful. It was just not him. Snape was one of those people for whom acting nicely made everyone else around them very very suspicious. Hermione thought that he would snap out of it soon and everything would return to normal. Meanwhile though, she had her own set of problems to deal with…

* * * * *

The bells jangled softly as Hermione entered the small, dark Apothecary on Diagon Alley. All around her the walls were covered with jars, boxes, crates, and bowls filled to the brim with strange items. Though she had been to the store many times it never ceased to amaze her how many unusual items found their way onto their shelves for some reason or another.

"Hello, my name is Emma. Is there anyway I can be of service to you?" a helpful, young storeclerk said as she appeared in the middle of the shop, giving Hermione as dreadful fright.

"Ah, yes there is actually," Hermione handed the list of items to the store clerk. She took the list and examined it through a pair of strange spectacles that appeared to be made of a metal that constantly changed color. They made Hermione dizzy.

"What sort of basin would you like ma'am?" Emma asked her politely.

"I'm not sure. What sort would you recommend for making a Pensieve?"

"I'd recommend if you're planning to display it or show it around you might want a higher end basin. We have models in gold, silver, and a marvelous one of kind one made out of the skull of a dragon…"

Hermione interrupted her. "No, I don't think that's what I'm looking for. Perhaps something a bit cheaper. This is going to be stored in my closet. Looks don't matter; I'd prefer a quality basin over a stylish one."

Emma looked a little disappointed over the loss of the profits his store would make but a smile quickly returned to his face as he led Hermione to a back room. "Here is our collection of stone basins perfect for any Pensieve. We have marble, granite, dwarf mined alabaster (straight from the mines in Albania, highly recommend), as well as a collection of basins made out of stones taken from Egyptian tombs. They are said to have a high concentration of magic. Very helpful for the less powerful witch."

"No," Hermione said coldly. "I don't think I'll be needing one of those. I think I'll just be taking a plain marble one, medium size. Yes, that polished black one over there. No, not that one, the other one. Yes, that's perfect." Hermione pointed to the one that she wanted and the clerk levitated it over to the cash register. While they had been in the back room, apparently, the assistants had collected and bagged the rest of Hermione's purchases, for they were waiting for her on the counter.

Emma totaled up the purchases.

"That will be 30 galleons, ma'am," Ted said, putting out his hand.

Hermione whistled quietly about the price of potion ingredients but handed over the gold without a complaint. After all, she needed the basin. Gold wouldn't be of much help to her.

* * * * *

Hermione was in her apartment laying out the potions ingredients she had purchased. It was time. She had set everything up exactly according to the parchment that Snape had reviewed, which had been written by Remus and Sirius…it was a foolproof plan. It really was. So why was she so nervous?

Perhaps it was because she was venturing into unknown territory, the type that - had it been on a map- would have been labeled "Here Be Dragons". But this was in her own head…and that made it all the more terrifying.

What the bloody hell am I doing, Hermione thought to herself, I've been trying to avoid these memories for months and now I'm going through my mind looking for them. Am I insane? Actually, she reflected, she was doing this to prevent going insane. Her brow furrowed as she tried to work out the logic of this and decided to leave it well enough alone.

She dropped the mercury into the stone basin where it sizzled for a moment before turning the potion a silvery red. Hermione peered into the basin, seeing her own reflection in its depths. She consulted her parchment and added exactly - no more no less - 1.735 cc of powdered Ramora scales.

The potion swirled, as if it was being mixed by a phantom. This was the moment; Hermione touched her wand to her head, focused on Harry, and removed a memory, dropping the silvery wisp into the basin. It turned a familiar shade of green.

The last thought that Hermione remembered before her mind plunged into the Pensieve was that the green of the potion was the exact shade of Harry's eyes.

* * * * *

"So, she got back safely with the ingredients then?" Remus asked Snape over dinner. He had last seen Hermione leaving the castle to head out to the store.

"Yes, she came by my office and I told her the best place to make the Pensieve was her own apartment," Snape replied.

"Good idea," Sirius chimed in, "those things are a bugger to move."

Snape glared coldly at Sirius, irked by the casual way in which Sirius talked about his potions.

"How long will it take?" Remus asked, trying to stopper the sudden tension.

"It really depends on the individual, but I estimate that Hermione will be able to complete it by the morning," Snape said.

"And you don't think that there will be any…uh…complications?" Remus said hesitantly, as if he didn't really want the answer.

"Of course not, I looked over her directions," Snape snapped, "as long as she remembers the Control Charm after the Remora scales it's foolproof. I doubt even Longbottom could fool it up." Snape said, arching his eyebrows in a condescending manner as only Snape could do. "Honestly, werewolf, it'll be fine."

* * * * *

Hermione felt like she was falling, falling through a sea of green mist. As she fell she gradually became aware of an odd tingling in her mind, as if something was trying to get inside her head.

She was quite wrong. Nothing was trying to get in. Her memories were trying to get out.

Through the mist Hermione could she blobs. People-shaped blobs. As the tingling grew in intensity the blobs grew in definition until she could see distinctive features on their faces.

Oh god help me, Hermione thought, as the mist disappeared and she landed in a different world. A world created entirely by her memories. This wasn't supposed to happen like this; it's not supposed to be a different world. Looking to the horizon, Hermione saw a blurry layer, and through the layer she could vaguely see her apartment. But between her and her haven she could see her memories swarming around. She had no choice. Willing herself to be strong, she looked toward the horizon…and began to run.

Harry and Hermione strolled together along the banks of the small stream as it trickled its way through Sherwood Forest. Hermione could hear a sparrow chirping happily in the tree. They walked in a contented silence, hands entwined around waists and feet in sync…as were their hearts. They were 23; a brief lull in the action had given them a chance to go on vacation. So they strolled along together in silence.

They came to a small clearing surrounded by rose bushes. Harry pulled Hermione in close to him, looking down at her face which radiated happiness. He kissed her forehead softly before taking a step back. Hermione looked at his face quizzically. He held out his hand, in which lay a small square of red velvet. He flipped back the lid. Hermione gasped.

"Will you?" he asked.

Hermione wrapped her arms around him and kissed him deeply. He responded in kind and one thing led to another…

Afterwards, Hermione lay with her head nestled against his chest, his arm wrapped protectively around her shoulders.

"I take that as a yes then?" Harry said, a slight grin on his face.

The horizon was ever so much closer. Hermione kept running towards it, pumping her legs up and down with a fierce determination. She tried to turn to avoid another flashback that she could see hovering in front of her but her coordination was not like it was in reality and she ran into it.

Hermione's arms were bound tightly behind her back, a blindfold over her eyes. She had been captured. Captured! Due to her own stupidity, really. She had been on a simple reconnaissance mission into Albania, scouting out Voldemort's old hideout and had not been paying attention. Ergo, she had been ambushed. There had been a small scuffle, but she couldn't honestly hold her own against 5 Death Eaters.

The floor she was sitting on was cold and hard, rather uncomfortable. Hermione mentally chided herself, did she truly expect Voldemort to carpet his cells for the comfort of his prisoners?

She heard the door to her cell grate open and footsteps indicated the presence of 2 other people. She felt herself hauled to her feet.

"So Mudblood, we meet again, quite fortunately for me, though, ah, I imagine you are less elated about this meeting than I am," Hermione could hear the smirk in the man's voice. Shit. Malfoy. He had eluded the grasp of the Auror community for ages…she herself had not seen him since he disappeared after their 6^th year at Hogwarts, reportedly to become initiated with the Death Eaters.

She felt a knife against the back of her head. The blindfold fluttered to the ground.

Draco had changed in the 5 years since she had seen him last; the person standing in front of her did not resemble the boy she had gone to school with.

Draco looked like evil personified.

His hair was still the same platinum blond that had left 1/2 of Hogwarts swooning. It provided a stark contrast to the rest of his outfit, which was stark black. He was wearing the traditional black Death Eater uniform, a black robe with a green lining over what appeared to be black leather pants. She looked up into his face, each feature looking like it were chiseled by a master sculptor. But it was his eyes that caught her. Despite their silver color, they were the blackest part of him, cold…hard…Hermione could easily understand how a man with those eyes could murder an elementary school class in cold-blood.

"Now," Draco said, taking a step closer to her, "what shall I do?"

Hermione glared at him in defiance.

Draco smirked and uncrossed his arms. Hermione could see the Dark Mark burned into his deathly white skin.

"Well," Hermione began, "you could start by getting some sun. Hanging around these dungeons makes you look like a bloody ghost."

Draco stared at Hermione as if wondering how a prisoner could speak so boldly. Then he made eye contact with the person standing behind her.

Hermione was pushed forward and sprawled across the floor. The unknown person began kicking her as she shouted in pain.

"Stop!" Draco commanded.

Hermione was pulled up to her knees so her head was at Draco's waist level.

"I was thinking of a slightly more fun activity, Granger," Draco said as he grabbed the collar of her robes, tearing them slightly.

Oh god, Hermione thought in a panic, he wouldn't, please god, don't, anything but that… she had of course heard the horrible rumors of what Death Eaters sometimes did to female prisoners, but - unlike most of the population - Hermione knew they were true.

"Oh right," Draco said, sarcastically shaking his head, "you're married. To Potter. I forgot. That wouldn't be proper now, would it Mudblood?"

Hermione was too frightened to even shake her head.

"I guess we'll just have to go to Plan B then," Draco sighed as he pointed his wand at her temple. "Crucio!"

A fine shimmer of sweat coated Hermione's forehead as she ran on, pressing towards the ever closer horizon.

Hermione was out for a walk in New York City with Lilith, now 13, on a bright April day. They were walking in front of FAO Schwartz admiring the displays in the window. Hermione always made time once a month to go out with her daughter and do whatever she wanted to do. As they made their way down 5^th Ave. pausing occasionally to look in one store or laugh at the tourists with their cameras Hermione's thoughts were anywhere but her past.

They walked a few more blocks before heading down into the subway to go home. The swiped their MetroCards through the slots and took a seat on the benches to wait for the train. Lilith and her were talking about life, mostly about school, when the beggar came up to them.

"Money, please good ma'am, money," he begged, waving a paper cup in front of Hermione.

Hermione tried to edge away from the man. But he followed her, waving his cup.

"Please, even spare one Sickle? A Knut? I beg you ma'am please!" he said. Hermione stopped short.

She turned around and stared at the man who was crouched on the pavement. Looking closely she could tell that the rag he wore might have once been a robe, but what really gave it away was one of his socks, a bright orange sock with "Cannons" printed on it over a broomstick. Chudley Cannons. Briefly Hermione allowed herself to wonder if they were possibly having a winning season for once.

"Mom…ah Mom…the train's here," Lilith said, tugging on Hermione's sleeve.

Hermione turned away from the man to go on the train, but just before getting on she turned and hurried back to the man. Stuffing a $20 bill into his cup she muttered under her breath, "just cross your fingers and hope for the best," before hurrying back to the train with the man's astonished gaze on her back.

The horizon appeared inches in front of her. Putting on a last bit of speed Hermione sprinted towards it, reaching out her arms and, finally, taking a running leap. As she came in contact with the horizon she felt her body snap out of its Pensieve-induced hypnotic daze and she tumbled back onto her rug. She lay there for a moment, panting. Though her body had not just actually been running there was sweat on her forehead…perhaps from mental exertion.

Having caught her breath, Hermione stood up, brushing off her robes.

"That bastard," Hermione muttered through clenched teeth as she strode out of her room and headed to the dining hall where she knew he would be having dinner now.

* * * * *

"So your mum I mean Professor Potter went to New York City and didn't bring you a present?" Celia said as she put down her cup of pumpkin juice.

"Well that wasn't the point of the trip," Lilith said, "and anyway, I used to live there remember? It'd be stupid to get a souvenir from a place I'm from."

"Still, she should have got you one of those 'Someone who loves me went to New York and all I got was this stupid t-shirt' shirts," Celia said. "My uncle Bill went to Romania and got me one of those."

"Yeah," Lilith said, "but you're from Britain, not Romania."

"Whatev-"

Celia was cut off by a commotion in the doorway. Lilith watched in semi-horror and semi-amusement as her mother stormed through the Great Hall between the Hufflepuff and Gryffindor tables, heading towards the Head Table. She took the steps up to the Table two at a time and stormed down the length of the table towards where Professor Snape was sitting.

Whack

Hermione reached across the table and hit Snape with a firm right hook to the jaw. He fell backwards in his chair as the entire Great Hall stood up to see what was happening. Scuffles broke out nearly everyday, but never between the teachers. And no one had even punched Snape, though many had dreamed about doing it.

The staff just stared. Most knew about what Hermione had been going through and the all hoped she hadn't finally lost it.

Snape staggered to his feet, "Hermione? What the bloody hell was that for?"

"That," Hermione said, "was for not warning me about what would happen."

"About what would happen when?" Snape said.

Minerva interrupted. "Excuse me Professors Snape and Potter. Why don't we take this into my office and let the students get back to eating." Her tone of voice left no room for any questions, let alone refusals.

Hermione turned around and surveyed the hall as if seeing it for the first time. "Oh dear," she said, putting her hand over her mouth. "Yes, why don't we let the students get back to eating. Just, uh, carry one like that didn't happen everyone." Hermione briskly walked out of the Great Hall followed by Snape and Minerva.

* * * * *

"What happened?" Snape asked, seated in Minerva's office, across the table from Hermione.

"I set up the Pensieve and place in my memory and then looked inside," Hermione took a breath, "but when I looked inside it was if I was trapped, I couldn't get out, and I had to somehow run through the memories to escape."

Snape sighed. "Hermione, after you added the Ramora scales what did you do?"

"I placed in my memory."

"Oh god, didn't you read any book on Pensieve making at all?"

"Yes I did Severus," Hermione said carefully, "what point are you trying to make, or is this just a general criticism of my intelligence?"

"My point Granger-"

"Severus," Minerva said warningly.

Snape mumbled an apology. "What I was saying is that my point, Hermione, was that you forgot the most important part, the most key part, the most commonly written about part of the spell."

"Excuse me?"

"The Control Charm," Severus said, "it allows you to retain total control over where you go while in the Pensieve."

"I'm sorry but there wasn't any such thing as a Control Charm mentioned in the parchment you read over and approved," Hermione said, "if this was so key why didn't you tell me about it?"

"I thought that you knew about the Charm and didn't write it down because you thought it too obvious," Snape said, "but it obviously wasn't that obvious to you."

Hermione glared at Snape.

"Severus," Minerva said, taking control of the conversation, "is there a way to fix the problem?"

"Absolutely," Snape said, touching together the tips of his fingers, "we can just put on the charm now and Hermione can use the Pensieve safely."

"Hermione, is that what you wish to do?" Minerva asked Hermione, placing her hand reassuringly on Hermione's shoulder, "we'll be there to help you if need be."

Hermione thought about it for a moment - no longer than one moment. "Yes. Definitely. Now"

* * * * *

Snape, Minerva and Hermione stood around the Pensieve. Snape had instructed Hermione in putting on the charm and now she was ready to try it again. Hopefully it was ready. Even though Snape and Minerva had reassured her countless times she was still very hesitant to try it.

"Are you going to go ahead with it Hermione?" Minerva asked gently.

Hermione stared into the depths of the Pensieve. She really had no choice. Snape had said that her earlier foray into her memories weren't enough to eradicate the dreams, that she had to use the Pensieve properly. She therefore did have somewhat of a choice. Let the uncontrolled dreams continue or go through the memories while in control?

Hermione took a deep breath as she considered her options. It didn't take her long. Throughout all her life she had been in control, even when she seemed at her lowest, she always tried to be in control of her emotions and thought everything out thoroughly, planning ahead, trying to never leave anything to chance. Why, she thought, should this be any different?

Hermione felt herself relax as she again drifted down into the green waters.

She floated down gently through the green mist, watching the memories float in front of her. She was just supposed to choose one and concentrate on floating towards it. She selected one that was just to her left a bit and concentrated on floating towards it. She didn't make any progress, instead the memories appeared to all be moving further away from her…in fact…the appeared to be moving rapidly together, coalescing in front of her.

Hermione watched in puzzlement as the memories formed together in the shape of a man, in the shape of-

Harry.

The psuedo-Harry looked exactly as the real Harry had, albeit a bit mistier and translucent, but the body, the clothing, the face. The face looked exactly as the real Harry had, and it hurt Hermione to look straight into it. He was smiling at Hermione and stretched out his hand. Hermione took it and felt herself be pulled closer into him. For gods sake, Hermione thought, it even smells like Harry.

Psuedo-Harry looked into her eyes. She opened her mouth to speak but found that her voice was caught.

"Hello darling. I can't stay long, the powers that be didn't even want to give me this time. I just want to reassure you. We will be together again. We shall meet - truly meet - in the place where there is no darkness," Harry said before letting go of Hermione's hand. He stepped back and the memories began to swirl apart. Finding her voice, Hermione began to shout.

"Wait! Don't go!" she looked around frantically, but the apparition was gone, perhaps it had never been there in the first place.

Tears began to fall down her face as she scanned the misty landscape around her. A sense of hopelessness began to overtake her, but then she thought of the message. A sense of well-being began to replace the hopelessness, a sense of patience, or serenity. It would just take patience and time to find Harry, now that she knew where to look.

Heaven.