Hermione's Grief

 

Knock Knock

Remus was woken up at 4 AM by a loud banging on his door. Fumbling with his blankets, he got out of bed and sleepily walked to his door, pulling it open to reveal a disheveled Hermione.

"Help!" Hermione cried, throwing herself into Remus' arms, causing him to stumble.

"Hermione! What's the matter?" Remus said, half-carrying Hermione to his couch.

Hermione stumbled on the train of her robes and fell onto the couch. She curled up in a ball between the pillows and started crying again. Remus' face was a mask of concern for his friend; he was not used to dealing with hysterical women. Doing the only thing he could think of, he pulled out a handkerchief and offered it to Hermione.

She took it and, lifting her face, dabbed at her eyes, which were red and puffy.

"Th..th..thank you," Hermione stuttered, straining to hold in the tears.

"What's the matter, Hermione?" Remus said, putting his arm around Hermione's shoulders.

"The..the..dreams. They won't stop and they just keep getting worse." The tears were running down Hermione's face.

Remus took the handkerchief in his hand and wiped the tears off her face. "What dreams?"

"Every night I..I dream about Ha..Ha..him," Hermione said, her shoulders sagging.

"What do you mean, every night?" Remus asked, "for how long?"

"Almost every night since..since Halloween," Hermione said.

"Halloween! Hermione, why didn't you say anything before?" Remus said, shocked.

"I though I could deal with them myself," Hermione confessed, "I didn’t want you to worry." And, Hermione thought to herself, it made me feel almost like Harry was still alive; I sort of enjoyed them, until tonight.

"Didn’t want us to worry! Oh, Hermione," Remus hugged his friend tightly, "Don’t ever think that you're a burden on us, Hermione. It's my job as a friend to help you and to worry about you."

"Then, could you help me? Please?" Hermione asked quietly.

"Absolutely," Remus said, trying to think of what to do, "First, you should go back to sleep while I try to do something."

"NO!" Hermione said, panicked. She didn’t think that she could deal with another dream that night.

"Hermione, you need some sleep. I'll be right back; I'm going to get something for you to drink that might help. If you don’t want to go to sleep, stay awake and wait right here," Remus stood up and put on his dressing gown; he was damned if he was going to go ask Snape for help dressed in his pajamas.

Remus left his apartment and walked down the hall towards Snape's room. Snape lived at the end of the hall; his room was right next to his potions lab.

Remus knocked on the door, waited, and knocked again. The door was rudely whipped open.

"What…do…you…want?" Snape nearly hissed at Remus, "It is 4 in the morning. Speak quickly werewolf."

"Hermione's been having nightmares for 3 months and I need you to make me a Dreamless Sleep Potion so that she doesn't go insane," Remus explained, "fast enough for you?"

Snape glared at Remus.

"Severus," Remus said, grabbing the man by his collar and shoving him against the doorframe; werewolves are very strong. "You will make this potion or I shall see to it that you are fired tomorrow morning. I doubt Minerva will take kindly towards your refusal to help Hermione Potter." Remus virtually spat the last word in Snape's face.

A few moments passed in silence.

"Well," Remus said, "are you going to do anything? Or must I get Minerva?"

"I will do what you are so rudely demanding of me at 4 in the morning," Snape said icily, "but I can only begin if you put me down."

Remus gave Snape one last glare before dropping him the few inches to the ground.

Adjusting his robes, Snape walked brusquely to the back of his room and opened a green door on the back wall, revealing the potions lab. He went over to a table and began rummaging through a large basket.

"Well," Snape said, startling Remus, "Are you going to stand there or are you going to help? Start the fire under that cauldron."

Snape walked over to the cauldron and began dropping in assorted ingredients.

"Eye of newt…toe of dog…piece of chocolate," Snape muttered to himself.

"Chocolate?" Remus asked.

"Yes, chocolate," Snape said, exasperated, "It makes it taste better."

"Oh, I see," Remus said, wondering why Snape never seemed to add chocolate to his Wolfsbane Potion.

Snape worked in near silence for a few minutes before turning around and handing Remus a glass vial filled with a pink potion.

"There," Snape said, "that ought to last for a week."

Remus mumbled his faint appreciation before dashing out of the lab and heading back to Hermione.

* * * * *

"What the bloody hell is going on Moony?" Sirius grumbled.

"It's about Hermione," Remus replied.

"What about her, Remus? It is nearly 5 AM and the students are going to be returning in a few hours," Minerva said fiercely, well, as fiercely as one can sound while sitting at a desk wearing a polka dot dressing gown and green hair curlers.

After giving Hermione the potion, Remus had told both Sirius and Minerva to meet him in the Headmistress' apartment. Something needed to be done about Hermione, and right quickly.

"Well," Remus began, "Hermione's been having nightmares lately, since Halloween, she told me. She came to my room at about 4 this morning in a state of total hysteria; I gave her a Dreamless Sleep Potion that Snape was kind enough to make, but something more permanent needs to be done."

"Like what?" Sirius asked.

"I have no clue. That's why I need you two to help," Remus shrugged his shoulders helplessly.

"I'm beginning to think that bringing her back might have been a mistake," Minerva said carefully, "but I couldn't bear to think about her wasting her life as a Muggle."

"Aha!" Sirius said, jumping up.

"What's 'Aha!'?" Remus asked, pulling his friend back into her seat in front of Minerva's desk.

"Her life as a Muggle, that's what 'Aha!' is," Sirius replied.

"Sirius Black, explain yourself a tad bit more clearly," Minerva sighed, struggling to get the last curler out of her hair.

"You said she was fine as a Muggle. Right Minerva?" Sirius said.

"Right," Minerva said slowly, as if speaking to someone a few knuts short of a Galleon.

"Well, if she was fine as a Muggle, we could send her back to the Muggle world for a bit," Sirius finished. "It might let her get her bearings back, give her a bit of respite from all the magic. I imagine the nightmares are just a normal reaction to the shock of living in the magical world again. We could send her to interview that teacher person she mentioned. She doesn't even need to know that we know about the nightmares; Hermione is the type of person who might feel she was imposing on us if we were worrying about her."

"You know, Sirius," Minerva said, "I think that's the best idea I've ever heard from you."

"Thank you," Sirius said, bowing to the Headmistress, "hey, wait a minute!"

Remus chuckled. "I think that would be a good idea. She can spend as long as she needs to in New York; I have some friends there who wouldn't mind keeping an eye on her. Sirius and l will cover her classes until she gets back." If she gets back, Remus thought to himself.

"Fine, then that's settled," Minerva said, "She can leave as soon as she wants to; we'll tell Lilith that her mother needed to run an errand for me in New York. I don’t think we should mention the nightmares to her."

"Absolutely not," Sirius said, "we wouldn’t want her think that her poor mother's off her rocker, now would we?"

"Sirius," Minerva said, rolling her eyes. Some people never grew up.

* * * * *

"Hermione?" Remus gently tapped her shoulder. She had fallen asleep on his couch and did not appear to be having any nightmares. I never thought I'd be saying thing, Remus thought to himself, but god bless Severus Snape and his blasted potions.

"Mmm, yes Remus?" Hermione sat up and rubbed her eyes, "Is it morning already?"

"Yes it is Hermione. It's nearly breakfast time; everyone will be getting back from vacation soon," Remus handed Hermione her school robes and then turned around so that she could get dressed.

"Oh dear," Hermione said, trying to run her hands through her hair, but getting them stuck on one of the many tangles there, "What should I tell Lilith? I can't exactly hide this..this," Hermione gestured vaguely with her hands. "Besides, I've lied to her too much already."

"Don't worry, Hermione," Remus said, "Minerva wants you to go to New York to see about that possible teacher. She wants you to leave as soon as possible; she said that she wants the teacher to get started teaching Muggle Studies as soon as possible."

"Really? Does she really think that I'm in the best shape for it?" Hermione asked.

"You'll be fine. That potion Snape made seems to work; as long as you have that you shouldn't have any problems," Remus said.

"Let's hope so. In that case, I need to go pack. Did Minerva say how long I could have to speak to the teacher?" Hermione said, pulling open the door to Remus' apartment.

"As long as you need, but she wanted you to owl her occasionally about your progress, especially if your friend declines the job so we can send in a Memory Squad," Remus said, "and Hermione?"

"Yes?"

"If it wouldn't be too much trouble, do you think you could owl me about your, uh, you know," Remus fumbled for the proper words.

"Nightmares? Don’t worry Remus, I'll tell you if I think I am going to have a breakdown again. But don't be too concerned, Snape, for all his many issues with social tact, is remarkable with potions," Hermione said, holding up her hand which held the vial of pink potion, "and tell Lilith that I'll be owling her frequently. Tell her I might even be able to send her a letter from her friend Donna."

"Will do, Hermione. Have a good trip to Muggle New York," Remus said with a grin, "and try to blend in."

"Remus, I lived there for 11 years. I don’t need you to remind me of that," Hermione's mouth was frowning, but her eyes were twinkling.

"Sorry, of course," Remus said, putting his hands up in a gesture of mock defeat, "but come on, I'll help you pack and then we can walk to outside the Apparition Wards. I'll help carry all your stuff."

"Oh, you don’t need to. I don’t have that much stuff to bring with me," Hermione said.

"Please? Let an old man be of some help," Remus said with a hang-dog look on his face.

"Fine, come on though; I want to get a move on," Hermione said, tapping her foot impatiently.

* * * * *

Hermione sat on a bench high above the Atlantic ocean greatly enjoying her latte. She was currently in BT, one of the many rest stops designed for wizards and witches Apparating across the Atlantic Ocean. BT was located in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle; it was a giant, floating disc covered by a glass dome inside of which the people could go about their business.

Hermione had left Remus outside Hogsmeade and Apparated to a wizarding town in Iceland, from which she had Apparated to BT. BT had to be one of the most interesting places in the wizarding world. It was filled was wizards and witches from literally all over the globe. In the center of the disc was a large heath; it was the largest connection between the Eurasian/African Floo Network and that of the Americas. People were constantly streaming in and out of the hearth, sending Floo Powder and sparks flying around the glass dome.

Along one side of the disc there was a desk from where people could either purchase pre-made Portkeys that would take them anywhere they want to go, or people could buy tickets on one of the large flying carpets that left every 1/2 hour, traveling alternatively between New York and Casablanca, places from where a person could easily Apparate to anywhere in the globe, and places were flying carpets were legal; they were still prohibited in the United Kingdom.

Dropping her now empty coffee cup in the trash bin, Hermione took a number and got on the Apparition line. No more than 10 people were allowed to Apparate away from BT at one time, otherwise the concentration of magic required to Apparate would cause negative side effects in the surrounding area; this was discovered a century ago when 20 wizards had Apparated at once, causing everyone who had been in BT to turn into large pink elephants. Even with the number as low as 10 there were some adverse effects; it was rumored that it created a magical field so great that Muggles had difficulty operating electronics in the area.

"Number 31, Number 31 you are cleared for Apparition," a loud voice squawked from the air in front of Hermione. Holding tightly onto her suitcase, Hermione Apparated away from the floating disc and headed towards New York.

* * * * *

Hermione ducked out of the restroom stall in Kramer Alley, New York's magical area. After Apparating into the Alley from BT, Hermione had grabbed a quick lunch and changed from her school robes into a pair of gray woolen slacks and a emerald blouse. She exited Kramer Alley and flagged down a taxi cab.

"Could you take me to the Bronx? Good, good," Hermione said, getting into the cab. "Riverdale please, Broadway Ave."

The cabby grunted his understanding and pulled quickly away from the curb sending Hermione flying backwards into the bench.

"Ow," Hermione said, rubbing her back. It had only been a few months since she had taken a taxi and already she was losing her touch. She hated to think what would have happened had she decided to take the subway.

Hermione sat in silence, watching the buildings fly by through the window. It was nice winter day and the sidewalks were full of families playing in the snow. Seeing all of the happy people made Hermione sad, thinking of how things could have turned out.

"Here ya go, ma'am," the cabby said, sticking his hand through the plastic barrier and jarring Hermione from her depressing reverie. "That'll be $17."

Oh damn, Hermione thought, I forgot to change my money.

"Uh, hold on a second, sir," Hermione said trying to think of what to do. Suddenly, Hermione remembered that she always left money in her pants pocket. Sticking her hand into the pocket of her slacks, she felt the rough edge of a bill. Praying that it would be over a 5, she pulled it out. It was a 20.

Hermione handed the driver the 20, sighing in relief at the closely averted disaster. The driver looked at her for a moment as if she were crazy but then handed her back the change.

Hermione got out of the cab and looked at her house. It looked exactly as it had when she had left it back in August, minus the petunias that Hermione had planted along the walkway; it was January after all. Hermione walked up the path to the door. She put her suitcase down and began searching through it for her house key, which she had brought with her to Hogwarts.

"Hermione! Hermione!" a woman shouted, rushing across the front yard. Hermione looked at her and smiled, giving the woman a big hug. The woman was Marge Nullin; Hermione's neighbor. Hermione and Marge had always been fairly close, as far as neighbors go; Marge had been the saddest to learn that the Grangers were moving to England.

"Oh darling, you came back," Marge said, "Let me guess, you had enough of those stuffy Brits and decided to come home."

"Hey, I'm one of those stuffy Brits, and no, I'm sorry to say that Lilith and I aren't coming home, I just needed to deal with some of my affairs in New York," Hermione explained.

"Oh," Marge said, obviously disappointed, "so, where is Lilith?"

"She's still at school," Hermione said, "I wasn't sure how long this would take and I didn’t want her to miss too much school."
"You're a teacher at her school, right?" Marge asked, helping Hermione push open the door; it had gotten stiff with all the ice forming around the edges.

"Yes," Hermione replied, giving the door one last push. It swung open on its squeaky hinges. The inside of the house looked as if it had been lived in yesterday; Hermione had left everything, the furniture, the television, the computer; as she would obviously not need any of it in Hogwarts. Before she had left, Hermione, Remus and Sirius had used every housekeeping charm they could think of to tidy up the house.

"So, Hermione," Marge said, "how do you like your new job in England?"

"I actually like it a lot," Hermione replied, putting her suitcase on the table and opening it. She began removing the clothing and laying it out on the table so she could access it easily; reaching her hand in, she felt the cold glass of the potion vial, which she left inside. She couldn't explain away the pink potion by calling it British cough serum.

"What are you teaching?" Marge asked.

"Oh, generic subjects, a bit of everything," Hermione replied, unable to think of a better lie.

"Sounds fun," Marge said, "how long are you planning to stay?"

"Just a few days," Hermione said, "I have a few things that I need to take care of but then I need to head back."

"A few days?" Marge asked, "don’t you have a return ticket? It's right after holiday season; tickets are hard to come by."

"Oh, don't worry about me Marge, I'll manage," Hermione said.

"Of course you will, deary," Marge replied, smiling at Hermione, "but I need to run now, I have some pies in the oven that are going to burn."

Marge exited Hermione's kitchen and closed the door quietly behind her. Once Marge was gone, Hermione pulled out her Bell Atlantic phone book and began searching for a listing. The woman who she had told Minerva would be suitable for the position of Muggle Studies teacher was a former colleague of hers. June Kealy was a woman a few years older than Hermione, in her late 40's or early 50's; she had descended from Irish immigrants and was notable in the hospital for having a great sense of humor and for being very accepting of alternate lifestyles; she had even occasionally shown up to work in the hospital wearing clothing that strongly reminded Hermione of something one would find in Madam Malkin's.

Finally Hermione found the listing. Picking up her phone, she began to dial but heard no dial tone; the phone company had disconnected her phone.

"Damn it," Hermione cursed, throwing down the phone and glaring at the receiver.

* * * * *

Lilith sat at her desk in the Charms room waiting for her mother, her teacher, to arrive. She hadn't seen Hermione at breakfast, but no one had told her anything, so Lilith assumed that Hermione had just slept in.

"Good Morning class," Sirius said, walking into the classroom and placing a pile of papers on the desk, on Hermione's desk. "Well, we're all bright and chipper this morning. What happened to your smiles? Leave them at home?" Sirius grinning as he pulled out the attendance list and began taking roll.

Lilith waved her hand in the air, nearly standing up in her seat, causing many in her class to look at her oddly.

"Yes Lilith, I see that you're here," Sirius said, making an exaggerated check on his list.

"No Professor, I…" Lilith said.

"Oh, no you're not here?" Sirius said, "Sure coulda fooled me."

"Professor, I am here; Professor," Lilith sighed as Sirius turned his back and her and began writing on the board. It was almost as if he were ignoring her on purpose. "Professor! Where is my mom, I mean, Professor Potter?"

Sirius stopped writing and turned around, looking at Lilith with an almost pained expression, "Professor Potter is not here today; she is running an errand for the Headmistress. I can't explain anymore at the moment. Now then, today we will be leaning some simple bubble charms. These charms as virtually useless, but very pretty. Just point your wand at the thing you want to put into a bubble and concentrate very hard on a big bubble."

Just then Remus stuck his head into the room.

"Sirius," Remus hissed quietly. Sirius didn’t notice him, as Sirius was standing with his back towards the door. "Sirius," Remus hissed again and again he wasn’t noticed, as one of the students had just sent his desk flying up into the ceiling with an improperly cast Bubble Charm.

"PADFOOT!" Remus finally hollered, causing Sirius to whip around and the class to start laughing.

"Yes Moony?" Sirius asked innocently, "I take it you wish to speak with me."

"Stop being a git and give me a minute of you oh so precious time, Sirius. Or should I call you Snuffles?" Remus said sarcastically, holding the door open for Sirius.

"No, ah, that won't be necessary, Remus," Sirius said, exiting the room. "I'll just be a minute, class, continue practicing," he instructed his class before shutting the door behind him.

Once he was outside, the class erupted in laughter.

"Snuffles?" Celia shrieked, "Snuffles?" Celia was literally rolling on the floor with laughter.

"Well," Rosalind said, "I always knew those two were friends, but I never knew they were friends in that way, if you know what I mean." This comment sent the class into another fit of laughter.

"No, no, really guys," Lilith said, holding onto a desk for support, "my mom and her friends used to call Sirius that when they were owling back and forth with him, you know, before he was cleared from his charges, so that if the letter was intercepted the Ministry wouldn’t know who it was from."

"Sure, Lilith," Rosalind said, "that's what you mum wants you to think. Sharing a dorm for all those years…both single and living in the same castle, and…"

"Get your mind out of the gutter, Rosalind," Kyle, a boy in their year, said, giving her a playful punch on the arm.

"Yes, Rosalind," Remus said, opening the door again, "it doesn’t become a lady such as you."

Rosalind turned a bright shade of pink and stammered a reply.

"Don’t worry, Rosalind, I didn’t hear whatever prompted Kyle to say that to you," Remus said, "Lilith, could Sirius and I speak to you for a moment?"

"Sure," Lilith said, shrugging her shoulders.

"Uh, in private? It'll just take a few moments," Remus said. Lilith followed him into the hallway.

"Lilith, about your mother," Sirius said.

"What about her? There's more to it than just running an errand," Lilith said, her hands on her hips in a perfect imitation of her mother.

"Don't worry," Remus said.

"Then tell me where my mother is," Lilith demanded.

"Your mother just had to go back to New York for a bit, to close up your house and speak to some people there on official Hogwarts business," Remus explained, "She is just fine, there is nothing wrong with her. You should be getting an owl from her fairly soon."

"That's it?"

"That's it," Remus said, "You can go back to class now."

Lilith went back into the room, followed closely by Sirius, who stood by the door hesitantly, as if having second thoughts about something.

"Are you sure we should be hiding the truth about Hermione from her own daughter; maybe we should tell her?" Sirius asked.

"Absolutely not," Remus replied, "unless you want to explain that her mother's having a nervous breakdown, dreaming about Harry every night."

Sirius got a pained look on his face, but shook his head in agreement and went back into the classroom.

* * * * *

Hermione scribbled June Kealy's phone number on her hand and picked up the phone book so that she could put it on the table; it was very heavy and Hermione's didn’t think she could lift it back up to its high shelve.

Reaching the table, which was across the kitchen, Hermione dropped the book and rubbed her sore fingers. Looking up, she saw that had dropped the book on her suitcase; she picked it up so that it would not fall off the table as her suitcase was balance quite precariously on the edge. She went to push it off the piece of luggage, but pulled her hand back quickly.

She looked at her finger. It was bleeding; there was a piece of glass stuck in it. Perplexed, Hermione looked at the phone book. It was still on top of her suitcase, but she realized that it was sopping wet and had a decidedly pink cast to it. The Dreamless Sleep Potion.

Hermione realized that she must have broken the vial holding the potion when she dropped the heavy phone book on it.

Oh shit, Hermione thought; this is the last thing I need right now.

* * * * *

COMING SOON: How will Hermione cope without the potion? What will Sirius and Remus decide to tell Lilith? Will Snape ever forgive Remus for waking him up (don't hold you breath)? AND…What will the new teacher be like (or will she think Hermione crazy for professing to believe in magic)?