Hermione's Grief

It was the Yule Ball in their 7^th year. The Great Hall was decorated like a winter palace; icicles were hung from the ceiling and the floor was charmed to look like a skating rink. Harry had his arms around her waist; they were spinning through the crowd of students. Hermione noticed that he was leading her towards to door. She looked at him quizzically, but he just smiled knowingly. Reaching the door, Harry put his scarf over her eyes and took her hand in his and led her outside. They walked for a few moments in silence, until they reached wherever Harry was taking her. Pulling the scarf off Hermione's eyes, Harry spun her around so that she was facing a rose bush. It was shaped like a heart and floating over it were the words "Together Forever".

"I've been practicing," Harry said quietly, "I hope you like it."

Hermione turned to Harry and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him close to her. He leaned in to kiss her…

Hermione shot awake, her eyes flying open. Her face was flushed and her forehead was damp. Shaking, she poured herself a glass of water from the pitcher on her nightstand. As she sipped the water she began to calm down. A glance at her clock told her that it was already 6 in the morning; later than her dreams usually occurred.

The dreams had started around October. Nearly every night she would be woken up, sweating and panting with the sheets tangled on her bed. They were not always bad dreams, some were flashbacks to happy moments, such as the one she had tonight. She could never go back to sleep after a dream; she would lie awake, staring at the ceiling and praying that she could get over the dreams, the constant dreams, the disturbing dreams, the perplexing dreams, yet part of her didn't want to. As long as she had no power over the dreams she couldn't blame herself for living in the past. Winter vacation would be over in two days; Hermione thought that once she immersed herself in work, they dreams would go away, but she seriously doubted it.

She knew that there would be no more sleep tonight, so she hauled herself out of the bed and slipped on her robe. Opening her old, black school trunk, she pulled out the invisibility cloak, putting it on over her winter robes as she headed out of her apartment and padded softly down the hallway.

Now that she was outside, Hermione wasn't sure where she was going to go. Hogwarts was nearly empty; most students had gone home. Even Lilith had spent the two weeks with the Weasley family in order to get some time away from school and her mother.

The hallways were deserted; those students who had not gone home were still asleep, as it was only 6 AM. Without realizing it, Hermione had headed to the main doors, the same ones she had just been dreaming about. Pulling her winter cloak tightly around her body, Hermione stepped outside onto the winter snow. It was beautiful. Everything was covered in a think blanket of white, making the tress look like twisted works of modern art.

"Why are you awake so early, Hermione?" a voice behind her asked.

Hermione spun around. "Oh, it's just you Remus," Hermione said, blowing on her hands to warm them up.

"Who did you expect? The bogeyman?" Remus asked, smiling.

"It's rather early. I didn’t think anyone else would be outside."

"Come on inside, Hermione. You'll freeze out here," Remus said, taking Hermione's hand and leading her inside.

"Let's see if the houselves are awake yet, I'd like some warm cider," Hermione said as Remus leaned against the door, closing it against the brisk winter wind.

"Mmm, that would be lovely," Remus said, "So, what were you doing outside?"

"Oh, nothing, just thinking."

"About what?"

"Nothing important," Hermione said nonchalantly.

Remus realized that whatever it was Hermione had been thinking about was nothing that she wanted to share with him.

"So Remus, what were you doing outside so early?" Hermione asked, trying to change the subject.

"Last night was the full moon," Remus said, shoving his hands into his coat pockets. "I had been running though the snow in the Forbidden Forest and had just woken up."

"Right, sorry, I forgot it was that time of the month. Running in the forest, that sounds fun," Hermione remarked.

"It is. Running during the full moon is one of the perks of being a werewolf," Remus said, smiling. He opened the portrait that led to the kitchens and he and Hermione went inside.

"Hello?" Hermione called out to the empty kitchen. "Is anyone awake?"

Two elves popped their heads out of the closet by the stove.

"Yes, yes, how can we help you?" the elf said as it ran over to Remus and Hermione, its pillowcase brushing the ground.

"Umm, do you have any cider, perchance?" Hermione asked. No sooner had she finished her question than the second elf had given both her and Remus large, steaming mugs of cider.

"Thank you," Remus said as he and Hermione ducked out of the kitchen.

* * * * *

The cider must have been spiked. Within 10 minutes of finishing their mugs, both Remus and Hermione were quite drunk. Since both of them had had very little sleep the previous night, they passed over the tipsy part of drunkenness and fell straight asleep.

Sitting at her desk, Hermione felt her eyelids being pushed down by a force stronger than herself; Remus was already snoring. Hermione gave in, and her head drooped down onto her arms, and she too fell asleep again.

The door to Hermione's office creaked open, revealing a very pale and shaking Harry. Hermione looked up from her papers and, seeing him, rushed over to where he was standing. Hugging him tightly she could feel his trembling through his robes.

"I…I…" Harry stuttered.

"Shh," Hermione said, pressing her finger to his lips and leading him to a chair. "Sit down, calm down Harry. What happened?" It was not like Harry, the leader of their Auror team, to be like this; usually he was the calm and collected one who calmed everyone else down when they got too emotional.

Harry took a few deep breaths before he began to speak. "I..I was out in the field with Jack and Alby. We were on surveillance, just keeping on eye on a meeting. They..they snuck up on us. Ambushed us. And…they nearly got Alby; I just…just."

Hermione took his hand in hers, and he continued. "Alby was lying on the ground, bleeding. I don't know what happened, but, I killed his attacker. A human. Hermione, I killed a human."

Hermione hugged Harry tightly to her, their tears mingling.

Hermione opened her eyes to find that she was looking into someone else's eyes.

"Good, you're awake," Remus said, gently pushing her back down onto her couch as she tried to sit up. "No, lie down, you probably had an adverse reaction to the alcohol."

"What…what happened?" Hermione asked, rubbing her head.

"Oh, we both fell asleep because of the alcohol in the cider, and I think you had a nightmare. You were waving your hands wildly, and I put you on the couch so that you wouldn't hurt yourself by falling off your desk chair," Remus said, pushing a goblet of something pink into Hermione's hand. "Drink this; it's a Hangover Potion. It'll clear your head."

Hermione sipped the potion; it tasted faintly of peppermint. "How are you so chipper?" Hermione asked.

"I'm a werewolf. Alcohol drains out of my blood much quicker than normal humans," Remus said. "Plus I probably have a higher tolerance for alcohol than you."

"I wouldn't doubt that," Hermione said, grinning. "I tried to stay away from alcohol; it would have been too easy to use it to make myself forget."

Remus nodded. "I understand; I was nearly there myself after Lily and James."

There was a pause. Hermione tried to look busy drinking her potion.

"So, um, Remus," Hermione said, breaking the silence, "Did I, uh, say anything while I was asleep?"

"No, nothing I could hear. Why do you ask?"

"No reason, no reason at all."

"Hermione," Remus said, trying to make eye contact with Hermione but failing, as Hermione was looking intensely at the goblet she was holding. "What were you dreaming about?"

"Nothing, honestly."

"Whatever is bothering you, tell me please, last time I saw you upset you wound up hiding for eleven years. Whatever I can do to help you, I will do," Remus said sincerely.

"Thank you for the offer of help Remus, but I assure you that it was just a random dream, nothing serious. I barely even remember it," Hermione lied. "So, what time is it?"

"Nearly 4 in the afternoon," Remus said, checking his watch.

"Wow, I was passed out the entire day," Hermione said, getting up from the coach slowly, trying to recover her equilibrium. "I didn't get any work done."

Remus shook his head. "Hermione, it's winter break. You aren't allowed to do work on winter break."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "I've been procrastinating for the past two weeks; school starts tomorrow, and I need to finish up some last minute preparations. You ought to go now, I need to get changed and showered so that I can get started. I'll see you down at dinner."

Remus took one last concerned look at Hermione before leaving her apartment and heading down the hall towards Sirius' room.

* * * * *

"I'm worried about her," Remus said, sitting on the back of Sirius' sofa as Sirius dug through his closet trying to find something.

"Where is that sock? Here we go," Sirius held up a maroon wool sock with a large hole in the toe. "What were you saying, Moony?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "I was saying that I am worried about Hermione."

"Oh, why?" Sirius asked. "She has been a little distanced lately but nothing I'd be overly worried about."

"I know. This morning when I was coming back to the castle I saw her outside in the snow. I took her back inside and we got some cider from the kitchens, but it had alcohol in it and we both fell asleep," Remus explained, "When I woke up she was having some sort of nightmare."

"Did she tell you what it was about?"

"No, she seemed really concerned that I not know what it was about."

"Hmm, I really don’t know what to say," Sirius said, putting on his maroon socks.

"Do you think we should be doing something?" Remus asked.

"Just keep an eye on her, I guess," Sirius said.

"I don't know, Padfoot, I want to do something to help her."

"Moony, I'm sure Hermione's just peachy," Sirius said, "Don’t go sticking your snout into her business."

Remus sighed and shook his head but dropped the topic, for the time being.

* * * * *

Hermione arrived a little late at dinner as she had dawdled in her bubble bath a bit too long. As she ate, she noticed that Remus and Sirius were acting a little coldly towards one another, as if they had been in a disagreement, and that Remus was keeping an eye on her constantly.

"Remus, could you please pass the treacle pudding?" Hermione asked. Remus, instead of passing it to her, levitated it to her plate and dished out a spoonful with his wand.

"Is that enough?" Remus asked.

"Um, yes, thank you," Hermione said, "You don't have to do that. I can serve myself; I am nearly 40, you know."

"Of course I know," Remus said, "Am I not allowed to keep an eye out for my friend?"

Hermione smiled and began eating.

"So, Hermione," Minerva said, "How is Lilith enjoying Hogwarts?"

"Oh, she loves it," Hermione said, "She and those Weasley girls have really hit it off together. Not to mention the classes, quite a change from the subjects she used to study."

"Actually, now that you mention it, we need a new Muggle Studies teacher," Minerva said, "We couldn't find anyone who wanted the job."

"Really?" Hermione said in disbelief, "Why couldn't you, I thought it was the Defense position that was supposed to be cursed?"

Minerva smiled slightly. "I don't know why. I ran advertisements in all of the wizarding papers. We got a few applicants, but none who were qualified."

"Hmmm, have you ever considered hiring a Muggle?" Hermione said thoughtfully, "I know a few retired people who might like the job. Most of them would probably enjoy living in the magical world. I could Apparate back to New York to ask them."

"NO, no," said Remus.

"Excuse me?" Hermione asked, looking up at Remus.

"No, you shouldn't be exerting yourself by Apparating all that distance," Remus said, "I could go speak to them, if you'll give me their names."

"Why can't I go to New York, Remus?" Hermione demanded, "since when it is your job to tell me what I can and can't do?"

"I'm just trying to help you, Hermione," Remus countered.

"Remus, calm down, Hermione is a grown woman, she can Apparate just fine," Sirius said, nudging Remus in the side. "What did I tell you about not sticking your snout in other people's business."

"Remus, listen to Sirius," Hermione said.

"Right Remus, listen to Sirius, " Sirius said.

"Sirius," Minerva said, rolling her eyes.

"Stop joking, people," Remus said, "I just thought that Hermione looked sort of under the weather lately, I'm not trying to get involved in her business. Though, I still don't think you should Apparate to New York, especially not alone."

"What is up with you tonight, Remus?" Hermione said, standing up, "I am just fine, thank you very much. And honestly, I lived in New York for eleven years, I think I can watch out for myself. Just, just stop this over-protective guardian angle act of yours. You were doing it this afternoon too; I'm just fine, Remus." Hermione left the table and walked swiftly back to her room.

"Hmm? What did I tell you Remus?" Sirius said smugly.

"Aw, shutup Padfoot," Remus said, sticking his fork moodily into his pudding.

* * * * *

"What's up with Remus?" Hermione thought to herself as she stood in the shower, letting the hot water beat down on her body. "He's acting like he thinks he's my guardian."

Hermione stepped out of her shower, toweling her hair dry before she used a quick Drying Charm. Wrapping her fluffy red towel around her body, she walked out to her room just as her mirror announced that Remus Lupin wanted to speak to her.

"I accept the call," Hermione said to the mirror as she buttoned up her pajamas.

"Hermione?" Remus said.

"I'm listening."

"Um, I'm sorry about dinner."

"Apology accepted, but what were you trying to do?"

"Just making sure you were okay. I thought that maybe something was going on with you, especially after you had that nightmare this afternoon…"

"Remus, that was purely a result of the alcohol in the cider. Those are not at all a common occurrence."

"That's good; I was worried that you might be overly stressed about something and I guess I just went a little too far."

"You can say that again."

"Well, I should let you finish your work. Just, Hermione?"

"Yes?"

"If, uh, something's up, you'll tell Sirius or I, right?"

"Of course," Hermione lied as she shut the connection.

Hermione walked over to her bed, pulling back the covers with one fast motion.

"I'm fine, really, I'm just fine," Hermione said aloud as if to convince herself as she got into her bed, snuggling up against her pillow. "Anyway, once school start tomorrow, I'll be too busy to have these dreams and the point will be moot," Hermione mumbled as she drifted off to sleep.

The team of Aurors, Harry, Cho, Gabe, and Hermione, stood around the door to the house.

"Okay, is everyone clear on the plan?" Harry asked, "There should be only 3 Death Eaters in here, we rush in, apprehend them, and Apparate them to HQ for questioning. Quick in and out, nothing too complicated."

"Yes, sir," Hermione said, mock saluting her husband. Harry rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Cough, cough," Gabe said, "sorry to interrupt, but we have a mission to do."

"Right, yes, of course," Harry said, aiming his wand at the door, "Everyone on the count of three. One, two, three." On the count of three, Harry blasted open the door in a shower of woodchips and sparks.

The team entered the building, only to find it empty, or so they thought. Suddenly, from the air, 50 Death Eaters appeared.

"Well, it appears your mission just got a bit more complicated," a Death Eater said, stepping forward and binding the Aurors' arms to their sides before they got a chance to react. The four Aurors were pushed towards the ground by Death Eaters standing behind them.

Hermione was sitting next to Harry. She was shaking; Harry was looking straight ahead, trying to keep his face straight as he fiddled with his bonds. Hermione realized what he was doing and tried to copy him, but her fingers were shaking too much.

"Now, let's see, what shall I do with you," the Death Eater twirled his wand between his fingers as he paced back and forth in front of the captives.

Gabe suddenly jumped up and attacked the pacing Death Eater, grabbing the wand from his fingers and stunning another Death Eater, but Gabe was overpowered and pinned to the ground.

The Death Eater whom Gabe had attacked picked up the wand that Gabe had grabbed from him and bound Gabe's entire body, leaving him no room to move, let alone break free again.

Cho, Harry, and Hermione sat on the floor, unable to help their comrade.

"It seems you are a regular Houdini. Well, we can't be having that, now can we?" the Death Eater said, putting his wand on Gabe's forehead. Hermione forced herself to make eye contact with Gabe, who was looking straight at the Death Eater with a look of terror, or maybe it was defiance, in his eyes.

"Avada Kedavra!" the Death Eater shouted; Gabe's body slumped to the ground, lifeless.

The remaining three Aurors were being led towards the back of the room by a few Death Eaters. They had managed to break free of their bonds while the Death Eaters were focused on Gabe, but they were keeping their hands close to their sides until the right moment.

The Death Eaters had all moved towards the back of the room, apparently preparing something, but had left the door unguarded.

"NOW!" Harry shouted, pulling out his wand and sprinting towards the door with Cho and Hermione.

They sprinted as fast as the could across the field in front of the building. The Death Eaters followed them closely but were out of casting distance, so Harry, Cho and Hermione were safe as long as they kept running.

One Death Eater was riding a broom and was catching up with them rapidly. None of them looked back, they just kept running faster.

"Avada Kedavra!" Cho crumpled to the ground as she was hit with the Killing Curse. Hermione pointed her wand behind her and muttered a curse and was rewarded by a yelp as the Death Eater who had gotten Cho fell off his broom. There were tears blurring Hermione's vision, but she wiped them out of her eyes and kept running with Harry towards the grove of trees less than one hundred meters in front of her where they had stashed their brooms.

Hermione heard Harry mutter a charm. She recognized the charm as one that the Development team had recently invented. It was designed to protect the wearer from one curse, but had the drawbacks of draining a wizard's power so severely that he or she would be able to do only very minor magic for 24 hours after using it. Hermione was not yet able to perform the charm so she kept running, praying that she would make it to the trees alive. She ran faster, feeling a bit more relieved now that she knew that Harry was protected.

"Avada Kedavra!" a voice behind Hermione said, but Hermione knew that Harry was protected so she ignored it and kept pumping her legs up and down, running for the trees that were less than five meters away.

Hermione fell onto the soft leaves, breathing hard. She doubled over in pain, clutching at the cramps in her stomach.

"Bloody hell, Harry, that was too close," Hermione said, putting out her hand to touch Harry. He wasn't there. Hermione picked up her head and looked around, but she didn't see him. Beginning to panic, she crawled out of the burrow she had fallen into and looked around wildly.

She saw him, lying on the ground less than five meters from the grove of trees. Heedless of the possibility that there would still be Death Eaters around, Hermione ran over to him. She felt his pulse. There was none.

Hermione dragged his body to the grove, using all of her effort to remain calm. Safely hidden in the leaves, Hermione rolled him over and looked at his face. It was empty; his green eyes were dull, lifeless almost.

"No, no, no, no," Hermione muttered to herself feeling the panic grow. "He can’t be, he can't, he was protected, the charm…." Hermione's voice trailed off as realization hit her. Harry had not cast the charm on himself; he had cast it on her. Harry was dead.

"NO! NO! NO!" Hermione woke up screaming, flailing around in her bed. Her face was covered in a sticky film of sweat; her pajamas were twisted. She needed to speak to Remus.