Sweet Resolve

I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down...
You know the one that takes you to the places where all the veins meet, yeah.

~~~

Entering the Great Hall the next morning was like stepping into a swarm of buzzing chatter; something had all the students frantically prattling. Harry tried to block it from his mind, but all the students seemed to be cursed with a psychotic frenzy. Maybe someone's hexed the pumpkin juice this morning, Harry thought as he settled into his seat at the very end of the table. He soon noticed, though, that a lot of kids were waving the Daily Prophet around. And almost everyone carried a look of fear in their eyes; even if their words were curiosity and their interests piqued, Harry could see the underlying dread that flowed through their demeanors with silent urgency.

I suppose I'll either have to tune someone in and listen, or nab a paper and read it. Harry immediately thought the latter was more appealing, since he was closest to a bunch of whiny third years, most of whom were terrified of him and were whispering anyway.

With a sigh, Harry reached for a toast and looked up, only to find Draco staring him down with a knowing look. Written all over those enigmatic eyes was the phrase, "I told you so." Only then did Harry realize that the Prophet must have reported the escape of certain prisoners from Azkaban. He couldn't help but feel exasperated by the wizarding society; it just seemed too obvious that those filthy beasts, the Dementors, would ally with Voldemort. So none of this should have been a shock. But instead, there was a buzz surrounding Harry's ears, and he saw many frightened looks in Draco's direction.

Draco, for his part, played on their fears. A Ravenclaw 5th year was whispering something while staring at Draco, and he stood up, focusing his mighty sneer on her, and snarled, "Scared, filthy girl? Don't dirty me with your looks again, if you hope to finish the school year!" The girl and her friends immediately looked down, but she hesitantly lifted her head, hoping Draco had turned away by then. He hadn't.

"Need I remind you who my father is?" Draco fingered his wand maliciously as he said this. She let out and eep and ducked down. Harry was actually amused at how Draco was taking advantage of this; reinforcing his reputation, and taking pleasure in every single word he uttered. Harry saw Blaise a few seats away from Draco, glaring at him.

"Hey Malfoy, did you father teach you everything you know, or did you learn to be an arrogant prat on your own?" Blaise clearly did not like that Draco was getting all the attention.

"Zabini, my pride is very well-founded, and therefore very high, as are my expectations. As opposed to you, who couldn't do better than pick up the Gryffindor riff-raff!" The argument ended shortly after that, Draco finally putting Blaise completely in his place, but Harry had lost interest long ago. He had finally seen who was sitting next to Zabini.

Why was Ron ... at the Slytherin table?... with Blaise?... Smiling? "Oh my God," Harry whispered to himself, and darted his gaze back at Draco, deep green eyes demanding an explanation from the blonde Slytherin. Draco noticed his gaze, but could only respond with a raised eyebrow, a glare in Blaise's direction, and an almost imperceptible shake of the head.

"This is madness..." Harry muttered to himself, blinking to keep from losing his mind. How could Ron desert his fellow Gryffindors? Apparently this wasn't the first time he had done this since there was no big scene, just a lot of hateful glares thrown like daggers between the tables. Harry also saw that Hermione had taken residence with the Ravenclaws.

What the hell is going on? Is this because of me?? How can they be so stupid!?! What are they all playing at! Harry had to clamp his eyes shut to calm his mind. He still could not comprehend what could actually have driven his two best friends to push each other away with such force that they landed at different tables. And Ron at SLYTHERIN, of all places! He wasn't sure it was just because of his actions that the two had fought each other so hard. There just had to be something else, something, to make such a drastic change... or was it really just his fault?

Harry released a frustrated sigh. Those two would be the death of him; they couldn't ever go through life without creating some sort of drama. He suddenly lost his appetite, and rose to leave the hall. Far at the other side of the Hall, two sets of eyes observed his departure: dark beady eyes shot a look of aggravation, while blue ones twinkled with an amusement tinged with concern.

~~~

Harry was making his way back to the dorm to retrieve his book-bag, when he was suddenly grabbed from behind. Quick to react, he already had his wand pointing in the face of his would-be captor, only to find that it was Hermione, Ginny alongside her. Hermione had a look of determination, but he saw the fear swimming in her eyes.

"What do you want Granger?" This was no time for Harry to lose all the footing he had procured through the year, so he practically hissed the words at her.

"You finally saw Ron today." Always one to point out the facts, she was.

"Your point being..."

"What are we going to do about it?" Harry was stunned that Hermione thought he would rectify whatever the hell happened, but he didn't show it. Ginny finally chimed in.

"Please Harry, you know you're the only one who can bring him back." She had lost the glow that defined her as a Weasley, and now the poor girl was nothing but a bundle of pleading anxiety.

"I can do no such thing, Weasley. Your brother made a choice. It's his life to govern, not anyone else's." Harry carried no malice, just complete ambivalence.

Hermione struck back. "Is that what this is about? Wanting control of your life? No one was trying to govern you Harry, don't you kno-"

"Granger, I believe we were speaking of Ronald Weasley. And as for myself, I'm just being the person I ought to have embraced a long time ago: one that does not waste his time with ... people like you."

Hermione and Ginny both looked scandalized by that comment but Hermione pressed on.

"You know he doesn't belong there, Harry..."

"And who are you to say where he belongs? People change, Granger. Get used to it. Or else you wouldn't be cozy-ing up with the Ravenclaws either. Really, you're no better than he is." Harry had enough of this conversation, and proceeded to walk away, trying to ignore Ginny's sniffling.

"Harry! Stop!" Harry froze in his spot, but did not turn to meet Ginny's beseeching eyes. "Don't just walk away. We ... we want you back, Harry. We... I don't know what Ron is thinking, but I know deep down he will still be there for you, whenever you need him... whenever you need us." A hollow echo reverberated through Harry's mind- be there for you... whenever...This could not, would not continue! When would they just learn to leave him alone, let him deal with his own demons, and let them deal with theirs?

"My business does not concern any of you anymore. Think about that, memorize it, embed it into your head. And carry on with your lives, how ever you see fit." Harry stared at the ground as he said this, tendrils of determination winding around him, keeping him from collapsing. Letting the shock of his words sink in, Harry went on his way.

As he turned the corner he heard Hermione yell out, "Nothing had better happen to him, Harry Potter, you hear me! NOTHING! Or, so help me God, I will stop at nothing to make sure you understand the repercussions of your fucking actions!" He had never heard Hermione curse before. He didn't want to think about the pain she was suffering right now. All he could think about was the pain she would suffer from Voldemort if the Devil Incarnate knew how much she mattered, how much they all mattered to him.

Harry just sighed from the burdens that were multiplying on his shoulders, and prayed this day would go by quickly. He needed to see Snape tonight. He needed to have a restful sleep for once. He needed to protect his world. He needed to end all of this madness.... Before the madness overtook and ended him.

Harry was relieved to finally reach the dorm; at least his walk went by quickly. He sighed once more.

Please let Ron know what he is doing.

~~~

Harry stood outside of Snape's office, awaiting the arrival of the greasy wizard. He was practically hopping from one foot to the other in anticipation of starting this new endeavor, but had the presence of mind to control himself, lest some Slytherin walk by and taunt him mercilessly for it.

Propping himself against the wall, Harry thought back to Snape's comments earlier that day in Potions.

"Looking forward to tonight, Potter?"

"Don't I always, sir?" Harry's apathetic tone did not fool Snape; he sensed the boy had something up his sleeves.

"Might I suggest you wear something even more repulsive than the robes you have on now? There's no telling what horrors lie ahead of you in Detention Tonight." The last words he articulated loudly so that everyone in class could hear him, just in case they had forgotten Harry's "detention" schedule. An eruption of sniggering spread through the room.

"Horrors indeed, Professor Snape, horrors indeed..."

Harry prided himself in being able to leave Snape slightly bewildered after his last comment. It was the little things in life that brought Harry so much joy. Of course, vanquishing a Dark Lord would be a joyous occasion too. All in good time, all in good time... hopefully.

Harry immediately became alert when he heard soft footsteps in the distance. While Harry wondered why he never noticed how delicate Snape's gait apparently was, Snape rounded the corner and headed straight to his office, not heeding Harry's presence one bit. He followed in after Snape, who immediately shut the door, silenced the room, and turned to Harry.

"First and foremost, Mr. Potter, it would behoove you to actually eat once in a while. I am sick and tired of having to deal with a boy who tires too easily, nor do I find it suitable that the so-called savior of the wizarding world is only making himself more vulnerable to his enemy." Harry certainly did not expect this, and could only stare for a moment. Snape took his silence as reason to speak again

"You left breakfast too hastily, barely consumed anything during lunch, and did you even ATTEND dinner?" Apparently, Snape was serious. Harry conjured up the will to open his mouth, finally speaking.

"Wow, sir I didn't know you cared." Snape only rolled his eyes at the statement. "Suffice it to say I have frequently visited the kitchens. Not that it IS any of your concern..."

"Boy, you made it my concern when you approached me the first day of school. Hell, you made it the world's concern when you didn't die at his hands!" Harry did not like the turn this conversation was taking, and immediately tried to shift gears.

"The only thing that should be your concern right now, Professor, is that I'm through with Occlumency and am now in need of a new activity." For the first time, Harry began to feel nervous that Snape might refuse. He might believe Harry was leaning over the edge a bit too far. But he was the only one Harry could rely on in this situation, the only one who had enough experience on both sides to know what Harry needed to do.

"Judging by the tone of your voice, Potter, you already have something in mind. Curious. Why don't you ask your little friends for help instead of wasting the time of a very busy man?" Snape's words dripped with disdain, and he hoped Harry would not catch on to the fact that he was attempting to get some insight into the boy's head. Snape was still highly disturbed by the vision he had seen in Harry's head...

Harry instantly caught on to Snape's little game, and hid the tiny nagging feeling of loneliness and fear in his heart. He cursed the man silently for showing even the slightest concern Harry was trying to escape.

"In case you hadn't noticed, professor, I've come to my senses concerning those two. There are things much more worthwhile for me to spend my time on." Harry dropped the apathetic tone and adopted a slightly more energetic one before proceeding. "You're right though. I do have something in mind, and I feel you'd be the only one who could really help me with it..."

"Go on, boy..."

"Well... Defense class is wonderful and all, and I've certainly learned a lot over the past years. But there is just so much more out there to learn. So much that I doubt the school would ever include in its curriculum... don't you agree?"

"Well, yes, but with good reas-"

"Right. And considering the role I am destined to play," Snape exhaled sharply at the word 'destined', "it is vital that I learn not only what is out there, but also how to defend against it... you see?"

"What exactly are you saying, Potter?" Harry had slipped his hand into his bag and now pulled something out. His eyes glittered and his next words were filled with determination.

"I want to learn about everything in here, and how to fight it." Before Snape could ask what Harry was referring to, a large leather bound book appeared on the desk before him. Snape eyed it suspiciously. The tome was worn out and looked incredibly flimsy, but upon picking it up, he could feel how strong the binding still was. Snape's fingers traced the glittering onyx lettering, and the snakeskin along the spine...

This was no ordinary text.

And there was no plausible reason why Harry would have it... It wasn't even in the restricted section.

Snape's eyes turned sharply on Harry as he hissed, "Where did you get this?"

"That's irrelevant. I just want to know if you'll do it. Train me."

"You want me to TRAIN you in the DARK ARTS, Potter?! How did you even find this!?! The Secrets of the Dark is one of the rarest books ever known! The only copies I know of are with Voldemort himself, in the libraries of certain Death Eaters and as a reference for... ahhh I see. Does Professor Zalameen know you have this?" Snape was thrilled he finally had Harry in a corner.

"Oh trust me, sir, this isn't the same one. Hers is in horrible condition, falling apart at the seams and all... no, hers is still in her possession."

Snape glared down at the teenager, searching for signs of a lie, but either the boy was utilizing his occlumency talents at that instant, or he was speaking some version of the truth. It was apparent he was hiding something. Anyone who had this book had a great deal more to hide, and Mr. Potter was no exception to that rule.

Harry was getting a bit antsy. "I don't particularly want to learn the spells themselves. Just how they work... and how I can defend against them, perhaps alter them to my own needs. That sort of thing."

Harry was hoping Snape would just relent and agree, so they could get moving, but Snape had another argument to throw in the boy's face, and this argument would turn into a quicksand that Harry would not be able to get out of.

"I can't do it Potter. End of story."

"What- why not, sir? You of all people should be able to do this! You're a freakin Death Eater, you should already know most of the things in here! Unless you're just a pathetic excuse of a minion of Voldemort. Ahh, I should have known..."

Snape caught him by the shoulder and snapped him out of his whining. "You don't know the first thing about the Dark Arts, boy. And cease your insane ideas of my inabilities concerning them, because right now very little is stopping me from ripping your tongue out with a single curse and making you swallow it!" Harry stood rigid, unsure if he should try to escape the professor's painfully tight grasp, when the man loosened his grip. The dark master of potions sighed and brought a hand up to his forehead, massaging his temple.

"I would like nothing more than to subject you to some these curses, Potter. And surprisingly, I agree you should be familiar with at least some of these dangerous hexes, but I simply cannot." He raised a hand up to Harry to stop him from arguing.

"These are some of the darkest spells you will come across. There are worse ones, but those will never be written down I believe. But these are Black curses, evil through and through, Potter. Their theories come from the worst manipulations of the human mind, torturous renderings of simple concepts. Listen to me Potter, I will only explain this once!" Snape hated when Harry took on that distant vacant look, as if he was floating in another sea of reality. Snape knew he was listening to a degree, but he didn't have the patience to deal with Harry lost in his thoughts.

Harry blinked and looked back up to Snape, waiting for the rest of his lecture.

"Lord Voldemort, well, he enjoys knowing when these curses are put to use. He enjoys feeling the torture, sensing the anguish, tasting the fear that erupts from the victim. And he can feel it, Potter, at least through those of us that he cast with a Black curse himself."

Snape did not bother lifting his sleeve, he just shifted his gaze down to his arm, and Harry understood immediately. The Dark Mark.

"He would know... he would ask... fuck..."

"You understand then. I will not put my already tenuous role as a spy for the Order in jeopardy because of you. Lord knows how many times that has happened already. You are a complete nuisance sometimes, you know that?"

Harry just rolled his eyes; he was mostly immune to Snape's insults. Instead, Harry racked his brains for another solution, searching the room as if the answer lay here. He saw that the door was barely ajar; it must have bounced open a bit when Snape had slammed it shut. When no answer could be found even in the deepest recesses of his mind, Harry snapped.

"Well what then? What do you recommend I do, sir!? I've thought far too long about this to just let it slide away, slip from my grasp! This was my opportunity, MINE! Voldemort has had to many tricks up his sleeve! It's my turn to show him! It's my turn, to finally put him in his place!"

"Potter! You won't be fighting him alone, and the sooner you get that ridiculous notion out of your head, the better. If you really believe you are our precious savior, you are just another mindless fool! Just find something else to study, boy, and drop all this!"

"I don't want to be anyone's savior! But I was marked since the day I was born, marked the day he crossed my family. You wouldn't understand that though, I don't blame you for not understanding that..." Harry was aware that only three people knew of his role against Voldemort, how destiny had screwed him. He didn't believe Dumbledore or Professor Trelawney would have leaked it now, not after so many years. "Savior or not, sir, that freak is coming after me, has been coming after me for years! And don't lie and tell me he hasn't been thinking of another plot, another scheme in destroying me. So I will not just drop this!"

"Potter I will not do it!"

"I wouldn't want you to!"

"Then unless you find someone else who has traveled in the Dark and escaped that journey unscathed, you have no other choice. I will not allow you to practice these spells on your own!"

"What other choice do I have??" Harry had seriously thought to study them himself. His soul was already cloaked in shadows. Death and mystery had filled his life. Loss and grief pulled apart at his heart, clawing their way into every crevice of his body. The nights he did not dream of the wall, he only wandered down halls of black curtains, screaming and crying seeping from behind the shrouded doorways. So he would have to risk entering the Dark. He would just have to pull back the curtain and learn what lay behind it, and hope he could come out relatively unchanged.

"You will not, understand me?? You could lose control of your Occlumency, Voldemort could fight his way back into you, and we would lose you to him forever! No one just dabbles in the Dark Arts, boy. You either cross the line or you don't."

"What about you! You are supposedly working for the Order. Are you saying that you really are a spy for the Death Eaters?"

"Potter... I have to live with this for the rest of my life, understand that! This mark, this curse, is fate's way of mocking me. No matter how much good I do, my soul will always be on the line. But I have mastered it, learned to control it. It took YEARS! But I did it. From what you say, you don't have years."

Harry struggled against crushing defeat. "No! I will just have to find someone then! I'm sure... Dumbledore will know of someone who can help me then." Harry practically pleaded for this to be true.

"Dumbledore knows as well as you that I would have been the best choice."

"Then who CAN help me?!"

The door swung open completely, and a figure waltzed in, the light seemingly drawn solely to his mouth, where a smirk lay.

"I'll help you Potter."

Harry gawked at Draco's presence, while Snape shifted from shock into pure fury.

"What are you doing down here, Mr. Malfoy? You had better have a good explanation for yourself!" Snape was equally as furious at himself for not locking the door, though he was sure he could find a way to blame Potter for it later.

"I was just in the neighborhood, sir, it being the Dungeons and all. And I believe I can help Potter." Harry marveled at the ease with which Draco spoke.

"Malfoy, I should have you suspended for eavesdropping! And there is no way I am letting two headstrong teenagers run amok with one of the most dangerous books-"

"Professor, wait. He's... he may be the only one."

Snape's jaw dropped at hearing Harry's words. How could this boy, who had suffered so much at the hands of that boy's father, really consider inviting him into their secret. "Potter, you are mad! And Mr. Malfoy, wipe that smirk off your face. We have yet to discuss proper punishment, though I will not hesitate in making it as repulsive as possible." Draco's smirk fell at that comment, but he was still more intrigued at what must be running through Harry's mind. The boy had succumbed to the same distant look he held the previous night, right before he accepted Draco's explanation.

Harry was indeed preoccupied. His mind was wandering through a forest, the tall ominous trees hiding from him the truth that lived in the skies above. With every step he got closer to understanding though...

Draco... He shouldn't have heard any of this... he could seriously take advantage... I could die at his hands... He could turn me over to Voldemort... to his father... Harry's mind's eye looked about and saw the foliage of the trees getting thicker, darkening the world around him. This clearly was not where he was meant to go.

So he deliberated some more... He revealed himself to me last night... he had a horrific summer... blames his father... he wants no part of Voldemort... yet?... No I see it in his eyes, he wants control, but not at the price Voldemort charges...Harry looked up, feeling the sun shining down on him; he had reached an open field, comprehension shone down on him like light through the clouds

He... fuck he's familiar with all these curses... what did he have to go through this summer??

"Hell, Potter. I went through hell." Harry wasn't aware he had voiced the last sentence out loud, and was startled to hear Draco's voice invade his thoughts. He caught sight of Snape glaring down on him, a look of complete annoyance shooting form his eyes. Harry opted to look at Draco, who, judging from his painfully serious expression, meant every word he said.

"I don't approve of this, Potter."

"Sir, he's really my only chance."

"And if he is nothing but a spy?"

"I'm standing right here, you could just ask me."

"Mr. Malfoy, you know as well as I do that the Malfoy name is not known for its... trustworthiness." At this Draco scowled, and Harry could see him restrain from sticking his tongue out in childish rebellion. Instead, he offered the only proof he could, head raised high..

"Well Professor Snape, it seems Harry has deemed me worthy of this righteous endeavor. But if you find me at all suspicious, then put me under Veritaserum." Snape could not have been more taken aback by Malfoy's forthrightness, and took it as a sign that, at least for now, Harry would have a trainer. Snape regretted ever pushing to pair these two up in the beginning. It wasn't wise for Harry to form a tie with such a mysterious character, but he knew Harry would find a way no matter what.

Harry watched Snape think, knowing exactly what thoughts were running through his mind; weeks of Occlumency familiarized him with almost every visible expression Snape allowed. He knew he was out of the quicksand now, as Snape just threw his hands up, muttering something about blasted Potter family and the end of the world, and turned towards the door.

"Do Not speak of this to anyone, understand me? Or there will be... consequences. You will work under my strict supervision. Now go to your dorms!" And with that he stormed out. He was too frustrated with the ways of the world at this moment; he would just have to give them both harsh detentions in their next class. That always lifted his spirits.

Harry leaned back on a desk.

"You followed me here."

"Oh please Potter, I couldn't care less about what you do in your free time. I followed Snape. Had a feeling there was more to him than just humdrum potions work." Harry was amused, but didn't show it. He would have to keep his guard up; it had only been one day since they were on familiar terms again, and this still could be a ploy. He watched as Draco strolled over to the front desk, and fingered lightly the book that had caused all of tonight's events.

"Why, Malfoy?" Harry hoped Draco knew he was not referring to why he followed Snape.

"Hmm? Oh, well... I thought we were past explanations now, Potter. You're on a mission to save humanity, I'm just curious to see if you actually can." Harry just rolled his eyes, and let his mind drift for a moment. He still wasn't sure about the boy in front of him. Images of Ron and Hermione staring at him in ghastly horror for utilizing Malfoy's help popped up, but were suddenly squashed by the vision of Ron and Blaise, playing exploding snap, and eating chocolate frogs, having a bloody good time without any sight of Harry. Sickened by the thought, Harry immediately knew he had to do this, and hoped it all would come to an end soon. The world needed to be set in order, but not before it fell completely into chaos first. And Malfoy certainly would bring chaos in for the ride.

Draco was eyeing him closely. "One does wonder how you got your hands on this, Potter..."

"One will have to keep wondering, Malfoy. Explanations aren't part of the arrangement."

"Oh, and what pray tell, is? What exactly are we going to be doing? This is a very powerful collection of spells. I had an absolutely lovely summer with them."

Harry's eyes caught Draco's, and they stood there, a wave of understanding passing from the grassy field to the dark evening sky and back.

"What else is there to do? You'll be teaching and testing me on all of this, throwing it at me, and hopefully I'll be able to throw back. Bittersweet really, you lived through hell, and now get to tell the tale."

~~~

And so it began that the Secrets of the Dark were revealed to a determined boy of the light.