PMS: Pre Moon Sickness

Disclaimer: To my dismay, the characters except Sapphire will NEVER be mine.

PMS: Pre Moon Sickness

Chapter Two

"I'm extremely sexy."

"Yes, you are."

"And brilliant."

"Indeed."

"And talented."

"Yeah."

"So why the bloody Hell doesn't Lily like me?"

"No one can resist you forever."

"Shut up," groans Sirius interrupting my conversation with Peter, which I was rather enjoying. Who doesn't delight in having a person agree with them about their magnificent attributes?

"What's got your knickers in a twist?" It can't be the meager fact that the shop was out of itching powder last night.

He does not answer; simply continues to glare across the grass where Sapphire and Remus are studying for the DADA test next period. We're outside since the weather is warm and sunny. Personally, I like to study elixirs. The Elixir of Life makes people immortal and the Elixir of Lust makes people immoral.

Sapphire is a Ravenclaw prefect one year behind ours. The boys know her for her golden hair, curvy figure, and sapphire eyes. The girls know her for her passive, caring personality. The professors know her for her impeccable grades.

She isn't my type. I prefer redheads to blondes and like somebody that will argue with me. Despite this, I cannot deny her appeal. She has the three S's. She's smart. She's sweet. She's sexy.

"I hate her."

'Why?" I ask Sirius for the millionth time. Well, perhaps I am exaggerating slightly: the nine hundred ninety-nine thousandth.

"She's a Mary-Sue."

Peter seems puzzled. "I thought her name was Sapphire."

"Whatever. She's spending too much time with Remus."

"You don't care that I wanna be with Lily," I point out.

"That's different."

"How?"

"...It just is!"

"Is there something wrong with Moony having a girlfriend?"

Quickly, too quickly, Sirius reminds us, "Remus said they weren't dating."

"That's 'cause he isn't the 'kiss and tell' sort. Do you honestly believe there's nothing going on?"

He regards the couple. Their heads are bent close over the same book. Every few moments they glance up at one another and smile warmly. "No."

Peter gasps, "Oh Merlin, you're jealous!" This is a good theory. It would explain a massive amount of his peculiar behaviour recently.

"Am not!" Or not.

"'Course you are, Padfoot, but what's the big deal? You can have almost any gal you want. Why not let Moony have one?" Wormtail supporting someone against Sirius or me? That does not occur often. Still, I agree with him.

Sirius attempts to appear appalled at the suggestion, yet succeeds only in looking constipated. "You think I'm attracted to the stupid, ugly bitch?" As I have already made clear to you, his summary of her is incredibly inaccurate.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder," states the small lad.

"Sometimes misinformed beholders need to be given black eyes," I add merrily. Did I just think 'merrily'? You need to help me! Get my pills! What? They're only M&Ms? Damn.

"You're bloody crazy," mutters my most cherished friend as he frolics away. Yep, frolics. Try it at some point in your existence and you shall realise what a ridiculous spectacle you are.

Peter regards me with worry in his eyes.

"I'll cheer him up," I assure. "Wait for me outside the DADA classroom since that's where we go next."

"Okay," he says complacently.

I stroll down the vacated corridor after Sirius, transfiguring one of my spare quills into an ice cube with ease. I think it would be amusing to drop it down the back of Sirius' robes. For inexplicable reasons Sirius does not consider it half as humourous as I do.

"What was that for, prat?"

"I gotta talk to you."

"About what?"

"You've been acting weird lately; you're having mood swings all of the time and not shagging chicks, and then Peter made the comment about you being jealous; it makes sense, you know?"

"No, I don't know! I told you I don't want that 'oh so fair maiden.'"

"But if you're jealous of Moony and Saphy and it isn't her you want..." Everything clicks in my head and fits itself together like a puzzle. A miniature Dumbledore, the figure that represents wisdom, jumps up and down in the back of my mind waving a flag. "You fancy Remus." I feel light-headed with shock for a second. Then I become aware that I truly should not be. He was invariably more concerned for Remus during full moons than Peter or I were and he only ceases his reckless antics if Remus requests it.

The blood drains from Sirius' face. "Even if that made sense it'd be stupid."

"Sometimes stupid things are smart."

"THEN WHY ARE THEY CALLED STUPID?"

"BECAUSE I LIKE ROASTING MARSHMALLOWS!"

"WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH IT?"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"YOU'RE STUPID!"

"YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH REMUS!" When he falls silent my voice softens. "Aren't you?"

Reluctantly, he sighs, "I'm not sure I know what love is, Prongs, but I think so."

"Do you know all of the little things about him? That's love; appreciating the details."

"Yeah, I do, like his eyes aren't light blue." I raise an eyebrow, however, I refrain from remarking as he continues, "He probably already knows, but if you tell him I'll kill you, best mate or not. That means dead, perished, deceased, passed on, gone to the light at the end of the tunnel, kicked the bucket, gone to Davey Jone's locker, lost your favourite bottle cap! Understand?"

"I understand everything except that 'lost my favourite bottle cap' isn't a euphemism to describe death."

"Euphemism? I didn't know you knew that word."

"Shove it." I punch his forearm playfully. "I won't tell him, but you should."

He gapes at me as if I randomly decided to die my hair neon green and dance the hula, which I would never do...Okay, that was one time! "I don't know if he fancies blokes."

"True," I admit. "He's got to dig boys too if you care about him so much. Fate wouldn't be so cruel to such great people." I'm an optimist.

"What if you're wrong?" He brightens, being a natural optimist himself. How could he have survived the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black if he wasn't? "What if you're right?"

"We'll find out."

"We will?" he inquires apprehensively.

"Mmm-hmm. Right after my Head Boy duties."

Minerva's Note: Yep, this was Prongs, and the last one was Sirius! Did you like it? Did you dislike it? Let me know!