Legacy of the Marauders

"It's bloody dark in here."

"I can see that."

"No, you can't, Moony."

"Fine, I know that. Sirius?"

"Hmm?"

"Shut up."

"Why are you being mean to me? You're the werewolf who suffers, but stays cheerful and sweet in spite of the pain. You'll ruin your image if you keep this up, and the readers won't love you...Ouch! Merlin, what is your problem? You can't still be mad about last week? I apologised a gazillion times!"

"Gazillion isn't a real number and 'sorry' isn't good enough. After Dumbledore and his teenage self ate lemon drops together he sent himself and Adel back to their time, much to the promiscuous Hufflepuff's dismay." The dog animagus recalled what adjective meant afore he persisted listening to the elucidation. "Then, Dumbledore asked you and Prongs what else you'd been doing lately, and you told him about when we wrote on McGonagall's essays, which got you, me, and Wormtail detention." He added sarcastically, "Wonderful job."

"Thanks."

Peter and James glanced across the dormitory to where Sirius and Remus had been bickering for what felt like eons.

James commented, "Moony, even you aren't usually this uptight. Something's gotta be bothering you besides Padfoot's idiocy."

"Hey!" exclaimed Sirius, offended. "You're just jealous that I've another detention, so I beat you in our contest of who could be given more. You're probably also jealous that I have sex appeal, am brave, have a sexy voice, am good in bed, wear sexy clothes, am a master prankster, and have a sexy body. Did I mention that I was sexy?"

"He is quite sexy," agreed Peter.

Ignoring Peter, James asked Remus, "Did you ever eat a vain canine? They're said to be a delicacy."

"That's not funny," said Remus solemnly. "The full moon is in three days."

"Is that what's had your knickers in a twist?" James pressed.

"Sort of...You lot shouldn't have left me alone with Sapphire so close to the full."

Sirius queried, "Why not? You both had a lot of catching up to do owing to the fact that she figured you had been absent for a week."

Remus shifted uncomfortable. "I can always control myself, but the closer it gets to full moon the harder it becomes 'cause the wolf has-" Remus coughed, embarrassed, and finished, "-urges."

"Urges?" Peter moved father away from Remus. "You aren't going to be tempted to eat us, are you? You can't be hungry; you just ate dinner."

"It's not that type of hunger."

There was a moment of contemplative silence while Remus' friends thought about his words. James was the first to catch on. "Are you telling us that a few days before the moon is full you're really horny and randy?"

Blushing a deep magenta hue, Remus muttered, "That's a crude way to say it, but yes."

The others howled with laughter.

"That's fantastic! Why didn't you tell us this before?" demanded Sirius.

"I knew you'd torture me with the information."

James grinned. "No doubt about that."

There was a knock on the entryway of the Marauders' Lair. "Come in," said Remus instantly, grateful for what he hoped would be a distraction to alter his comrades' train of thought. Fate was against Remus that day, for Sapphire gracefully stepped inside.

The expressions on Sirius' and James' faces were ones of such devious delight that they worried Sapphire. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong." Sirius smiled almost wickedly. "On the contrary, everything is perfect." He stood up and began to gait towards the door with James. "C'mon, Peter."

The blond obediently tailed them to the common room where Lily and Jessie were conversing. "Whatever chickens your chow mein."

"Excuse me?" James quirked a perplexed eyebrow above his glasses.

"It's a Chinese food. I got a book that's teaching me the language." Peter attempted to make wisdom shine through his watery blue eyes. He failed.

"Learn English first." Sirius tore the volume from Peter's grasp and skimmed a page.

That's not right ......... Sum Ting Wong
Are you harboring a fugitive?... Hu Yu Hie Ding?
See me ASAP......... Kum Hia Nao.
Small Horse ......... Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach? ...Wie Yu So Tan?
I think you need a face lift ... Chin Tu Fat
I thought you were on a diet .........Wie Yu Mun Ching?
Staying out of sight ......... Lie Ying Lo
He's cleaning his automobile ... Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive ... Yu Stin Ki Pu!
(Minerva's Note: Sound out the above phrases to understand the humour.)

"Prongs, you've gotta read this!" laughed Sirius.

For once, James ignored his best mate. His attention was focused upon a figure shrouded in darkness that was approaching his beautiful flower. No, not an actual flower. You know whom I mean. "Why the bloody hell are you here?"

Crimson orbs turned to glare at him. "Because...I'm just here, okay? Don't question me! Don't you know who I am? I'm Lord Voldemort."

"Good for you. Now, get out."

"My name doesn't impress you?"

"Nope. Maybe if it was Henry or something like that. 'H' names have always been my favourite," stated James adumbratively.

"Bah!" Voldemort scoffed.

"Sheep!" accused Sirius ere asking James, "Why'd you say that adumbratively?"

Peter, who had been cringing behind Sirius since Voldemort's entrance, voiced what nearly all of the readers were thinking: "What's adumbratively?"

Lily cleverly explained, "It means to hint at something that's going to happen in the future; the same as foreshadowing, which is a well-known literary technique."

The Dark wizard stomped his foot childishly. "This is ridiculous."

"Riddikulus," snorted James and Sirius for the second time in the fan fiction.

Glowering in their direction, Voldemort continued, "You ought to be cowering in fear of me, not having pointless conversations."

"It's not pointless!" Sirius objected. "I have a point." He indicated his chest.

Jessie glanced at her boyfriend with an expression of arousal and disgust, an absurd combination. Intra, she examined the imposing bald, snake-like newcomer. "How did you pass Dumbledore to get in here?"

"You think I WANT to be here? Well, I do, but not today because on Thursdays my cobras and I coil up to watch all of the Disney movies with serpents in them, like The Jungle Book, yet suddenly I was taken away from their warm, scaly bodies on account of it being a plot convenience for me to be here since I threatened several chapters ago to return to seek my revenge, and this is an outlandishly long run-on sentence, so I'm going to stop talking."

"Thank Merlin."

"I didn't mean permanently."

"Damn."

"Don't swear. Fear me!"

James put his hands on his hips. "I can't speak for anyone besides myself 'cause I've matured (a little) since the first few chapters, but I know that I do not fear you, though if it makes you feel any better I do hate you."

"It's a start," nodded Voldemort.

Lily placed a hand on James' arm. This would have made sense if it were her hand instead of Jessie's. "Hate is a strong word. Why do you hate him?"

"He killed Santa."

She cocked her head in bewilderment. "What?"

"I know it's hard to accept, but it's true."

"James, he's not real - Wait, how come you call him 'Santa' like Americans do?"

"Father Christmas reminds me of an overly festive priest."

"That can be your last thought before you die." Oddly, that was compassionate of You-Know-Who; an overly festive priest is quite an amusing image. He rapidly summoned his wand.

Peter gasped, "Your reflexes are splendiferous for someone of your age!"

"He should join the Quidditch team," added Jessie.

Sirius was uninterested in the evil intruder. "Peter knows a thirteen-letter word!"

"Quidditch? Work with others rather than lead them?" Voldemort was horrified. "Impossible!"

"You could do it. After all, James is always doing the impossible," gushed Peter, still crouching behind Sirius. "Once he set his broom on fire while doing laundry. No one thought that was possible."

"As fascinating as that is-"

Jessie interrupted the Dark Lord. Really, she did. "If you don't wanna play we could replace the lion and have you are our mascot. You'd be THE ANOREXIC BLOKE THAT NEEDS A TOUPE." She decided, "That's it, I'm signing you up."

Voldemort metamorphosed into a flash of blackness that bolted out of the castle. It was a remarkable spectacle. In centuries to come the technical term form it would evolve to 'fleeing in terror.'

"That was random," Lily murmured.

"I think the author was too random this time," suggested Peter, finally emerging from hiding.

James reminded them, "It took her a long time to make this chapter due to the annoying fact that she had writer's block. I guess it was the best she could do."

Sirius grinned mischievously. "Maybe she'll do better for the next installment when she describes what happens between Moony and Saphy."

~*~*~*~

Remus and Sapphire were on his bed not reading poetry. "Was the Speedo necessary?"

Sapphire shrugged. "Mum and Jessie tried to talk Dad out of wearing it." She was showing Remus photographs of a holiday that her family took to the Caribbean the previous year over Easter break.

"The waterfalls are lovely," reflected Remus, straining himself to notice the background of the picture as opposed to Sapphire wearing a damp bathing suit as she lay on the sand with a smile on her face in the foreground.

She nodded. "The scenery is really nice. We're going back this year." Remus' aroused wolf mind was having difficulty appreciating the conversation, though his human mentality was trying its best. "I wish you could come."

I can cum for you anytime. "That's okay. It's more of a family thing."

"Still, you're going to be part of my family someday, so you shouldn't miss out. One day I'll take you."

One day? I'll lie down and you can take me NOW! "You don't have to do that."

"Of course I do, Remmy; I love you. This time at least let me bring you a souvenir. Is there something in particular that you want?"

I want you naked and on your knees. Is that too much to ask? "I don't need anything. Your love is enough."

"You're so sweet." Sapphire wrapped her arms around him in a tight embrace.

Reluctantly, he pushed her away. "I'm sorry, but it'll be full moon soon and-"

"And you're in pain? I should have realised that. I can give you a massage to help you feel better. Do you prefer it hard or gentle?"

Well, since you asked- "Be quiet, Pascal."

"Who? Isn't that French for 'Child of Easter?'"

"Yeah. It's the wolf's name."

"So, you're English and the wolf is French?"

"Uh-huh."

"Why doesn't that surprise me? And why must he be quiet?"

"He's being rude."

"How so?"

"Ah...You know that animals have feelings, but not much thought process, so they always act on instinct? Well, the impulse he wants to act out now isn't appropriate."

"If transformation is going to be worse than normal this month I could stay while my family goes away."

Yes, stay! I'll pin you underneath me and make you cry out in pleasure. "I'd be much happier knowing that you are having fun." Fun that doesn't involve Pascal. "Besides, my friends are already staying behind."

"Oh." Sapphire's cheerful face became grave.

"Is something bothering you?" Other than the fact that this stupid human won't let me shag you?

"There's an issue I've been wondering about since Christmas. All of the evidence indicates it. I know that it's none of my business or I would've brought it up sooner..."

It's already been 'up.' "What is it? You can share anything with me, my precious gem." Including your body.

"Your friends are animagi, aren't they?"

The thought of lying to her never crossed Pascal or Remus' mind. "Yes." Then, a notion did work its way into Remus' thoughts. "Are you angry?"

Her heartwarming smile returned. "No, just jealous that I didn't think of it first."

The door flew open and to reveal a Sirius whose accusing gaze was rapidly assessing the situation in front of him. The blaming expression left whilst his shoulders slumped with disappointment. "Terrible news, Prongs."

"They cut you off of the Quidditch team entirely?" speculated James, appearing beside him with Peter in tow.

"Not entirely; only my head, torso, arms, and legs. I can play if I use my arse." He indicated the couple with a jerk of his head. "Actually, the news is that we left them alone for no reason. They haven't done anything."

Sapphire blinked large azure orbs at Sirius. "We did things. We talked and I showed him my photo album. We have no homework over break except studying, so there was nothing else to do, was there? Is there something I should know about?"

"Cellular respiration," stated Remus before Sirius could open his mouth.

"I already read quite a bit about that, yet I'll learn more if you'd like." She kissed his nose lightly. "I'll do anything that you ask." Remus shivered as he watched her gather her belongings and depart waving jovially to his comrades.

Sirius glared at the lycanthrope. "If she's willing to do what you say you should've said, 'I have a thing for you to do. Me.' You'd have enjoyed it so much you would have given us a medal. A round, shiny one."

"Medals usually look like that," Peter commented.

"Not. Until. We're. Married," Remus enunciated slowly as if teaching Paris Hilton her left from her right. "I'm aware that most people don't wait, but we aren't most people. We're doing it the way it's supposed to be done."

"Did you cut down a tree?" demanded Sirius.

"No. Why would you think that?"

"I figured that was where all of your sap was coming from. Anyway, if you wanna be old-fashioned and overly-polite in your relationship I should respect that."

"Thank you."

"I should; that doesn't mean I will."

"I loath you."

"You do not."

"Shut it."

"You're being mean to me again. Is today Let's-be-Mean-to-Sirius-Day? We need to set up a schedule. We could take turns between Let's-be-Mean-to-Insert Marauder Name Here-Days, but that would get dull. We've gotta spice it up with Let's-be-Mean-to-Jessie-Days and Let's-be-Mean-to-Lily-Days and Let's-be-Mean-to-Sapphire-Days. Maybe not Saphy 'cause she's ALWAYS nice and - Hang on, I'm forgetting Snivelly! I must not leave him out. Everyday ought to be Let's-be-Mean-to-Snivellus-Day, though if it were no one else would get a fair chance. We could pick on him in the afternoon and alternate with everybody else in the morning. Let's-be-Mean-to-Snape-Afternoon doesn't sound as good."

"He's not going to shut it, is he?" questioned Remus mournfully.

James replied, "Nope."

Indignantly, Sirius crossed his arms over his chest. "You're talking about Sirius like Sirius is not here again. Sirius hopes mountain trolls come and use you both for piñatas."

"I hope Jessie takes a vow of abstinence," retorted James.

Horror paled Sirius' attractive face. "Take that back!"

Remus patted Sirius' shoulder. "It's okay. I don't pray for her celibacy."

"Good."

"I'd rather that when you run around as Padfoot you get taken to the dog pound...again."

The canine animagus forced his vision to blur with tears. "This really is Let's-be-Mean-to-Sirius-Day. Do you think if I slam my head against the wall lots of times I'll pass out and end my misery?"

"Your misery won't end for a long time," Remus answered, "because we need to study for the N.E.W.T.s."

Sirius groaned. "Screw the books...Wait, Peter, not literally. Peter! Wormtail, stop! Dammit, now we have to burn those."

Peter giggled. "Don't worry; we'll ignore the N.E.W.T.s. The voice in my head, the one that advertises, says that they stand for Never Eat While Tip-toeing."

"It's Nighttime Escapades Will cause Trouble," argued James.

"Nicely Endowed Women are Tremendous." Sirius grinned.

Remus shook his head. "Noting Extraordinary Wizarding Talents."

"Whatever they are, I have something more fun to do." The gleam that brought Remus anxiety was in James' eyes.