Legacy of the Marauders

Minerva's Note: "Man! I Feel Like a Woman!" is sung by Shania Twain and "I Feel Pretty" is from West Side Story.

Chapter Four Man! I Feel Like a Woman!

They walked into the Great Hall wearing tight, sleeveless black dresses with pantyhose and high-heeled shoes.
"I'm going out tonight. I'm feelin' all right;
gonna let it all hang out!
Wanna make some noise, really raise my voice
Yeah, I wanna scream and shout!" sang Peter loudly, blushing furiously.

Everyone was staring at the Marauders in confusion, except for Crabbe, Goyle, Snape, and Malfoy, who were sniggering.

"No inhibitions, make no conditions,
get a little outta line!
I ain't gonna act politically correct;
I only wanna have a good time!" James winked, hiding any trace of shame that he felt about having to do this, and the Great Hall rang with appreciative laughter.

"The best thing about being a woman
is the prerogative to have a little fun and," Remus paused and did a perfect pirouette.

Then the four chaps broke into grapevines while singing, "Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy; forget I'm a lady!
Men's shirts, short skirts!
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild, yeah, doin' it in style!
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action; feel the attraction!
Colour my hair, do what I dare!
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free, yeah, to feel the way I feel!
Man! I feel like a woman!"

Sirius sang, "The girls need a break; tonight we're gonna take
the chance to get out on the town!
We don't need romance! We only wanna dance!
We're gonna let our hair hang down!" He ran his hand through his thick, dark hair causing many girls to squeal.

The foursome clapped to the beat of the music and the staff and students, minus the Slytherins, joined in. The Marauders chanted, "The best thing about being a woman
is the prerogative to have a little fun and," they all paused and did a perfect pirouette like Remus had earlier, "Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy; forget I'm a lady!
Men's shirts, short skirts!
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild, yeah, doin' it in style!
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action; feel the attraction!
Colour my hair, do what I dare!
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free, yeah, to feel the way I feel!
Man! I feel like a woman!"

Whistling and enthusiastic applause could be heard throughout the hall.

James and Sirius blew a kiss and the Marauders skipped to the Gryffindor table smiling.

At the Slytherin table Snape screeched, "Why did we bother bribing the Ravenclaws to lose! Even when the Marauders should be humiliated they are happy because everyone still loves them!"

-Flashback-

After Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, and Snape made the bet with the Marauders and gaited away Goyle muttered, "What if we do not win the bet? I do not want to be in a sexy dress and sing 'Man! I Feel Like Woman!' during the Christmas feast."

"We shall win because I'll make sure the Ravenclaws lose the match," assured Malfoy smoothly.

"How?" Crabbe asked.

"With bribery, of course. I have tons of money."

Goyle replied, "Ravenclaws don't want wealth or power. We do."

Malfoy answered impatiently, "Don't be thick if you can help it! I am going to use my money to buy the one thing Ravenclaws can't resist and need to be successful."

"You don't mean..." breathed Crabbe.

"I do," drawled Malfoy.

"That's immoral, nefarious, unethical, dastardly, evil, foul, loathsome...(four hours later)...wicked, hateful, despicable, sinister, sinful, diabolical, and unjust!" Snape exclaimed. "It's genius!"

"I know," Malfoy calmly simpered. "Now come; we must go get their weaknesses. To Honeydukes! We must purchase their entire stock of jelly beans!"

"Are we going to give the Ravenclaw team all the jelly if they agree to lose on purpose?" inquired Snape.

"Why wouldn't we?" Malfoy asked.

"It's just that I like to eat them when I play hopscotch," Snape admitted quietly.

"You play hopscotch?" said Crabbe incredulously.

"Sometimes," murmured Snape. "Usually in a Pikachu outfit."

"That's sickening," Goyle told Snape matter-of-factly.

"What's wrong with Pikachu?" he demanded. "I mean, it's not as if I like Jigglypuff."

"What's wrong with Jigglypuff? I happen to think she is sort of cute!" growled Malfoy.

"Oh, yeah, if you like pink puff balls that sing worse than Professor Trelawney," Snape remarked.

Malfoy forgot about being angry and became interested. "When did you hear the mental divination teacher sing?"

"One time I was-"

Crabbe laughed stupidly, "And one time at band camp!" Snape's glare silenced him.

Snape continued, "As I was saying, one time I was walking past the North Tower during afternoon break and I heard her singing the theme song to Friends. It was painful to my ears."

"How painful," drawled Malfoy.

"It ached the way your tongue aches after you accidentally staple it to a brick," explained Snape.

The other Slytherins nodded in understanding.

"Uh, Severus?" questioned Goyle.

"What?"

"I never meant that it was sickening that you dressed up as Pikachu and played hopscotch. I thought it was sickening that you liked jelly beans."

Malfoy and Snape appeared irritated, and Malfoy asked, "Do you even like the black ones?"

Goyle shook his large head.

Snape's eyes flashed dangerously. "You do not even like the black jelly beans? Then you must face the consequences." His hand plunged into his robes and he pulled out a small glass bottle containing thick, blood red liquid.

Goyle swallowed nervously. He knew that Snape was exceptionally gifted in potions, and he shuddered as he thought of what the possible effects of that creepy liquid might be.

"This is ketchup," stated Snape. He smiled vindictively while Goyle quivered with terror. "Yes, ketchup, and I'll give it to you and make certain that you never obtain a hot dog or chips to put it on."

Goyle ran away screaming.

"He's an even worse runner than Lucetta," chortled Malfoy.

At the sound of Lucius' twin sister's name Snape's heart skipped a beat, however, he did his best to ignore it. "Let's go to Hogsmeade and get the bloody jelly beans."

-End of Flashback-

At the Gryffindor table the Marauders sipped their pumpkin juice without a trace of embarrassment.

"How could you guys go through with it?" questioned Sapphire, impressed.

"Remind ourselves of how pretty we look," said Sirius. He sang, "I feel pretty, oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and-" He stopped himself just before he said "gay."

"You are pretty," Remus agreed.

"Thanks. I know."

"Pretty annoying."

"Hey!"

James sipped his pumpkin juice with his pinky finger sticking out as he chuckled at his best mate.

Lily stared at him. "Potter, why are you doing that?"

"When in doubt pinky out," James quoted Sponge Bob.

"Your ego is so large I don't think that you doubt anything."

"I doubt one thing."

"What's that?"

"I doubt that you will be able to resist my charm forever."

Lily stomped out of the Great Hall, disgusted. Or at least, she wanted to be disgusted. She could not deny that James could be charming and that tight black dress showed off the lean muscle he acquired from all those years of playing Quidditch. No! I am not attracted to Potter. I am not attracted to Potter. Keep telling yourself that, Lily.

"Bye beautiful!" James shouted at Lily's retreating back. She flipped him off.

Sirius laughed, then turned to Remus and remarked, "You should have done a split during our little performance."

"You can do a split?" inquired Peter.

Remus told Peter in an undertone, "I've had to learn a lot of stretching exercises to lessen the muscle tension I get from transforming, so, yeah, I know how."

"Do it," urged Peter.

"I don't want to."

"Do it."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Do what?" asked James.

Remus sighed. He stood up and did a perfect split to shut everyone up.

Almost all of Hogwarts' male students cringed simultaneously.

Remus laughed.

"A guy should not be able to do a split," one HufflePuff boy commented.

"Why not?" questioned Remus in his pleasant tone, still on the floor in the position of a split.

"It violates numerous laws of nature," volunteered James.

Remus asked, "Where are these laws written?"

"They're unwritten laws and, next to the Marauders' Code, those are the most important rules," James responded.

"I thought rules were meant to be broken," said Peter, confused.

Sirius commented, "Yeah, Prongs. Just because you don't have the balls to do a split doesn't mean Moony can't do it."

Peter said to Remus, "Congrats, you have balls."

Remus stood up and walked away muttering, "My friends are driving me insane. I need chocolate."

"You already were insane," called James. "As for you," James glared at Sirius. "Don't you have a detention to get to?"

"Bollocks! I forgot." Sirius went to his detention with Flitwick.