Whiz of a Friz

Whiz of a Friz

Disclaimer: Ms. Frizzle and the related characters are from the Magic School Bus franchise. The spells and the way magic works are from the Harry Potter franchise. Sadly, I own neither, or I would be much richer than I am now.

Chapter 1: Sane? Who, Me?

"Val! Val!"

The world continued on around the redheaded teen. She was absorbed in a science fiction novel, easily seeing in her mind the giant, nearly unstoppable supercomputer gaining free will. The thought was as exciting as it was terrifying. Obviously she didn't want to be ejected into space by a computer turned evil--it would be a minor inconvenience, to say the least--but the thought of giving a machine a personality and being able to be friends with it was intriguing.

"Valerie?"

What kind of machine would she use? Not a computer, that one from the book and the movie had given her the creeps. Besides, computers were being upgraded more and more every year, so it would soon be outdated. And what was the use in being friends with a machine if said machine had no way of being transported? That would be impractical, not to mention cruel to the poor--

"Valerie Felicity Weasley, get your nose out of whatever Muggle book you're reading nowadays and help me with this potion, will you? Please?"

With a guilty start, Valerie snapped her book shut and raced down the short staircase into the common room to help, as she'd promised. "Sorry, Murph," she said contritely. "But really, calling me 'Val' doesn't really get my attention anymore. Everyone here calls me 'Friz' or 'Frizzle'. For obvious reasons." She grinned and ran a hair through her, well, frizzy red hair. It stuck up at so many odd angles that it looked like she'd been electrocuted.

"My name's Katrina," the other girl answered in her southern drawl. "Not 'Murph,' that's just weird."

"But your last name's Murphy. Your hair's even redder than mine; you're Irish. 'Katrina' isn't as identifying as 'Murph.'"

"Come on, Val," said her cousin, shaking her head. "Why d'you insist on 'Frizzle' or 'Friz'?"

Valerie looked at her as if her ears had grown feathers. "Because everyone knows who they're talking about? Because there's no confusion?"

"Who could they possibly confuse you with?"

Frizzle looked down and scuffed her socked toe against the floor. "Well...there was that other Valerie who was a senior last year..." Then she shook her head and grinned. "But you know it's not about that. Valerie's just a name. It's got nothing to do with my personality, or my looks, 'cause it's from when I was a baby. If someone heard the name 'Valerie' without knowing it was me, they could only narrow it down to the girls here. When they heard 'Frizzle' or 'the Friz' they'd think of people with frizzy hair."

"I think you just like being weird," Katrina observed dryly, giving the merrily bubbling contents of her cast iron cauldron a stir.

"Murph, you wound me," Friz said with a little gasp, dramatically putting a hand over her heart, her other hand, palm out, on her forehead. "How could you ever suggest such a thing? To imply that I, Frizzle, would actually enjoy such a thing...you give me no credit, no credit at all. You honestly believe that I would stoop to such depths as merely enjoying weirdness?"

Katrina chuckled. "You're hopeless," she told her cousin affectionately.

"That's subjective," came the cheerful reply. Then she changed gears. "So what's the matter with your potion?"

"Thanks, Val, you're the best," she said gratefully. "Well. I was making my hair growth potion for homework, and I really don't want to start over again but I forgot the armadillo bile. It's supposed to be...bottle-green now, according to the book." She checked her Potions book again, then nodded. "Yep, bottle-green. Not this navy color." Katrina looked up at her cousin expectantly with a woeful expression.

Valerie held out her hand for the book. "Lemme see?" Wordlessly, Murph passed it over to her. The frizzy-haired girl's brow furrowed and she chewed on her lip. "Hmm. Yeah, you really need the armadillo bile. The Chinese Chomping Cabbage was supposed to neutralize the bile because if you combine them, then add the pressed caterpillars, nothing will happen. But if you add the bile now the whole thing'll explode." She looked up. "How long do you have before your next step?"

"Six more minutes over a medium flame," Katrina said worriedly. "Val, can you fix it?"

"I think so," she said, flashing a smile. "But only if you call me Frizzle or Friz. And only if I can call you Murph. And it won't be a neat or pretty solution. Deal?"

"Fine! Just help me already!" Murph was getting desperate. Her clock was ticking. This was due the next day, and if she ruined it now she wouldn't be able to get any sleep that night.

Friz's smile widened. "Okay. Put in on low flames. That'll give you about ten minutes. Don't stir as often." She raced upstairs, and soon returned with her own cauldron, as well as a metal lid with a small hole near the edge for it. The girl put the pot over high heat, then put the tip of her wand inside it. "Aguamenti," she muttered, and a stream of water poured out of the slim, unassuming stick of willow.

Katrina just gaped. She wasn't even supposed to learn that spell until her next year, and her cousin was a year behind her.

But Valerie was caught up in her work and didn't even notice Murph's expression. Instead she grabbed the container of armadillo bile and put five drops into the water. Then she took a pressed caterpillar and, ignoring the knife her cousin was attempting to hand her, carefully broke it in half and laid it aside.. "Don't think I should cut it," she explained. "Sliced caterpillars are used in shrinking potions. This's a growth potion. I won't tempt fate if I don't have to."

It took two minutes for the mixture to come to a rolling boil. "Shoot, I forgot my gloves," Val muttered to herself. "Accio dragonhide gloves!" she called with a practiced flick of her wand, and was rewarded a few seconds later by the black protective gear. The frizzy-haired girl swiftly put them on while Katrina looked on with no little apprehension.

"Why d'you need those?" she asked her cousin nervously. She wasn't liking how this was looking, not one bit.

Valerie shot her a glance. "It's going to explode no matter what we do. I'm trying to minimize and contain it as much as possible with the water and the lid, but I'll need to hold the lid on the cauldron, because it'll still explode. When I tell you to, drop the caterpillar piece through the hole and run back at least ten feet. Got it?" Without looking up to see her Southern cousin's affirmative, though shaky, nod, she put the lid onto the cauldron and held tightly to the contraption and braced herself. "Okay. Drop it in on the count of three. Make sure you run back there after. Don't want the lid to fly off and hit your pretty face." This elicited an audible gulp from Murph, who nevertheless stood with the caterpillar bit outstretched. "Ready? Okay. One...two...THREE!"

Several things happened in quick succession.

Katrina dropped the half of a pressed caterpillar through the hole in the cauldron lid as she'd been instructed, then started to run like hell.

The Friz tightened her grip even more on the pot and its lid.

There was a muffled BANG from inside the cauldron, followed by a loud hiss as air and steam escaped.

Valerie was knocked a step back from the force of the explosion, but kept a firm grip on her pot. She even shook it so that the bile and the caterpillar mixed more thoroughly, which spawned more angry-sounding hisses as the two substances were forced to combine.

After what seemed like ages, but was really only ten seconds, Frizzle grinned and put the cast iron cauldron back onto the flames. "Operation neutralize armadillo bile successful!" she all but crowed. "Another successful experiment!"

"Exper--you mean you've never done that before!" her cousin screeched at her in disbelief.

"No, but hey, lay off! It worked, didn't it?" Valerie exclaimed defensively. "And I've done it with other ingredients, just not these. I made sure you were safe. Nobody was hurt--well, except my hands are killing me, but I can go to the nurse for that. See? No harm done. And if you'd put the bile into the original potion you'dve had a much bigger explosion."

Katrina couldn't argue with her logic. "But what now? I need a lot of armadillo bile, not that watered-down stuff."

Frizzle took the lid off the cauldron and grinned at the yellowish liquid inside it. "We'll get there." Then she winced and rubbed her hands. "I meant it when I said my hands were killing me. Hairline fractures, probably. You'll have to take over from here."

"So you're just leaving me to figure the rest of it out by myself? I don't know what to do, or even what's supposed to happen!" Murph's voice was shrill and had taken on an air of hysteria.

"Don't be silly, I wouldn't do that to you. You're my cousin, I don't want you to get hurt. This part isn't dangerous if you do what I tell you. Stir the watery bile and caterpillar stuff until it boils like water and stops hissing so much." Valerie stood back and continued to rub her hands, grimacing from pain. They were starting to swell up again, but she knew Dr. Vaidya would have her fixed up in a jiffy.

Katrina stirred until the sounds had died down. Four of ten minutes down. "Okay, now what?"

"Put the amount of bile that you need in the cauldron. Then boil it over the highest flame you can get until the water I put in is gone. Then pour it into your cauldron. It'll hiss and steam, but nothing too drastic."

"And that's it?"

Valerie chuckled. "Yeah, that's it. All it takes to fix your homework is me breaking my hands. No big deal."

"Thanks so much," her cousin gushed. "I don't know what I'd have done without you. You sure you're only a freshman, Val? How'd you get so good at potions?"

"Ah-ah-ah. What's my name, Murph?"

Murph sighed. "Fine. How'd you get so good at potions, Frizzle?"

Friz grinned. "Let's just say I make a lot of mistakes, and that Dr. Vaidya knows me far better than any freshman, sophomore, or junior here, and better even than most of the seniors. And that my hair wasn't always this wild."

Katrina was instantly concerned. "You have to be careful! One day it'll actually kill you!"

Her cousin laughed. "That's doubtful."

"Seriously though," the sophomore said in her drawl, "why are you a freshman? You could easily have skipped a year or two."

Frizzle looked at her as if she was the crazy one. "Skip years? Are you mental? I have time here to figure stuff out, and I could get paid to help people with their homework, and I get free potions ingredients for my experiments. Plus, if I want to ask any of the teachers anything, they're free sources of information too. Why would I ever want to skip years?"

"Um...so you can get a job and start making money sooner?"

"I don't think so," the freshman scoffed. "I don't know what I want to do yet, and I can earn money on the side when I need to. There's just too much stuff I want to learn."

Murph sighed. "Okay. I don't know why I bother questioning your sanity. You always test out well and truly insane...Friz."

Friz grinned. "You know it." Then she winced. "Okay, I'm going to the nurse. You have five minutes for your hair potion thing. Watch those pots; use my gloves if you need to. Be careful, Murph."

"Bye! And thanks so much."

"Anytime!" Val called back, already heading towards the nurse's office.

Sarah Good Academy was a giant, sprawling, modern school. Though named for a witch who had been killed during the Salem Witch Trials, it had only been built recently, in the 1940's. The building was still trying to work out its own kinks; sometimes random, gaping holes would open up in the middle of the floors, or tunnels and passageways would be fickle and unpredictable and either appear and disappear at random or lead to different places each time. But it was getting there. Students learned to stick to the main hallways and staircases when they were in a hurry and go exploring in their free time, if they were so inclined. And Frizzle was so inclined. She spent all of her free time exploring--all of it, that is, that was free of class, homework, sleep, food, Potions experiments, books, Charms experiments, time with friends, and helping others with homework.

But today her hands were beginning to throb, so she took the most direct route to the nurse's office that she could find. "Dr. Vaidya!" she called out cheerily as she entered the stark white room.

A huff of exasperation came from the inner confines of the room, followed by scolding words spoken in a heavy Indian accent. "Valerie Felicity Weasley! I don't see why the principal doesn't move your dorm right in here, you practically live here anyway. You realize it's the third time this week? And why couldn't you have healed yourself, hm? You know most of the spells already. Don't tell me you managed to Vanish all the bones in your arm! Well then, let's see what you managed to do to yourself this time." An Indian woman in a dark red sari trimmed with gold thread bustled out, looking harried. There were muffled titters from elsewhere in the room. It was a running joke with most people in the school (Frizzle was quite well-known) that the wild-haired redhead would single-handedly cause the beloved Dr. Vaidya to have a near-fatal stroke or heart attack before the year was out.

"Hello, Dr. Vaidya," Val said cheerfully, holding out her hands for inspection. "Sorry, I know I promised to try to stay safe for four days in a row, but I was helping Mur-uh, my cousin Katrina with her Potions homework. She forgot the armadillo bile. I had to neutralize it with caterpillars. I think I cracked my left greater multangular and my right first metacarpal."

The woman put her hands on her hips and glared at the freshman, tut-tutting at the story. "Of course you did," she said acerbically. The girl quailed under her fierce gaze. "The impression I have of you, young lady, is that your curiosity will be the death of you one day. Do you recall what brought you here two days ago?"

"Yes," Valerie said meekly. "Electricity burns and nerve damage." But it had been such fun before she'd had the brilliant idea to turn up both the current and the voltage!

"And three days before that?" she persisted relentlessly.

"Concussion. Hairline fracture to the skull." At least that one hadn't been completely her fault. She'd gone exploring in one of the more volatile passages to try to determine a pattern in its shifting when it had moved while she was in it and cracked her head against solid rock...okay, so it had been her fault. But how was she to know that?

"And eight days ago?"

"Hey! That one wasn't my fault!" Friz protested.

It was useless. "No, I don't suppose it was," the doctor replied, her voice dripping with icy sarcasm. "How silly of me. I forgot that taking a walk on the roof with your friends when they ask you to demonstrate the laws of gravity, which leads to you jumping off the roof and breaking your ankle, wouldn't be your fault at all."

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? By the end of this year I'll know every spell and potion you use and be able to treat myself."

"Oh, Merlin forbid," said the nurse, finally retrieving her wand. "Speaking of which, why didn't you do the Episkeys yourself? They're just hairline cracks at worst, and you know that spell well enough. You can accurately self-diagnose, for goodness' sake. And don't give me that 'I didn't want to botch it using my left hand on my wand hand' business. I know you're ambidextrous."

"Uh, it would've hurt a lot to move the wand properly?" she offered feebly. Then she tried again. "I could've damaged the bone more, and that'd require something more advanced to fix it?"

"Well, at least you're sensible enough to realize that," Dr. Vaidya muttered, casting the required Episkey spells on the redhead's hands with twin flourishes of her wand.

Frizzle grinned as the pain subsided and flexed her hands. "Thanks, Dr. Vaidya, you're the best!"

"Enough with your flattery," the woman practically growled. "You see these gray hairs?" She pointed the the mass of silver intertwined with the black strands. "I have two from each of my three sons. The rest are from you."

"Sorry, Doc," the girl said contritely. "I guess it was a bad week."

"One, no you're not. Two, it was only slightly worse than normal. And three, Valerie, if you ever refer to me by that nickname again, I will refuse to heal you for two whole weeks. That wouldn't be such a threat to anyone else at this school, but it'll be long enough for you to manage to injure yourself at least five times."

"Yes, Doctor. Sorry, Doctor." Frizzle kept her eyes downcast as she fought a grin. This threat had been made for the past three weeks. She knew the kindhearted Indian doctor wouldn't actually withhold treatment from anyone who needed it.

"Now go away. I don't want to see you for...do you think you can manage three days?" Vaidya's voice had a hint of desperation in it.

"I'll try."

"Guess that's the best I can hope for. Get out of here. Don't try any harder to kill yourself, you'll end up actually dead."

Nodding, Val left the infirmary and flexed her hands again, marveling at how they felt as good as new. As she headed back to the common room, she made the decision to try to give the good doctor an easy week; not only would she try harder than usual to remain uninjured for three whole days, but she'd attempt to visit her office only once in the upcoming week.

Looked like she had a lot of reading ahead of her.