Color of Envy

Her mother always said that jealousy was a color that didn't look good on anyone. A four-year-old Hermione Granger frowned and told her mother jealousy wasn't a color, it was emotion. Her mother just laughed and picked the tiny child into her waiting lap and told her that jealousy was a color that can be seen very easily on people and that no one liked that shade. She asked what color it looked like, her mother told her that it was a hideous, monstrous green that could only be seen with empathic eyes.

Now thirteen years later, she remembered that conversation perfectly. And just like any self-respecting Gryffindor, she never wanted to be seen wearing green. So she tried to push away the emotion of envy that she carried with her ever since that Qudditch match.

She realized years ago that she was not their first pick. She always came in second. It was 'Where are Ron and Hermione?' and 'Hello Harry and Hermione.' She was always last. She knew that during her first year; however she did not have to acknowledge it till fourth year, when they stopped talking to each other. She noticed that both were completely miserable without the other. She remembered the year before when they refused to speak to her. They both were okay, they had each, they had their best friend. It was completely different when they were the ones not talking. They both were lonely even when she was always there for them when they needed a friend. But she had accepted it and moved on. At least she was their favorite girl friend.

However, she wanted the space in between those two words to be gone when it came to him. She didn't mean to fall in love. It was an honest accident that she wished never happened. In all the fictional books she had read, love was the most wonderful or horrible feeling in the world. It was latter, at least when you were in love with your best friend. Love was hard, confusing, and upsetting.

She decided to wait for his emotional range to go from a teaspoon to a tablespoon. She thought that during fifth year that he grew, that he would have a better understanding of feelings, of her feelings for him. She thought that finally they were getting somewhere when she asked him to the Christmas party. But never had Hermione Jane Granger been so wrong.

When she saw him, his lips moving against another's, her emotions never had felt so physical. She felt like her heart dropped out of her chest and her stomach turned violently around her. She at first decided to ignore the feelings within her. However then they walked in on her moping, suddenly she didn't feel sad anymore, she felt the hatred of betrayal.

But weeks later all she could feel was jealously. And when she stared at them across the room she knew her mother would be disappointed, because all she would see when if she looked at her only daughter would be green.