- Rating:
- G
- House:
- Riddikulus
- Genres:
- Humor
- Era:
- Multiple Eras
- Stats:
-
Published: 09/28/2001Updated: 09/28/2001Words: 382Chapters: 1Hits: 1,158
Pinky and the Brain
METMA Mandy
- Story Summary:
- An Ode to Hermione and Her Brush. Anyway, this is a rant from Hermione's pink, unhappy, hairbrush. *grins*
- Posted:
- 09/28/2001
- Hits:
- 1,158
- Author's Note:
- Eep. If you give Mandy some chocolate, she's going to want to write a METMA fic! Anyway, this is a songfic to "Pink" by Aerosmith. Buuuuuut, don't be expecting a cutesy-wootsie, lovey-dovey type story. It's from the point of view of Hermione's brush and its long, terrible, history. I say no more. *grins evilly*
***
What's brown, medium length, and looks like oh-so many Celtic knots all jumbled up? Me -- the tired, used, hairbrush of Hermione Granger. But how did I come to be this way? Covered in inches of dead hair (human AND cat) and so greasy I could beat a buttered Scotsman? Well, I'll tell you my tale.
It all started as most brushes lives do -- on the shelf in a local supermarket. Young Hermione picked me out, already very...er...pushed at a young age. Her mother wanted her to be "mentally stimulated" and suggested a fine contoured handle. I breathed a sigh of review...but the dreadful girl picked out the very pinkest brush in the story. Me.
Pink it's my new obsession
Pink it's not even a question
Pink on the lips of your lover
Pink is the love you discover
Why did I have to be pink? Why not blue, or gree...heck, even NEON orange would be better than this! Do you know how EMBARRASSING it is for a full-bristled male hairbrush to be pink?!
The moment that kleptomaniac grabbed me off the shelf, she hugged me to her *tiny* chest and proceeded to RIP open my carefully prepared wrappings (Made in Taiwan. TAIWAN, PEOPLE! Not China! *shows of label proudly*)
I want to be your lover
I wanna wrap you in rubber
As pink as the sheets that we lay on
Pink it's my favorite crayon, yeah.
The first time she tried to run me through her rat's nest of hair, two full hours later I as still entanged.
"MUMMY!!"
"What is it, Spewy?" her mother lovingly replied, tweaking her nose.
"Ugh!" Hermione retorted, "Don't call me that silly name!" [A/N: Ah, we learn the true making of SPEW...]
"Sorry, sweetie. Now let me see if I can untangle that cute little brush..."
(Two operations later...)
CUTE? LITTLE? I won my aisle's "Manliest Brush of the Week Award"...3 weeks running! My dear mother didn't name me Julian Wimpersnitzel for nothing!
Pink it was love at first sight
Pink when I turn out the light
And pink gets me high as a kite
And I think everying is going to be all right
No matter what we do tonight.
"I love you, Pinky!"
Bite my hairy, bristly, plastic ass, kid!
***
Author notes: Hoo, boy, I crack myself up...anyway, to help poor objects like him, join METMA (Muggles for Equal Treatment of Magical Articles)!! It's only 2 sickles, and the money goes to buy these magical objects the freedom they so deserve. If you join, you'll get a badge, lots of e-mail, and challenges galore!