Not Pink Eye! *shudder*

***

I can't BELIEVE he did this again. How could he? Hellloooo, try a little PERSONAL HYGIENE, Mad-eye! But no, he let me get *shudder* Pink Eye.

When I get Pink Eye, its not like the normal, average case that you Muggles may have experienced. I swell up to the size of a beach ball, and start flashing blue and yellow neon stripes. It's terribly painful, and the damn Paparazzi keep getting a hold of it! Do you have any idea how awful it is to be featured on the front page of "Eyeball" magazine as the "Ugliest Eye of the Year"? I've been "winning" this award for ten years straight! I freaking lost to Michael Jackson the year of "Thriller"! Even Mad-eye's nose and other eye try to edge away from me when I get the dreaded *shudder* Pink Eye.

And of course, Mr. Moody will try to fix me. *snorts* Did I just say 'try to fix me'? I meant, try to BRUTALLY MURDER me! He insists upon pouring vinegar all over me, insisting that "My mother always did this to me when I turned strange colors, and it helped!" Hey, BUDDY, quit it! The damn acid stings like the time he tried to put a contact that says "Are You Horny" in...

Pink Eye ... he should have KNOWN this would happen, digging through the trash cans like that. Listen, I don't care if the Dark Lord is hidden somewhere in your trash! I refuse to get Pink Eye again! I've had enough of turning colors and embarrassing photos! I've had enough of being shunned and spending a whole week looking like a killer bee gone dreadfully, dreadfully wrong! I quit!

Newscaster type person: At this point, Mad-Eye Moody's eye jumped out of his socket and started rolling down the street. The Mugs captured him and are now using Mr. Eye as proof that aliens are real. Mr. Eye states that his favorite part is the anal probing. This has been Gilderoy Lockhart for WizardNews. Goodnight.

*****