Morality

(1) Beginnings

There were several important distinctions to be made about this messy situation, Draco mused. First, he did not volunteer himself for the unpleasant task of Dumbledore's death; secondly, had it not been for Severus, Draco would have been unable to kill the old man anyway. The Dark Lord realized this, surely. But, he thought, it made little difference. So long as Draco was relatively safe at Snape's lodgings, the Dark Lord would not interfere with his decision making. While Draco realized that Severus would probably be displeased with his thoughts of quitting this deadly roulette with the Dark Lord, he knew that he could hardly be blamed for wanting seclusion after the past year's events. Had he felt at all himself and cared enough about his appearance to look, he would have seen that he had the tight, pinched look of someone who had stopped eating and refused to go into the sunlight. But, as it was, Draco sat in the living room staring into the fire, letting his thoughts consume him.

His uncharacteristic bouts of introspection coupled with a newfound disregard for outward appearances made Draco nervous. Anyone who had known the boy previously would have been startled to see how much he had changed. It was in everything he did: from the way he spoke in hushed tones, to the way he could sit for hours lost in his own thoughts. Draco was sinking fast. This, at least, was obvious. But it hardly mattered anymore; Draco knew that the decision on his plate would likely leave him dead, either at the hands of the Dark Lord, or in his service, and neither seemed appealing. Still, the choice was his to make, and he was having a difficult time with it.

He sat in quiet reverie for several more minutes, before a prickling on the back of his neck alerted him to Snape's presence.

"Back so soon?" Drack asked. "I had rather hoped.." Severus raised his eyebrows at the boy, who had turned in his spot to look back at him.

"What, exactly, were you hoping for, Draco?" The boy shrugged, his thin shoulders looking painfully sharp as they moved.

"Maybe news. My mother, father? I just thought -- but no. I suppose not." His eyes sank to the ground. "It's stupid of me to hope, I suppose. I failed the Dark Lord, and I don't expect him to show me any mercy."

His ex-professor watched his movements closely.

"Yes, I would rather say you had failed. Of course, it was to be expected. And I have heard something about Narcissa -- nothing too interesting," Snape said at Draco's hopeful gaze. "Just that she was fine." A weight lifted off Draco's shoulders.

"So..so the Dark Lord isn't going to punish her? For making you take the Unbreakable Vow, for finishing my task?" Snape made a face.

"Well, it's not to say that our Lord isn't..displeased. He most certainly is. But, as a show of his mercy, he is with-holding judgement until he has our stories straight."

"I suppose by straight you mean that he's waiting to hear from me?" Draco grimaced as Severus nodded. "Well. When am I going to have to tell him?" The man shrugged indecisively.

"That is up to the Dark Lord. He is allowing you some time to recover before having you appear before him. It is not a move I foresaw on his part. However, the Dark Lord does as he pleases, whether or not any of us agrees. That is why he's our leader."

"Right, right," muttered Draco, returning to his own thoughts. It made very little sense to him why Lord Voldemort would be showing him any mercy at all. Though, he supposed that so long as Dumbledore was dead, Voldemort could not possibly care whose hand had cast the spell. Severus took the boy's mutters as a sign that the conversation was over, and removed himself from the room. Draco had the distinct feeling that he was being avoided, but it didn't bother him. Sometimes he needed the quiet. He had especially needed it when that blasted Harry Potter had walked right in on him in the bathroom, crying. No, Draco thought furiously, not crying. It was.. He thought for a moment, but only came up with the term 'emotional fit,' which hardly helped the situation dignity-wise. Still, he remembered Dumbledore's offer of protection for himself and his family against the wrath of the Dark Lord, but that had been before he'd been killed. Now, Draco doubted he would find sanctuary at Hogwarts, or even under the protection of the Order of the Phoenix. He knew some of what was coming for the wizarding world and that few would survive it. A bunch of dim-witted Order members couldn't save him. And though Draco kept saying they could provide him no safety, he couldn't help but wonder if perhaps he was underestimating them.

Snape returned, lightly interrupting Draco's thoughts with a cough. He held out an envelope addressed to Draco Malfoy in very curly, ornate script. Snatching it from him, Draco tore it open. He recognized his mother's handwriting immediately. Pulling out the letter, he unfolded it and read:

Dearest Draco,

I am positive by now that Severus has informed you that I am doing well. I am hidden away currently, for many reasons; none of which I can divulge to you as of yet. Suffice it to say that I am taking care of myself, as Severus has promised to take care of you. My apologies, Draco, for being unable to console you in this time. It has proven difficult over the past few weeks to venture out of my haven, or even to send letters, otherwise I most certainly would have visited or written long before now. Severus has updated me on your state, and he says that you are doing quite well, despite recent events. We are lucky to have a friend such as he, darling, otherwise we would have suffered terrible consequences long before now. As it is, Severus is doing all he can to make sure that business is taken care of, and that you are safe. He has promised me that you will not go about making rash decisions, or running away, as you have been known to do in the past. I trust that you can see Severus knows what is best for you, and I hope that you will respond to him with kindness.

There has been no communication with your father as of late. He would have no trouble finding either of us, but I suppose that it is unlikely. The inhabitants are being allowed visitors, and so there would be no way for a message to be smuggled out. However, as soon as the gracious and merciful Dark Lord sees fit, he will give the orders to send the fleet of dementors into Azkaban to free the prisoners, and our lives will become easier.

Draco, I suggest postponing your meeting with the Dark Lord until I am able to get away, if at all possible. I have sent the message with Severus, and hopefully the Dark Lord will accept my request. If not, all I can tell you is to go to him and answer his questions honestly. You know how to handle yourself, I realize. Well, I should probably be on my way now, for there are several other matters that require my attention. I hope to see you soon.

Love,

Narcissa

Severus held out a hand,

"Might you delight me, Draco, in allowing me to read your mother's letter?" Not waiting for an answer, he plucked the parchment from the boy's hands, scanning it quickly. Nodding, he muttered to himself. "Very well then, Draco. You may keep your letter."

He then swooped off into the kitchen, presumably to order Wormtail to fix a snack for him. That was, of course, the man's only use now that the Dark Lord was through with him.

Draco stood, making his way through the hidden door and up the stairs that led to the small bedroom he had been occupying for the past few days. It was clean, but not quite what he would have required otherwise. Best not to complain, however, as Severus hadn't seemed quite in the mood to deal with him. Draco stashed his mother's letter amongst the few things Snape had loaned him. No one had brought his school things to him yet -- he had asked Blaise and Pansy to owl his belongings to him, but had received no response. It seemed as if everyone was enjoying shunning him. Normally, he would have been able to put this treatment aside as jealousy of his place in the Dark Lord's plot, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to find excuses for his friends' behaviors. Now, it seemed as if they just wanted to separate themselves from his marred name. That realization brought a bitter taste to his mouth. His name was dirt to anyone privy to the events surrounding Dumbledore's death. Even the Death Eaters scorned him for his failed attempts, while those on the other side rejected him also. There was no place in the world for Draco Malfoy.

He collapsed rather unceremoniously on the bed, his knees again failing him. This had been happening more and more frequently; he attributed it to stress. A little voice at the back of his mind told him to tell Snape, but this thought was quashed as the door opened and Wormtail stuck his head in.

"Ever heard of knocking, you overgrown -- " Draco cut his words short as the man smiled, his yellow teeth exposed.

"Perhaps Mister Malfoy would enjoy a silencing charm?" he asked, his beady eyes favoring Draco's wand.

Snatching it off the bedside table, Draco directed it at the other man. "What did you come here for?" he questioned.

Wormtail gestured down the hall. "I prepared a small meal for you and Severus. He asked me to remind you that you haven't eaten today."

"Yes. Well. I suppose I'll try whatever it is you've concocted." Draco stood, pleased to find his knees were functioning properly again.

The meal was satisfactory enough, though the company was dismal. Severus wasn't much of a conversationalist, even with his favorite student. Draco, after several feeble attempts at conversation, gave up any hope of a two-sided conversation. He alternated between picking at his food and watching Snape eat. It wasn't a pleasant event to watch, but still more entertaining than anything else in the house, as Draco had none of his things, and Snape didn't own anything of real interest to Draco. He did, however, own more Dark Arts book than Draco had ever seen outside of Malfoy Manor. His father's library was quite impressive when it came to Dark Magic, but Draco doubted there was a library better equipped with Dark Potion books. Draco hadn't had much of a chance to peruse the selection as of yet, but thought that now was as good a time to start as any other.

"Severus," Draco began. Snape's eyes flicked up to his face, slightly menacing, his spoon halfway to his mouth. "Right, so I was going to ask you if I could read some of your books? Browse your library, you know."

"Any particular cause for interest?" asked Snape, eyes attempting to penetrate into Draco's thoughts. Forcing his eyes away, Draco shook his head.

"Boredom, mostly."

"That's fine. But your selection is limited to the books on the shelves. Anything else you find lying about -- disregard." Snape returned to his soup. Within moments Draco was out of the kitchen.

The living room shelves were lined with books, and a few lie scattered on the small table in the corner the word "Cruxes" could be seen on the cover of one, but it was partially obscured by a book on incurable potions. His eyes then turned to the shelves, flicking over the titles: Advanced Hexes and Jinxs , Asiatic Anti-Venoms, Magical Drafts and Potions. Draco found nothing particularly interesting until one title caught his eye: A European Guide to Medieval Sorcery. He pulled it out from the shelf, blowing dust off the spine. Taking his usual seat on the threadbare couch, he began to read.

The book detailed the magic that existed in old times. Although Draco was not entirely fascinated, he was interested enough to continue reading for quite some time, until Wormtail interrupted the quiet with a slight yell.

"Visitors!" he shouted, stumbling as he ran from his place by the window to the kitchen. Draco smirked and drew his wand from his pocket. Snape strode into the living room with an expression of great annoyance.

"We have visitors," shouted Wormtail excitedly at Draco. "We never have visitors." Directing his wand at the man, Draco performed a quick silencing charm. Wormtail opened and closed his mouth but no sound could be heard.

"Draco, if you would kindly excuse yourself to your bedroom?" Severus suggested in a tone that allowed no questions. He peered again through the window beside the door before glaring at Draco. The boy grabbed the book and hurried up to his room, wondering about the visitors but having no one to ask. Then, with a grin, he returned to the hidden door and pressed his ear to it. The soft murmur of a woman's voice could be heard, and a deeper voice that might have been a man. Snape's distinctive sneering tone could be heard even through the wood paneling. Draco's ears perked at the sound of his name, but he only caught that and a few snippets of speech.

"Draco..unfortunate, but..will..perhaps?" Snape responded quietly, giving Draco the impression that he suspected an eavesdropper. The woman raised her voice slightly, but her words were rushed together and undecipherable. Then, all of a sudden, the door Draco was leaning against opened from the other side, and he toppled out onto the floor. Immediately a woman swooped over to him, her long hair obscuring his vision. He recognized his mother's pale eyes, despite the half-moon bruised shades beneath them. She pulled him to his feet.

"Draco," she began, before breaking off. "You seem -- have you been feeding him properly Severus?" Her tone was accusatory. Snape shrugged.

"Do not cast blame on me for his appearance. He's taken to skipping meals." The man beside Snape gazed appraisingly at Draco. His shoulders were squared and he seemed too gaunt to be healthy. As he spoke, Draco heard a rough edge that had not been present last time they had met.

"You look disgraceful, Draco. Though, I would expect no better now that you have failed in the Dark Lord's service. Now, it seems, our Lord has more than enough reasons to punish our family. But, c'est la vie, is that not what they say?" A casual smirk accompanied his words.

"Lucius," Narcissa said, her eyes on him. "Be kind to your son. Surely you, too, remember what disgrace is like?" Her husband raised his chin in a gesture of defiance; Draco had never known of his mother to speak quite so openly. But, he reminded himself, the times had changed.

"Father. It's good to see you again. I heard from Mother that there had been no word from you, and yet here you are." Lucius heard the question in his tone but ignored it.

"Yes. I am here." Snape seemed to be watching the conversation with slight boredom. He appeared to be waiting for something to happen, but soon found it unlikely.

"I had hoped that when I came to you that I would be able to take you with me back home. However, this has proven impossible. The Dark Lord has required me to fulfill new orders; however, when your father arrived, I knew that it would be safe enough to venture here to see you."

"So what am I going to do for the rest of the summer?" asked Draco.

"Stay with Severus, like you have been." This was no surprise, but at this rate, Draco was likely to be living with Snape from now until doomsday. Unless, of course, the Dark Lord got hacked off enough to kill him early. Considering this, he wondered if that might be a more preferable choice than life with Snape. Lucius surveyed his son with interest. "At least you still look like a Malfoy, even if you have marred our name."

Draco's face became an impassive mask, though Narcissa's features had an expression of open-mouthed shock. Snape appeared to shake himself before speaking.

"Lucius, perhaps it would be better if we saved our criticisms for some other time. I think Narcissa mentioned something about needing to be out of here quickly, did she not?" Lucius shrugged indecisively. Draco noticed that Azkaban seemed to have stripped his father of his elegant gestures.

"I see no reason not to voice my observations, Severus, even if you disagree. You seem to be a far less impartial judge than I would have hoped." Narcissa straightened, looking imperious.

"Lucius, we really should be on our way. I hope to see you soon, Draco." She kissed him on both cheeks and smoothed his hair. "Be safe, please. Follow Severus's guidance and you should be perfectly fine." Draco tried to tuned out the rest of the farewells. He was perfectly aware that his mother wished to spare him further humiliation at the hands of his father, but that didn't stop Lucius from making a few more snide remarks before Narcissa ushered him out of the house. After the door had shut behind them, Severus watched Draco intently. He knew Draco better than most, and despite all outward appearances, cared for him as well. Draco felt Snape's hand on his shoulder as he was steered to the couch. Snape conjured two cups of tea, and in a rather fatherly fashion that Draco was unaccustomed to, sat with him in silence. It was a while before anything was said, but eventually Draco started.

"It's not as if I expected better of him. I knew he would blame me for my family's dirty name, even though he brought all of this on us in the first place. But he cares, too, I know he does. Azkaban brought out the worst of him."

"Lucius has never been one for kindness, especially not in light of failure. Forgiveness is not in his nature; you know it. You were, I think, born with the same qualities. But you are more forgiving in that you know and can admit to yourself that you have had downfalls. That might be the biggest differentiating fact between you and Lucius." Draco mulled this over as he drank more of his tea.

"It's not as if I'm weak though. He makes it out as though I can't do anything correctly. I'm good at school -- was good at school," he corrected, realizing that he would not be returning to Hogwarts at the end of the summer. "And I would have never been sent on that mission had it not been for his disgrace in the eyes of the Dark Lord. He would never admit that though, you're right. In the end, I don't guess it really matters how he treats me," continued Draco. "The Dark Lord isn't going to listen to a disgraced Death Eater, no matter how prominent he might have been before his unfortunate ruin. But that won't stop my father from talking." Snape listened quietly.

"But," he responded, "you must be aware that some Death Eaters will listen to him. It would be best if your concerns were voiced only to me, or perhaps your mother. Beyond that, safety becomes an issue."

"You sound like my mother. 'Be safe, Draco.' 'Follow the rules, Draco.' 'Don't get your soul eaten by dementors on the street, Draco.'"

"Narcissa is worried, that's true. She has every reason to be. But I made a promise to keep you safe and I intend on keeping it." That seemed to be an appropriate note on which to end their conversation, so Draco stood and bid Severus goodnight.

It had been a long day.

Draco had no idea how long the night would turn out to be.