Once Again

Snape's spell bounced harmlessly off the wall, while Sirius's spell hit home. Snape flew backwards across his desk, scattering ink bottles and parchment, and landed, with a thunk, behind it.

Sirius pulled Harry into his arms. "Are you all right?" he asked, looking deep into Harry's eyes.

"I'm fine," said Harry. "He didn't hurt me. You arrived just in time."

Sirius hugged him and stroked his back, tenderly. "No one will ever hurt you again, James, I mean, Harry. Not if I have anything to do with it."

Harry sighed and rested his head against Sirius's muscular chest. He could hear his godfather's heart beating wildly.

Sirius took Harry's face in his hands. "Come away with me, Harry. We'll run off together, just the two of us." He let go of Harry's face and pulled his arm. He pulled Harry up the stairs, into the Entrance Hall, and out through the front door. Buckbeak was standing outside, munching contentedly on a dead rat.

Sirius bent down and gave Harry a long, tender kiss with lots of tongue. "I'll protect you, and you can heal my wounds, my deep, deep wounds, with blow jobs and anal sex." Sirius leapt onto Buckbeak's back. The Hippogriff reared, and Sirius held on to him by the feathers on the back of his neck. "Come on, Harry! Jump on!"

Harry ran towards Buckbeak and threw himself onto the beast's back. He wrapped his arms around Sirius's waist, as Buckbeak ran and took off into the air. They soared up, up into the sky, high above Hogwarts. Harry felt blissfully happy, until Buckbeak attempted a loop the loop, and he fell off. Harry plummeted downwards, kicking his legs and waving his arms, helplessly. The ground seemed to fly up at him, and eventually he met it with a...

Bang!

He was running through the rain. In the distance he could see a fat castle perched upon a hill, towering over the city. A long, grassy park stretched out to his left. He bumped into a strange man. "Come oan, get aff!" the man yelled. "Ye aff yer heid, ye bampot?"

"Sorry," said Harry, rushing away. He saw a small café up ahead and ducked inside it. He shook his head to get some of the water out of his sodden hair. Exhausted, he wandered over to a table and sat down. A waitress brought him a cup of coffee, which he drank greedily.

He noticed a blond woman sitting at a nearby table. She was scribbling madly away at a sheath of white, lined paper. A buggy containing a peacefully sleeping baby girl lay by her side.

"Oh my God," said Harry.

The woman looked up at him. "Yes?" she asked.

Harry leapt to his feet and ran out of the café. In his haste, he headed into the street and was immediately hit by a black cab.

Bang!

Harry got up. He was dazed. He groped forwards, and then he saw a strange and terrible thing. Gollum on the edge of the abyss was fighting like a mad thing with an unseen foe.

The fires below awoke in anger, the red light blazed. Suddenly, Harry saw Gollum's long hands draw upwards to his mouth; his white fangs gleamed, and then snapped as they bit. Frodo gave a cry, and there he was, fallen upon his knees at the chasm's edge. Gollum held aloft the ring. It shone now as if verily it was wrought of living fire.

"Precious, precious, precious!" Gollum cried. And with that, he stepped too far, and then with a shriek he fell. At the very last second he grabbed a hold of Harry's ankle and pulled him down with him. They hurtled towards the fire, until they landed with a...

Bang!

Harry stood up and brushed himself off. He was standing on the rocky outcropping of a cliff. It was unbearably hot. He noticed an elegant looking blond woman leaning lazily against the cliff face, twirling a pen in her hand. She had pointy horns and a long, red tail.

"What the Hell?" yelled Harry.

"Good guess," said the woman, and then she disappeared in a puff of smoke with a loud...

Bang!

Harry was lying flat on his back in the middle of the Quidditch pitch. The grass felt soft and cool beneath his head.

"You fell of your broom, again?" drawled a voice. "You must be the worst flier Hogwarts has ever seen, Potter."

Harry looked up and saw Draco Malfoy hovering on his broom a few feet away.

"Piss off, Malfoy," he said. "I could out-fly you if I were backwards and blindfolded."

"You want to bet," sneered Draco.

"You're on!" said Harry, getting up and leaping onto his broom.

They both zoomed upwards simultaneously. Unfortunately, Harry veered left as Draco veered right, and they collided and fell to the ground in a heap.

"Get off of me, Malfoy!" shouted Harry.

"You get off of me, Potter!" Draco shouted back.

And then, all of a sudden, they were kissing, passionately and sloppily. Harry could feel Draco's arousal hard against his thigh. He gasped and slid his hand downwards to stroke it through Draco's robes. Draco moaned and slid his fingers into Harry's hair.

But there were other hands on Harry's body, caressing him. "Mind if I join in?" whispered Blaise into Harry's ear.

And then, yet more hands were scrabbling against his chest, trying to pull his robes over his head. "I can't believe you were going to leave me out of this," complained Ron. "I mean, I am your best friend."

Soon, Theodore, Dean, Cho, Professor McGonagall, and Lupin arrived. They all writhed about together in a glorious heap. Everything was going swimmingly until Hagrid showed up. He pushed his way into the pile, and suddenly Harry realised that he couldn't breath, there was too much weight on top of him. He struggled and cried out, but to no avail. He pushed up at the wriggling bodies, which were crushing him, until the strength in his arms gave out. They all fell back downwards on top of him with a...

Bang!

He was back in the graveyard, back at Voldemort's feet. Voldemort was laughing manically and pointing his wand at Harry.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," said Harry. "Just go ahead and do it already."